Fame Whore Ho

Look, I’m an A Plus Narcissist like the rest. But you’re a detestable fame whore if you agree to an interview with Piers Morgan for attention.

Piers calls.

“Chill out Ye, it’s me, Piers.”

“What are the odds of you being called up for an Aliyah at Jared Kushner’s Bar Mitzvah?”



“How do you feel about doing an interview that will be aired on the Tele again Ye?”

“On my show Uncensored you can say whatever you want. Like, Beyonce sat out the national anthem because Demi Lovato sounded too much like the white privileged version of Alabama Shakes. Or say, “Child separation is a good thing, look how Jay Z turned out. Plus, if Coco isn’t separated from his parents, he’d never become a mini-Los Lobos in the making.”

“You don’t even have to dress up for the occasion. Since Pete Davidson stole your thunder and made the pink hoody look great again. Zelensky wouldn’t fuss on my behalf. With all the relief money, you’d think he’d splurge on a new shirt. Now, I know why they call them army fatigues.”

“You can talk about your butt boy Musk all you want. Off the record, Trumpy Poo told me that Elon Musk in high school was net zero bush. And that he still defends his endorsement of Operation Death Speed, despite the clot shot being responsible for more athletes dropping to their knees than George Floyd Appreciation Century Night. And you can talk about how the lethal doses of Fentanyl found in George Floyd’s blood system have killed more crackers in this country than Lena Dunham kicking it with Taylor Swift on Instagram. More Americans would be screaming about the CDC recommending mandatory clot shots on our children if they knew how many soccer players were dropping dead from it. Then again, none of you watch soccer. You’d rather play fantasy football and calculate the black to grey ratio on Brett Favre’s ball sack.”

“You can talk about Caitlyn Jenner on my show. There’s no way Caitlyn Jenner was asexual when Bruce was married to your former mother-in-law Kris. But I’d bet your Old Army hoodie collection that Bruce stayed harder longer after he convinced Kris to cut her hair shorter. So, Kris would look like a dolled up Ralph Macchio but hotter.” 

“You do know that I’m a fake news conservative pundit like the rest. I’m Triple-Vaxxed actually. Who cares if the clot shot works less than Russell Westbrook running the triangle offense.”

“Let’s start the interview now. I’m doing all the talking. I hired a Jewish writer named Michael Kornbluth to write all of my new material for me. He considers himself half Heeb crazy for ever considering you a more talented wordsmith than Jay Z, just because you criticized Obama’s baller credentials. Because if Obama is such a baller Dave Chappelle, then why did he ride the bench at an all-Asian private school in Hawaii? In Michael Kornbluth’s book the Great American Jew Novel, which the Midwest Book Review described as a, “Hilarious exploration of New York comedy and culture”, he says. “Trump is Hitler, relax. Sequels never live up to the original. Trump has ties to Russia, duh. What Mail Order Bride Owner doesn’t it? Calling Trumpy Poo, the Anti-Christ is a stretch like Hillary Hammer Time Cankles claiming that half of her deleted emails were yoga related. That’s right, the other half detailed funeral arrangements if Chelsea’s fiancé increased his asking price before walking down the aisle at the last sec. And doesn’t Jesus, the original super Jew, return from heaven to defeat him? So, have some faith in the Jesus comeback story, won’t you people?”

“Your flow isn’t that hardcore hilarious Yoh! And you blow for thinking so. Looks like Biden isn’t the only fucking retard Ye. Or else you wouldn’t have lost your woman to the voice of Generation Z. Shit; Pete Davidson looks like Barney from the Simpsons and Annie Liebowitz had a baby. Also, jumping on top of the anti-Semite bandwagon is a tad passe at this point in your career from a so-called trend setter, don’t you think Ye? I mean, Florida and antisemitism are so hot right now. Your leadership posts on 4 Chan, included. “

“Have you tried Snoop’s dog’s wine yet Yee? According to Wine Advocate it tastes like mouthwash used in porn hood hell. Martha Stewart drinks it on her show. Because she’s down for fucking him on the rag with his crew in tow. It’s her gangbang color Yoh. You, deplorable fame whore ho.”

Challah, thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth