Dreamboat Nanny Wish List

A new book states Obama doesn’t want to endorse Biden because Oprah doesn’t care for creative non fiction Chinese Spy Novels for her club.

Impeachment is worth losing the House over Denture Breath Pelosi? Like you were keeping the House without your non-dreaded impeachment inquiry. 250 days in and all the House Democrats have done is give Hunter heart palpitations on bad coke.

President Pelosi could happen Washington Post? While we’re lost on fantasy island. Let’s print Mike Pence get’s crucified for calling his wife prettier than Stormy Daniels in his eyes.

AOC meeting Bernie at a Vermont Diner.

Bernie

The Reuben here is supurb.

AOC

18 dollars for a Reuben in Vermont?

Waitress

Bernie hasn’t paid off your off student loans yet in exchange for your endorsement for President AOC? My husband works for ICE, you demonizing bitch.

AOC meeting Bernie at a Vermont Diner.

AOC

Why is the Seth Rich murder the only unsolved murder in DC history Uncle Bernie?

Uncle Bernie

Have you seen my Lake House on Lake Champagne yet?

Trump is obsessed with Hillary Hamertime Cankles because he’s an illegitimate president? No you lost because you’re an unhuggable cunt. 2 time loser baby boomer moms don’t know best.

Director Joss Whedon wants Trump banned from Twitter in the interests of national security. What does his mental sanity have to do with US national security? Write a Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie to screen at Allan Ball’s boy toy pad and shut up.

A ninth woman accused Al Franken of groping her. Franken should’ve stayed on at SNL and stuck to rubbing up against fatties during rush hour on the F Line to 30 Rock.

INT. CAR

Daughter

Only beer?

Do It All Dad

Oktoberfest by Sierra Nevada to be exact. Beer Advocate describes the beer as possessing kisses of dark chocolate if that makes you feeling any better about mom and dad’s desert.

Good Will Hoodie declaring war against Elizabeth Warren.
Facebook is too big, cry me a river Warren. You think Twitter is going to swing votes in your favor? Trump pays the highest per click rate for Indian Casinos to appear every time somebody googles Warren.

We got 30,000 contracted content moderators at Facebook to monitor Diamond and Silk for anymore election interference finger waiving bullshit.

INT. HOME

Do It All Dad

Tell me about your dream nanny.

Daughter

She can teach me how to make brownies.

Do It All Dad

Unlike Baba who blows you off with, “I’ll teach you later dear. I must act busy in the kitchen to justify my absentee existence in your life . ”

Impeachment process was too slow for John Wilkes Boothe SNL? Too bad Pete Davidson can’t train any ANTIFA thugs in a pink hoodie like a Navy Seal. Lorne Michaels hates how much funnier Trump is. Sandler and Norm are the best things on SNL ever.

Impeachment process was too slow for John Wilkes Boothe SNL? Johnny Depp is channeling his inner Hunter S Thompson in the form of freelance joke submissions for SNL now? Nixon accelerated our war in Vietnam, Trump ordered the destruction of ISIS Burton play toy.
In NYC you can be fined 250 K for asking an illegal alien if he can speak English. But Twitter thinks it’s Kosher to pose the question #HowDoMexicansTalk ? Like George Lopez but less Catskills comic Jewy in the process.

Situation: Cashier at the Pizza place making my son uncomfortable.

Pizza Man

You got ants in your pants kid?

Do It All Dad

Maybe, my son identifies with an apprehensive, second guessing Gerbilist.

Biden campaign officials demanding the media censor Giuliani.

Rudy has a casual relationship with the truth at best. Comparing Hunter Biden to Don Junior isn’t fair. Hunter isn’t considered to be threatening enough to be censored on Instagram.

Biden campaign officials demanding the media censor Giuliani again.

Something didn’t happen, alright.

Michael Kornbluth

Good With God

INT. CAR

Wife

Your parents never took you to the zoo?

Do It All Dad

You grew up in the hick hinterlands of Australia with only 2 TV Stations, showing endless repeats of Astro Boy from Japan. So stop acting like I grew up so deprived compared to you.

INT. HOME

Wife

I was thinking we could meet them at the Bronx Zoo at 11. Karen made sandwiches.

Do It All Dad

So you want me to rush out of Temple while asking God to forgive my explosions of rage because Karen made sandwiches? That’s very reformed Jewy of you.

INT. HOME

Wife

All I’ve done is support you.

Do It All Dad

Encouraging me to stop talking about how much my parents and brother hate me for believing in myself because it’s giving you “anxiety”, gave me that distinct impression also.

EXT. Bronx Zoo

Wife’s Friend

I didn’t know you were religious.

Do It All Dad

I’ve been in the delivery room for 3 of my kids.

Wife’s Frien

So?

Do It All Dad

If your kids were more perfect.

EXT. Hudson River

Daughter

My friend Eva thinks I’m crazy for believing in Mermaids.

Do It All Dad

Does she think the Tooth Fairy is fake news at 8 also? Eva didn’t find money under her pillow last time? She didn’t buy the Rock sleeping in for a change?

EXT. Forrest

Talking Horse

You find a nanny yet?

Do It All Dad

You almost gave me a heart attack.

Talking Horse

Still puffing one hitters in the woods? Can you memorize a solid five minutes of sure destroyer material first champ? But blow me a shotgun 1st.

EXT. Bronx Zoo

Tour Guide

A Tiger’s roar can be heard from 5 miles away.

Do It All Dad

The Tiger must be my spirit animal because I’m louder than Busta Rhymes at a midnight showing of Higher Learning.

This morning I tell my daughter, “Yankees won.” She says, “I heard. Your the reason the Big Apple never sleeps.”

Tour Guide Grandma laughs long time.

EXT. BRONX ZOO

Wife’s Friend

I didn’t know you were religious.

Do It All Dad

Every God loving Jew has to wear his faith on his head? I can’t develop my own thoughts on God through study and self-reflection rather than what the NY Times commands us to think?

EXT. Bronx Zoo

Wife

Allison got the kids stuffed animals.

Do It All Dad

It almost makes up for the fact she told me to get a job after I told her the book editor at the NY Post is looking at my book, Controlling My Kids With Comedy, A Love Story. Only the funniest, most heartfelt book on fatherhood ever, no big deal.

EXT. BRONX ZOO

Bianca

I’m not your sister.

Do It All Dad

My daughter is playing make believe, you dumb mook. But take more offense at your best case, divine intervention powered scenario.

EXT. Bronx Zoo

Wife’s Friend

You went to the city with your 3 kids all by yourself?

Do It All Dad

My creative non-fiction name is Do It All Dad. Don’t wear it out.

EXT. Bronx Zoo

Wife’s Friend

You went to the city with your 3 kids all by yourself?

Do It All Dad

God rode shotgun on the West Side Highway with us. What, you didn’t know I used religious metaphors in relation to my children’s protector either?

EXT. Bronx Zoo

Wife’s Friend

You went to the city with your 3 kids all by yourself?

Do It All Dad

I host the Do It All Dad Year Podcast bitch. Taking my kids for a stroll through Manhattan is more than doable, which I can no longer say for you.

EXT. Bronx Zoo
Wife’s Friend

You went to the city with your 3 kids all by yourself?

Do It All Dad

It’s what Do It All Dad’s do when their checking account isn’t depleted again, again and again.

EXT. BRONX ZOO

Wife’s Friend

So you’re not making any money off your podcasts?

Do It All Dad

How do you know I’m not Marc Maron’s body double? SAG union actor checks in the house.

EXT. Bronx Zoo

Wife’s Friend

I didn’t think your brother was the marrying type.

Do It All Dad

He could’ve given her HPV. So he asked her hand in marriage to make it a wash.

Wife’s Friend

Is she nice?

Do It All Dad

She’s too frail to be an unhuggable cunt.

Michael Kornbluth

All The Sensitive Horses

INT. CARTOON NETWORK OFFICE

Executive

Tell me about your animated TV show, All The Sensitive Horses.

Do It All Dad

It’s about an Equestrian sensitivity rehab center for Trump Derangement Syndrome. Treating patients who project crazy hate at family members who support Trump.

INT. HOME

Wife

You’re too sensitive for stand-up comedy.

Do It All Dad

Consider it sensitivity conversion therapy. Also, I know the audience aren’t friends or family to get angry at for living to derail my surging funny man MOJO on the rise.

INT. HOME

Wife

Your parents think you’re a socially isolated stay at home dad.

Do It All Dad

It’s not like I’m rejecting six figure jobs in Manhattan to blog more jokes for free. George Washington also said, “It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company.”

INT. HOME

Wife

Your brother and parents believe fatherhood has turned you into a socially isolated, mentally unhinged outcast.

Do It All Dad

And that was before I came out as pro Trump. They’re the crazy ones for thinking they’re perfect for never seeing the kids.

EXT. CAMPSITE-CT

Long Island Dude

You care too much.

Do It All Dad

About defending my honor, after my parents, wife, friends, and old work associates have done nothing but discourage me from making a living as a professional funny man to provide for my family? I agree, but if I won’t who will?

INT. CAR

Wife

What’s my role in your TV Pilot?

Do It All Dad

You threaten to kick me out of the house after raising our 3 kids at home, allowing you win a bunch Nurse Awards and earn respect and praise from all.

Wife

I like how this story is shaping up already.

INT. HOME

Wife

How can you expect to succeed when your parents and only brother think you’re a zero talent, delusional hack?

Do It All Dad

Prove to yourself you’re not and put together a 1 man show with a talking Palomino Horse as my Hindu trainer guide for it.

INT. Home

Daughter

I don’t know what to do.

Do It All Dad

We can prank call Uncle John. Pretend, you’re the ghost of his 4th aborted baby, next time he tunes into Real Time with Bill Maher in real time.

INT. HOME

Son

Daddy, why didn’t you audition at the Apollo? Was that just an excuse to leave Baba’s house early?

Do It All Dad

I had 2 books to organize and the house to myself kid. And the waiting at the Apollo was killing me because I’m used to immediate feedback on Twitter and WordPress. Next year I’ll do it. I promise.

INT. BEDROOM

2 Year Old Boy

Love you Dada.

Wife

Aw, did you say you love Dada?

Do It All Dad

We’ve been inseparable for 2 plus years. Plus, funnier dad, happier baby. The shortest distance between 2 people is laughter, Victor Borge. Forget about it.

Michael Kornbluth

Crazy For Expecting Something

My daughter being perfect. The Bible should say respect your son if your father and mother are to be honored and treated with the same dignity in return. Not feed your drug addict brother more lies about you being a delusional hack Dada. Not her exact words.

I’m sorry Lord but when you encourage your wife not to rush home after attending a baby shower in Long Island. It’s still an insensitive move, to not even give a text update after nightfall. Especially knowing I’ve been on weekend kid detail for 3 years straight.

INT. Home

Do It All Dad

Despite Uncle John’s fake news labeling. How can I feel like a loser when you 3 kids plead for me to sit on you, just to get closer to me than we already are?

INT. Car

Do It All Dad

If you worked on a Lego creation for a whole year. Only for your baby bro Samuel to shrug after knocking it down. You’d be crazy not to be angry, right? Well, that’s what Uncle John did for showing no interest in the NY Post reviewing my book.

Text Off:

Brother

Everybody was embarrassed by your speech.

Do It All Dad

Because I mentioned putting a Kibosh on a love triangle between your wife and mother in law? Because that’s not even kosher in Bill Maher’s book. Also, I had no mike. I’m sure it was accidental.

Situation: Text Off

Brother

You’re mentally unstable.

Do It All Dad

Because I predicted Trump would win? Urged Dad to invest in Google pre-IPO? Or doubled down on myself after my daughter was born and fulfilled my dream of writing for TV at Viacom? Clarify Mueller.

Situation: Text Off

Brother

I can’t wait to tell your kids what a loser you are, when they get older.

Do It All Dad

In my gold Porsche SUV? Otherwise known as my Comedy Gold Mobile. As you do coke into your fifties. Good luck with that Sir Snort A Lot.

Situation: Text Off

Brother I watched the video. Everybody was offended by your wedding speech.

Do It All Dad

Because I admitted to my DNA being all over my daughter’s face? Or was it making fun of you face timing your friend in bed before bed? Quote my material man.

Situation: Text Off

Brother

Sorry bro. Was jerking off to the future of the NY Giants.

Do It All Dad

I just told you the book editor for the NY Post is looking at my book and got a goonish reply. But I’m crazy for thinking you care about me making it as a writer.

Michael Kornbluth

Muslims, Mormons and Eunuchs?

Oprah begging Disney CEO Bob Iger to run against Trump.

Disney ABC has never had to file for bankruptcy. It’s better that people have no idea what you sound like compared to Michael Eisner. Jemele Hill can write your speeches for Grambling State University.

You look more presidential than Trump in a Windsor Knot. Nobody needs to know you went to Ithaca College, otherwise known as Cornell’s retarded next door neighbor. College record sealing is no big deal Bob.

Your perfect hair looks less overly pampered than Trump. You’ll deny Valerie Jarrett constructed the nuke gifting deal to Iran as Obama’s live in Arabian Horse Whisperer.

You allowed Sean Spicer on Dancing With Stars, which shows you’re bi partisan. Dan Le Batard can ask you debate questions instead of Lester Holt. Proving you’re not a free speech, favoring elitist.

Mom texts in response to videos of her 3 grandkids on the piano at FAO Schwartz. Looks like you had a fun day in the city.

In other words, I’m all out of pleasant adjetives to describe my happiness for my unemployed son enjoying my 3 grandchildren without Me Me.

Old Work Bud texts. Sorry, just got these texts. Had friends visiting from Colorado. I left you a voicemail about the NY Post reviewing my book asshole. Not to mention the A plus jokes about Hunter Biden I sent to your LinkedIn mail and you’re a recruiter.

If you want to know whether your friends hate you for supporting Trump. Text them a Hunter Biden joke about him banging his dead brother’s widow. Zero reply means, he still watches CNN religiously like Bill Maher coming down off strong E.

Robert Dinero on CNN looks like he identifies as a fake news tough Betsy Ross, falling apart at the seams.

Dinero melting down on CNN. Impeach Trump Nancy. His supporters won’t watch my movies anymore. Box office projections for the Irishman in Vegas outside of New York don’t feel very lucky.

EXT. Hell’s Kitchen-NYC

Old Work Associate

You had a 3rd.

Do It All Dad

God loves me more than you obviously.

Old Work Associate

I’ve been with my partner for 4 years.

Do It All Dad

You must be hung like a horse because you’re more boring than ever blah breath.

INT. Parking Garage-NYC

Black kid with his parents and sister sports a Sixer’s hoody.

Do It All Dad

Did AI bet a parlay every day for a whole year? Resulting in AI auctioned off one of his cornrows to China?

Georgetown apologized for slavery. Apologize for not forcing AI to retake Mo Money Management 101, from Do Rags To Riches.

Black Dad and Mom laugh long time.

INT. Trump Tower-NYC

Do It All Dad

Is the Trump Tower Gift Shop a safe space for Obama jokes? Or will I be fined by Deblasio 250K for any joke inferring Obama is an Illegal Alien Muslim from Kenya? Who bows to Sheiks and talks dirty to she hulk in perfect Farsi.

Mom texts in response to primo big city pics of her 3 grandchildren and videos of them on the piano at FAO Schwartz.

Looks like you had a fun day in the city Scoops.

I reply to my resistor mother.

Trump Tower was a blast to. Space Force shirts for Hanukkah it is.

INT. Car

Nurse Wife

No husbands drink after their kids are born in the hospital.

Do It All Dad

So I’m the only dad in 3 years who drank high end bourbon at your hospital to celebrate unplanned parenthood? Other Dads there are Muslims, Mormons and Eunuchs?

EXT. Hell’s Kitchen-NYC

Old Work Associate

You had a 3rd.

Do It All Dad

A new automatic fan of me, the misery. But you’re still recruiting? Working as a professional parasite for hire. My kids would’ve hung up on you already. Did I already tell you I wrote 2 books?

Michael Kornbluth

High Schooler Hoody

INT. RESTAURANT

Wife

Send your writing to right wing websites.

Do It All Dad

Like the National Review? They publish op-eds by Kyle Smith, Rich Lowry and and Jonah Goldberg. 3 Twerps and a bottle of lube, because nobody else is stroking their writing off long time.

INT. HOME

Daughter

Daddy, why must we drift away and die?

Do It All Dad

Don’t quote Axl Rose at 8 years old Matilda. Also, I thought you identified as Hindu now. And Hindus believe in reincarnation.

Daughter

But you won’t look good as a bearded unicorn Dada.

EXT. HOME

Daughter

(Upset)

Mama, you’re working tonight.

Crying persists as Mama continues to play with her phone.

Do It All Dad

Calm down our daughter babe.

Wife

Don’t tell me how to parent.

Do It All Dad

But you think a Nanny in my absence will work.

The Irishman is already being hailed as a masterpiece. I wish it came with an alternate cut where I could just hear Joe Pesci and have the dumb mook’s voice on mute.

INT. WINE SHOP
Worker
Bag?
Do It All Dad
Screw you Greta. I don’t care for the environment. You’re stealing my daughter’s age of innocence. Lucky for my daughter, I’m on brainwash expungement detail.

INT. HOME

Wife

Don’t upstage the Albanian kid in gym. The dad will have your knee caps broken.

Do It All Dad

And I’m the one with an oversharing problem. What mama meant, is Albanian men normally aren’t nice Jewish boys who write poetry from Westchester County.

Rashida Tlaib’s campaign is selling Impeach the Mother Fucker shirts. It would be funny if Trump already secured a patent for the expression. Trump tweets. You can’t profit off the stable genius, Trump aura. I’m suing you for copyright infringement, a brainy beauty, you’re not babe.

In NYC you can be fined 250K for dehumanizing an Illegal Alien with “No speak English.” Whose translating these insults for Juan exactly? Now Illegal Aliens in NYC are given a driving license to vote and a hate speech translator to bankrupt Apu at a bodega in Flushing.

My son is gorgeous. He’s not leaving for junior high without his Kiss back pack stuffed with primo poundage consent forms. Girl asks. What’s a primo poundage consent form? Son says. Sign here if you have no control of yourself around me. And want to hump me every day.

INT. Home

Son

Dada, you look like you’re in high school in that hoody.

Do It All Dad

Are you calling me a High Schooler Hoody?

Son laughs long time.

Michael Kornbluth

Barnstorming Barbershop USA

EXT. Basketball Court

Talking Horse

1st we workshop the act at County Fairs . Then, we get Ron White’s manager to sell you as the host of Barnstorming Barbershop USA. Finally, we get the Do It All Dad Does America Tour Bus and take your whole family with us baby.

INT. Horse Stable

Do It All Dad

Why call the show Barnstorming Barbershop USA?

Talking Horse

Barbershops aren’t paid to play CNN . 2nd, it’s the last safe space for politically incorrect comedy in America. Plus, you still need your precious beard trimmed right?

EXT. Basketball Court

Talking Horse

Abe Lincoln said, “Voice of the people, is the next thing to voice of God.” Why else do you kill with locals riffing and doing jokes, whenever you go on family trips outside of New York?

Do It All Dad

I possess the common touch?

EXT. Basketball Court

Do It All Dad

You don’t seem to scare easy.

Talking Horse

Only if I got drunk on Jello Shots and went bare backing with a Florida Cracker Horse on Spring Break.

EXT. HORSE STABLE
Talking Horse
You don’t need to see a shrink for anger issues.
Since when you do listen to your wife?
Do It All Dad
The fear of sleeping in a stable with you. Those Beyond Meat burgers with vegan Mayo make you gassy, all out of yuck.

EXT. Stall

Talking Horse

My great, great grandfather died for the American flag in the Spanish American War with Teddy Roosevelt and the Rough Riders.

Do It All Dad

Before DMX became guilty of cultural appropriation for the capitalizing off the Rough Ryder Anthem.

EXT. Basketball Court

Do It All Dad
How will we make money on the road?

Talking Horse

Write a short story called All the Sensitive Horses. And will get a producer to buy the film rights at the Cartoon Network. Atlanta is the the Hollywood South, now partner.

INT. Horse Stall

Do It All Dad

You’re really into food for a talking horse.

Talking Horse

I’m Hollywood Royalty. My parents used to take me to Roy Rogers ranch in the Pacific Palisades for showbiz horse parties back in the day. All the Rock Candy you could eat.

EXT. Horse Stable

Talking Horse

Abe Lincoln formed his own conclusions but always sought the thoughts of other Americans throughout the heartland.

Do It All Dad

I know. The audience tells you what works while performing your stand up talking points, resistors excluded.

EXT. Basketball Court

Talking Horse

Make the plunge into performing comedy live again. You’ve used Twitter and WordPress as an open mike long enough.

Do It All Dad

If I boil a Caramel mix used for Candy Apples again, I’ll waterboard myself next time I go bobbing for Apples.

EXT. HORSE STABLE

Talking Horse

You ever knock out a horse like in Blazing Saddles?

Do It All Dad

I’ve never been in a fight.

Talking Horse

So that’s why you use humor as a last minute defense to exert power over your failing sense of manhood. Will change that.

INT. Hindu Temple

Do It All Dad

How can I convert to Hinduism? I worship cows now.

Hindu Priest

Just say, I’m Hindu and tune out the View. We don’t worship all cows.

Michael Kornbluth

Perfect Wedding Anniversary Message

INT. DECICCO’S

Older Black Woman

I never had kids but I want one now because of you.

Do It All Dad

Baby Arthur is Planned Parenthood’s worst dream come true.

 

INT. DECICCO’S

Random Grandma

He’s so gorgeous. When you grow up, you’ll have 3 girlfriend’s at a time.

Do It All Dad

If James Woods had this kid’s hair and face, his estimates wouldn’t be so conservative.

INT. Harvest Moon

Farm Worker

How was the Emmy’s?

Biz Dude Good.

Do It All Dad

It took plenty of balls producing a hostless show. Colbert didn’t want to try being funny again with Sean Spicer as his go to straight man to work off of? Trump landslide 2020 bitches.

INT. Library

Librarian

Your library card is blocked.

Do It All Dad

Roseanne Barr blocked me on Twitter for sending funnier jokes than she produces. Which made her mad with jealousy. Because she’s the one with a coffee plantation in Hawaii, not me.

 

INT. Kitchen

Do It All Dad

(V.O)

Paul the Apostle in the New Testament says, “If a man will not work, he will not eat.” What if paid work in Corporate America outside of selling life insurance éludes me like my wife listening to my podcast, 124 épisodes later Paul?

 

INT. Kitchen

Do It All Dad

(V.O)

Paul the Apostle in the New Testament says, “If a man will not work, he will not eat.” Lucky for me, I’m Jewish and incorporated. And I could write off my flowering of  joke gems on Twitter for the past 3 years as a hefty charitable donation.

 

INT. Home

Do It All Dad

(V.O)

Country star Charlie Daniels says he would’ve  quit the road if his only son ever asked him. I wonder if his book editor said, “Cut the horseshit Charlie? I’m not Jerry Falwell, you can be a straight shooter with me.”

INT. Home

Do It All Dad

(V.O) Charlie Daniels says he would’ve quit the road if his only son ever asked him. I would. But Charlie Daniels never raised 3 kids at once from home for any extended period of time ever.  3 kids, who offer more divine powered joy than fiddling with his fiddle ever did.

Wedding Anniversary’s are a grâce period from vocalizing your annoyance at your significant other, especially when your daughter creates a card with a Beaver on it saying, I’d chip my tooth for you. And your son draws a card with 5 puzzle pieces saying, we fit together.

 

Wedding Anniversary’s are for biting your tongue. Especially, when your daughter creates an Anniversary card with a Beaver on it saying, “I’d chip my tooth for you.” I don’t call Female Flash my infinitely sweeter, far funnier twin for mere mere comedic,  exaggeration folks.

 

INT. Home

Mother In Law

Trump better get impeached.

Do It All Dad

Hunter Biden was banging his dead brother’s wife until Obama don’t told him to cut it out. Adding,”Banging your dead brothers wife regularly isn’t even in kosher in Bill Maher’s book.

Perfect Wedding Anniversary message in this age of Trump Bad, Me Good. We both agree, you’re amazing and that’s the most important thing that matters.

Michael Kornbluth

 

Run Greta Run

Imagine a pay per view debate between Trump and Greta?

Fracking reduces our carbon emissions Greta.

Greta replies. Neil Young is full of shit now?

Trump responds.

He doesn’t take showers to reduce his carbon footprint. That’s something you share in common babe

We must teach our children the reality of climate change? Alright, protect your kids sanity by never exposing them to the NY Times, CNN and BuzzFeed. And they won’t act like snowflakes in permanent meltdown mode after Trump wins by a patriot made landslide in 2020.

Greta should protest the banning of Gummy Bears in Sweden because they’re not Halal. I think that’s a scarier development than Denmark allowing refugees to cover up the little Mermaid’s statue in a Burka because it offends their super intolerant conservative tastes.

People are suffering, mass extinction is here. Your Swedish ancestors chose to be the TD Bank for Nazi Germany. The world’s most convenient bank to freeze Jewish bank accounts, hide stolen art work and purchase stolen gold tooth fillings from the money grubbing Jew.

I don’t care about Greta Thunberg being indoctrinated. I care about fake news still trying to take down a duly elected President, trying to crush the will of the people because their hero Obama turned out to be a gun running, power crazed, Iran empowering bust.

Rolling Stone insists anyone who makes fun of Obama’s other biracial half, dream child from Sweden, believes in nothing. If that’s your best take away after all the Russia, Kavanaugh, MAGA country bullshit. Then you’re the real dumb shit deplorable nut job dude.

Greta Thunberg out did Trump at what again? Instilling the UN with more unearned, toxic smugness than the NY Times on election night before Huma Licker Breath got beat despite getting the debate questions in advance because she never sounded rehearsed enough.

What is Greta Thunberg protesting again? Oh, yeah, alleged inaction against climate change. Just because Trump pulled out of the Paris Climate Agreement and has no plan to ditch his Gulfstream for a Yak to reduce his carbon footprint only to impress AOC and the Dalai Lama.

The most annoying thing about Greta Thunberg is Hollywood’s embrace of her over the top theatrical, fear mongering . Only to justify their pathetic, pushing of non-stop lies, used to frame Trump supporters as morally deficient for the past 2 and half years.

Greta Thunberg scolds world leaders on their inaction to fight climate change? How about scolding Hollywood eco-warrior hypocrisy ? Every time a movie star settles for doing blow through a cut off, non-recyclable straw, knowing actors never carry their paper on them because they’re used to always getting all their party favors for free.

Rolling Stone compares Greta’s protest to fight climate change with DEFCON 5, panic attack ready intensity to black kids who marched in Alabama to protest segregation. Yeah, being called hack nicknames by Laura Ingraham is just like being torn to pieces by attack dogs.

Where does Rolling Stone get the balls to compare Greta Thunberg’s protest against scientists too school reaction to climate change panic to kids who fought in the Ghetto Warsaw Uprising? Protest your great grandparents inaction against Nazi banking profiteering babe.

Imagine a pay per view debate between Trump and Greta for round 2?

Greenhouse gases are avoided by the use of Nuclear Power Greta.

Greta replies.

Is that your turnaround plan for North Korea Donald?

Trump replies.

Ivanka’s daughter is much smarter than you. Do you freak out in Mandarin also babe? Stay away from Crystal Meth, it made the Nazi’s think they could take over all of Europe. Do you mind recycling my Diet Coke for me? Knowing you’re in such a rush to save Obama’s hot air legacy of being a zero free scandal emitting President. Iran has been on their best behavior lately. Blowing through the 150 billion Obama gifted them in exchange for a promised time out from their nuclear stress tests must have done the trick, after my White House ordered imposed financial sanctions on Iran. Don’t you think, Run Greta Run?

Michael Kornbluth

Living On An Alley-Oop Prayer

Once upon a time there was a stay at home dad who launched his stand-up comedy centric, Do It All Dad Year Podcast to reuse his shadow banned jokes on Twitter, prove he’s funny enough to be a headlining American comedian on a weekly basis and to rise from slug to paid stud as the star voice behind the remote work revolution. 124 podcast episodes later, Do It All Dad proclaims, John Lennon wishes he was this productive during his stay at home dad years. On the podcast, Do It All Dad constantly preaches, controlling our kids with comedy, can make our kids great again.

Do It All Dad picks a new race to win, becoming a bestselling author, knowing his Pro Trumpian stance hasn’t won him any fans in Cupertino to put his podcast on new and notable anytime soon, making it nearly impossible to monetize his A list headliner stand-up comedy material, he’s amassed so far.

But now Do It All Dad is being refunded the money he paid somebody to review his books because it violates hate speech standards. In other words, Do It All Dad supports our president and hates what’s become of the lying, Jewish smearing media for all its worth. What’s a proud New Yorker Jew to do, knowing his hometown has lost its collective mind? Hurling Nazi analogies about a President working free, defeating ISIS and pulling out out of never ending wars, trying to denuclearize the most dangerous parts of the world, just because they’re stiil with her for some reason and Baby Boomer arrogance never dies. Neither does east coast smug elitism and thinking they’re morally superior because they’ve taken the subway from Harlem once in their lifetime.

All Do It All Dad wants is to get paid from his comedy and writing from home so he can hang out with kids more, because he feels the kids need Dad around more than mama out of fear that if he leaves New York for another job down south in Atlanta or to open for a headliner comedian on the road throughout the American heartland, mama will bore his 3 kids to death in his absence. Also, Do It All Dad has grandparents in different states, far away, so he’s got nobody to look after the kids during his pursuit of elusive comedic glory.

One day, his wife, makes an ultimatum, “Get a job any job or move out, enough horsing around with jokes you’re not getting paid for already.” I’ve been patient for 10 Years. ” Do It All Dad replies, “Whistling helps.”

Because of the ultimatum, which his 3 kids overhear over dinner, Do It All Dad ‘s daughter makes an Alley-Oop prayer to Vishnu after spotting a White Rainbow from her bedroom window. She says, “Vishnu, my daddy is really funny but can’t make any money. Please, help my daddy pick a new race to win with the help of beautiful Palomino Horse, to act as his Jockey, his trainer, his Mick from Rocky if you will. I don’t know if there’s a Bollywood version of Rocky, but I think you get the gist about now.”

In the meantime, Do It All Dad is applying for writing jobs, recruiter jobs, but nobody is chasing him down for interviews because of the dreaded gap years on his resume. For once, Do It All feels like he’s being discriminated against because of his age, pro Trumpian stance and for his happy disposition for being a stay at home dad, who actually wants to stay at home in his castle instead of darting back to the commuter line again, despite his parents, friends, and society’s insistence on guilting him into doing otherwise.

Then, Do It All Dad gets a call from a new friendship ad, his daughter paid for in Town and Country. She took money out of her saving account to pay for it and got an advance on her prototype for Slim Girl Dolls through Kickstarter.

Do It All Dad gets a call. The voice on the other end claims to work in talent relations at Yonkers’s Raceway, and they’re looking for an in-house sports blogger to cover the races. They agree to an interview time there at Yonkers’ Raceway in their HR office.

During the interview, Do It All Dad meets the so-called HR Director who turns to be a Talking Palomino Horse, who sounds like the understated yet poetically deep biting, writer Charles Bukowski. The Talking Horse, AKA, Hollywood Royalty gives Do It All Dad a long shot bet to make at the track tomorrow. Do It All Dad has been horsing around studying Hinduism and asks the horse if he’s a medium for Charles Bukowski? Hollywood Royalty replies, Enough horsing around. Let’s get this show on the road. What show? Barnstorming USA Farmer’s Markets. I’ll play the straight man in our comedy act. You can’t pull it off down South as well, Midwest included. But first we need money for a horse trailer. Sell all your hair metal records, your wife thinks they’re crap anyway and come here with the money to put on Harlan Hurler at 50-1, got it.

Do It All Dad sells his cherished record collection and throws in his leather bomber Faconnable jacket his wife almost divorced him over, to close the deal, they he got from his 1st TV writing break in Manhattan for getting paid to write all the TV Host script reads for WWE star Chris Jericho, for America’s Hard 100, which ranked the greatest hard rock and heavy metal videos of all time.

Do It All Dad takes all 3 of his kids to track the night mama hangs out with her best friend for the big wager. Do It All Dad wins big at the track, turns out the female Palomino had a tip on the horse because every Palomino from North Salem, NY is only five degrees of Separation from Martha Stewart. The Dark Horse, who nobody has seen race much, wins. Do It All Dad’s alley oop prayer came through due her belief in Vishnu and Karma miles Dada has amassed in his favor for making the Indian Comedy Gods Laugh With You long time. Now, it’s time for Do It All Dad to take his 2-person food review comedy act on the road, for Barnstorming USA Farmer’s Market, pitching it as Anthony Bourdain No Reservations Meets Fashion Police. One way out by the Allman Brothers plays as the horse trailer on the open highway with the license plate, Hollywood Royalty, as we fade out.

The End

Michel Kornbluth