My wife works during the weekend as a Lactation consultant, which is why I call her the Boob Doctor.
During the week she works as a nurse in the NICU.
Checking blue faced babies for vital signs.
Which makes me feel like a full-time narcissist because all I check for is for retweets.
So, I’m out in public with my 3 kids during the weekend without her constantly.
Normally, grown men approach me and say, “You’ve got your hands full.”
My standard reply is, “If I get to perform Do It All Dad Does China as a headlining comedian at Radio City one day. Resulting in my wife agreeing to open marriage with Katy Perry. Then, my hands will be full.”
Only once did I hear, “Why Katie Perry?” while getting my wife a strap on with heart size balls for Valentines Day at the local art studio called, Pansexual Hearts Are US.
Why, Katie Perry?
Because you wouldn’t get my Susan Sarandon reference, Millennial Mousketeer.
Why Katie Perry?
Because I’d break Taylor’s Swift’s cervix in 2.
Why Katie Perry?
Because an open relationship with Raquel Welch is more up Tarantino’s ally.
Why Katie Perry?
Because Katie Perry is highly mountable in a pink wig. Which I can wear later, while she mounts me with my regifted Valentine’s Day gift from behind.
Why Katie Perry?
Because my wife is turned on by Orlando Bloom.
And I always wanted a 3 way with a pop star and a pansexual elf who ruined Cameron’s Crowe’s career.
Why Katie Perry?
Because Chelsea Handler is a full-time social justice warrior to downplay her tits sagging popularity.
Why Katie Perry?
Because nobody knows the name of the actress who plays Joan in Mad Men, busty beauties are us.
Why Katie Perry?
Because that chick from 2 broke girls would break my cock from assuming the mere plopping position.
Why Katie Perry?
Because my dick would get lost in porn star Gina Michaels and have to fill out a missing link report.
Why Katie Perry?
Because my wife wears earbuds to bed each night, which exudes less sex appeal than Lobot talking dirty to the central computer in Cloud City during the director’s cut version of Empire Strikes Back.
“I want to break your motherboard in 2. Send me a signal, telling me you want me too. We built cloud city on rock and roll. I’ll show you my central processing unit if you don’t tell Lando about it. Lando can’t light up your circuits like this. You want a nuclear leak that puts Chernobyl to shame, you got it.”
What, Cyborg’s get horny too.
Sex life matters, Challah. Thank you very much.
Michael Kornbluth
Do It All Dad Year Podcast Blog 