Chosen Curls

I’m against sex changes before Johnny Appleseed blooms under his Fruit of Looms.

Joy Reid never reports any stories about retractable buyer’s remorse.

Hello Kitty, formerly known as Johnny Appleseed grinds behind a fat ass Latina at the China Club as Rum Shaker turns the mother out.

Hello Kitty, formerly known as Johnny Appleseed, wants to flex his surging point of interest from behind, yet Hello Kitty’s missing link to rap’s golden era is gone, gone baby gone. Hip Hop isn’t the only thing that’s dead. So is solo flexing behind the second coming of Chaka Kahn, Challah. Thank you very much.

My 5-year-old son wants me to get him steroids for Hanukah so he could be diesel like Stallone in Rocky 4. He launched into a series of one-arm pushups the moment I played him the Rocky 1 soundtrack on vinyl for Hannukah. Technically speaking, my son’s Nutsy Russell’s can’t any smaller. Plus, he doesn’t like kids playing with his curls in class. Now, he’ll slap the smirk off the skinhead at school who was fucking with his chosen curls to begin with. Chosen Curls is bound to woo, Challah. Thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth