Authentically Funny

The Tiger King is the Redneck Trump. I liked him until his boy toy blew his brain outs because living off dirt bikes, free weed and ass munching only wasn’t enough. It’s not like he was under contract with Universal like Rock Hudson either.

Mother’s really deserve a special Mother’s Day this year. For binging on Netflix and never creating the time to figure out Zoom by themselves.

Got any Joe Biden jokes? Liver spots, wants to overturn a new college policy, that allows a college Freshman due process and his lawyer paid by daddy, if they could afford to send their kid to Tulane for 75 grand per year the right to cross examine the accuser because it’s easier to just say you didn’t do it, and not be charged of any of criminal activity right Joe.

Are college freshman men today accused of aggressive dry humping? Can you get suspended for being charged with aggressive dry humping? I’m for the female accuser having to look her assaulter’s fleshy head wound in the face to see who the real victim is in this instance.

Got any good Flynn jokes? Adam Schiff will overdose on Molly this weekend in West Hollywood. The Dark Web, gives 2 to 1 odds on Adam Schiff either A) Cruising Santa Monica Blvd. for one last poor black homeless man to seduce with crystal meth paid for by the DNC before he overdoses in his lap or B) Schiff demands Tarantino gives him a screen test for a remake of Kill Bill by gunpoint before going back to his suite at the Sky Bar to do his best David Carradine impersonation while blasting Vanilla Fudge as his eyes finally rattle out of their sockets.

Have you heard of Oprah’s cure for racism? Kill off all the old honkies with the Coronavirus, black supremacists like Spike Lee excluded.

Prince Harry and what’s her name just bought Tyler Perry’s old LA home for 15 million. Cool, maybe now Harry can show off his newfound wokeness and dress up like Madea in fat suit for Halloween.

Hollywood on Netflix is gayer than Jim Parson’s uppity, upper lip.

Jim Parson’s should be sucking off Big Bang Theory creator Chuck Lorre eight days a week for earning 25 million per episode for a poor man’s Niles impersonation with a charmless twist.

Tried to watch the opening to Casino last night and all I kept yelling at the TV was put this dumb Mook on mute already. His lines sound more pained choregraphed than Ryan Murphy’s monologues on the pains of hidden, homoerotic love.

As gay as it sounds, couldn’t have Ryan Murphy have casted a prettier faced hunk to play Rock Hudson in his 7 part series Hollywood on Netflix than blah face, who looks pastier than formula kids in daycare, you’d think took a load to the face with an Elmer’s Glue Gun.

The CEO of defense contractor Raytheon implores, “America’s got to get back to work. Too bad W isn’t charge anymore to make everyday Christmas day for your stockholder’s captain obvious.

If my tombstone says, thought leader on influencer marketing, I’d die an edgeless hack after all.

The challenges of working from home. If you’re still getting a paycheck, reduced or not, shut the fuck up. Nobody cares about your sudden balancing act in the face of having to getting to know your kids for the 1st time ever. At least, you’re not some lonesome producer in the biz overhyping her plethora of projects under development in Rape Wood to keep her all-important, time pressed hopes of unique specialness afloat.

I appreciate the sentiment of those on LinkedIn offering to help send in a good word email for those non-essential office workers to amplify the spirit of generosity, but why don’t you send an edible gift basket to the hair salon owner thrown in a Coronavirus plagued jail cell for trying to feed her family and keep her own employee’s spirits afloat. Oh, that’s right, if she doesn’t bow down to the hypocritical, social distancing violating scientists from bean breath town in England, she must be a deplorable piece of shit, Trump supporting neanderthal who deserves to be skull fucked to death by a MS-13 gang banger because she dared to give the middle finger to media manipulated hysteria. You don’t believe me about media manipulated coverage hysteria? CBS used film footage from an overwhelmed hospital in Northern Italy in a report about New York City hospitals because just like ANTIFA, they’re on the right side of fight. Spike Lee sucking off neophyte please. The same CBS who staged a line of cars in Michigan waiting to get a Coronavirus test because Kid Rock has been invited to the White House more than Bob Seger.

Michael Kornbluth

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