Almost 50 Guitar Store Licks

Let me guess, you got up this morning and got yourself a personality, not. Anthrax lives, Challah, thank you very much.

Named my kid Arthur Morrison Kornbluth, which is a miracle because I created an actual flow to Kornbluth. Before he was born, I say to my wife, “Babe, were going to nickname him The Art Show.” Big sis tenses, already sensing his latent mojo rising and says, “No it’s my show.” I say, “I’m sensing blood in the streets of Scarsdale Village.” Peace Frog Morrison lives, Challah, thank you very much.

Actually, wanted to give the middle name Brooks to my son in honor of Albert Brooks, but I changed my mind because I didn’t want to give my son the permission to be a Jewish pussy.

Mom says, “I’m not in favor of my grandson taking Kung Fu.” I say, “Mom stop being. intentionally political annoying. We call can’t be seasoned sharp shooters like Kyle Rittenhouse who refuse to let mob rule while being attacked by pedophile members of ANTIFA like their weekly insurrection stipend from George Soros and Klaus Schwab are riding it on for failing to their monthly destructor quota. Also, mom what do you even mean when you claim to be against your grandson learning Kung Fu? He’s the handsomest kid in class, so he’s going to piss off jealous boyfriends like a bunch of mini–Jack Lamotta’s in the making from Raging Bull. Granted, Superman today is more into banging Faries into the futon couch while coming up from behind faster than a speeding bullet, but you get the gist. Also, mom Kung Fu was adopted by Chinese Farmers as a form of self-defense against Chinese war lords with no other intent but raping and pillaging their rapidly fleeting sense of security and welfare the way any good member of the Democrat party post has done pos COVID under the guise of the common good throughout our current land of decrepit, Democrat run deterioration. Last, what alternative would you prefer your grandson learning as an effective form of self-defense earlier than later ma? Becoming a rageful wannabe comedian at 45 with 3 kids to feed and marriage to uphold together who wrecks Everlast bag chains at home from decade’s worth of pent-up range for ever allowing himself to be pushover putzy in the 1st place, not that dad nudged to me change course ever prior. Of course, the moment I do find a means to fight back against hurls of disrespect and invective from old friends and family members regarding my chosen path to deliver hardcore hilarity for a living through the art of punching back through comedic righting song, you insist I throw in the towel because you invested all your hopes and dreams in your preferred son of choice, despite him possessing no discernable talent outside guilting you into breaking out in canker sores again because he’s pining for the days when he could afford more blow to impress his friends while only hearing only last call from the bathroom stall, got it.”

It’s hard to maintain your composure at the Guitar Store when the employee there treats your presence among your 3 kids with nothing but sneering disdain for purchasing First 50 Pop Hits Should You Play on the Piano. Meanwhile, I bet this snob rock putz was the 1st in line to see the Foo Fighters who insisted on playing to vaccinated only audience at MSG throughout his ever-long, far from dreamy, perpetually downer weepy, air-grounded, edgeless life.

Is that it? Oh, 50 Pop hits doesn’t do it for you Jack Black Light? Like you’d ever get your wife pregnant by mistake again, just so you could name your kid Zappa Zevon Kornbluth, excitable boy, you’re not. Actually, on second thought, Zappa Zevon Kornbluth is beginning to sound to overtly imposed pretentious on par with Bowie Hudson Kornbluth, so I’m thinking about going with Live At Leeds Kornbluth instead, Who lives, middle aged waste land, Challah. Thank you very much.

Is that it? Yeah, Lou Reed tried to charge Billy Idol for the privilege of recording with him, so you can go woke yourself to, Sweet Jane.

Is that it? It’s not my fault you’ve failed to achieve commercial success in life yet asshole. Prove that your anti-establishment enough to get kicked of Twitter for being a Wuhan Lab Leaker truther comedian and I’ll give a shit about whatever purported slaying soul you possess as the second coming of Buckethead, bore breath Brett. But I’m positive you possess a more beautiful play soul than twinkle toes Rhodes.

Is that it? What, All of Me by John Legend doesn’t do it for you? His wife’s scrunchie face doesn’t do it for me either, but at least he graduated UPenn before Ivanka did.

How to Save A Life by Adele isn’t on my playlist either. Nor was I ever into that song before she discovered the Keto Diet after Jenna Jamison did, I’m assuming. What was that original hit of her’s, “You Could’ve Had It All? You mean all your 300 pounds of you Mary Ploppins, even after the Keto Diet materialized in your favor, what a country.

I Knew You Were Trouble By Taylor Swift never gave you sustained stiffage either? But her lollipop lick them up legs have nothing to hide like Coroner reports on triple vaxed, famous performers.

Million Reasons by Lada Gaga has to give you a minor chubby bud. Gaga rocked when she sang Moth Into Flame with Metalica during the Grammy’s or did your pussy shrivel up and die after they came out with the Black Album to?

Roar by Katy Perry has to get you a tad titillated just based on the video of her nipple launcher bra alone. I get it, I’m with my 3 kids right now, all alone, and you’re thinking. Somebody’s got their hands full. If I get my own TV show one day called Better Than Boobie, the 1st ever father son cooking show, where we review homemade dishes that were either double fisters or yuck yuckers. And my wife finally agrees to an open marriage with Katy Perry, then my hands will be full.”

The Scientist by Cold Play isn’t about Fuck Face Fauci, so does that trigger you sense of moral superiority for still standing by Neil Young for protesting against Spotify for allowing a podcast interview with Dr. Malone, only the inventor the MRNA gene therapy used in the COVID vaccine who claims it work less than Frank Zappa did on doing less smug filled crowd work for a change like a wannabe Lenny Bruce minus the punchlines because he feared being branded as a Republican knowing his drug spurning stance outside of getting off his vanity vagina for recording every fart whisperer freak feast he ever recorded in Joe’s Garage, Challah. Mothers Of More Annoying Innovations lives, Challah. Thank you very much.

At the very least, you must like Rihanna’s song Stay right? Despite Dave Chapelle’s claims about her big ass forehead begging to be caught in the middle of another furious one 2 combo roundhouse by Chris Brown for overextending her stay in the car after insisting they listen to her chart-topping hits on 97.1 instead.

Still, I’m not getting the sense you jerk off to the most beautiful woman in the world, Beyonce, according to People Magazine, despite her uglier side emerging when she refused to stand for the National Anthem during the Superbowl because Demi Lovato reminded her too much of the white privileged version of Albama Shakes, Jeff Ross with bigger Jew balls, lives, Challah. Thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth