Kindergarten Blues

Before my son heads out the door with his big brother for his 1st day of Kindergarten, I say, “Light up the universe kid.” Son says, “I do that already. Why don’t you work on signing autographs because my handwriting is already better than your chicken scratch Moron Son. And stop saying your chicken scratch is Hebrew. You write deli reviews for the Kosher Planet, I’ve heard. Write a new joke already that isn’t older than Aids moron son.”

Which reminds me, I don’t recall 5 half days in a row being a thing for my other 2 kids when they started Kindergarten. Just when I thought I was free to network and gain full time employment again, my stay-at-home dad stewardship keeps pulling me back in. Also, 8:30 to a 11 isn’t a half day by any stretch of the imagination. That’s a Joe Rogan podcast if Joey Diaz goes long after the extra strength pot Brownies kick in. And what’s preventing teachers from teaching a full day of kindergarten on day one exactly? Shouldn’t they be itching to show their faces again post COVID damage done, now they don’t have to wear masks and were able to work on their tans all summer? 5 half days in a row. Finally, I schedule a lunch with a new bud, thinking this Thursday, boom, no problem, social calendar is wide open for a change while he’s in town from Texas. Nope, Samuel has 5 half days in a row. Because Kindergarten teachers teaching financial literacy to BLM on the side is too taxing on their time because TurboTax is culturally biased software. Kindergarten blues, Challah. Thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth

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