Blog

Perfect Wedding Anniversary Message

INT. DECICCO’S

Older Black Woman

I never had kids but I want one now because of you.

Do It All Dad

Baby Arthur is Planned Parenthood’s worst dream come true.

 

INT. DECICCO’S

Random Grandma

He’s so gorgeous. When you grow up, you’ll have 3 girlfriend’s at a time.

Do It All Dad

If James Woods had this kid’s hair and face, his estimates wouldn’t be so conservative.

INT. Harvest Moon

Farm Worker

How was the Emmy’s?

Biz Dude Good.

Do It All Dad

It took plenty of balls producing a hostless show. Colbert didn’t want to try being funny again with Sean Spicer as his go to straight man to work off of? Trump landslide 2020 bitches.

INT. Library

Librarian

Your library card is blocked.

Do It All Dad

Roseanne Barr blocked me on Twitter for sending funnier jokes than she produces. Which made her mad with jealousy. Because she’s the one with a coffee plantation in Hawaii, not me.

 

INT. Kitchen

Do It All Dad

(V.O)

Paul the Apostle in the New Testament says, “If a man will not work, he will not eat.” What if paid work in Corporate America outside of selling life insurance éludes me like my wife listening to my podcast, 124 épisodes later Paul?

 

INT. Kitchen

Do It All Dad

(V.O)

Paul the Apostle in the New Testament says, “If a man will not work, he will not eat.” Lucky for me, I’m Jewish and incorporated. And I could write off my flowering of  joke gems on Twitter for the past 3 years as a hefty charitable donation.

 

INT. Home

Do It All Dad

(V.O)

Country star Charlie Daniels says he would’ve  quit the road if his only son ever asked him. I wonder if his book editor said, “Cut the horseshit Charlie? I’m not Jerry Falwell, you can be a straight shooter with me.”

INT. Home

Do It All Dad

(V.O) Charlie Daniels says he would’ve quit the road if his only son ever asked him. I would. But Charlie Daniels never raised 3 kids at once from home for any extended period of time ever.  3 kids, who offer more divine powered joy than fiddling with his fiddle ever did.

Wedding Anniversary’s are a grâce period from vocalizing your annoyance at your significant other, especially when your daughter creates a card with a Beaver on it saying, I’d chip my tooth for you. And your son draws a card with 5 puzzle pieces saying, we fit together.

 

Wedding Anniversary’s are for biting your tongue. Especially, when your daughter creates an Anniversary card with a Beaver on it saying, “I’d chip my tooth for you.” I don’t call Female Flash my infinitely sweeter, far funnier twin for mere mere comedic,  exaggeration folks.

 

INT. Home

Mother In Law

Trump better get impeached.

Do It All Dad

Hunter Biden was banging his dead brother’s wife until Obama don’t told him to cut it out. Adding,”Banging your dead brothers wife regularly isn’t even in kosher in Bill Maher’s book.

Perfect Wedding Anniversary message in this age of Trump Bad, Me Good. We both agree, you’re amazing and that’s the most important thing that matters.

Michael Kornbluth

 

Moving Beyond Carnitas Tacos

Salmon Trout doesn’t belong in tacos. It belongs on a buffet station at your hotel in Norway, next to a bowl of capers, pickled herring and 1000 types of room temperature regulated Brie.

Salmon tastes better rolled up in rice or sandwiched between bagel bread and New York made cream cheese because we’re more demanding bitches to please.

White Corn Tortillas are alright. But the sugary white part tones down the corny earthiness. It’s like Kelly Ripa writing jokes for Jeff Foxworthy.

White Corn Tortillas are like George Lopez.
You know George Lopez wants to be loved by white America but not enough to refrain from injecting toppings of Spanish for realer earthiness Holmes.

Sauteed Black Bean tacos in butter, farm fresh plucked orange green peppers, red onion, with bulbs of whole garlic, swirled in it, with homemade chunky red tomato salsa on top is veggie supreme bliss Mang.

Fried Cod used in fish tacos, draped in a Chipotle or Avocado Crema and crunchy, purple slaw eaten at Padres games with Padre is the best. Salmon Trout used in fish tacos with pineapple salsa isn’t.

If you’re going to make Pineapple Salsa, at least be man enough to cut a Pineapple yourself. Because using the pre-cut kind means you’re being a half-ass homo about going all the way with it.

If you make your kids tacos at home. Your kids can’t be accused of Xenophobia at school because they learn fear of making Mexican accented cuisine at home.

Making 2 different types of salsa means you’ve got 2 much free time on your hands between mommy coming back from leading her new mommy meet up group already.

If you suck at rolling joints, chances are your Taco rolling skills won’t be so tight. Come to think of it, a filter to block the salsa from falling out would be handy though.

Michael Kornbluth

Talent Is Never Ambiguous

I was blown away by my 5 year old’s sons Pre-K art show display. His drawings were so exacting. I never felt like such an all over the place Jew.

Dads make better cheerleaders than moms.

At my son’s art show, random dads I never met, emoted about my son’s art work over their own kids creations.

“Arthur’s got talent. And I think Monet’s overuse of pastels is overrated.”

Real art woos.

It compels random, blue collar dads, in my son’s pre-K to jerk off my son’s Monet recreations out of the blue.

“Arthur’s got talent.”

I reply.

“Thank you. My Jim Morrison black light poster in my freshman dorm room never felt more out of fashion.”

Talent is never ambiguous.

It’s clear as forced applause breaks on Late Night with Seth Meyers.

If I’m not scared of Trump.

I’m not into pleasing my mother like Seth Meyers.

His show is a participation trophy from SNL.

On the phone with mom.

I can’t wait to discuss Arthur’s favorite art show creations.

Too bad you couldn’t ask him in person in real time.

But you spoke to the owner of Kid’s Cottage about his speech issues.

But his talent isn’t ambiguous.

You had to mention his speech problems over the phone now mom.

Your timing is 1st year open mike bad.

Who cares if you’re a misunderstood artist off the canvas in person at 5 years old? Also, ever consider Speech Pathologist, you can’t keep up with my son’s motor mouth mind? A real artist like Dennis Hopper understands, man.

Nothing breaks my heart more than learning my son had nobody to play with during recess. Because nobody wanted to play Ninja with him. If his buds were only exposed to Storm Shadow from GI Joe instead of the
sychronized Power Ranger dancers.

INT. PRE-K ART SHOW
Stay At Home Comedian
Your apple is too pretty to eat.
Daughter
But daddy, you don’t even like apples.
Stay At Home Comedian
In other words, feeling less talented than your baby brother bites?

It’s hard to feel like a bust as a dad. When your 5 year old boy beams with pride at his 1st art show exhibit. Knowing, he’s made his big sister crazy with jealousy yet she does her best not to show it. Welcome to the art club, my perfect boy. You were born to shine.

Calling my parents Arizona Estate home.

Dad picks up, groggy.

What?

Was calling to emote about Arthur’s art show.

Let me guess. It’s too early to be hailing him as a creative genius just yet.

INT. HOME
Stay At Home Comedian
I got these Ninja figures at the book shop.
Now, you’ll always have somebody to play ninjas with.
Son
I meant the hide and go seek game.
Stay At Home Comedian
Artists do symbolism dude.

The End

By

Michael Kornbluth

Get Out Of My Life

5 Year Old Son
Where’s mama?
It’s taking 1 million decades.
Do you want daddy to read you a story?
Get out of my life already.
Mama’s dead.

2 Year Old Son walks down the street in his fleece with 2 hands in his pockets, chiller than Matt Damon in the Outsiders with his shirt on.

Stay at Home Dads are welfare mothers in hoodies. I wear a polo one. According to CNN, I’m an elitist White Supremacist. I only listen to Kayne West duets with Paul McCartney.

Crazy, Good, Dada
Pilot
(V.0)
Picture a family cooking show for dads if Jim Gaffigan was Jewish and only had 3 kids. We’re The Pescatarain Comedians.

Crazy, Good, Dada

Pilot

Do It All Dad
(V.O)
I want to get paid to hang out with my 3 kids.
Is this love or co-dependence times 3?
Time to find out World Wide Web. Give it up for my prop comedian family, The Pescatarian Comedians. Food history served bit by bit.

 

The Pescatarian Comedians Pilot Younger Brother The world doesn’t revolve around your kids. Stay At Home Comedian Our Bad Boy Soy Boy sketch got 2 million views last week alone. According to Youtube it does.

 

INT. DELI Old School Italian

I tried to invent an apple sauce dispenser so I could get paid to hang out more with my kids .

Stay At Home Comedian

Our kids are superior company than most, especially when mommy keeps busy.
INT. DELI Old School Italian I tried to invent an apple sauce dispenser so I could get paid to hang out with my children more.

Stay At Home Comedian

I bet your shoulders don’t collapse when your son hugs you on his birthday.

INT. HOME

Wife

A Kiss shirt? You’re not in High School anymore.

Stay At Home comedian

Don’t act like you’re so tight fitting anymore.

 

INT. HOME
Daughter
Why does Shannon call the MAGA hat racist?
Stay At Home Comedian
Because her mom only gets her news from Telemundo.

INT. KIDS U
Playing with my kid. Another kid by himself, tags along.
Do It All Dad
I got 3 kids little man.
I’ve only got some much new kid love allocation to spare.
Here’s a card. Tell your dad to review my podcast on Itunes & will talk.

MAGA Hats have become a symbol of White Nationalism? Then, why does Kayne West rock it? Do White Nationalists even fancy, high end, porcupine Persian puss? Also, name another white nationalist invited to Kayne’s sermons on God in Calabasas? I’m still waiting.

The MAGA hat is a symbol of white nationalists. I thought it was for time for real life profitable change. MAGA hat is a symbol of white nationalists. That’s what CNN hopes to shame 64 million branded racists who voted for Trump into thinking. Jussie Smollett claiming complete innocence or not.

Candace Owens unedited.
No offense Mr. Leiu but Obama is the one who loves Hitler. Obama wishes he was that organized. Mass extermination of his Zionist critics would be a gas, whether it’s through slipping them Fentanyl into their soup or not.

INT. OFFICE
HR
How will you handle commuting to the city after 3 years?
Stay At Home Comedian
After looking after 3 kids 2 summers in a row with no AC, the commute on MetroNorth will feel like a 5 week rave in Germany, actually.

Memo to Craig Carton:
Doing time as a stay at home comedian with limited congenial visits since our 3rd kid has turned our bed into an after hours open milk bar has made me a better on air personality host also. I’ll bet you on it, double or nothing.

 

Awkward Classic Rock DJ Moment
That was Love Hurts. Ah, Kleinfeld only got to 1st base with a buck toothed 6 by Texas hottie standards in Dazed and Confused. I’m still Large Larry for a reason. That hurts.

The End

By,

Michael Kornbluth

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Pescatarian Comedians

My daughter upstaging me as usual, addressing her younger brother.
“You’ll never know anything I don’t know because I’m older than you.”

My daughter not dealing well with hard genetic science.
Daddy, what if I’m 1 percent black? You’d sing with improved soul and attack the rim with higher hopper authority. Daughter replies. Kill yourself, daddy, kill yourself.

Michael Jackson’s less harmful legacy.
Ruining Weird Al children books with my kids.
Daddy, can we watch the Fat video again?
The animated feeling has lost it’s loving feeling, sorry kids.
I’m sick to my stomach, you know it.

Int. Car
Stay At Home Comedian
Did you just call Jane or did she call you?
Younger Brother
I called her. She’s my fiance.
Stay At Home Comedian
2nd in 2 years. Still, feels excessive.
But fine, her presence is impossible to live without.

Int. Sushi Restaurant
Younger Brother
What about Charlottesville?
Stay At Home Comedian
Will have zero impact on Ivanka becoming the 1st Jewish, woman US president in 2024. I agree. Let’s see what a proud converter Jew feminist mom is then.

Int. Sushi Restaurant
Younger Brother
What about Charlottesville?
Stay At Home Comedian
There were peaceful protesters present along with ANTIFA & the bussed in screenshot of KKK extras from central castings in polo shirts and tiki torches.

Obama’s former aide contacted Chicago PD about having his FBI loyalists take over the Jussie Smollet case. How beloved is Obama in his sweet home Chicago? When he get’s a royal f you from the Chicago PD instead. John Hughes beloved, he’s not.

Every Trump fight instigated by the resistors resistance to factual based reality ends with, I can refute 5 of your facts with 10 more. At this point, just save your breath and utter Ivanka 2024, 1st Jewish, woman US president. You’re welcome.

 

Int. Sushi Restaurant
Younger Brother
What about Charlottesville?
Stay At Home Comedian
It wasn’t only a white supremacist rally.
It was also a monument to fake news appeasing ANTIFA led violence against Trump supporters and MAGA hats moron.

Brother
What about Charlottesville?
Stay At Home Comedian
Robert E. Lee called slavery a moral political evil. And Trump electrician supporters aren’t dismantling Airport TV’s paid to play CNN’s staged hate crimes to trigger a new civil war.

Arizona Police Feds seized 45,000 Fentanyl pills in 2 operations.
It wasn’t the spring cleaning Obama was hoping for.

Omar’s an easy target because she’s a black Muslim. I thought it was because she converted to Judaism like Ivanka being such a moderate, progressive minded voice of Islam in the House of Representatives, my bad.

Int. Sushi Restaurant
Younger Brother
What about Charlottesville?
Stay At Home Comedian
The monument being taken down wasn’t of Al Sharpton. And he forced a black girl to lie about being raped by a NYPD officer. But now you’re a Spike Lee fan?

Baby Face Omar is an easy target because she’s a black Muslim. But Obama avoided any hard questions about his faith and he’s way prettier. His Farsi dialect doesn’t sound blood thirsty gruff either. You want to talk one of the prettiest sounds on earth.

Border Wall supporters follow the white supremacy agenda? But the Klan would attempt to chase down Jesse Owens, not Speedy Gonzalez. Also, the Klan never feared their woman speeding into Speedy’s arms if given the chance, just saying.

Memo to Stephen Colbert:
What Trump is doing to the nation is horrible? What you’ve done to the state of American comedy is the real travesty dude. But taking pictures with John Podesta is a great look twerp. Sure you got nothing to hide but being funny anymore.

Trump emboldens white Nationalists Tim Kaine? How would you know? Does your son’s Crystal Meth dealer follow POTUS on Twitter? And since when are white nationalists cool with Jewish grandchildren populating the White House, on Bank Holidays? Just curious Tiny Tim.

What the left has become blows. I hate JK Rowling but who cares if she outed any fictional freak figures of her creation. Stop being so you know what about it.

I retrieve a nifty Nerf football down a high mountain with my 2 kids. Wife looks down on me holding baby with disgust.

Do It All Dad
What, I’m teaching my kids the importance of not throwing away money?
Wife
Then, why don’t you have life insurance yet?

Ext. Mountain Hike-NY
Daughter
Mimi acts like us moving to Arizona is convenient for us but it’s really just more convenient for them. Plus, they hate you Dada for supporting Trump. So you shouldn’t give them the satisfaction.

When it rains in Scottsdale, Arizona it looks like a wet pile of rocks.

Brother
The world doesn’t revolve around you kids.
Stay At Home Comedian
Mine does, so they don’t end up like you.
But playing the victim of addiction for 2 decades. Who can’t stop being a lying, scumbag has done wonders for your imagination so far.

 

INT. Sushi Restaurant
Younger Brother
ANTIFA aren’t domestic terrorists.
I watch Vice and Bill Maher.
Stay At Home Comedian
They fire bomb buildings in Berkeley because big bad, Ben Shapiro came to town for a speech on 2nd amendment rights.

Int. Car
Younger Brother
My coke dealer who only sells me adderall
now wants to meet you.
Stay At Home Comedian
Does he check in with you more than I do?
Also, am I supposed to be excited about coming face to face with your white angel of death?

Anyone who says I’m friends with Trump lovers means they don’t love you if you love Trump to. You have boys who love Trump dude? And you’re cool with it. Despite turning Albino white when I called ANTIFA domestic terrorists, you mush brained mook.

Int. Car

Brother
The world doesn’t revolve around you kids.
Mom and dad had 2 kids and both worked.
Stay At Home Comedian
I played alone with GI Joe figures till age 16.
And you were shipped off to boarding school at 15. Mr. Rogers, watch out.

 

I love it when younger, dressed up girls do selfies across the train from me on their way to White Plains, NY for St. Patricks Day . It means my ring is making them green with envy. And I no longer feel so excessively Jewish around House of Pain.

 

Int. Home
Wife
Don’t expect me to do cartwheels over your latest and greatest genius idea.
Any money for you to produce now would be nice.
Stay At Home Comedian
I can’t wait to see how excited you’re for me when I start booking gigs at Country Clubs in Connecticut.

Judge Jeanine’s gone hard at the vermin for trying to derail the Trump Train bound for glory from the start. But she can’t say Sharia Law on TV? What’s upheld in Europe right now? Besides no go zones being safe spaces for Palestinian freedom fighters.

 

Ext. Mobil
Younger Brother
You need weed to hang out with me?
Stay At Home Comedian
I’m not here to jerk off your Facebook posts about banning all guns or show interest in how you listen to Crosby Stills to minimize hate in your life now.

 

Brother
What about Charlottesville?
Stay At Home Comedian
They were good, God loving peaceful white protesters in attendance, protesting the taking down of the Robert E. Lee statue. He called slavery a moral evil like the UN, Rape Wood, John Podesta’s email chains, etc.

I cried at least twice when I saw the footage of President Trump sign his veto for his national declaration act. The Angel moms are so strong. The love and respect in the oval office at this moment was so palpable. Finally, felt a change is going come Mr. Sam Cooke.

INT. CAR-MOBIL GAS STATION
Younger Brother
You need weed to hang out with me?
Stay At Home Comedian
I just bought you a piece and about to score you a huge bag for not much, so you can feel like a big shot again. Mom reminds me how important this for you.

Brother
You never check in on me. I lost my job. Why try anymore?
The world doesn’t revolve around your kids.
Stay At Home Comedian
Your shitty Pete Davidson impersonation isn’t moving me one 1 bit. Is the 2 Instagram followers worth it?

Int. Home
Stay At Home Comedian
Doesn’t your maternal instinct always want to hear, mama, mama? Because this way you’re always able to feel appreciated and needed? Granted, they could be crying mama because you don’t love them as well as I do.

Int. Home
Wife
Don’t expect me to cartwheels over your genius idea.
Stay At Home Comedian
Thanks for the final nudge to write my pilot for Crazy, Good, Dada about our family friendly, food sketch comedy show, The Pescatarian Comedians.

The End

By,

Michael Kornbluth

 

 

BE FUNNIER THAN WEIRD AL BY CHRISTMAS

Daddy, what’s confidence? Telling doubt, see ya, wouldn’t want to be yah. Or as Axl Rose sings in Mr. Brownstone, Worryin’s a waste of my time. And I’m not Heavy Metal’s answer to Richard Lewis.

Nationalist is a loaded word. The N bomb is a load word. ANTFA lives matter is an oxymoron.
Starting shit with my mother in law part 1
Enough with grace in our home Rosa.
None of my children including myself believe Jesus was the real Messiah. If so God would’ve started a Kickstarter campaign to pay for our moving costs to Israel already.

Starting shit with my mother in law part 2
Don’t force my kids to say Grace unless black Jesus Haile Selassie is included. He’s God incarnate, direct descent of David. His body disappeared to, just saying. You better recognize.

Starting shit with my mother in law part 3
Don’t force my kids to say Grace.
I love me some Jesus but don’t believe he’s the Messiah. Fake news Nazi smears, ANTIFA & CNN suing the White House doesn’t feel like the age of messianic peace within me.

Motley Crue ranks as the best brawling band ever because of the long reach of Tommy Lee and Nikki Sixx alone. The Allman Brothers had black bassist Berry Oakley but Dwayne Allman is getting his ass whipped easy and looked like he was dying to begin with.

Yelling at my daughter is like yelling at the Grateful Dead for opening up with St. Stephen because Jon Mayer looks prettier than Trey playing it obviously.

How do you hate the movie Rudy? Dare I quote Ike on Veterans Day? “It’s not size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.” F the underdog Rudy. Spoken like the last Jeb Bush fan on earth.

But really how do you hate the movie Rudy? That’s like hating Eric Stoltz for hooking up with Laura Dern in Mask or hating Lupus for snagging a grab in Bad News Bears.
Or hating Daniel Day’s Lewis’ club left foot.

Louie CK is right. Most kids can be annoying assholes. Mine are fuss free. But hipster husband talk of white nationalists turning America into an Aryan nation despite no Edward Norton, American History X knockoffs gracing the Oval Office is so tolerable.

Met Stan Lee in Beverly Hills. Told him, I loved him in Mallrats. Jagger and me, we had a running contest, last time I looked I was way ahead. What an inspired writer life he lived. Goodbye sweet prince of boyhood wonder and creatively jacked good guy delight.

Int. Home
Wife
You went to the new Stop & Shop in Mahopac?
Stay At Home Comedian Dad
I’ve seen more sure footed tourists in Times Square.
I hear. Can you direct me to the canned goods and frozen food sections please? Yikes!

Racist Case Against Trump
He called the White Nationalist Protesters in Charlottesville, nice people. Did Trump name names & give shouts out to Schillinger from OZ and his kids Screaming Nazi and Hail Jager Goldschlager?

#FacebookDown was down on Monday but Farrakhan’s page was still up. Zit Face Zuck must label his anti-Jew tirades as fake news hate speech or inspired filler for Spike Lee’s new joint.

Michelle Obama says Melania never reached out to ask her advice on being 1st lady. Like Melania planned on rocking the Kwanza themed decorations for Christmas. Or had to rely on Michelle for Fashion tips once Fashion Police got terminated.

Michelle Obama says Melania never reached out to ask her advice on being 1st lady. I’m sure her perpetual, bitchy scowl during Trump’s inauguration had nothing to do with it. Or how Michelle didn’t bother doing her hair according to my barber.

Michelle Obama says Melania never reached out to ask her advice on being 1st lady. Or inquire about Beyonce’s secret Lemonade recipe. Produce a documentary on yourself for Netflix already called “Ungracious 1st Lady.”

Michelle Obama says Melania never reached out to ask her advice on being 1st lady. Last time I checked, Barron isn’t the one passing out at Lollapalooza on more than just Fun Dip. Nor is he interning for Miramax either.

Michelle Obama says Melania never reached out to ask her advice on being 1st lady. On what, how to strip the Oval Office of all high class prestige but letting it all hang out on Ellen? In white slacks after Labor Day to top it off.

Bud
How about Melo?
Stay At Home Comedian Dad
Contrary to popular belief, I think he’s a poor excuse for a leader.
Who failed to live up to hype like Obama on Cheeseburgers.

Long Island City is so hot now because Amazon’s coming to town. No, it’s not. It’s still Queens. Compared to Manhattan and Brooklyn, Queens is still the sloppy 3rd Kardashian sister. Whose easy to pound at 3 in the morning like a lamb gyro in Astoria.

With Amazon moving to town, the 7 line will be tighter than Nas Ilmatic, represent, represent, represent.

INT. Car
Son
Be funnier than Weird AL by Christmas Dada. Or I’m killing you with our sharpest knife for real.
Stay At Home Dad
I better get sharper by writing funnier jokes then.

INT. Car
Son
Be funnier than Weird AL by Christmas Dada. Or I’m killing you with our sharpest knife for real.
Stay At Home Dad
How did you get so tough?
Son
My daddy’s a killer comedian.

INT. Car
Son
Be funnier than Weird AL by Christmas Dada. Or I’m killing you with our sharpest knife for real.
Stay At Home Dad
I’ll go for the jugular kid.
Forward force all the way.

INT. Car
Son
Be funnier than Weird AL by Christmas Dada. Or I’m killing you with our sharpest knife for real.
Daughter
Kill or be killed by political correctness Dada.
Don’t make Obama’s legacy the death of comedy to.

THE END

By,

Michael Kornbluth

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Straight Shooter With Purpose

My new Trump voiced GPS system. Happy Columbus Day! Turn left for Mohegan Sun, Elizabeth Warren’s home away from home.

INT. Kids U

Random Kid

You can’t get me.

Do It All Dad

Who sounds like Bugs Bunny and Hillary Time Cankles had a baby? More ungrateful than Chelsea with concealer on at MSNBC.

Kathy Griffin, I mean Trans Chucky, killed Fashion Police with her half ass, think she could wing the job without writing jokes. Prior, she pushed for Joan Rivers job on Fashion Police as Joan was in a coma from her surgery complications, allegedly. Joan lives.

INT. KIDS U
Worker
I don’t know where you come up with this stuff.
Do It All Dad
Similar to Neil Young, imagination is my best friend.
Neil Young just left his wife of 30 years for Daryl Hannah. He’s going through a post-midlife never banged a Mermaid crisis.
INT. Kids U
Worker
You should frame the letter you got from Trump.
Do It All Dad
My mother in law just wants Trump framed for being a straight shooter with purpose and for stripping the View of any vestige of saintly sanity left.

INT. Italian Deli

Deli Worker

Do you have a job?

Do It All Dad

Selling my books.

Deli Worker

Do you want to work here on weekends?

Do It All Dad

Sure, if I was 17 and still ate pork, you dumb mook.

69% of college students today support abolishing Columbus Day. Do these students know 420 is Hitler’s Birthday? Now, hits from the bong never felt so wrong. Regardless if the music playing is Bob Marley’s earlier Doo-Wop work on his label Tuff Gong.

What crime is Trump guilty of again? Besides murdering any remaining integrity the Obama administration has once the new and improved IG report comes out. Only reinforcing how Obama was the real dictator empowering, spy game lover really into a Michael lady.

Trump used his office to pressure the Ukraine? Since when is it a crime to ask why a Vice President’s son got 50 grand a month for getting kicked out of the Navy for proposing the ghost of Allen Ginsburg blow him for more late night blow during Fleet Week?

Resistors don’t care about the rule of law. All they care about is getting Trump out of office, so they can return to their smug superior selves because east coast elitism and baby boomer arrogance never dies Jack.

Trump’s some coward, for taking on Hollywood, the media, Big Tech, CIA, FBI, Iran, China, ISIS, the Hillary crime machine, Denture Breath Pelosi, grooming gangs and various pedo power players who make Bryan Singer blush with predatory anticipation.

How is Trump a coward Popovich? If you don’t like an interview question, you sulk like a tenured college professor forced to admit Russian Collusion tales don’t exist. Knowing a hologram of Drago never appeared in voting booths, demanding, “Vote Trump or I’ll break you.”

ABC interviewing Hunter Biden.

Did you ever tell your father that a Vice President swimming nude in his Delaware home with Secret Service around was a bad look? Regardless, if he boasted about being bigger than Boogie Boarder Obama or not?

Are you into sniffing little girl’s hair like daddy? Or is that too pedestrian for a spoiled coke head degenerate like yourself?

Would you feel like less of a scumbag if your brother’s dead wife made a move on you 1st? You’re like the pussy jealous brother from Rudy with an American Express Black Card to match your soul Hunter.

Where have you been Hunter? Hunter replies, “Doing more bumps, hearing last call from the bathroom stall. For my birthday, when my coke dealer said blow, I snorted the cake.”

Michael Kornbluth

Endless Blankets Of Love

4.5 IPA’s taste like circumcised happiness.

Daddy, what’s the biggest bra size imaginable? All I know is Jamey Farber lost everything scrumptious up top after dropping a solid thirty from her waist down during my 2nd year of sleep away camp. I know boobs are empty filler but she left me hanging.

 

INT. Home

Daughter

Daddy, do you want to how Shannon and I got so good at drawing horses?

Do It All Dad

You’re mesmerized by their well hung anatomy, prematurely at 8?

EXT. Stud Farm

Do It All Dad

Did you ever play a Polo Horse in a movie Hollywood Royalty?
Talking Horse

I could never keep a straight face, knowing Ralph Lauren is a scrappy Jew from the boogie down Bronx.

Do It All Dad

I used to buy weed there in High School, the sprayed kind, that tastes like Windex.

The NBA canceled the media availability for the remainder of the China Trip. Claiming it’s unfair to ask Lebron James questions about China because he never went to college, insisting those questions are culturally biased. But ask away about Trump.

 

Curt Shilling on CNN with Jake Tapper. Seriously, Jake, how can self-respecting Jew still vote Democrat. They treat baby face Omar with kiddie gloves like she’s some naive, brainwashed groupie just trying to win free concert tickets from Roger Waters.

INT. HOME

Do It All Dad

Shudras are servants in India. Chances are, I was a stay at home dad bitch in the past lifetime until I made the decision to earn my freedom.

Daughter

By doing stand up comedy for free at towny bars in Westchester County?

 

INT. HOME

Do It All Dad

The Bible says seeking out the counsel of medium’s, even it’s a talking Palomino Horse is forbidden.

Daughter

What if we just write off the counsel as you being a crazed schizophrenic? Who hears me crying even if I’m not anyway.

 

INT. HOME

Daughter

What are castes Dada?

Do It All Dad From upper middle, to lower deplorable is a chapter in my book, which explains what happens when you come out as pro Trumpian in Hillary Hammer Time Cankles country.

INT. HOME

Do It All Dad

The Hindus say our fates our determined by Karma.

Daughter

Well God, gave you endless blankets of love in the form of me, Arthur and Samuel. Who adore you more every day. Does that mean you’re straight shooter with purpose?

Michael Kornbluth

Good Luck Guru

INT. HOME

Do It All Dad

The Bible says seeking out the counsel of medium’s, even it’s a talking Palomino Horse is forbidden.

Daughter

What if we just write off the counsel as you being a crazed schizophrenic? Who hears me crying even if I’m not anyway.

 

INT. HOME

Do It All Dad

The Hindus say our fates our determined by Karma.

Daughter

Well God, gave you an endless blanket of love in the form of me, Arthur and Samuel. Who adore you more every day. Does that mean you’re straight shooter with purpose?

 

INT. HOME

Do It All Dad

Shudras are servants in India. Chances are, I was a stay at home dad bitch in the past lifetime until I made the decision to earn my freedom.

Daughter

By doing stand up comedy for free at towny bars in Westchester County?

INT. HOME

Daughter

What are castes Dada?

Do It All Dad

From upper middle, to lower deplorable is a chapter in my book, which explains what happens when you come out as pro Trumpian in Hillary Hammer Time Cankles country.

INT. HOME

Do It All Dad

Vaishyas are merchants in India.

Daughter

So you’ve got bad karma to root out, if you’re stuck working as an IT recruiter into your forties, exploiting indentured H1-B workers for all their worth?

INT. HOME

Do It All Dad

Brahmans in India are teachers and priests. They’re less touchy feely Church types. They also don’t insist on possessing absolute sin absolution power either.

Daughter

Who does these priests think they are? They’re not God.

INT. HOME

Do It All Dad

The Hindu God Vishnu embodies righteousness.

Daughter

Let me guess, ANTIFA calls him a fascist racist because he follows President Trump on Twitter.

 

INT. HOME

Do It All Dad

The Hindu God Shiva embodies power.

Daughter

Do you think he does box jumps also? Or is he just genetically jacked that way?

Do It All Dad

I think yoga out of the womb made his core super strong long time.

INT. HOME

Do It All Dad

Hindus believe in a universal God who takes on many forms.

Daughter

Like in a Palomino Horse. They’re so pretty. Would you ever divorce mama for talking Palomino horse if it was pretty enough? Would mama let you out on dates?

Do It All Dad

I shouldn’t have made out with your stuffed animal Pineapple Pretty to show off my playful, young at heart depraved side after all.

Michael Kornbluth

Pro Bush Ellen

My kids getting jealous of Captain America. Captain America got moves. He’s like Collin Kaepernick 2 seasons in before he started sporting pig socks depicting cops thinking he was the 2nd coming of B Reel. Daughter, stop acting like he’s real.

INT. HOME

Daughter

Did you know the Mayans invented Chocolate?

Do It All Dad

Dada’s Double Imperial Stout, which I pounded in 5 minutes flat last night, was made with bits of coco was called Mexican Cake. It was a far cry from STD catching Mexicali Blues.

Morning Prayer: God, don’t let me get mad at my wife for wasting almost the entire fresh squeezed OJ on our 3 kids for lunch, the one day a year, I fast to atone for being a right minded, judgmental prick, for the comedic betterment of all mankind, Amen.

INT. HOME

Daughter

Look at this Palomino Dada, she’s so pretty.

Do It All Dad Are all Palomino’s blondies?

Daughter

Daddy’s attracted to Palomino’s.

Do It All Dad

Do you think they’re lady like enough to pluck their face hair when men aren’t present?

 

Dinero harassing his VP of Production in a bathrobe. You had no problem with me flicking ashes off my bathrobe in Casino. Rodney could get away with it but I can’t. Have I told you how much Viagra I take to stay hard around girls I can’t shit on?

I feel like less all over the place Jew, whenever my son cries about mama cutting his fingernails to deep. Especially, knowing, how much pride she derives from her exacting, Nurse persona, responsible for keeping premature babies alive status.

Teenage girls who declare themselves as boys are allowed breast removal without their parents permission today. If my daughter takes after mama. It won’t be too much of load off her shoulders.

They have sex week in college now. It’s like spin the bottle with dicks during bum rush week.

Humanity is doomed if Global Warming isn’t reversed. Let’s start with CNN calling ANTIFA  out, for the fascist, anarchists paid, pawns of treacherous, shadow government insurgencies for starters.

The MAGA hat is a covert symbol of white supremacy, San Diego City College? I’d care about your adopted, non critical piggy backed opinion, if the Full House chick thought enough of your school to bribe her daughter into it.

INT. HOME

Wife

My nurse friends work complain about their husbands expecting blow jobs more than once a year on their birthday.

Do It All Dad

Your vagina has fifty million more sensitive synapses. And greater drillage, dentage, toys to play with babe.

 

INT. HOME

Do It All Dad

Matilda, how does a boy at 8 identify as Transgender?

Daughter

Doesn’t Transgender, just mean gay in girl’s clothing? Does that mean Shakespeare was Transgender because he dressed like a girl in all his plays.

 

INT. HOME

Do It All Dad

Matilda, how does a boy at 8 identify as Transgender?

Daughter

Arthur shrieks like a girl when Baby clobbers him in the face. Arthur also fights dirty and pulls my hair. Maybe, he identifies as a fake news tough diva on Glow.

 

INT. HOME

Do It All Dad

Matilda, how does a boy at 8 identify as Transgender?

Daughter

Transgender is a boy who never outgrows playing dress up with his sister? Or a girl with short hair, who insists on wearing pants on a TV variety comedy show.

 

Michael Kornbluth

Limitations Of Love

INT. Record Shop

Do It All Dad

The 2 things I love, good Hair Metal and stand up comedy records are in less supply than non pretentious record buyers who just came back from Europe breaking their luggage for loading up on records overseas.

 

INT. Jewelry Store

Owner

You’re a riot.

Customer

Are you a comedian?

Do It All Dad

You think I’m plucking A plus gems like this from the sky?

Situation: Call Pandora Do you sell Mezuzah’s?

What’s a Mezuzah?

A decorative case with Hebrew lettering on it, testing my wife’s comfort level with advertising our family’s Jewishness on our door posts next time her gentile parents visit.

INT. Deli

Do It All Dad

A quarter pound of yellow american cheese because my wife felt compelled to say, she hates it when it get’s all clumped together. Despite her having nothing to do with breaking my fast. This is my f your collusion purchase.

INT. HOME

Daughter

I think I might have outgrown my Barbies.

Do It All Dad

You’re just burnt on playing with them.

Daughter

Is that why you avoid mom as much as you can? I mean, nobody writes writing alone that much.

 

INT. HOME

Do It All Dad

The Mezuzah’s were very reasonable.

Wife

They better be.

Do It All Dad

Or else what, you’ll divorce me for being a pushy Jew about insisting my children learn the Shema prayer inside the Mezuzah because God commanded it?

 

INT. PIZZERIA

Do It All Dad

I got choked up inside when James Gandolfini died. Truth is I called my father that day to see how he was doing and we’re not on regular speaking terms either.

Pizza guy laughs long time.

INT. HOME

Wife

You’ve done enough celebrating.

Do It All Dad

President Trump wrote me back after getting my letter and book. But he didn’t tweet a buy recommendation on the book to his 59 million followers. So I’ll just break the fast and mope instead.

INT. HOME

Wife

You’ve done enough celebrating.

Do It All Dad

President Trump wrote me back after getting my letter and book, which read to our 3 kids. So I’ll just break the fast and mope about marrying a gentile from Australia who doesn’t give a shit.

 

Situation: Press Conference in Japan.

Reporter: Love the glasses Wes. Has your owner’s forced deleted tweet in support of THE pro democracy movement in Hong Kong, changed the way you weigh in on social issues? Any thoughts on being the American Marbury?

Situation: Press Conference in Japan.

Reporter: Love the glasses Wes. Has your owner’s forced deleted tweet changed the way you weigh in on social issues?

Westbrook: Basketball questions only. Since when do I get confused for Steve Kerr?

Situation: Press Conference in Japan.

Reporter: Has your owner’s forced deleted tweet changed the way you weigh in on social issues?

Westbrook: The Chinese show us the most important love. Endless adulation no matter how much we shit on Trump for ESPN.

Barkley showing the limitations of his intellect.

Critics of the NBA are idiots. Billions are at stake. It’s a business decision. I thought it was a business ethics damnation to keep Shaq uncomfortable in 3 piece suits, my bad.

Barkley trying to act enlightened.

Critics of the NBA are idiots. Billions are at stake. It’s a business decision.

Billions at stake for Time Warner, CNN, TNT and Disney , ESPN, ABC, all anti-American sell out scumbags. Stick to making fun of Lebron.

 

All Houston Rockets gear has been taken down in China.

The Beard could sign Chinese Red Flags instead.

Hide chop sticks in his beard from Mr. Chow’s to sign.

Or wipe ass his with Melo’s old jersey left at his crash pad for fun on. Instagram.

 

INT. Record Shop

Do It All Dad

Refusing to buy my wife your only Bjork record proves the limitations of my love. At least now, my daughter can’t complain on my behalf. The shrieking Eels are eating my brain away Dada, show mercy on my soul mama.

Michael Kornbluth

Ball Gags Made In China

What do Ellen and W bond over exactly? Besides being pro Bush. Do they invite Michelle Obama over for games of Operation, gender reassignment edition?

How does the withdrawal of 100 US troops help ISIS exactly? Will Jihadi John’s family come out of hiding under the ISIS witness protection program? Thinking, let’s start filming our comeback despite Turkey having less rules of war to follow.

The UN accuses Netherlands of Islamophobia over their Burka ban. But prostitutes in Amsterdam are on a widow display in the red light district of all colors, sizes and vary level of attractiveness. Plus, the sexual transactions aren’t against a woman’s will.

Henry Kissinger says the war against ISIS was never won. I recall Drone breath, do nothing to stop the draft or Vietnam, claiming 58,000 American lives. Our last war lost. Failing to overthrow Trump over a golden shower fantasy tale doesn’t count.

Better voters are the key to defeating Trump, Aaron Sorkin? Do more coke and write a play about a mad scientist who clones better voters in the mold of woke Mitty Romney’s, moron. Or just wing it on magic mushrooms and let Jeff Daniels help you.

Mattel released a doll with no gender. Does the doll identify as an Indifferent Asexualist? It must be a middle aged Ken Doll, whose wife threatens to dye his hair once he starts turning grey. Bemoaning his wife not having any hot friends to jerk off to.

It still disgusts me knowing Lebron get’s to play with Uni Brow. Knowing Ewing never bitched about Starks being his lone potential bail out number 2. At least when the Clippers beat them, Lebron can’t say he didn’t have enough good will hype in his favor.

Steve Kerr doesn’t protest against the hate speech police working at Facebook and Twitter for racially profiling all Trump supporters as dumb white trash. So I don’t see Kerr protesting red ball gags on NBA owners in Ted Cruz country, made in China, either.

Michael Kornbluth

You Ain’t Alright Hillary Supporter Left

Pitchfork named Alright by Kendrick Lamar, song of the decade. His song Damn wins the Pulitzer for music because Obama got the Nobel for relegating ISIS to ISIL. So they’d sound more start up friendly in Wired magazine.

Who told Samuel L Jackson it was cool to dress like Spike Lee’s grandmother? Who identifies as a jazz critic descendent of Sonny Rollins in Tyler Perry’s new film, The Uppity Cunt.

 

Hillary might run for President again in 2020?

What’s going to be her campaign slogan?

Vampires Don’t Need Stents

I Eat Fake News Indians for Breakfast

Chelsea Isn’t Ugly Anymore

Seth Rich Knows Whose Boss

Deplorable Boomer Mom Knows Best

 

Ukraine gave more money to the Clinton foundation than any other country on earth. All of a sudden Hillary’s got Kielbasa fever? Under her asexual druid robes from the remake of Dune, Attack Of The Sand Worms In My Drawer.

 

Trump ordered the take down of ISIS. Obama urged Putin to tell ISIS to cut it out. Now, Turkey doesn’t fuck around, so what’s wrong with them dealing with ISIS in Syria? Oh yeah, Ben Shapiro is a Kurdish loyalist now and Lindsey Graham’s on the rag.

 

Ellen Barkin thinks Trump supporters are dumb? You relied on writer’s words and Ron Perelman’s shampoo fortune for your paid off town house in the West Village babe. You got knocked up in a Barry Levinson film and smoked a cigar like a dude in Switch, yay.

 

Turkey is what you eat to look better in Calvin Klein briefs. Not because you crave to become a protéin pez inhaler like Ryan Reynolds. Dreaming ahead of inhaling more sumptuous slivers of Blake Lively in your Bedford stud farm between films again.

 

INT. House

Wife

Baby, you have my flat feet.

Do It All Dad

Thank God my DNA helped smooth out Baba’s bumpy bunion side. His perfect, inhaleable feet show no Ukrainian Troll traceage in sight. But Trump’s a wicked troll for exposing Lyin Biden.

 

The Good Men Project could get sued if they printed this made up dialogue exchange bound for glory.

Thank God she lost.

America will be alright after all.

 

Michael Kornbluth

They’re Not God

If you want to get through to somebody you better be funny.

Jules Feiffer

 

Why is raising my children Jewish important to me? Knowing I just learned at 43 years old 3 kids later, how the Mezuzah necklace my father has worn since his Dad died when he was only 23, from radiation emissions during the big one during World War 2, contains the verses from Deuteronomy commanding the Jewish people to hang a Mezuzah on our doorposts and love God with all our soul instead of new rules on Real Time with Bill Maher.

Let’s start with my time at a Conservative Synagogue for the High Holy Days, I’m not a member of, to make peace with my anger issues with God for the start of Rosh Hashanah 2019.  The English translated passage, impacting my spiritual rearing of my children the most described the most indestructible type of faith in God. As a mixture of faith amassed from proactive individual study and personal inventory of your own internal probing experience combined with the faith which is commanded to learn in the form of memorized Haftorah portion by your Jewish Dad from Pond Place. Whose father was the President of his Synagogue in the Bronx, long before the new Yankee stadium was built, otherwise known as the House That Gentrification Built.

It is this rock solid, unbeatable, Road Warriors, tag team combo of God commanded, Jewish dad pusher man faith, combined with a gratitude inflected, soul rebel infused,  introspective path from within, I’d like to set my three children on, without my constant hammering of you better obey or else suffer the rage of God next time you think it’s funny to hit daddy in the nuts, idolize Miley Cyrus or kick your sister’s private parts in the bubble.

 

Raising my kids Jewish was important to me even before I learned how my mother in law force fed my kids Eucharist at her Ukrainian church, behind my back during Ukrainian Christmas, which is never kosher, not even in Bill Maher’s book, despite him not believing in God at all thinking, it’s all just meaningless fake news pageantry bullshit in the first place.

 

Just to clarify for clueless Jews who didn’t intermarry into a family with a Ukrainian mother in law, who writes God Bless on every card imaginable, even the one for the Biden family who live in the same neighborhood in Delaware, despite knowing their son Hunter had sexual relations with their dead son’s ex-wife but I digress.

Yeah, so Eucharist also means communion, which is where you kneel down to eat the wafer, acknowledging it as the body of Christ, ensuring your entry into Christian defined Heaven as some sort of loophole if your Jewish blood containing children from dad’s side were never baptized out of the womb. Come to think of it, being Baptized is really the antithesis to the love supreme faith package I described before, combining personal belief and faith pushed upon you from Hebrew School. Because according to the Christian faith, without a Baptism you can’t get into Heaven, case closed. But wouldn’t God, regardless of whether you accept Jesus as the son of God or not, prefer you come to love the totality of the all mighty after you developed some life experience under your belt, experienced some trials and tribulations or been blessed to be in the delivery room for not one but all 3 of your unplanned bundles of sunshine? Knowing, a baby out of the womb starts off pure, with no surging sexual appetites to drive them insane in the membrane yet.

 

Raising my kids Jewish is important to me because I do believe in the power of prayer because I’ve only acknowledged a Jewish God in my life forever and he’s always come through for me when I needed him the most. One summer, after my 1st time big time request of God in the form of potential summer romance, he gave me my summer wind Katie on the Cape, making this 20-year-old virgin at the time a very happy man, by teaching how happy I was capable of making another. My three children only reinforce that mantra every day, especially my youngest, baby Samuel, AKA, Chosen Curls Was Bound To Woo. Funnier dad, happier baby, baby.

Also, after my wife was in labor forever with my 1st kid, Matilda, AKA, Grace In Motion, I prayed for God to ensure my knock-kneed putz embedded DNA skipped a generation. Now, my daughter is breaking high jump records at school at 8 and conducting parent teacher gymnastic school update conferences with her daddy, regarding progress reports involving her 2 adoring, younger brothers in training under her hardcore, future Olympian gymnasts in training supervision.  I also had cousins on my father’s side who were killed in the Holocaust for the crime of being Jewish. For that reason alone, I feel compelled to raise my kids Jewish knowing, my children are able to live out dreams they never could.

 

Raising my kids Jewish is important to me, because my funny Jew bone is a tremendous source pride for me, which all 3 of my kids inherited and no Nazi or hate speech police monitor at Facebook and beyond could ever take that away from me. Last, I tell my daughter whose already had her mikveh, ritual bath conversion ceremony already, how I felt ostracized from the Rabbi on the Bimah during Rosh Hashanah services over the past two days. The Female Rabbi’s passive aggressive acknowledgment of my presence there without my wife and kids, stems from a past preliminary conversation about getting a mikveh conversion ceremony for my hospital circumcised sons since she became aware of the fact of how my wife had no plans of converting to Judaism. My mom converting and no longer attending synagogue after she converted for my Dad didn’t help the case for my wife converting if I chose to push the issue.

 

Still, I never asked my wife to convert on my wife stating, “You don’t want to covert fine, but I want to raise the kids Jewish.” She replies, “But we have to raise the kids on a pescatarian diet, fish, veggies and cheese. I say, “Jesus the fisherman was the original super Jew, sold.”  Still, it was impossible to not feel a look of shame descend upon me from the Rabbi on back to back days of services for Rosh Hashanah like I was some unwanted, resurgent herpes sore on the spot during services. Blissfully unaware of almost the entire 614 commandments such as seeking out consulting services of Fortune Tellers in LA only to learn my Chakras were more clogged than my Freshman one hitter. Also, learning the other big no, no in Deuteronomy is for Jews not to marry gentiles. The logic behind this Jewish law, is the fear of non-Israelite women turning your Jewish blood infused kid’s hearts to their Gentile God and prophets.  I’m not freaking out over this prospect yet, knowing my kid’s initial reaction to stain glass window displays at the Met was, “Pretty Dada, but too Churchy. Also, my daughter stating, “Who do these Rabbis think they are, defining whose more deserving of God’s love than the other. They’re not God Dada.”  God could use more hardcore spiritual warriors like my daughter on his side.

Michael Kornbluth

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Gay About My Abnormality

Eddie Murphy won’t let cancel culture restrict his return to stand-up. Cosby rape jokes should be a safe space for Eddie to mine. Did you know Female Dragon Flies play dead to avoid sexual assault? Bill Cosby victims call this wishful thinking.

Bernie joining the October debate after his health scare.

My stents in my heart were made in Switzerland, so is my pacemaker. Crowd laughs. The Swiss got a firm grasp on making sterling, exacting time pieces any German at BMW would wear.

Hillary Clinton stressing Trump Admin officials to tell the truth is like the NY Times telling Larry David how to craft logical, funny story lines under a semi-believable suspension of disbelief.

Conservatives are like ISIS, Daily Beast? That’s 1st year open mike bad. Does Tina Brown still run the Daily Beast? Is she still pissed Trump shamed her friend Arianna for being dumped by a gay husband far prettier than she’ll ever be?

Trump’s chat with the Head of Ukraine, “undermined national security”? Did Trump offer Putin’s personal email address in exchange for the name and location of Hunter Biden’s crack dealer in downtown Wilmington, Delaware? Email is yourmamaobama@gmail.com.

Trump assaulted the Constitution? Did he white out We The People and fill in Fox and Friends?

Trump assaulted the Constitution? With what, a machete signed by Michael Douglas from Romancing The Stone?

Trump assaulted the Constitution? Did he deface the Bill of Rights section, using it to wipe up the trail of Russian call girls in his golden shower suite at the Four Season in downtown St. Petersburg?

Trump assaulted the Constitution? Did Trump overnight 150 billion in unmarked bills to Iran on the eve of Ramadan? What do you call this assault on checks and balances, Allah powered intervention? So it’s a wash, no questions asked?

#Trumpmeltdown, as usual resistor, Twitter twats, have it the other way around. He’s a stable genius remember? You’re just no name hacks with no black friends whatsoever. Does Jim Brown support your not my president racist rhetoric bullshit?

The worse part about applying for jobs is being reminded you’re looking for one. We wish you all the best in your job search and thank you again.

Sincerely,

The Blue Balls Recruitment Team

INT. Home

Wife

Matilda has a dentist appointment tomorrow morning. Enough with the sighing. I schedule all the kids appointments.

Do It All Dad

You want to trade places and be the kid’s permanent schlepper instead, Fabulous Mrs. Maisel?

Perverse also means cranky opposition, especially under forced upon censorship of so called suitable, normal behavior. So in essence, working comedians are paid to be gay about their abnormality for pointed laughs while getting their freak on for a living.

Michael Kornbluth