Avant-Garde Good

As a Headhunter Writer, it’s rare to desire a potential friendship with a candidate. My attitude is different this time because he’s a performance artist, a classically trained violinist turned Software Engineer who played at Carnegie Hall. So, I consider him a kindred spirit. Granted, I’ve only done 5 minutes of standup comedy at the Comedy Cellar, in comparison.

All obsessive, aspiring artists are treated like delusional hack breaths at one point in their life. Or been forced to endure passive-aggressive wails of, “It’s important to have a form of creative expression,” or similar lines of disparagement in their presence, such as the dreaded word “Hobby,” used to describe your life’s work that provides the greatest source of pride in your life. So yes, I’m going to take personal offense if somebody minimizes this kid’s artistic heft and heart-enriching wonderment on the Violin as a mere “hobby” after he sets the stage ablaze at Carnegie Hall, the way Lenny Bruce tore the house down during his historic show one blistering cold winter tonight on February 3, 1961, immortalized on wax forever.

That is before the omnipotent federal government decided to bankrupt Lenny into silence and deny him a living for pointing out shaky moral high grounds at large. Where have you gone, Lenny Bruce? That is what’s weighing on my mind today. Did you know Lincoln jailed journalists who spoke out against his war to crush state rights permanently? He confiscated firearms and property and jailed anyone that disagreed with his rule of tyranny. England had ended slavery peacefully too. I’m so red-hot pissed today; I want to get a Confederate flag tattoo and say, “Fuck you, Dad, I don’t want to be buried in a Jewish cemetery anymore. I’m a Jew for Jesus now. Because even Jesus would have a hard time forgiving the unnecessary slaughter of 600,000 plus Americans, more than all our major wars combined, just so Yankee Bankers could impose their military-industrial complex on anybody whenever they wanted in addition to printing money at will, they even taught secession to West Point cadets back in the day.

So much for this post being LinkedIn-ready appropriate anymore. Time for an impersonation; this is an impression of Dr. Dre discussing the LinkedIn merger with Eminem. “Hey Slim, Microsoft paid 4.5 billion for LinkedIn. Worrrrrrddddd. LinkedIn is lamer than ever, you.”

Oh yeah, and Lincoln didn’t end slavery. Confederate Generals like Stonewall Jackson taught reading and writing to the enslaved Black people during Sunday School, and Robert E Lee possessed a higher opinion of African American capacity for betterment than elitist banker licking Abe ever did.

Now, my candidate has been working as a Software Engineer for a major media company at odds with Dominion allegedly, who boasts an A Plus rating on GitHub, which is a portfolio site of code judged by fellow nerds. Think Reddit plus 1000 IQ points minus the creepy broken English undertow vibe.

Understand, this kid is a Julliard grad, like freaking Robin Williams. Miles Davis is by far the most famous Julliard grad of all time, who decided to trail Bird everywhere, that being Charlie Parker, and learn under his tutelage rather than learn Jazz from a professor who grew up in the snuggle soft confines of Scarsdale, NY. Granted, Miles Davis came from money; his father was a big-time dentist in St. Louis who owned his practice, but still. You have to admire Mile’s commitment to artistic integrity, willingness to take experimental chances with his art, and wanting to learn from a one-person wind farm in Bird, who blew all his peers off the stage in a tsunami of soul-splintering sound around midnight when his blowpipes just stared to get warmed up. Avant-Garde Good, Challah. Thank you very much.

I’ve met this candidate only once, but after watching this kid play his heart out on the Violin on the Carnegie Hall stage through YouTube, I became an instantaneous fan of his for life. This kid vibrates earth-shaking talent up the wazoo. Suddenly, I had a new mission in my life. Take a time out with my art of comedy record creation and get this kid a new work family that cares about celebrated working artists as much as I do. This kid played freaking Carnegie Hall; he’s got a master’s in musical performing arts and is a Juilliard grad. So, when he started, did he envision banging out code as an alternative backup plan for a living? And Bill Hicks contemplated applying for a marketing associate intern position at Proctor and Gamble if his standup comedy career never materialized into a profitable trade.

My point is I can relate. I wasn’t planning on working as an IT Headhunter Writer after my TV writing break with America’s Hard 100 on VH1 Classic. I should’ve been in the WGA 7 years ago before I wrote The Great American Jew Novel, which Dianne Sullivan from the Midwest Book Review described as a “hilarious exploration of NY Comedy and culture.” In short, I’m a total hack breath; that’s no better than the rest if I can’t convince a hiring manager in NYC to give this kid a shot to prove what he’s got.

So far, my email headline in his honor that I’ve been blasting hiring managers with throughout NYC through email addresses listed on Zoom Info has netted goonish, meaning 0.0 replies. That headliner hooker to nowhere being, dramatic drum roll please, “Developer Prodigy Who Played Carnegie Hall.” Are these Engineering Directors for Startup Nation feeling like an ineffectual hackling in his presence already?

Because folks, sometimes people don’t want to hire younger, smarter, faster, more creative, and impressive workers who make them look vastly overpaid and overrated in comparison. So yes, I will proclaim loud and proud on your incoming voicemail, “Joe, Joshua Kornbluth, Human Edge. I’m calling you about a developer prodigy who played at Carnegie Hall. What have you done with your life lately? Did I mention his A Plus rating on GitHub yet? Or that he’s a Juilliard grad yet? Or is he the steal of the century for 140K compared to his blah-breathed, uninspired peers? He’s Avant-Garde Good. #WinnerAtWork. Joshua@HumanEdge.com, Get him while you can.” Janis Joplin lives, Avant-Garde Good, Challah. Thank you very much.

Was that too boastfully long for your tastes? I don’t care. As Jon Bon Jovi sings, “You’ve got to make your breaks,” and it’s a more emotionally charged ride when you’re creating urgent buzz around a star software engineer that I’ll get a better job for because fresher is better, one way or another. Pat Benatar lives, and so does my killer gender-fluid flow. Avant-Garde Good, Challah. Thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth