Crappier Number 2

Remember when a reporter threw a shoe at W? The only way to one up the funny is to watch Biden on a live Facebook stream ducking behind a moat made of out of Fierce Blue Gatorade bottles after his Secret Service agents warn him of a fake news bombing campaign from Russia in the form of holograms with pictures of Drago on the missle tips on April’s Fools Day. Just so the female Secret Service agents can enact revenge on Mr. Groper for skinny dipping in their presence while boasting, “Told you, I was bigger than the boogie boarder from Kenya.” For once, The Icky Shuffle can’t shuffle away with his back turned toward the American people like a lost in time Tourist hick in Times Square. Because he’s drowning in a sea of shit while crouching into the fetal position, yelling, “Jill, Putin’s bombing Delaware. Why not bomb a Vineyard Vines store in Martha’s Vineyard 1st? Old money isn’t as money. Dress for new success. That’s why I wear dated Polo shirts instead. Where’s Hunter? Doing more blow again, only hearing last call from the bathroom stall? While his buds from the Sons of Anarchy yell, Where’s Hunter? Who else is going to pay for this shit? Do you think Zelensky likes me Jill? I financed World War 3 on his behalf. At the very least, you’d think he could spring for a new shirt already, that looks more played out than your fishnet stockings Jill. You think Jackie O would be caught dead looking like a small town ho, posing for Scarecrow Weekly? How do my hair plugs look better than your highlights from hell Jill? How does your hair look more brittle than Hunter on Election Day? When he leaned in to hug me like I just pardoned him from serving 30 years in a Turkish prison after being busted for trying to smuggle kilos of hash on Jet Blue? Like he couldn’t have dialed up Cat Stevens in LA if he was in a jam. Wasn’t he Obama’s best man at his wedding to Michael? When Obama described Farsi as the most beautiful .

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. sound in the universe, who do you think he was referencing, Yassir Arafat, Jill? No, Obama Ears was talking about Islam’s answer to James Taylor. I’m being followed by Drago’s shadow.” Jill says, “Those bombs are holograms dear. Fucking Christ, the neverending shit show never ends with you Joe. Where’s Joe the Plumber when you need him?”

Crappier number 2 shits on, Challah. Thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth

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