Mother’s Blowing On Mother’s Day

Kayne West and Kim Kardashian are sleeping on opposite sides of their compound because she’s used to being out at Starbucks in Valencia studying for the bar with the nanny at home? Oh yeah, Kim is pissed because Kayne isn’t asking how he can help out with their 4 kids outside of looking miserable on the couch because he can’t watch Rick and Morty until his 4 kids are asleep.

I’ve grown to like the social justice directed Kim and the Obama dumping Kayne, post recording Otis at the Mercer in SOHO, and like to believe Kayne’s Sunday sermons are heartfelt expressions of gratitude, praising God for his creatively jacked dome. But you married the primo Persian porcupine puss and have 4 beautiful kids and never have to worry about making money again, so try showing a spec of gratitude on Instagram player. Or else Kayne, you’re forcing me to believe, you’re just a self-serving, egomaniac asshole, using God ‘s good name to advance your social media narrative beyond you not respecting country pop stars with zero booty fat.

My mom got my son the same architecture book I got him for Chanukah. Her text reply was, “Great minds think alike.” The only time my mother has ever used great in relation to me is in relation to herself. But I’m the delusional narcissist with mental stability issues. You’d think her mind was powerful and independent thinking enough to get her a permanent suspension from Twitter.

Planned Parenthood is still open. Is Hunter Biden still keeping them in business or what?

My mom blanked on a Zoom call my wife set up for her today with her 3 grandchildren after she made a really big stink about my wife scheduling the call prior. So, my mom just cared about telling her yenta friends back east she zoomed her grandchildren once already to no longer feel so excluded but is over all the zoom hype hyperbole hoopla already.

Obama is running his mouth about law and order being at risk after Flynn got cleared of all charges. He’s scared like Clubber Lang was when he knows he’s no longer so indestructible against Rocky after Mr. T’s flailing haymakers are greeted with, “You ain’t so bad Chump, you ain’t nothing.”

Call me an East coast elitist, but I can’t get over my old bud from Encino allowing his friend to order for our group of 7 at a fancy steak restaurant in Vegas like an all knowing valley bred hipster bred Buddha, my 1st weekend away from my 3 kids in 3 years to see Aerosmith. What’s the point in being a native New Yorker if you can’t shit on blah brained hicks from the Valley with relished glee?

My mom tells me on Mother’s Day, she’s booking a trip back east in July, regardless of putting herself at risk and leaving my dad alone with a heart condition at home. At this point, my mom’s attitude is, “Fuck it, your Dad is making me crazy and Trump is going to win again anyway.

Michael Kornbluth

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