Free Fake News Insurrectionists

Waiting for Biden to condemn violent attacks against Jews in the name of Palestinian terrorism. Is like waiting for Jill Biden to give Kwanza shout outs on Twitter, without Kamala Harris accusing of her cultural appropriation 1st. Holla, thank you very much.

The Teddy Roosevelt estate was afraid to accuse DMX of cultural appropriation for reimagining the Rough Rider name while thugging it up for all it was worth, in hit raps songs such as, “Pit Bulls don’t Do Gentrification.” Gentrification you know, liberal talk for less black people. Yesterday, I drive past Yankee Stadium on the Deegan and say to my daughter, “Look Matilda, the new Yankee Stadium, the House That Gentrification Built.” Daughter asks, “What’s gentrification?” I say, “Liberal talk for no plummeting apartment appraisal values since Neil and Bob opened a multi level, gay gastro pub dance club called Hip Hops. Where banging brews and banging buds meet to rum shaker the night away to old school hip hop beats. Holla, thank you very much.

Getting checked out at Kohl’s, worker there says, “Do you have any coupons?” I say, “No, I’m not ready to identify with being a Stay At Home Shemale Comedian just yet. I need to market my book The Koshertarian Comedian in the hope of hunting down any talent agent left capable of locating their ball sack again on my behalf. Kohl worker laughs long time. Thank you very much.

I’m getting copies of new keys. The locksmith asks in apologetic fashion, “If you don’t mind, can I see your ID for the mail key?” I said, “No problem. We already let ISIS vote in our country without ID. So what difference does it make? Hillary Hammer Time Cankles lives holla. Thank you very much. I add, “Why is asking a Latino for ID racist?” Do Latino’s have to pass a new height requirement, I’m not aware about? If I get pissed from someone asking for my ID, it’s at Target whenever I’m buying beer with my 3 kids, which makes me feel like a teen dropout mom from Tallahassee. After getting asked for my ID, I want to change my job title on LinkedIn, To Crystal Meth Homemaker. I need to get over it because a teen dropout mom from Tallahassee is more likely to buy cases of Coors Light instead of Sierra Nevada Pale Ale, the pale ale that never get’s stale. Personally, I wish they’d make a Toothpaste that tastes like Coors Light already, so I don’t taste anything afterwards. Holla, thank you very much.

I actually gave up drinking beer last summer. It got embarrassing spending so much time hungover, recycling, empty reminders of my lush littered past, as entire Rock Marathons on AMC passed me by.

Michael Kornbluth

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