Best part of being a parent is freaking out other parents. Drop the kids off at camp blasting old school Metallica at full blast with the windows down. Daughter tenses and turns down the volume because she shouldn’t be caught driving shotgun in the 1st place. Wife says, “Air Bags kill people under 100 pounds.” I say, “But Rebel Wilson dropping 100 pounds killed off her tits and sex appeal that came with it.” As my kids get out of the car for camp, I criticize my daughter for acting like an uptight prude. I say, “Matila act more prudish. You couldn’t be more self-conscious scaredy pants if you tried.” Youngest son yells with excitable boy glee, “I’m not self-conscious Daddy.” And I say, “That’s why you’re Hardcore Hunga Rocks, AKA, All Metal Baby, Challah.” No regrets head banging nation, Metallica lives, Challah. Thank you very much.
Michael Kornbluth