I like coffee like my comedy, dark and bitter.
Nirvana didn’t kill Hair Metal. Aids did, before Magic made HIV disappear.
Courtney Love is Mia Farrow with better husband selection.
I want to get my wife pregnant by mistake again. Just, so I can name my kid Zevon Zappa Kornbluth.
According to Wine Advocate, Snoop Dog’s Merlot, tastes like mouthwash used in Porn Hood Hell.
Russell Simmons addressing rape allegations with Gayle King. Read my lisp, I didn’t rape any, of those vengeful, over the hill hos.
My daughter finally got breast buds. Wife says, “She’s the last person in her class to get them. I said, “Then why have your buds taken so long to sprout?” Titty shaming jokes are too offensive for your taste? Then, go woke yourself to, Challah. Thank you very much.
Book Store Worker says, “Are you in our system?” I say, “All of a sudden, I feel like a registered sex offender. And being busted with a Woody Allen’s autobiography in my hands isn’t helping. For what it’s worth, I’ve only allowed my daughter to watch Woody Allen films that came pre-Soon-Yi like Crimes and Misdemeanors, the Early Years, Challah, thank you very much. At the same time, I only expose my daughter to Michael Jackson music that came out pre-Jackson 5 to ensure my pedophile playlist stance is black and white. Book Store Worker laughs long time, Challah. Thank you very much.