Colorblind Clutch Gene

All Lives Matter is the new n word.

Imagine JJ Redick wearing an All-Lives Matter pin on ESPN during March Madness?

Later that evening, his wife says, “The alt-right comb over has to go dear.”

JJ Redick says, “Fine, but Christian Laettner’s tattoo on my ass stays.

He’s the only college player that played on the only Dream Team that matters before Magic made HIV disappear.

He’s only regarded as the most consistently clutch player in NCAA history who won one more national championship than Air Jordan did before he shamed Scottie Pippen on the Last Dance doc for delaying knee surgery as a salary negotiating tactic for getting paid less than BJ Armstrong’s nanny.

And Jordan had Big Game James worthy over Grant Hill.

Wife says, “Big game Worthy. Then, why did Worthy have to pay for it then?

JJ Redick replies, “I don’t know, cause Magic hogged up all the Laker girls between periods.

Did you know Christian Laettner has the most points scored in NCAA tournament history?

Wife says, “So?”

JJ Redick says, “So All American big men from Upstate New York with polish ancestry and a flawless midrange shooting game matter to dear, any dumb ass Polack who supports thugs’ lives matter most gets that.  

And you wonder why Christian Laettner is the most hated player in NCAA history. It’s because he’s the most clutch foul shooter in college basketball history while attending the Harvard of the South doing his best Tom Brady impression before Tom Brady was fucking Tom Brady in New England. But guaranteed money in the NBA regardless of having a decent hook shot with your left is so oppressive.”

Michael Kornbluth

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