Jimmy Kimmel thinks it’s funny when Flordia folks die of COVID primarily, allegedly. No, what’s funny is Jimmy Kimmel dumping his ex-wife for Sarah Silverman before she became a full-time social justice warrior to distract the Twitter-Verse from her tits sagging popularity for the past 20 years and counting.
Jimmy Kimmel is Adam Carolla minus funny man integrity. At least Jeff Ross is the Roast Master General. You don’t even lead Greg Gutfeld in the late-night viewing race Jimmy. And Greg Gutfeld exudes less excitable charisma than HIV pill commercials on Hulu. God forbid Greg Gutfeld hits Trumpy Poo with harder hitting questions such as, “If Israeli doctors are reporting record high COVID case numbers, among mostly vaccinated people within a country that’s 80% vaccinated, then is it safe say, that your overhyped vaccine works less than Stay at Home Shemale comedian COVID truthers like Michael Kornbluth from Scarsdale, New York?” Challah, thank you very much. Gutfeld adds, “But seriously Trump, can I call you straight up Trump now, with no Deep State Attorney General chaser working in your favor ever? The Gateway Pundit just published a piece that reports how thousands keep dying from this alleged MRNA therapy, with no studies available listing long-term side effects yet. So at this point, is it safe to safe say that this vaccine produces less immunity to COVID than wearing Biden’s diaper nappy on despite whiffs of Strawberry Shortcake embedded in between? Plus, did Trump, you don’t mind be talking about you in the 3rd person at this point right? Did Trump, ever experience pusher man remorse, after realizing how thousands have died from these vaccines when the vaccine for the Swine Flu was pulled after 50 dropped dead from it? Did Trump, ever attempt to divorce himself from his savior type ego and seriously consider releasing a press release on Rumble, which plows forward the idea of this overrated vaccine actually resulting in weakening our immune systems more than entry into the Dallas Buyers Club? You don’t mind these hard-hitting questions do you Trump? Because what our country needs more than ever is more tempered enthusiasm regarding your Operation Warp Speed delivering vaccine, not over the top hyperbole, like if Dr. Gnocchi were to break into Mara a Lago with the help of the Deep State to prick you with the dirty heroin needle used to take out Easy E, only for you to admit on Newsmax the following morning, “Do I have HIV yes, but my T-Cell Count numbers have never been stronger.” I’m not allowed to admit whether I think you won at Fox after after walking papers were served to Lou Dobbs Trump. I don’t want to get kicked off Twitter to, despite the Chinese resisting Wuhan lab investigations into the origin of the virus more than AquaFresh. I’m too marble mouthed short to be considered threatening enough to the military industrial complex. And the Deep State is too fixated on getting Tucker Carlon’s Vineyard Vines boxer briefs tangled up in a bunch and I’d like to keep it that way Trump. Maria Bartiromo had the balls to ask you about charges of election fraud on her show. But I’m also not married to a billionaire descendent financier Saul Steinberg, who controls the Federal Reserve and all the banks in the North Pole to. I told you I was comedian funny, Patton Oswalt, whenever I jack Michael Kornbluth’s a plus gemry for free, Challah, thank you every much. I agree Trump, I sound too colorless smarmy blah when I say, Challah compared to that big headed Heeb. Trump says, “Can I get in a word here Greg? Are you using Joe Biden’s Adderall supplier or what? Not that it makes Joe anymore focused on being any less of a liberty ruining creep. Joe Biden claiming, he cares about unity is like Hunter claiming he cares about who buys his blow paintings since he gave up blow for blow painting on a full-time basis allegedly.”
I hate to be a prick about it, but sending my younger brother a concerned text about discouraging him from getting the vaccine shot seems pointless since he took up snorting heroin. At the same time, you can’t inhale the vaccine either, so he’s got that working in his favor. But I’m the deplorable piece of shit for insisting my dad send him to rehab or he’ll die of a broken heart for ignoring my advice again like when I told him to invest in Google and Apple before Jobs invented the causal Friday look, all my himself, without the aid of his free love missing, Beatles spurning worker bee programmers because they only score some sweet nookie by paying for it at a massage parlor outside of Palo Alto among the older than Ming Dynasty happy enders, knowing they weren’t yanked of the boat yesterday. Challah, thank you very much.
COVID case numbers are more inflated than Ann Coulter’s warped sense of importance, since Lebron James, King of The Persecution Complex told Laura Ingraham to stick with being a less ghoulish Ann Colter for a living.
More kids died from suicide than from COVID last year because they don’t have the luxury of selling their souls to Apple, resulting in them looking less tormented worn in 8000 leather jackets as the new head of music curation like Trent Reznor did. In related news, Meghan Markle said she almost killed herself when she bunked up with scruffy Archie in their castle over in England. But Harry hasn’t shaved for years, you user minded bitch. Yeah, I don’t see Elton John coining a song in Meghan Markle’s honor either. B bit actresses who still act like ungrateful royal pains in the ass, aren’t getting stars on Hollywood Blvd dear. What would Elton John call a song about Meghan Markle exactly? Waiver Cunt in The Wind?
Masks on my kids on the bus aren’t needed. Masks on Boris Johnsons’ wife at the G-7 Summit are, woof, woof.
Whatever happened to children being our future? So, who the fuck cares if Joy Reid from MSNBC dies on air at all? Her 2 million followers on Twitter will find some other homophobic hack to get their fear mongering fix from by the time Chris Matthews yells at his new chesty yenta breath intern from Long Island, “Eating our Maddow, counts as your lunch break babe.”
If Fuck Fauci had the power, he’d order teachers to resume duck and cover drills the next time a student admits to catching an itchy esophagus from watching a Trump Rally on Fox News on YouTube for old times sake.
It’s my civic duty to get the vaccine. But at this point, Fauci warns, means less than In Fuck Face Fauci We Trust.
Why should I be so trusting of vaccines from big pharma knowing they’re immune to all forms of liability? That’s like entrusting my health to the federal government, since they did dick to restore publish trust in our civil servants in charge since the day they let Democracy die without even making a sigh heavy peep. No amount of Capital Building fencing can block out the piles of self-deflecting bullshit about peaceful Trump supporters being the real cause of threatening, intimidating, terrorizing behavior in our country after the cops let ANTIFA and BLM burn our cities to the ground in honor of Thugs Lives Matter Most. But it’s your choice to forsake the vaccine, just expect your employment prospects to be cut by eighty percent as we use a faulty COVID test by jamming an abortion hanger up your nose to see if you’ve developed a natural immunity yet before taking a vaccine that will strip you off all life shooting power all together. You know the same false positive COVID tests that continue to wreck the world economy and endless amount of immigrant run, family businesses, resulting in thousands of elderly dying alone, hooked up to sniffle aggravating ventilators. Who only killed themselves to make a living in this world only to have their final moments stripped away from them because MAGA country at large voted for the shit talking New Yorker who didn’t take any shit from deliberately divisive, soulless, sell out pieces of shit in the media. Unlike our current imposter President who left God knows how many more Americans to die in Afghanistan while handing over airport security to the Taliban because this open borders a president is a proud member of the rape enablement party like the all the other demonic scumbags in power who allow this endless shit show plow on. Fuck Joe Biden’s sham presidency. Fuck Joe Biden’s nappy mask. Fuck that marriage wrecker Jill Biden and her Shortcuts scarecrow hair due. And fuck the FBI for treating Hunter’s laptop like it contained nothing more than a choppy version of Breaking Bad for Funny or Die on IFC. Fuck being bound 2 bullshit. Because if the world doesn’t break free from this COVID fear driven shit show, the never ending shit show will never end. Kayne lives, Challah, thank you very much.