Tulane Students Heckling Hunter

Hunter Biden is teaching a class at Tulane on fake news like your Freshman roommate trying to pass off crystal meth as high-octane cocaine. Hunter says, “Crushed up coke looks just like crushed up crystal meth, except after taking one bump of Crystal Meth, your high from Mardi Gras through Jazz Fest like a super speedy Tony The Tiger, boasting, “This shit is great.”

Will Hunter Biden allow any young Republicans at Tulane without their COVID vaccine stamp to ask more daring questions compared to whatever the Big Guy receives on the job as our fake news leader of our new COVID controlled crazed universe? A young republican wears a Rolling Stones shirt in class to disguise his Republican rooting side and asks, “Why do you looked more tweaked than usual Hunter? Were you out light on Bourbon Street again, doing more primo blow, only hearing last call from the bathroom stall? How did you celebrate your last birthday? When your father said blow Hunter, did you snort the cake? Also, if a man is judged by fruit he enables then why is your father such an evolved, admirable, nice guy again? Don’t you think it was in your family’s best interest for your dad to sit you down for a birds and the bees talk in your mid forties about cutting out knocking up strippers and creaming in your dead brother’s wife after the cremation ensued? Did your father force you to give up blow for blow painting as a painfully ironic form of cruel and unusual punishment for being dumb enough to leave your laptop at a Delaware Repair Shop, indefinitely?  Dropping off your Mac at a local Apple Store never occurred to you Genius? Alex Jones got deplatformed from the Apple store for spreading wild conspiracy theories about you getting paid 50 grand a week from a Ukrainian gas company for pushing Borsht as the new Kombucha. So you knew Apple would scrub those pics of you posing like a scuzzy Hugh Hefner on crack cocaine minus the adjoining snow bunnies at the hip and that takes talent kid.

Biden claims the raiding of the Capital Building was the worst attack on our Democracy’s history. Dominion employees scrubbing their LinkedIn profile pages after charges of flipping votes to Biden for the steal is nothing to flip about it in comparison, since the day Democracy died.  I agree. And Judd Apatow is the new Chief Happiness Officer for Breitbart.

How can a cop get suspended for a Tik Tock video he made, making fun of Lebron’ America’s Most Hunted tweets?  When did mocking the King of the Persecution Complex become a career cramping liability for cops? Body Cameras revealing another criminal resisting arrest or reaching for the cop’s own gun or taser is considered alternative news by any grand jury, radicalized district attorney or soul sellout Judge in America today. So what difference does a cop mocking Lebron’s misguided attempts to act like he cares about black lives matter, while the fake news chosen one does nothing to preach the importance of school choice including charter schools, assuming these kids aren’t privileged enough with God given physical talent to score a free ride to a private Catholic high school education like Lebron and have those high school games televised on ESPN to advertise his surging talents for NBA scouts at large, largely responsible for turning the league into a safe space for Lebron’s ego these days.  Keep on kneeling for the national anthem Lebron. Let’s see if you can crater NBA ratings into China by next spring for the NBA finals champ. Guaranteed money, regardless of injury or lack of a strong finishing move to with with your left or ever being held accountable for traveling in a nationally televised game on ABC is really oppressive Princess Diaries. But seriously, what personal injury did a cop’s Tik Tok video cause exactly? Did a black gangbanger on the South Side of Chicago catch the video and go on a stabbing spree along Michigan Avenue during Mother’s Day, cutting up a bunch of white bitches to see how long those racist cops would take their sweet ass time finishing another premature retirement party birthday cake before being bothered to care about stopping street justice in the name of carving out systematic racism, one Stepford soccer mom at a time?

What kind of love did Lebron expect to enact among Americans when he chose to stand for the Chinese National Anthem for an NBA game there versus yelling at his teammates to walk off the court and not acknowledge our own national anthem at the Staples Center soon after? Did he think us deplorable hicks just needed to educate ourselves on how freedom of speech really works in America now. Just don’t criticize radical Islam, ANTIFA, Obama, delusional Democratic celebrities, The Squad and Nancy Denture Breath Pelosi for sending a Chinese spy bat into my home to take me out for the crime of being a Wuhan Lab truther about the Chinese resisting biological warfare investigations more than Aquafresh, holla, thank you very much.

The CDC says masks are still required for outdoor concerts, and stadiums until we hit widespread vaccination numbers.  Amazon is selling for 3 Thousand Five Hundred dollars a share and we’d like to keep cloud enabled home entertainment streaming services immune from any alternative form of competition, ok.

What are the short-term affects of the Coronavirus vaccine? Besides, increased self-worth in the form of 2 new followers who liked your selfie shot pic on Instagram.

One the BLM founders just spent 25,000 a day on luxury resort meetings with other BLM players in Malibu. What were they planning next? More Peaceful protests outside of the Vatican Gates if the open borders Pope doesn’t grant George Floyd sainthood status on the George Floyd verdict fan page on Facebook already.

Dads are stronger cheerleaders than moms. My wife says, “Kids want to impress their dads more because we live in a patriarchal society.” I thought our kids respected my opinions more because they stemmed from Do It All Dad’s tree trunk, who continue to grow by leaps and bounds due to my life coaching tutelage on top, my bad.  For example, I’ve already told my sons, don’t start junior high, unless your back-pack is flush with pre-poundage consent forms. Because kids in college today are being charged with excessive, dry humping although I think these kids should have to reveal their fleshy head wounds to reveal who the real victim of persecution is in this case.   

They’re calling kids birthed from the Millennial Mouseketeer generation, Generation Alpha because they’re the least sexist parental generation of all time.  Then why are they being called Generation Alpha? Shouldn’t they be called Generation Gimpy Bitch, out of fear of upsetting their fake feminist owner task masters. I’m a member of Generation X myself. Members of Generation X like our comedy like our coffee, dark and bitter. Kids today who play basketball in NY wearing Steph Curry and Lebron jersey’s are the Bandwagon Generation, my chest.

This is my impersonation of Joe Rogan saying healthy young people don’t need to get the Coronavirus vaccine.

Just eat bowls of turkey meatballs for breakfast, lunch and dinner with a weed gummy edible for desert and you’re all set in the health department dude.

This is Fuck Face Fauci trying to convince the world how our kids need to mask up outside forever till their last dying breaths.

“Kids need to wear masks outside because kids are getting infected the most. Bill Maher never accepts a double dare to bareback through a train of She-Males in Mardi Gras. Fuck Joe Rogan. It’s, In Fauci We Trust, motherfucker.”

If I’m an Anti-Waxer then why am I insisting my daughter get the HPV vaccine the moment she begins to sprout on top? Although I’m not sweating a complete surge of interest on her behalf if she takes after mommy on top. Unlike breast reduction surgery, my daughter getting an HPV vaccination will be a huge load off her shoulders and will make her feel more loved than the girl from the Fallen Angel video and that’s good enough for me.

Typical mask argument, “Wear the damn mask.” MAGA guy replies, “Only if you blow me with my MAGA hat on first. Now suck the hate speech out of my deplorable dick, bitch.”  

I believe in science. I also believe God only made Neil degrasse Tyson interesting for 2 minute spurts at a time. His narration at the Hayden Planetarium put me out 2 minutes in max. 2 minutes later, my daughter gives me a sharp elbow to get up. She says, “Daddy get up.” I say, “God only made Neil degrasse Tyson interesting for 2 minute spurts a time, sorry. I’m positive you’ll wake me again, when you gets scared about his commentary about the giant Black Hole of death sucking up our planet earth, if ANTIFA and BLM doesn’t get around to schooling science on the superiority of man made imposed disasters 1st, with rampant, omnipresent crime in America becoming ordained Kosher, assuming you commit acts of arson, theft and cold blooded murder in the name of uprooting systematic racism for good.”

Half our country hasn’t gotten the vaccine yet. We know better to trust anything pushed by Trump since he let Democracy die on his watch without ruffling his pretty patch of hair in the process.

Students at Columbia are being forced to get the COVID vaccination yet are still being required to wear masks and perform social distancing immediately after. So, the incoming freshman class will never get laid ever again. Does Columbia’s new core curriculum include, “Black Supremacists 101.” Will Chris Rock be hired as a guest lecturer to tout the standup performing prowess of Dave Chappelle and Chris Rock compared to other fat, hacky white comedians getting paid a pittance for their comedy specials on Netflix instead in comparison? Chris Rock adds, “Netflix spends more money on talent than what they bring in. Unfortunately, for whitey, you can’t buy me off with just one rib,” anymore.

Michael Kornbluth

Fuck Face Fauci Strikes Back

This is Fuck Face Fauci trying to convince the world how our kids need to mask up outside forever till their last dying breaths.

“Kids need to wear masks outside because kids are getting infected the most. Bill Maher never accepts a double dare to bareback through a train of She-Males in Mardi Gras. Fuck Joe Rogan. It’s, In Fauci We Trust, motherfucker.”

Michael Kornbluth

The Grabby Bloomberg

Biden wanting to ban menthol cigarettes doesn’t come off as too elitist. Why not ban Parliaments so yenta breathes from Long Island are forced to fill up on BLM love juice to keep their hunger pangs away during Spring Break on Montego Bay?

Why didn’t Obama try to ban menthol cigarettes? Did the idea not test well in Max Water’s district of South Central LA?

Biden doesn’t care about black people being the victims of cool advertising for Newport cigarettes. He just wants to dissuade Hunter from a post cigarette smoke after he spews his white priveledge seed over all over Cardi B’s face.

California banning Newport smokes doesn’t mean they care about providing good lives for enterprising, hardworking black men today. All the ban does is embolden white supremacy by promoting the idea, whitey lawmakers know what’s best for more fatherless black kids from Inglewood, living up to no good.

If California really cared about BLM, they wouldn’t force the LAPD to dismantle their hardcore gang division because Ethan Hawke wouldn’t stick out his neck to save jack shit post Training Day in this post woke, Thug Lives Matters assault on any American citizen well or off or not, from ever feeling comfy dinning Al Fresco ever again, holla, thank you very much.

Massachusetts banned the sale of all flavored cigarettes like Newport menthol cigarettes to. How many famous black rappers with super cool style emerged from the projects in Boston again? Marky Mark doesn’t count, sorry. But seriously, Massachusetts acting like they give a shit about extending the lifespan of black men in this country is like Harvard University claiming it cares about rewarding Asian American Academic excellence over you know who. Whose the hypocritical divisive cunt breath now?

Michael Kornbluth

The Koshertarian Comedian Attack

Anti-Semitism and Florida are so hot right now.

Imagine a 7- year-old kid from Ecuador being handed a copy of Kamala’s Harris’s book Superhero’s Are Everywhere the moment he’s greeted with a welcome pack at one of our border detention camps? Eric from Ecuador says to the ICE agent in charge, “Excuse me sir, is Kamala Harris mocking Marvel comics with this piece of shit? Kamala can’t even fly down to the border to read us her book before lights out. Can’t she use her influence on Instagram and drag a Drag Queen down here for reading time? Or is Kamala a fake news feminist hero like Chelsea Clinton or her mother Hillary Hammer Time Cankles? ICE Agent says, ” Would you prefer Michelle Obama’s book Reach Higher? Bill Maher just got a stiffy, holla, thank you very much.”

What else is in the Welcome Pack for kids being detained at the border? John Podesta’s personal email address, soapybottoms@nothingtoseehere.org? John Podesta, Hillary’s Chief Of Staff, DNC fundraiser sleaze incarnate. You don’t believe me. Google John Podesta artwork under images. He’s got enough Pedo installation work on his fundraising home walls to make Marilyn Manson blush.

The NY Times of all people just released leaked audio recordings about John Kerry ratting out Israeli covert operations in Syria to the Iranian Foreign minister when he worked as Obama’s Wing Man in the Middle East. And Gentiles call Jews devil spawn rats. Next time my wife refuses to give me a blow job on my birthday, I’ll say, “Pretend Obama ordered you to leak it.”

Michael Kornbluth

Do It All Dad On Lot’s Of Things

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The Alternative News Comedian

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Do It All Dad On Lot’s Of Things

On Conservatism:

Every other conservative mouthpiece in the media is a self-serving, droll, douchebag who talks a big game but does nothing to help up and comers magnify their superior, vastly more interesting, highly less grating voices.

On Family:

God only gives kids to only the lonely. Kids are family upgrades. More importantly, your kids know when mama is being overtly shitty to daddy or not.

On Feminism:

Feminists don’t treat Stay At Home Dads with equal respect, which reveals their ugliness inside and out. Mom asks me, “Did you have my granddaughter watch the Woman’s March on Washington? I said, “If I did, I’d insist she wear a burka to see she’s got nothing to bitch about in comparison. Plus, your granddaughter is more into playing with her Barbies than subbing creative playtime with watching a whole lot Rosie’s sporting a whole lot of chins. Last, she’s learning to read now. So I don’t need to hear my daughter try to make out one of those protest signs saying, “Daddy, what’s pa, pa, pussy power? Is that a new show on Amazon Prime?”

On Media:

These days, the media trusts the media less than the integrity left in the Supreme Court. I don’t care how many kids Amy Barret adopted. She’s the equivalent of Mike Pence in drag. Mia Farrow adopted a bunch of kids, but that doesn’t make her Mother Theresa, knowing what she allowed to happen under her all knowing, morally grounded watch.

On Excuses:

Trump had 4 years to prepare for massive voter fraud and he did nothing to stop it before or after. Reese Witherspoon in the movie Election wouldn’t allowed this shit to happen under her watch. At least you know Reese reads books to inform her on subjects and does more more than pose with her book friend clubs on the cover of her cookbook Whiskey in a Teacup, looking far more flattering than her bookworm friends do in polka dots.

On Faith:

Believing Joe Biden cares about unity is like believing Lebron James cares about being called for traveling.

On Culture:

Our country’s state of the union right now is like Stephen Colbert’s handle on funny these days, shaky. At least impersonating Bill O’Reilly gave him gravitas.

Michael Kornbluth

Atlas Waning Shabbat Special

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The Wishing Well Architect

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Pitch Woman Of The Year

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