Mensch & A Half

Is Bob Seger guilty of pedo punctuated lyricism on his album Night Moves, when he sings, “Come see your papa if you need a pacifier? Then, he sounds like Christmas came early when he sings, “Call me anytime. I’ll try to be your pacifier. If you feel like a horse blazin at the bit. It’s because I knocked out your fucking teeth because you chomped down too hard on my carrot stick.”

Next morning, Little Girl Blue asks, “Daddy, why didn’t the Tooth Fairy hook me up with a whole lot of Bitcoin under my digital wallet pillow last night? Is the Tooth Fairy another cheapskate Queen like Lou Reed?”

Father still drunk on Fire Water hell screams, “The Rock slept in for a change, you ungrateful bitch. Where’s your friend Jenny? Hanging out with Gump again?
Unlike you, she’s got good southern etiquette. And doesn’t mouth off and talk with her mouth full of more shrimp next time your cousin Billy Bob pays a visit. Truly tasteless jokes about incest, cousin fucking and pedo punctuated lyricism live, Challah. Thank you very much.

Bob Seger only comes across as a harmless peeping tom loser in the song Main Street though. Who doesn’t even get his courage up to enter the strip club, let alone offer to tip the DJ a 20 spot if he plays the 22-minute version of Whipping Post from the Filmore East by the Allman Brothers band. So Seger could get the most bang out of their one song per dance policy on Creeper Tuesdays. Instead, all Seger does in the song Main Street is creep on the so young and sweet stripper by watching her through the glass to the smoky live beat. Should’ve been called Blue Balls on Main Street. Weird Al on a highway to hell lives, Challah. Thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth

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