The Late Night Comedy Host Massacre

Our state of the union is like Stephen Colbert’s handle on funny these days, shaky. It’s too bad, Bill O’Reilly is no longer important enough to impersonate. At least Bill O’ Reilly gave Colbert gravitas.

If I’m a Trump supporter, it means what? I’m not into my mother as much as Seth Meyers.

For 8 years, you never heard any late-night comedy hosts proclaim with sincere glee, “I love Obama.” Comedy Central executives felt the same way when they resigned Trevor Noah for the foreseeable future.

Jimmy Fallon’s writers hate Jimmy Fallon because after he tussled Trump’s hair on the Tonight Show, a real life skinhead never emerged.

You know CNN has no veneer of respectability left, when your baby boomer resister, not my President father, insists to his ultra opinionated Trump supporter son, “I only watch CNN now for finance news.” I reply, “Yeah dad, and I only watch Real Time With Bill Maher for my Bible Study Group.”

After Chelsea Handler’s talk show got canceled on Netflix, she become a full-time social justice warrior to downplay her tits sagging popularity.

Did you know Netflix pays more money for entertainment programming than it makes? Because you can no longer afford to pay Chris Rock with just one rib.

W posting thought leadership tweets on Twitter or having any followers who give a shit about what he has to say on anything, especially on how to capture the essence of a maimed Navy Seal within an oil painting, he gave PTSD to, is weird. It’s like John Stewart regretting his decision to retire prematurely, to showcase his post Obama wokeness on Laura Ingraham, admitting, “I should’ve stuck with shaving and kissing Bruce Springsteen’s ass on the Daily Show for a living.”

John Stewart adds, “Laura, what I really miss the most, is slipping Bruce a new mix of Gary Clark Junior performances from South By Southwest, underneath his dressing room door at the Daily Show before showtime. But in between commercial breaks, I’d always assure, Bruce, ” This doesn’t mean, I have a crush on you boss.”

Last, if John Stewart is such a fair minded, evolved, comedian, then why didn’t he bust Obama’s balls on the Daily Show for his time out nuke building deal with Iran? That’s right, Obama explained himself, when he told us on Jimmy Kimmel, he only gave 1.7 billion dollars in unmarked bills to Ayatollah Khomeini, to create more manufacturing jobs for Build a Bear, to make Iran’s economy less reliant on the sale of hair chest removal cream for the Kardashians.

Michael Kornbluth

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