Halloween Made Easy

The opposite of Halloween spirt is hanging up an ISIS flag to scare away Trick or Treaters.

Son doesn’t want to wear a costume for school. But I didn’t want him to feel excluded. So, I burned all his masks before he went to school so if anyone asked what his costume was, he could say, “New face of the Burning Mask Party and youngest mayor in New York City history. What’s his campaign slogan? I don’t eat pizza with a fork and knife like putz breath De-Blasio for starters. And school mask mandates are for power mad, mongoloid moron politicians. Plus, De-Blasio’s wife used to be full time Park Slope lesbian in Brooklyn before they met yet 8 million New Yorker’s known for their well developed bullshit detection abilities are supposed to believe Garlic Breath converted her. But a mongoloid moron who eats pizza with a fork and knife would go down on her natty dread snatch without a mask on, with such sloppy, reckless abandon is a plausible theory to digest.

Last year, I got my family dressed up like the one from American Dad. A dad in nearby Katonah, New York took one look at our family and says, “I don’t get it.” I say, “I’m Stan Smith from American Dad, blatantly fictitious do-gooder operative for the Deep State, you know Swamp Thing. We even made a sign for my parents in Scottsdale, Arizona that says, “Build The Pool Fence. Our 1st choice was dressing up in black face like the Cleveland Show family but Megyn Kelly stole our thunder. You strike me as more of a Uni Brow Maddow fan. This my impersonation of Chris Matthews sexually harassing a new chesty intern from Yenta country in Long Island for MSNBC, “Eating our Maddow, counts as your lunch break babe.” United we laugh, I prove it every day. Happy Halloween weekend made easy, Challah. Thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth