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Sharp Shooters Shine

Cannabis shop worker says, “Nice Knicks shirt.” I say, “You live in Massachusetts, don’t act like you give a shit anymore either. Plus, I don’t watch basketball anymore because I’m not a CCP siding, sell out motherfucker. Free Hong Kong, but don’t tweet it. Or else a ball gag made in China will be issued in your honor. Fuck your gratitude. The NBA blows since it became a safe space for Lebron James ego. And fuck kids in Steph Curry Jersey’s that never high stepped over shit in San Francisco. How do these kids identify with Steph Curry? Unless their mom won Miss Washington Heights. Who’s hot enough to charge the price of Hamilton tickets for some high-end chlamydia. I miss the days of JR Rider getting high before suiting for a Minnesota Timberwolves game. When I used to drink forties of Old English, which members of Generation X like to call Snoop’s ho sprayer of choice. And if Obama is such a baller. Then, why did he ride the bench at an all-Asian private school in Hawaii? I miss the days of JR Smith to. He was beautiful to watch before Rihanna sucked him dry during the 1st round against the Celtics. And this is an impression of the PR Manager for the Cavs after banning JR Smith from doing locker room interviews on his hoverboard. “JR is high enough already.” Still, the King of the Persecution Complex, doesn’t win that ring without him. Private Catholic Highschool ballers, represent, Kyrie Irving included. Sharp Shooters Shine, Challah. Thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth

Schticky Spirit

FBI Integrity, that’s like the Clinton Foundation being a foundation for others, or Trump being allergic to high end trim. But just to reminisce a little. Remember when Trump and Melania handed out Candy during Halloween after Obama would hang up ISIS flags outside the White House to scare away Trick- Or-Treaters? Trump says, “Do you want to know what Melania tastes like? Try some Rock Candy kid.”

But if I’m not scared of Trump Supporters Atlantic Magazine, then I’m not into my mother more than Seth Meyers. Seth Myers reminds me of the time I got my wisdom teeth pulled. 20 seconds later, I yell, “Doc, give me funnier laughing gas.”

Can’t beat Schticky Spirit.

Challah, thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth

Aiming To Please

What does Liz Cheney see in the mirror every morning?

Megan Rapinoe’s main squeeze at the Enchantment Under The Sea Dance?

Imagine Liz Cheney hitting on Meghan Rapinoe backstage at the ESPYs.

“So, if you’re not doing anything this Saturday, Meghan.”

“Would you be my date at the Enchant Under The Sea Dance?”

“I’ll lick you clean till your hair turns grey.”

Meghan replies, “Is that because you’ll take forever to find my clit because your sense of direction and piss poor aim takes after your father? He never learned to shoot so well, Rhino Be Good. So why don’t you duck walk your fat ass out of my face dumpy.”

Aiming to please, Challah. Thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth

Gayer Than Thundercats

I thought porn ruined my imagination till I saw Thor: Love and Thunder with my 2 boys, Stud Alerts On The Loose. I refuse to send them packing for Junior High without a Lawyer on the person at all times to hand out pre-poundage consent forms before hammer time ensues. The director was quoted as saying, “Instead of watching Pornhub when I got home, I’d watch Guns and Roses videos.” And all he did was play their greatest hits during every fight scene. And ask Disney to cut Axl Rose a check for 80 million space bucks. Innovate or die, blow me. Disney’s got my back no matter what Alt Right Matters. Were openly grooming fluffers for Jedi Mind Trick Camp and you can’t do dick about it.

“Bear, Wookie, what’s the difference? You’re nuts about Jedi Mind Trick Camp. Now get pecking Robot Chicken. What happens on Dagobah stays on Dagobah. DeSantis won’t drain shit. If he only knew the power of the dark side. He’d have the FBI remove that bug out of his ass and exchange it for a Lexington Steel replica already. Don’t say gay, it’s happiest place on earth day.”

Gayer Than Thundercats, Challah. Thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth

Shit On Shit

Biden and Mayor Adams go to a milk bar in Manhattan, on the lower east side. Biden says, “Isn’t Brooklyn the best?” Mayor Adams says, “And I plan on keeping it that way.” Bartender cuts Biden off. Biden acts indignant because normally his son Sir Snort A Lot is the one who gets cut off after only hearing last call from the bathroom stall. While his biker buds from the Sons of Anarchy yell, “Where’s Hunter? Who else is going to pay for this shit?” Biden screams at the bartender, “Why can’t I have another shake?”

Bartender screams back, “Because you’ve had one brain freeze to many. Plus, you’re creeping out the girls at the bar Icky Shuffle. The only thing scuzzier than an old man in aviator shades at a Milk Bar at night is Louie doing a set at the Cellar in shades, a trench coat and Sarah’s Silverman’s hoodie to wipe up with. Plus, you keep yelling “Bubbles” at random girls who can’t get enough of social distancing around you creep. I’m sure your bigger than the boogie boarding Kenyan. Guess you’re full of shit about being a moderate to. So, Adams, take the Biden of Brooklyn home to Jill already. It’s way past his bedtime and all the Starbucks are closed down because you’re in bed with Thugs Lives Matter Most, goodnight.”

And the never-ending shit show stinks on. Shit on Shit, Challah. Thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth