The opposite of Halloween spirit is hanging up ISIS flags to scare away trick or treaters.
Build Back better is what Hunter told his plastic surgeon, after offering him 1 trillion dollars to fix his leaky deviated septum.
I’m going to crash my kids next school board meeting as a gender fluid party planner and ask, “What are your projections for when I can throw my 1st of many burning mask parties later this Fall? Our heating bills will be the roof throughout the upcoming dark winter. So us domesticated terrorists, can use all the warm hearted relief we can get.”
If you have something bad to say, then put it on the Internet to test the extent of your convictions, just so you can trigger Peloton instructor Jess King by daring to criticize her playlist selections. You would think getting paid 300 grand a year to sweat in glitter without having to service the Champagne Room would make you less sensitive to charges of so called hate speech. Jess Kings laments on her latest guided Pelton run, ” How dare you attack me for putting Little Nas on my playlist. You don’t know who the fuck Little Nas is, well now you do. And no, Nasty Nas doesn’t have the balls to sue him for copyright infringement, because everyone in the know, knows you don’t cross the hip hop gay mafia according to Dave Chappelle, you mongoloid moron piece of shit. Together we go far, as long as we leave unvaccinated MAGA country fucking behind us already, my chest.”
Greg Popovich isn’t a convincing Critical Race Theory Salesman, when he pitches, “Thug lives matter most, besides pass first, team oriented black basketball players from France like Tony Parker and Boris Diaw.”
Greg Popovich treats NBA Journalists with such sneering disdain, because nobody ever showed any interest in unmasking the man behind his acne scars. At least Charles Bukowski could fictionalize his searing acne scarred youth through take no shit fight back prose in Ham on Rye and come out on top as a weighty intellectual poet laureate of the street, not some fake news deep Pez Dispenser of empty placating platitudes like “Whiteness only exists in your cracker ass head.” “Kneeling for the anthem isn’t kicking Nazi destroyer in the nuts, again and again.” “Jim Crow Laws aren’t taught in US schools anymore than critical Sharia Law tenets such as, “Thou shall not covet my slave property wife.” “Jihadists don’t do JV. There’s nothing left to cut after they blow up the clock. ” “Our brown brothers are discriminated at the voting booth in Georgia to. I don’t recall Dominick Wilkins and Tree Rollins having to pass a height requirement vote like Julio Silverblade do you?” “Don’t knock resisting arrest when Training Day Denzel comes knocking down your door with a no knock warrant.” “Quiet Riots my ass. They were Professor Griff’s dream fantasy implants in Hype William’s new woke remake of Total Recall meets Public Enemy’s Fear Of A Black Planet.” “Nothing’s wrong with Collin Kaepernick wearing fry piggy socks. If social justice warriors aren’t lampooning Allah and pork in a cartoon sketch on his work uniform, then it’s all Kosher in my book” “Child separation is an awful thing. I don’t care how well Jay z turned out.” “Vaccine Mandates protect the greater good, consider it immunity from deranged dumb hick disease.” “Bill Gates should make money off these vaccines. He’ll only redistribute the revenue into pea protein farms once the next Chinese planted plague takes out our white favoring farming livestock for good.” “All Lives Matter is the new n word. Whitey doesn’t get to breath comfy hippie dippie bullshit like that freely anymore without a having that rifle vase flower power replanted up their ass.” “Ice Cube is right . Black men are America’s most hunted. Black men today are always unarmed against white supremacist cops who think they’re fast enough to hunt down a lost youth, turning his life around, while working out the last remnants of Oxycontin and crack cocaine pumping through his marked skin.”
Does anyone in Texas think Greg Popovich has a flattering personality at all? If Popovich didn’t have the luxury of coaching Tim Duncan, David Robison, Tony Parker, Manu Ginobili, Robert Horry and and Kawhi Leonard before he bolted for LA to make mumblecore magic with the Duplas Brothers, he’d be running a boiler room in downtown San Antonio, that sold critical race theory books to Chief Diversity Officers for a living.
One of his sales reps makes the mistake of bringing Starbucks to work his 1st day on the job. Popovich yells, “Starbucks is for the Obama royals only. And that coffee better be free trade Christopher Columbus.
Popovich takes a sip from his sales rep’s Starbucks cup, spits it out back in his face and yells, ” Creamer is for dreamers, not for descendants of crazy bald heads from American History X. Now, get back on the phone already. I want grinding and dialing and hate thyself honky profiling. And none of you possess a spec native American blood. Parasitical Jewish putzes like Trips on Curbs over here doesn’t count. So I want all of you pushing critical race literature like Kill Yourself Already Whitey, Every Day Is Standing Down Day and Educating Myself On Hitler to woke Chief Diversity Officers in every Democratic stronghold state from Indigenous People’s Day through Christmas, because you interest monopolizing rat bastards don’t buy into the Bible Part 2 like my fellow brothers in the Muslim Brotherhood either. Trips on Curbs asks, “Didn’t the Muslim Brotherhood take out Malcom X for refusing to demonize honkey anymore after taking his pilgrimage to Mecca? Plus, how you can be a member of the Muslim Brotherhood? You don’t seem to be at peace with anything. Popovich pops off at the mouth again, The call to cancel Columbus Day 7 days a week isn’t good for you Epstein? Columbus was a lucky sailor. Without his GPS parrot trained by the Inca’s, he would’ve sailed in circles till they ran out of Spanish acorn fed prosciutto. I also read that Columbus was part Jewish. So, chances are, he’d have a hard enough time navigating around Home Depot without having a panic attack on the spot, feeling more out of place than David Robinson at a test screening for Straight Out of Compton.” After the screening David Robison says, “I thought this was a marine recruitment officer seminar. Ashton got me again, darn dammit doh!”
Tom Brady could play until he’s 50. But stop saying you won’t because you want to spend more time with your kids and Giselle’s uppity lisp. You would think taking his kids to Disney Land year after year would be enough.
Saw a shirt the other day that said, “Caffeine and Kilo’s. The only thing missing from the shirt was the chant, “Where’s Hunter?”
Hippies aren’t punk rockers. When the new age Grateful Dead performs a show without a vaccine mandate, I’ll believe it. Until then, they’re fake news, freedom loving hippies like my father whose lived in Scottsdale, Arizona for ten years and still hasn’t visited the Grand Canyon yet. Fake news hippies won’t give an unvaccinated person a ride home. Fake news hippies are so off the list of anyone I give a shit about impressing with my comedy ever again. Because deep down you know fake news hippies aren’t scared of dying from catching an itchy Esophagus from COVID. Most hardcore hippies have been smoking weed out of a metal bat, mostly made in Wuhan, for the past 3 decades straight and they’re still immune to ventilator treatment, panic attacks on CIA strength ACID of yesteryear, that Lennon had to snuggle off with Yoko for weeks on end, not so much.