Guaranteed Greatness

When will my daughter outgrow her Barbies? Never, if Barbie’s Dreamhouse remains her safe space for cursing.

You can’t turn on Ken with varicose veins, unless they run down his shaft bitch.

Fuck off Ken. Don’t you have asshole bleach maintenance work to fill out the remainder of your to do list?

He-Man is a pussy. Joan of Arc would’ve skull fucked him into Castle Grey Skull with Gina Carano’s dick.

We all know interfaith Barbie blew Mel Gibson to claim she sucked the hate speech out of him on Instagram.

Mermaid Barbie is such a tattle twat. Like Kid Rock would’ve ever buy her a yacht called, “Harpooning the Most.”

Nice hair bun Barista Ken. It looks Indigo Girls skinny dipping gross. Jared Leto wants his MOJO back, hipster hack bitch, not.

Is Gender Neutral Ken into Barbies, GI’s Joes or asexual Hello Kitty’s, staring blankly at Octopus Fisting Porn Stars?

Surgeon Barbie bypassed heart surgery because the patient wasn’t vaccinated. I thought Hillary was an unhuggable cunt.

Grow a nut sack Stay at Home Dad. Start earning again. Remember, money equals freedom from indentured servitude. Plus, you need a new cashmere sweater without holes in it, you gun shy, gimpy bitch.

Michael Kornbluth

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