Little Hitler Noser

Florida and Antisemitism are so hot right now. Why else would my wife’s friend husband feel comfortable enough to ask me if I ever read Mein Kampf over our arranged, lunch date this past Saturday on my people’s ordained day of rest no less? Plus, did you know Mein Kampf has 200 plus 4-star reviews on Amazon? But ban any book critical of the COVID 19 vaccine or radical Islam despite Mein Kampf being 720 pages of hate speech in a row. 

Have I read Mein Kampf? No, I don’t identify with the Psychotherapist in Dexter who tries to understand psychotic pricks better after my brother tried to kill my surging ego senior year in high school when he described my ambition to write a screenplay called Sloppy Second Son as “Too Ambitious”, after our mom instructed him to do so.


But you read Mein Kampf because you were curious. Were you curious about why Germany hasn’t produced more spit ball pitchers than the Dominican Republic? Or were you curious about why Jackie Joyner- Kersee wasn’t hired as the on-screen consultant trainer on Run Lola Run.


You were curious. Curious about what, whether Hitler birthed the idea of killing off gays with Aids, whenever his old school herpes sores flared up his desire to annihilate?  


Did you buy Mein Kampf with a Barnes and Noble gift card in honor of the Jewish people because we jerkoff to the Penny Saver on any given Sunday?


Did you invite Price Harry over for a pajama reading party before he came out as scruffy, woke Archie?


Hitler wanted to abolish all wealth from Jews who made Aryans feel like fake news Beautiful Minds in comparison. Jews got Marc Chagal, Anne Frank, Houdini, Chaplin, Einstein, Chopin and the Gershwin Brothers soon after. Who’s on your team Hitler, German bank tellers small enough to squeeze into Volkswagen’s?  Brahms, Beethoven and Bach, were all German gentiles, congratulations. None of them today would be offered six figures to play Clive Davis’s son’s Bar Mitzvah like Lenny Kravitz or Diamond David Lee Roth would. That’s how you know their classical music is overrated love.


Were you curious why Mein Kampf didn’t receive more 5-star reviews on Amazon by book of the month reviewers on 4 Chan?

I know Jews are ideologically inferior for thinking Germans are bigger dicks than defenders of BLM terrorists on TNT.


Were you curious about why Jordan Peterson is considered an authority on personality when he doesn’t have one?

Did I ever read Mein Kamph? Did Henry Ford’s International Jew demand a killer sequel in your book?


Were you curious about why Hitler didn’t lose any sleep from handing out free toasters to SS Officers for hitting their weekly kill count quotas? Maybe, it was because he was a homicidal maniac perpetually cranked up on crystal meth for starters Little Hitler Noser.

I know. Hatred of Jews in Germany started with a Jewish Bible Salesman who called the New Testament, The Bible Part 2, The Hearsay Years.

Were you curious about what kid books Hitler’s mom read to little Hitler? It’s too bad Curious George wasn’t invented by a married Jewish couple fleeing Nazi Germany in a self-made bike that wasn’t an electric one that hits get away rape speed when driving through no-go zone areas in Germany these days. Grooming rape gang AI alerts rule.


Were you curious about why Hitler is considered an overrated monster compared to Radical Islam which turned out to be the main driving force behind Europe becoming a Jew Free Europe today? Tommy Robinson lives, Challah, Thank you very much.  

But seriously, what can you learn from Mein Kampf that you didn’t know already?


Hitler described Jews as calculating, cold-hearted and opportunistic liars. What do Mr. Groper’s handlers in the White House have to do with it?


Hitler viewed Jews as a threat to German identity as if the milkman in the Fiddler was itching to diversify his income by taking up Gnome making, knowing Gnomes look like Santa’s cut off Trust Fund Babies, living off resin hits, mints and social security.


Hitler viewed Jews as a threat to Nationalism. But didn’t Hitler launch the Nationalist Socialist Party to avoid paying war reparations in his effort to make penny pinching great again?


It’s hard to respect Hitler’s power of originality as an artist because the swastika is a culturally appropriated, photo shopped Hindu symbol that looks like 2 stick figures doing a 69 on a seesaw on crystal meth.


An Aryan is any person with blond hair and blues eyes despite Paul Newman’s more natural style of acting winning him more acting awards than Robert Redford ever received before he opened Sundance to shower less wooden actors instead.


Hitler’s mom worked as a housemaid for a wealthy Jewish industrialist engineer, who invented the Mercedes Emblem, only later to be used on Hitler’s drive by car of choice.



Germany is the source of all important technology, despite IBM Wasps being responsible for developing technology that made it easier for SS officers to identify European Jewry slipped off to slaughter. Or as Watson Computer would say, “No Shirt Sherlock.”


Germany is the source of all important culture. Tarantino would disagree despite my in-laws admitting to not caring for the movie Inglorious Bastards. Then again, they booked stadium seating to see Apocalypto on Fandango 6 million months in advance.


Germany is the source of all important art.  Because Nazis tweaked on crystal meth were known for their expressionistic range, which ranged from deadly serious to flickering rage if the speed started to wear off after finally running out.


Inferior races including Slavic peoples like those damn Polish Jews were so dumb, they tried to sell rags to a German seamstress during her time of the month.


Hitler’s father sent him to vocational school because he thought Hitler showed less promise for drawing nudes than Stevie Wonde’s seeing eye dog, used for closer beer goggles inspection during Octoberfest. Stevie Wonder’s Seeing Eye Dog offers a second opinion, “I know you can feel her face Stevie, but I can smell her snatch, Woof, Woof.”



Hitler was a gifted, full of shit orator like Obama in Chaplin face.


And Obama’s more likely to have read Mein Kampf over Trump. Obama wished he was that organized. Getting to exterminate any critic who dared to criticize his master plan to nuke gift Iran as he slithered out the White House door would’ve been a gas.


Hitler had a talent for drawing on ancient old blood libel like the Jews being responsible for controlling all the banks in Deutschland and in the North Pole to.


Hitler had no problem connecting dots and drawing connections between the Jews heckling the Romans into crucifying Jesus Christ to death because they were 6 degrees separated from the ancestry of Don Rickles.


Hitler wasn’t fond of the commie Jew bastards in particular, responsible for promoting equality among all races, despite Jessee Owens not running Hitler’s master race theory into the ground during the Olympics in Berlin just yet.


Hitler resented any school of political thought that didn’t recognize German’s innate superiority at creating golden shower symphonies of sound on your SS shower cap.


Mein Kampf Cliff Notes.

Chosen perfectionists, my ass.

Eat my Bavarian butt mustard, you schmaltzy bitch.  


My struggle is refraining from calling someone a Kraut Breath Noser when they come out as Nazi apologists who describe Nazi’s as “proud people.” Proud of what, just following orders like any good Nazi boy would? George Soros lives, Challah. Thank you very much.


My struggle is refraining from shitting in somebody’s mouth after someone tells me they read Mein Kampf to understand his history of hate better. He’s another blah breath Kraut who took himself too seriously like the rest. The only difference is that Germans were dumb enough to believe that exterminating all the Jews would help them maintain a near monopoly on the motion picture business, especially after the advent of technicolor, which made golden shower stag films lose their dramatic dark edge.


The Jewish problem according to Hitler was the unforgivable crime of charging interest. Despite the Germans line of credit for possessing a better head for numbers or engineering when Albert Einstein helped the US develop the Atom bomb before those Kraut breaths nosers did.


According to Hitler, the Jewish problem was expecting immediate recognized service at all German restaurants, especially at the shabbier Jewish Delis, who offered less sex appeal than Ethel the Waitress’s armpit stains after working back to double shifts on Purim.  


But the Germans were prideful people. Why, they killed off all the future Albert Einstein’s that could’ve been talked into making an atom bomb of their own?


Hitler could’ve made an offer a Jewish immigrant scientist couldn’t refuse like when he told George Soros. A gun to head or free Cold Play tickets for life? I’ll even let Chris Martin play your son’s Bar Mitzvah if you round up 200 more Jews by sundown, deal?  Potato skins or schnitzel the size of Bridget Neilson’s flattened tits after Paulie passes out on her from drinking too much Stolie in her trailer to get in character again.


It’s weird to hear somebody admit they read Mein Kampf, when you know they’re more into audiobooks. So, you read Mein Kampf to understand why Hitler hated Jews so much? Wouldn’t the Mein Kampf cliff notes have been sufficient?


You read Mein Kamph. But when I offered you a copy of my book The Great American Jew Novel, you said, “I only listen to Audiobooks recommended by the Joe Rogan Podcast like Hillary Hammer Cankles latest and greatest manifesto, “Eat, Drink, Wheeze” or was it Bernie Sander’s one called, “Karl Marx Is Overrated”, or was it the one by Pearl Necklace Harris, “Kick the Camel Toe.” Challah. Thank you very much.


Was Mein Kampf on Audible barely audible like Natasha Lyonne cranked up on Crystal Meth to keep up with her motor mouth mind on Russian Doll?


They say Hitler would cum in his own pants from the sound of his own voice. So, did Hedi Klum narrating his book on Audible fail to give you the same amount of sustained stiffage on your behalf? Was Hedi Klum not a believable narrator knowing her clipped, Resiling dry, cold as Eichmann monotone was never spit enough heavy for your preferred spaz attacks tastes?


You wanted to learn about why Hitler wanted to create a racially pure German state? Despite uncircumcised German men looking like albino white Ant Eaters between their legs, got it. 


You wanted to learn why none of your German ancestors were famous architects?  Or else why would you be forced to live in another drab, ranch house in wigger breath, Long Island hack country like the rest.


Did you really need to read Mein Kamph to learn how intermingling your blood line with Jewish ones would only result in you being stingier at giving credit when it’s deserved?  


Now you better understand the need for Nazi’s to create more living space because German Halls weren’t spacious enough?



You feel bad about the Weimer Republic giving away the farm after they lost World War 1, which they started, despite possessing 0.0 negotiating leverage? Losers don’t get to dictate shit Kraut Breath Noser. Challah, thank you very much. 


You really think I want to mingle with a wannabe hobbit hipster like yourself on my one ordained day of rest a week? I’d rather watch Concentration Camp paint dry on the last tour of Auschwitz before the peak season during Holocaust Remembrance Month.

The French invented the 69 and Germans invented the Golden Shower caps. But Third Reich officers in those golden shower SS caps looked like interchangeable rock star limo drivers for the Scorpions after the Berlin Wall went down faster than Obama did in a Chicago bathhouse during Arafat Appreciation Month. Lenny Bruce and Joan Rivers had a baby, Challah! Thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth




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