Moving On Out To Russia

I’m moving on out to Russia. You don’t have to worry about Global Warming blather from the local news. Putin defending the use of fracking wouldn’t cause a pussy riot online either. Putin trolls Greta Thunberg and tweets, @GreatThunberg, Fracking actually reduces CO2 emissions. Furry Brow tweets back, “So Neil Young is full of shit now?” Putin showcases a flash of Trumpian wit and fires back with “Neil Young doesn’t take showers to reduce his carbon footprint. So that much, you share in common babe. Why doesn’t Global Warming scare me Greta? Because Al Gore’s speaker has considerably cooled.”

Russians can still take a joke. Trump has ties to Russia. Duh, what mail order bride owner doesn’t? Plus, like the great Russian novelists such as Fyodor Dostoevsky, I prefer my comedy like my coffee, dark and bitter.

Also, you know BLM wouldn’t be allowed to harass patrons dining al fresco in St. Petersburg while slurping up some more Caviar soup. Putin’s so tough, he could snap your neck by just staring at it topless on a horse in the country.

Like Honest Abe said, “I’d rather live in Russia than in a place that lives under the pretense of loving liberty”, the way America does today. But Biden wants our family members and neighbors to rat out Trump supporters over white supremacist concerns because we don’t live by the creed, In Fuck Face Fauci We Trust. Nor are we inclined to believe in objective science anymore, after learning how every past prominent scientist in this country decried the Wuhan lab leak has a conspiracy theory because they didn’t want to be branded as a fake news white supremacist like the rest.

Putin actually said the name of the unarmed, American veteran Ashley Babbitt who was shot in cold blood in the Capital Building after the Stop The Steal Rally, which is more than Trumpy Poo ever mustered the courage to do.

Putin poisons his political opponents. Well, that’s better than pushing a non FDA approved vaccine on your Trump hater supporters that’s leading to more complications than election fraud audit reveals in the great free state of Arizona.

Putin poisons his political opponents. Like doxing ICE agents, immigrants from El Salvador who speak to the NY Times about MS-13, or any moms on Facebook who dare to criticize critical race theory as race divisive bullshit is any different?

Putin poisons his political opponents. Big deal, the blowhard dullard hack would’ve gotten liver cancer at some point anyway. I bet you Putin doesn’t have a fuck up druggie son who creamed in his dead brother’s wife seconds after the cremation ensued. Plus, Putin would never allow the drug cartels from Mexico or communist killers from China to push more Fentanyl through our southern border, that’s killed more crackers in this country than Taylor Swift kicking it with Lena Dunham on Instagram.

Russian journalists today know more about nationalistic pride than terrorist siding pieces of shit liars at the NY times. Who shamelessly pushed golden showers tales about Trump and Russian hookers with less legs than Lieutenant Dan. Plus, no Russian Journalist would ever be dumb enough to believe Trump hired a couple of Russian Hookers to pee on each other at his hotel room in St. Petersburg because he’s a notorious Germaphobe. Especially knowing how Trump could hire a bunch of Ivanka lookalikes to pee on each other at his Trump International Hotel in Washington D.C, whenever he likes. I’m also positive Melania can talk dirty to him in Slovenian whenever, wherever, wearing nothing but a mink hat from Spies Like Us.

Hate filled leftist retards don’t exist in Russia and would never feel morally exalted over anybody by breathlessly slinging endless bullshit enshrouded lies about election interference by the Russians, that made Drago pop out of various voting booths in predominately blue states, issuing life or death ultimatums such as, “Vote Trump or I’ll break you. If you die, it’s your fault for not believing in Holograms.”

Russia would never allow the construction of a George Floyd statue to prove thug lives matter. Especially when 2 billion dollars worth of property damage, and thousands of businesses destroyed for 6 months straight was designed to scare the Supreme Court to ever rule in the favor of law and order ever again.

Last, Billy Joel is the 1st to crowd surf at a concert in Russia before Eddie Vedder ever did. I’m not saying you can’t find a better country than Russia. But America is light years from acheiving Nirvana ever again. Wake me whenever this neverending shit show ends.

Michael Kornbluth

Over The Top Jokes

Memo to the NY Times: When Hamas fires 4000 rockets into Israel’s backyard. Don’t expect an Edible Arrangements gift basket with a thank note written in Farsi. A 2-state solution is impossible if Hamas keeps on fucking. How does Farrakhan celebrate Holocaust Remembrance Day? Post Termite Emojis on Twitter from dawn till night but throw in the hashtag#NataliePortman is alright. How did congressional rep, Baby Face Omar from Minnesota acknowledge the anniversary of Amy Winehouse’s death on Twitter? Let me guess. She called her a beehive sporting, devil horn concealing Jew devil parasite who exploited the great Palestinian Songbook for all it was worth. Who told Samuel L Jackson it’s cool to dress like Spike Lee’s grandmother, who identifies as a jazz critic descendant of Sonny Rollins in Tyler Perry’s new film, the Uppity Cunt?   I should’ve replaced my no-show Jewish grandma for a black grandma at my wedding. Post an ad on Craig’s List. Tyler Perry impersonators are encouraged to apply but must be comfortable performing in front of white audiences only. Did you know the national pot smoking holiday 4/20 is Hitler’s birthday? I haven’t felt this betrayed since Stallone snuck Mel Gibson into Expendables 3.  Michael Kornbluth 

All Assholes

After Lebron James lost in the 1st round against the Suns, do you think Obama scurried down into his man cave in Martha’s Vineyard to tear through his private stash of Almond Joys, hid under a giant box of Duct Tape from Costco? Joan Rivers lives. Can I get a Challah, for not giving a shit if I offended you already, and if I did, then go woke yourself, holla; thank you very much.

Why isn’t Marv Albert lionized as a hero of the LGBT community? He had an affair with a retired Broadway Transgender dancer for a solid 15 years. Doesn’t that give him a leg up on the competition? Eddie Murphy getting caught picking up a Transgender prostitute on a lonely West Hollywood night is child’s play in comparison. Oscar De La Hoya got caught wearing woman’s lingerie, whoopty freaking-do.  Del La Hoya was never canceled and had his career taken away during his prime because he liked to nosh on his sexual partners backside with extra relish on it. And there’s no way Marv Albert is capable of sexual assault on anything. He comes up to Spike Lee’s knee. If anyone is guilty of forced sodomy, it’s Spike Lee’s forced fed, media pushed narrative behind critical race theory and all lives matter being the new n word, burning up race relations faster than any Public Enemy video could, thank you very much.

Imagine Marv Albert doing play by play for Drag Queen Reading Hour. Drag Queen says, “Who wants to be a Drag Queen when they grow up?” And Marv Albert says, “We’ve entered serious garbage time folks.” Dr. Seuss, she’s not. Is that an Amber Alert I hear? Another reason, not to encourage your kids to go way downtown. I live in Soho and know what danger lurks behind those dumpster alleys late at night, which isn’t the most spectacular move to make with no protection on your person, which is why even hotels in West Virginia have room service for a reason.” Holla, thank you very much.”

Did you know Ellen DeGeneres and George W. Bush are friends? I knew she was pro bush, but what do they do together exactly? Besides play Operation with Michelle Obama, gender reassignment edition? Watch Portia De Rossi squirm as W paints a portrait of her clit being hacked off in front of Michelle for Sharia Law Appreciation Month?

Portia De Rossi is from Australia like my wife. We wanted to get married there yet my mom shot it down. She calls, “Son, Australia, is a long flight from New York and your father doesn’t love you that much.” I console my wife later and say, “Assuming we have a boy one day, instead of hiring a Rabbi for the circumcision, we hire Crocodile Dundee. Just so we can hear a roomful of Jews say, “Now that’s a knife. You can chop it all off with that thing.”

Daughter asks, “Daddy, was Shakespeare transgender, because he’d dress up like a girl in all his plays? I said, “Back then, male actors played all the female parts because Kate Blanchet’s, great, great, great, grandmother was a but-her-face with no make up on to. So, I don’t know if Shakespeare was Transgender because the Bard of Avon also wrote, “Hanging perverts saved many a bad marriage”, because decoupling hadn’t gone viral yet. Plus, masturbation post #meto wasn’t declared man’s last safety rail left yet. Nor was sexting, Internet porn or dick picks devised back then either, which proved to be the death knell of small talk in this country and beyond, before tatted up white chicks on crystal meth ruined the golden age of muff diving forever. But I do know for a fact that Kevin Spacy bought the Old Vic playhouse in London because backstage the Academy Award winner is gay about lunging at Othello in tights.

If my son played with dolls, I’d tell him to triple wrap his life blaster in the making in seaweed, before taking the deep dive into Polynesian Barbie.

Why is the transgender community so offended by the song Dude Looks Like a Lady? In the song, Steven Tyler takes more than a peek, proclaiming with surging lust, “Oh, what a funky lady, and I like, like it, yeah.” So did Richard Pryor, get over it already. He called it the best piece of pussy Bill Maher never had. Holla, thank you very much.

I’m breaking my Chic-fil-A strike if I see Transgender Father’s Day trend on Twitter again. Either you’re an involved father or you’re not, nipple tits. And stop acting like getting shafted is a new experience you’re closed to pursuing either.

I’m in favor of sexual expression but Drag Queen Reading Hour is a tad scary for our kids, don’t you think? Fluorescent lights don’t look flattering on anybody, let alone on a poor man’s Marilyn Manson impersonator. Also, if we’re going to be exposing our kids to Drag Queen Reading Hour and believe it’s not intended to groom our kids into pool time entertainment at John Podesta’s house, who showcases enough pedo installation art to make Marilyn Manson blush. Why not have a Drag Queen read a fable about buyer’s remorse after playing operation, gender reassignment edition called, The Missing Link? It’s a fable about a sexual awakening on the dance floor at the China Club. Where a horny, sexually repressed, 17-year-old kid from Westchester County reared on Lou Reed Records, desperately tries to his exert his presence behind stuck up Jenny From The Block but fails to flex his manhood up into her round of mound, because his missing link to old school, banging hip hop is gone baby gone. 

At least our kids won’t be required to wear masks at the pool this summer, looking like Michael Jackson’s kids on holiday in Bahrain, who are being forced to identify with the Moderate Muslim Housewives of Manhattan.

This past morning, my wife asks me, “Can I go to sleep now, after working all night at the NICU?” I say, “Do we live under Sharia Law in this house? Of course, you can go to bed now, but not until I titty blast you with this bomb strapped to your chest 1st.” Andy Kaufman lives. Thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth

Voter ID Is Unamerican When

Voter ID is racist? Does Julio have to pass a new height requirement, I don’t know about?

Voter ID disproportionally targets brown Americans.  You’d think stop and frisk was required at the voting booth for illegals to flash more than chromed out teeth.

How is voter ID racist against black Americans again? Sinking 80 percent of their free throws isn’t required.

Voter ID is racist against black guys. What if they’re able to shout out their vote to Alexa instead?

Voter ID is unamerican? How else can you tell MS13 apart?

Voter ID is an assault on our Democracy. No, biochemical warfare used by the Chinese to replace Trump with one of their commie-controlled cronies was an assault on our Democracy, you sellout commie cunts, Amy Barret included.

Amy Barret is Mia Farrow with better husband selection. Because of Amy Barret, we the people, means less than In Fauci We Trust.

And calling Amy Barrett a hands-off Supreme Court Justice is like calling Woody Allen a hands-off parent or choosing the open borders Pope to give a Ted Talk on how to micromanage pedophilia.

Voter ID should never be deemed unamerican, unless you’re ashamed to show proof of your American citizenship now, which is more than understandable since the day Democracy died. Because allowing election fraud to persist is spitting on vet’s graves and kicking Nazi Destroyers in the nuts, again and again.

We must expose the blatant election fraud perpetuated among the American people to ensure old glory shines it’s love light again from sea to shining sea. So the light of Lady Liberty’s eye doesn’t flicker out and die. Happy Memorial Day patriots, USA, USA, USA!

Michael Kornbluth

Free Fake News Insurrectionists

Waiting for Biden to condemn violent attacks against Jews in the name of Palestinian terrorism. Is like waiting for Jill Biden to give Kwanza shout outs on Twitter, without Kamala Harris accusing of her cultural appropriation 1st. Holla, thank you very much.

The Teddy Roosevelt estate was afraid to accuse DMX of cultural appropriation for reimagining the Rough Rider name while thugging it up for all it was worth, in hit raps songs such as, “Pit Bulls don’t Do Gentrification.” Gentrification you know, liberal talk for less black people. Yesterday, I drive past Yankee Stadium on the Deegan and say to my daughter, “Look Matilda, the new Yankee Stadium, the House That Gentrification Built.” Daughter asks, “What’s gentrification?” I say, “Liberal talk for no plummeting apartment appraisal values since Neil and Bob opened a multi level, gay gastro pub dance club called Hip Hops. Where banging brews and banging buds meet to rum shaker the night away to old school hip hop beats. Holla, thank you very much.

Getting checked out at Kohl’s, worker there says, “Do you have any coupons?” I say, “No, I’m not ready to identify with being a Stay At Home Shemale Comedian just yet. I need to market my book The Koshertarian Comedian in the hope of hunting down any talent agent left capable of locating their ball sack again on my behalf. Kohl worker laughs long time. Thank you very much.

I’m getting copies of new keys. The locksmith asks in apologetic fashion, “If you don’t mind, can I see your ID for the mail key?” I said, “No problem. We already let ISIS vote in our country without ID. So what difference does it make? Hillary Hammer Time Cankles lives holla. Thank you very much. I add, “Why is asking a Latino for ID racist?” Do Latino’s have to pass a new height requirement, I’m not aware about? If I get pissed from someone asking for my ID, it’s at Target whenever I’m buying beer with my 3 kids, which makes me feel like a teen dropout mom from Tallahassee. After getting asked for my ID, I want to change my job title on LinkedIn, To Crystal Meth Homemaker. I need to get over it because a teen dropout mom from Tallahassee is more likely to buy cases of Coors Light instead of Sierra Nevada Pale Ale, the pale ale that never get’s stale. Personally, I wish they’d make a Toothpaste that tastes like Coors Light already, so I don’t taste anything afterwards. Holla, thank you very much.

I actually gave up drinking beer last summer. It got embarrassing spending so much time hungover, recycling, empty reminders of my lush littered past, as entire Rock Marathons on AMC passed me by.

Michael Kornbluth

Atheist Grave Robber

Whenever anyone defends Hamas launching more rockets at civilians in Israel, just call them atheist grave robbers. Yeah, you, you’re an atheist grave robber. You suck off dwarfs like Fuck Face Fauci who play God, so you don’t believe in the Book of Revelation or give 2 shits about sparking the wrath of Hashem for worshipping fake news idols. So go woke yourself, atheist grave robber. Holla, thank you very much.

Daughter always asks, “Daddy, what do you do after tucking me in.” I’ll sound incredibly cagy and reply, “I squeeze in some me time alright.”

A Karen approaches me at Costco and says, “Wear the mask.” And I say, “Not until you suck the white privilege out of my chosen schlong 1st. I’ll make it easier for you Karen. Just pretend Obama ordered you to leak it. Ricky Schroder lives. Holla, thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth

Hamas Hates Nuance

I text my mom photographed images from my 9 year old daughter’s report on the Holocaust called The Terror Of The Holocaust, which included a plethora of killer subtitle headers to, such as A Terrible Form Of Hate, Monster In Charge and Don’t Blame Us! And I add the killer one liner for the ages, “Don’t post the report on Facebook or else Hamas will accuse you of hate speech.” Holla, thank you very much.”

Biden is sending new aid to aid Palestinians since AOC served Andrew Yang’s balls to him in a Mai Tai on the rocks.

Fuck nuance. Palestinians elected terrorists in charge. The only difference between Palestine and America is that we didn’t elect a terrorist enabling scumbag to cut Palestine a blank check to finance non-stop terrorism against Israel as long as members of Hamas, the PLO and Hezbollah keep fucking. Holla, thank you very much.

Kids can’t be terrorists. What do you call ANTIFA? Elderly wannabe Punisher vigilantes in hoodies. Holla, thank you very much.


Also stop acting like you give a shit about Ramadan. Arab terrorists started something called the Yom Kippur war against Israel in 1973, on the most holy day on the Jewish calendar with the intent of wiping Israel off the map forever. The only difference now is you have social media to make worldwide antisemitism go transparently viral in real time you Hamas lover you.

Michael Kornbluth

Follow The Vaccine Body Count

If Obama could ball. Then, why did he ride the bench at an all Asian private school in Hawaii?

I wanted to marry my wife in her native homeland of Australia. Mom says, “Australia is a long flight from New York. And your father doesn’t love you that much.”

Later, I console my wife and say, “Assuming we have a boy one day, we can hire Crocodile Dundee for the circumcision. Just so we can hear a room full of Jews say, “Now that’s a knife. You can chop it all off with that thing.”

US troops are being denied earned leave without getting their vaccination 1st. On the upside, less Navy servicemen will get pricked by the barebacking ghost of Allen Ginsburg during Fleet Week. Holla, thank you very much.



The Indian Health Ambassador and former comedian gets his COVID vaccine live on TV to show everyone how safe it is and dies 2 days later. I hope the former comic is reincarnated as anal warts inside Dr. Fauci’s hell hole colon.

The Indian comedian should’ve stuck to killing with arranged marriage material instead. Former Indian comedian says, “It’s easier to get your wife into anal if you’re pushed into marrying one caste beneath you. Holla, thank you very much.”

Dr. Cole says we’ve seen more deaths from the COVID shot than all vaccines in the last 20 years combined, adding, “Morally just Wuhan Lab assistants have longer shelf lives after interview spots with Tucker Carlson.”

Dr. Cole, another outspoken critic about the ineffective practice of lockdowns also says since the dawn of man, “We’ve never quarantined the well.” Adding, “Look how well Dave Chapelle turned out after his walkabout sabbatical in Africa, using only bush dirt weed to fight off killer Mosquitos the size of Aids quilt blankets.”

Vaccinated people still wearing a mask is like Cookie insisting Magic wear a rubber snuggling up to The Inside Guys on TNT.

The Sopranos finale would be better if Meadow got to play the prosecutor in the George Floyd case and in her closing statement state, “How did all lives matter become the new n word?” Holla, thank you very much.”

2 female college students got kicked out of Amherst College for not wearing a mask from a photograph taken on campus. When did liberal art colleges become no go zone areas for Muslim housewife property during Ramadan?

Bartender looks at my wife’s credit card during our sweaty sex period before we got married and says, “Duffy, like me.” I reply, “Why don’t you 2 open a bar together and live happily after?” Holla, thank you very much. 

I’m so tired of hearing the NY is coming back pitch. These days, Jews feel less welcome in New York City than critical BLM theories.

Michelle Obama says, “You want to hang out with us. Get your vaccine, gardeners from Honduras excluded. Just don’t Instagram any of Obama’s pot plants Pancho, got it. He likes to puff with Malia and her friends during summer break to feel like a fake news bi-racial Bob Marley.”

Michael Kornbluth