Placation Nation

If Kyrie Irving hated Jews so much.

Then, why would he play basketball in Brooklyn?

The only thing Jewier than Brooklyn are fag hags like Lena Dunham.

Who’s the biggest reason why birthrates are an all-time low in New York.

Over the hill hobbit hipster hacks are pulling out early due to excessive meat sweats.

But the Hunchback of Bushwick during Restaurant Week, rocking the arm flapper look on Instagram isn’t helping.

But seriously, if you hate Jews so much, why would play in the Barclay’s Center, when it’s only a 10-minute walk to the heart of Park Slope?

Schillinger from OZ would last long, working as barista in Park Slope, as part of his new worker release program since Ari Emanuel from Endeavor Talent Agency took over for Leo Glynn as the new Warden of Ozwald State penitentiary.

“You know, I’d feel safer if you wore a wool hat in July like the rest.”

“Yeah, I asked for a double macchiato, not burnt espresso with a flaccid facade of foam on top.”

“So, try again. You don’t want to circumcise my happiness again, do you?

Schillinger cracks the coffee cup over the customers face.

And yells.

“Send me back to The Hole Ari.”

“I’d rather lose my mind on my own time.”

“Of course, this sniveling shit took a knee for BLM.”

“He drained them dry till Yom Kippur.”

“I bet Squid and The Whale was read Bi-Curious George growing up while being reared on Lou Reed Records?”

“I’d rather hear BLM do a Ted Talk on how Turbo Tax is some culturally biased shit. Then, serve fancy fagalah coffee drinks to these neutered nincompoops. What, I grew up on the Upper East Side on York, in the heavily German section while it still lasted. Who do you think was chasing Tony Curtis down a fire escape? It wasn’t Kyrie Irving’s grandfather; I’ll tell you that much. That part of Manhattan didn’t reek of shit weed from blunted nation yet either. Fuck this placation nation bullshit, I’m out of here.”

Placation Nation lives, Challah.

Thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth