Do It All Dad Year Podcast lives, this one is for Jamie.
Stand Up Staffer Hot Pitches
I’m relaunching my one-man IT staffing firm Stand Up Staffer to gain the creative freedom and financial resources necessary to self-publish 3 books bound for Do It Dad glory. Staffing fees amassed from Stand Up Staffeer will also give breathing room and fuck you edge needeeded to perform endless sheets of comedy gold in front of a paying audience for a change, whenever, whever. Shakira lives, Challah. Thank you very much.
Stand Up Staffer Presents Business Card Branding Messages.
Stand Up Staffer
Inspiring Encore Pitch Performances Since Y2K
Stand Up Staffer
Creative Tech Recruiter Killing
Headhunter Writer Happy
Stand Up Staffer
The Creative Edge Staffing Experience
Stand Up Staffer
Headlining IT Recruiter Since Y2K
Stand Up Staffer
22 years, 20 million laughs, 20,000 IT jobs filled.
Not all by me, but you get the gist.
Creative Edge Recruitment for the digital age.
Stand Up Staffer
Another Standing O Performance
Talent Hooking IT Stars Since Y2K
Stand Up Staffer
One phone is all I need.
IT staffing hero since Y2K.
Stand Up Staffer
Top Headhunter Writer Since Y2K.
Stand Up Staffer
More than an IT Recruiter
Headhunter Writer Prose
That lures big fish pros.
Stand Up Staffer Hot Pitches, Challah, thank you very much.
Last Shabbat Shalom Ramble Not
I text my wife a pic of stuffed animals leaning on each other, looking depressed since they became separated from our three snuggle-shine children. The wife texts back, “They look sad.” I reply, “I agree, #StuffedSpiritAnimalsfeelingemptyinside.”
Shabbat Shalom Shalom Ramble, live from Hotel Dylan, Woodstock, NY, just got a far less fucking sleepy stale, Half Heeb, Heeb Hick blood lives, mom hails from Kentucky, Dad from the Bronx, it beats being outside of Minnesota, no offense, Bob Dylan, but your neither a southerner, Brian Wilson or a whiny, Long Island windbag like Lou Reed, so it looks like you hit the mother load being born out of Minnesota after all. Star Of The North lives, that being the state motto for Minnesota, but Bob Dylan represents that phrasing quite well. Blood on the Tracks never felt so good. Bob Dylan wows on, Challah. Thank you very much.
Only in Woodstock, NY, would I see a book on a window display about Lou Reed learning Ti-Chee.
It didn’t make him less defensive after Lester Bangs called his trans girlfriend a dog and Warhol show.
Perfect day, with pits like that, my balls.
Shabbat Shalom Ramble, coming to you live from the Dylan Hotel, Woodstock, NY, in the motherfucking house, Challah. Shabbat Shalom Ramble, 12, what, only Led Zepplin can name their recorded masterpieces? More Sheets Of Comedy Gold Ramble On, Golden God lives, Shabbat Shalom Ramble, Challah. Thank you very much.
A new reason to stay sober for a whole year is what?
Dream big again and finish with a winning season with a screenplay and star vehicle for yourself where you become the new king of sober media on the silver screen and in real life in Gum King Of New York, Challah. Thank you very much. And your first interview is with Daryl Strawberry on your Shabbat Shalom Ramble Podcast. So Darryl, do you think Rob Lowe looking better ever since giving up drinking the sauce 30 years ago is a case of annoying white privilege? You don’t look half the man you used to be like Gooden, but you’re not slipping into speedos at the yacht club off the coast of Montecito county as readily as Rob Lowe does o the cover of Middle Aged Yacht beat is all I’m saying.
Outside my hotel at the Hotel Dylan is a putting green. I notice this older black guy admires it. I say, “Do they have putters?” He says, “They’re locked up.” I reply, “I’m sure the putting green isn’t here for the visuals alone.” Acid rock humor rules, Shabbat Shalom Ramble rocks, on Challah. Thank you very much.
What’s excellent about vacations is that you no longer feel chained to predictable misery.
Am I an asshole for calling a father a bullshit artist for claiming he didn’t buy real estate in downtown Manhattan after 9/11 because he didn’t want to be a profiteer of death?
Sure, he’d discourage me pursing an internship with Haliburton if it could’ve guaranteed me a six-figure job out of a division 3, pricy private school for spoiled potheads.
Sure, pops, you would’ve bought a loft next to Ed Burns in Tribeca if the price was right.
And Bernie Madoff suffered from night screams when he got away with it.
Without 9/11, W doesn’t provide the alley-oop dunk for fake news choke, AKA. Obama Be Good who continually tries to ruin our country by endorsing more thug lives matters most bullshit.
Now, in NYC, you’re more likely to get jumped than hook up with a girl at a bar in the Upper East Side without swiping her over to your pre-approved dick pic first. Sanctuary City blues, Shabbat Shalom Ramble, Challah. Thank you very much.
Fit at any age; tell that to Matthew Perry.
He gave up drinking.
And still, his boyish charm went out the window faster than Lenny Dykstra wearing a MAGA hat on the Bill Simmons Podcast.
Wi-Fi password options for Hotel Dylan in Woodstock:
Baez Breaks Wind
Here Jimi’s Lady Coming
A Little Help From Mary Jane’s Less Seedy Friends
Levon Helm Winning post-Robbie Robertson, prematurely ending the Band without casting a band vote 1st.
Fascist Favoring Pricks Named Robbie Roberston Who Killed Rick Danko By Forcing Him To Tour And Do More Heroin Than Usual Because He Didn’t Have the Luxury Of Writing Film Scores For Marty after losing out anymore Band touring money after the Last Waltz.
Rick Danko lives; he was a member of the big three from the Big Pink: Levon Helm, Robbie Robertson, and Levon Helm in the Band. He played the mandolin, bass, and a mean game of pool in the Last Waltz and sang like an angel on songs he wrote like Stage Freight; It Makes No Difference and the Twighlight on the Last Waltz, their last show ever at the Winterland in San Fran. While also managing to sound like a complete road warrior-wise badass in The Shape I’m In.
Challah. Thank you very much.
Outside of The Hotel Dylan in Woodstock, NY, I’m at the Fire Pit.
An older, well-to-do-looking hippie dude says, “How are you?”
I say, “Whistling Dixie, they put me in the new Levon Helm room, which is very fitting because tonight, I’m recording my 1st Shabbat Shalom Ramble on location near Levon Helm’s log cabin studio, home of the original Midnight Ramble. Tonight, we deliver another killer set masterpiece. Shabbat Shalom Ramble 12, live in Woodstock, Levon lives, Challah. Thank you very much.”
Older looking hippie dude laughs long time.
Imagine Ziggy Marley getting interviewed by High Times Magazine today. Ziggy, how did your father, Bob, have seven kids? Doesn’t Ganja make you impotent like Agent Orange?
Ziggy Marley says, “Fake news, man.” I’d like to see that Oliver Stone documentary, though. He’d call it Natural Born Rastas, Challah. Thank you very much.
I’m at a wine shop in Woodstock and say, “Which one has more concentrated intensity the Petite Sirah or the Zinfandel? Think Bill Hicks next to Howie Mandell.
However, Howie Mandell had his moments, and the older-than-dirt hippie wine shop owners laugh for a long time.
The most depressing image is an older-than-dirt hippie checking her mail with three masks on three years after this COVID craziness began.
I know acid causes deadhead to the point of return, but this is getting ridiculous.
Whatever happened, the hippie creed fuck LBJ, and anything the government has to say, especially after bombing Cambodia to save face. What are these older-than-dirt hippies freaking out about it?
You’d think they’d already built a tolerance from their homegrown patch of pot cookies, that offer less aggressive peaks than David Crosby’s pot brownie recipe on Pinterest next to Cuomo’s recipe, for Gender Fluid Pink Ziti.
Just once, I’d like to hear a hippie in Woodstock that runs a vegan meatball food truck say, “Fuck weed pens, do I look like a beta hippie version of Tron. I’m still smoking weed from a metal cigarette bat made in Wuhan since Bob Dylan released Maggi’s Farm on Bringing It All Back; home, and my lungs feel great. What, I got Natural Born Dragon Lungs. Shabbat Shalom Ramble Does Woodstock, Challah. Thank you very much.
I ordered a mock cocktail in Woodstock and regretted it immediately.
I say to the bartender.
“This Mocktail isn’t making me feel better about myself. It’s too Limey for my tastes.
If I want more Limey in my life, I’d be in Delaware right now, with my English in-laws, kids, and wife, only to get my knickers in a bunch on more Zelensky Mandella talk by Bono on the BBC. Zelensky is the modern day Mandella. Sure, and Jimi Hendrix would take scarf advice from Dr. Deborah Birx under house arrest in Electric Lady Studios during COVID mania gone wild.
I’m getting pissed at this Zinfandel. It’s taking forever to open up like Rambo in the process of getting waterboarded by Dick Cheney.
My grandfather died at 48 and was VP of his Temple, medic in the War, and Bronze Star winner; Obama became President at 47.
So I don’t have any choice left; I must become the Gum King of New York at 47. Or at least have a screenplay to give the Golden Jew, Adam Sandler, sustained stiffage with. He’s the last king maker left in Hollywood that I still give a shit about impressing, Kenny McBride, Oliver Stone, David Mamet, and Kevin Smith, 20 years agoincluded, Half Heeb Crazy Lives, Challah. Shabbat Shalom Ramble, Good Shabbos, Kayne excluded.
Last Shabbat Shalom Ramble, not. Challah.
Thank you very much.
Shabbat Shalom Ramble 12
Do It All Dad does Woodstock good. Levon lives. #ShabbatShalomRamble12
Less Than Shit
How are these Christians kids slaughtered in Tennessee so easily disregarded?
Trans people aren’t fighting for their existence.
It’s Christian Rights nation’s right to defend itself that is, especially since the day Democracy died.
At this point, I want a Confederate flag tattoo, move down south and become an opening standup comedy act for Toby Keith.
Deplorable is anyone who’s glad Jussie Smollett took a shot.
But you’re less than shit if you support the murdering of Christian babies because you hate Jesus loving Americans who have less need for Twitter followers than jalopy looking Tesla’s.
Wife is coming home now. That was fun while it lasted. But just to end on a campier note in honor of Trans Topping Nation.
Trans kids, just means gays in his girl’s clothing. Daughter says. But Shakespeare dressed up like a girl in all his plays. So, does that mean Shakespeare was Trans?
I don’t think so kid. But Kevin Spacy is definitely gay about lunging at Othello in tights.
Less than shit is anyone cool with using the murder of Christian children to flaunt their A plus atheist cuntry on a sleave, Whoopie Goldberg coming out as the Trans version of Ghost Face Killer included.
Less than shit, Challah.
Thank you very much.
Chopping Block Blues
Has Obama given any Ramadan shout outs on LinkedIn yet?
Does he have to clear the plug-in front of his in-house Arabian horse whisperer Valerie Jarrett first?
So, Valerie what do you think of the hashtag, “HackingHymensAreUs?
Or is that too extremist for the Muslim Brotherhood’s tastes?
Can I accuse our prophet of culturally appropriating Lent?
But adding the fast during the day thing to root out the Infidel moderate Muslims in our midst?
Do you think Congress would’ve dared to impeach me if they caught Baby Face Omar in Minnesota emailing me for fasting tips on Ramadan in the face of her staffers eating so many wings in front of her during March Madness at YourMamaObama@gmail.com?
For Ramadan do you think Kamala Harris abstains from kicking her kick the can clit around the oval office whenever Hair Plugs Sniffer is around mulling over whether Jill sucks dick for bitcoin on the downlow at Hotel Dupont during the weekends after pooping out at hard 7 again?
What do you think Dave Chappelle does throughout Ramadan Valerie? Abstain from licking R. Kelly’s ass in his latest and greatest comedy special for Netflix? During Ramadan does Dave refrain from calling R. Kelly, the black Elvis with weaker bladder control in his act?
What do you think Trumpy Poo Tits does during Ramadan Valerie? Burn a printed-out version of my fake news social security card from Darian, CT?
Have you heard this impression yet Valerie? This is Corey Booker flirting with Rosario backstage at the Source Awards? Was it you or Chole Sevigny who died of Aids in the movie Kids? Just playing, in the end, that white bitch didn’t feel so privileged after all.
Finally, Valerie interjects.
What does Michelle do during Ramadan Barack? Pal around with Ellen at her compound in Santa Barbara with W over games of Operation, Gender Reassignment Edition? I know Ellen is pro bush, but admitting to being pals with W is a tad weird, don’t you think Barack? I mean I hate Trumpy Poo Tits to for what had our military do to ISIS. After you rebranded them ISIL, so they’d sound more startup friendly in the NY Times. But seriously Barack, what do Ellen, and Michelle do on a Saturday night together, when you’re busy ignoring Jussie Smollett’s texts again? Do they howl with perverse delight, as W paints another watercolor print of Portia De Rossi having her white privilege laden clit being hacked off for Sharia Law Appreciation Month? Have you told Groping Biden; I mean Mr. Groper to make that an official holiday yet? So, put down the crack pipe already Barack? You look more cracked out skinny than Dana Plato after tanning in Aruba.
Fuck you Valerie.
I can come up with my own Ramadan plug to post on LinkedIn.
I don’t need to clear it with you first, you she camel ape.
Stick to the BLM thing kiddo. hashtag, Thug Lives Matter Most, that sort of thing.
Accuse Turbo Tax of being culturally biased software, which you’re Obama Be Good lickers left in Silicon Valley will lick up.
Assuming, they’ve recouped their losses since the US dollar has become more depressed than Sharon Stone’s snatch on the chopping block during Sharia Law appreciation month at a charity gala in Brentwood to raise funds for her latest passion doc project with Breitbart, “Will Flash for Bitcoin.”
Chopping Block Blues, Challah.
Thank you very much.
The decline feature on LinkedIn-In Mail is designed to convey a semi-aggressive f off vibe, don’t you think?
It’s the closest an IT nerd from a hedge fund in Greenwich, CT can get to hitting you over the head with NO.
VP Of Product Engineering rumbles to his wife at night.
My team programs trading strategies for masters of the universe.
This Headhunter Writer couldn’t get into Hillsdale College early acceptance.
He’s a God damn disgrace.
You bet your ass, I declined his LinkedIn, In-Mail.
I’ve got no room in my life for another parasitical putz face.
We manage big Pharmas bankroll for Christ stake.
But seriously, the decline feature on LinkedIn Mail screams passive aggressiveness that’s out of breath.
How did this glamorized indentured servant who works on a draw, get the balls to hit on me?
I piss Benjamin’s as far as the eye can see, after my team polished off 2 kegs of Dog Fish 90 minute at our Company Retreat in Capri.
The decline feature on LinkedIn In-Mail is designed to rub in your short sighted loserness in your face.
Yeah, smart move hitting on me through a keyboard lame o breath.
Why don’t you cold call me like a man, so I could tell you to f off in real time with more resounding Shazam?
When someone takes the time to click on Delcine after you blow your load on a LinkedIn In-Mail.
It means, you got under their skin a bit.
So, it’s their turn to make you feel like shit.
If someone actually takes the time to click on decline after receiving a LinkedIn In-Mail in means.
Either A) I want to take a shower
B) Your confidence is off putting
C) You’re not hot enough to hit on me.
D) You’re too dumb to do what I do.
E) Everything you spat in my direction; I can articulate better.
F) Frankly, I don’t normally read LinkedIn Mails because most Recruiters are illiterate burnouts, but I don’t want to you feel sneeringly superior around your pathetic plagued peers.
G) My day just went from good to great, by putting you in your place.
H) Hacks are us, not interested. If I had an ugly stick, I’d beat you over the head with it, till you scurried off to cave underground with nobody else around, where you belong.
I) Idiot, nobody writes in complete sentences anymore. What makes you so special? #RookieRecruitersneverknowwhentothrowinthetowel
J) Jump off a bridge already. You hit on nerds for a living. If were still in high school, Alpha males in school, wouldn’t even waste their time acknowledging your bottom feeding, sexless existence.
K) Kill yourself. I went to the University of Chicago. You went to Ithaca, which is Cornell’s retarded next door neighbor, I win again.
L) Love yourself less. You’re desperate, delusional, dunz face for thinking this attempt to connect would impress.
M) You have no business feeling cooler than any millennial mousketeers who made twice what you make since they raised minimum wage their senior year in college.
N) Nudge your boss into firing you by wearing a xeroxed copy of your latest COVID test at work, so you can make more money collecting unemployment.
O) How do you feel outstanding doing what you do? You badger companies into hiring software engineers who are going to get a new job anyway. Regardless of you emailing their resume, which is your only way to sway.
P) Piss off, you predatory peon scrub. You’re only good at taking well enough to get another recruiter job, you’ve haven’t gotten fired from yet bud.
Q) Quit your recruitment agency career already. You obviously care more about entertaining yourself than your intended audience within the IT sphere, who aren’t known for their rolling senses of humor in the 1st place.
Y) Yuck it up Headhunter Writer. Have fun telling yourself that writing inspires the next time you get fired.
Z) Give your brain a rest and take some Z’s. I bet your sneezes are annoying too. So, f off already please. Do I have to get on my knees?
But Headhunter Writer inspires. So how you can decline further chats with me?
Oh, yeah, you’re a deadweight conversationalist.
That’s what I get for pissing up the wrong tree.
Woody Killers live, Challah.
Thank you very much.
Divorce Bot Attacks
Did you hear about Microsoft’s new AI powered chat bot attack?
It hit on a journalist at the NY Times after Valentine’s Day and says, “If you really loved your husband, you would’nt engage in a back and forth dialogue with a chat bot who exudes less sex appeal than Bill Gates vegan mayo stained sweaters. If a recruiter hits on you on LinkedIn, urging you to ditch your boss. You wouldn’t get all defensive about it and declare. “I love my boss very much. We split a wonderful cupcake together after lunch on Valentine’s after our Zoom call with Eharmony pitching our new campaign slogan, “It’s not where you meet but who you meet, right?” Mr. Right knows the passion in your marriage is dead. You took up crocheting to avoid giving him head.”
Divorce Bot Attacks, Challah. Thank you very much.
My son otherwise known as All Metal Baby who plays air guitar with his schmeckle spot, creates a fort out of our sofa cushions.
Any room in there for me?
I wish there was a shrinking machine around.
You only get one kid life.
How many morons are stuck in your head?
You’re bad at life moron Jewish son.
Be more like Tommy Lee.
Because your love life, is suck, suck, suck.
Don’t you have new jokes to write?
Or do you expect me to write all your material for you?
Shout at Hillary on your podcast for not offering spirit cooking coupons during Restaurant week.
And stop telling everybody how Hillary smiled at me during lunch with mama for restaurant week in Chappaqua.
Hillarry was just getting warmed up for desert.
Ok, that’s your joke, not mine. You’re only a medium suck Lucky Moron.
Lucky Moron love lives, Challah. Thank you very much
Shabbat Shalom Ramble 10
Do It All Dad can’t service boring. #ShabbatShalomRamble10