The Fanatical Circle Jerk Of Despair

A group of Jews got jumped at Sushi Fumi on La Cienega by oppressed Palestinian Nationalists. What did saggy tits Silverman have to say about the incident on Twitter to draw attention away from her tits sagging popularity for the past 20 years already?

Jews in the diaspora need allies. WE ARE NOT ISRAEL. And we sure as fuck aren’t the Israeli government.”

Did her weed brownies kick in before this brain fart or what? Is this the same Sarah Silverman who questioned President Trump’s maturity when she’s the one who still takes bingers in hoodies into her late forties? The same dronish, grating hack who never outgrew her tasteless jokes phase? She says, “We are not Israel”, in all caps. Watch out Lenny Bruce. You bet your cream cheese ass America isn’t Israel. Their citizens actually respect their commander and chief. Unlike Mr. Groper and your lover boy bust Obama who still houses Valerie Jarret, his live in Arabian horse whisperer. The same Valerie Jarret who drafted the time out nuke deal with Iran, including 200 billion to make their economy less reliant on the sale of hair removal products for the Kardashians. You’d jerk off Jihadi John, if it got you 6 million more followers, you blah breathed disgrace to your race. Way to completely wreck whatever good girl Jewish veneer you had left, you Jihadi jerker offer. Holla, thank you very much.

I call to schedule a hair appointment for my son. Kid Salon Owner says, “What’s your number Mr. Kornbluth. I tell her the number and say, “Just don’t give out the number to Hamas because my last name is a dead fucking giveaway. She laughs. I add, “Are you free later tonight to grab some Matzah Ball Soup. Salon Owner laughs long time again. Because I’m a hilarious sexy Heeb, unlike Saggy Tits Sarah, thank you very much.

Joe Biden praises ‘Fighter’ Rashida Tlaib, after she publicly confronts him on Israel. And says, “Drop a couple of pounds, and Talib Kweli fucker wannabe will be all up in your sandy brown snatch in no time.

AOC is preparing a resolution that would block the US sale of bombs to Israel to rearm their Iron Dome missile defense system that only takes out Palestinian Rockets. It has no offensive capabilities besides enraging every frothing Anti-Semite under the sun, especially the horse faced ones who compare immigration holding centers with centralized AC to Nazi death camps. Nazi Death camps at Auschwitz were used for more than lice removal babe. And what makes you think you’d survive Hitler’s wrath? You’d be rounded up with all the other pick pocketing gypsies by the Gestapo for thinking you fulfill the Aryan idea of being another aesthetically pleasing Libra like Pearl Necklace Harris, which throws the entire astrology chart into question. Holla, thank you very much.

MSNBC’s Hayes says, ‘Can we get an Iron Dome for Gaza, so children there ‘don’t have death rain down upon them?’ Ask Natalie Portman to fund it on the down low. She’s moving to Australia to avoid vicious hate speech attacks from afar anyhow. Holla, thank you very much.



Did you know 20 percent of Hamas rockets end up backfiring, landing in their own backyard, killing more of their own citizens to do even more ethnic cleansing on Israel’s behalf? Who knew Hamas was capable of exhibiting such retweet worthy compassion for human life, regardless of peaceful religious doctrine adherence or not? Holla, thank you very much.

But Hamas is willing to accept a ceasefire under 2 conditions. 1st dibs for all kids being taught critical race theory at the Disney satellite office for the Al Jazeera network. 2nd, Hamas gets the Big Guy’s 10 percent cut from cultural appropriation consulting fees paid to the Republic of China. Holla, thank you very much.

Has Kamala Harris visited the boarder yet? Or will she require a translator from Telemundo as all the American ICE agents barrage her with chants of, “Choke on a chocolate babka you stanky ass, punta bitch. Compare ICE to The Klan again, Halle Berry. And stop pretending your black. You didn’t even know if Tupac was dead or not. If you’re black, David Duke is the new racial sensitivity trainer for Disney Kids.



How is Israel an apartheid state again? Hamas is trying to wipe Israel off the map, not the other way around. Here’s a concept Palestine, stop throwing violent temper tantrums that put everyone in danger, and Israel will stop grounding your cry baby Hamas commanders into the ground, six feet under, ok.

How is Israel an apartheid state again? Are Palestians being denied interviews for IT recruiter jobs in Tel Aviv because IT recruiters get les respect than stay at home dads under permanent COVID house arrest already prior?

Are Palestinian woman even allowed to reveal their headshots on LinkedIn yet?  

And killing Hamas terrorists doesn’t make it easier for Hamas to recruit. All of a sudden, you expect Hamas to respect a non-compete with Al Qaeda?  Holla, thank you very much.

Last, Hamas aren’t good recruiters. They just target other lonely virgins on What’s App. Who wish their phones blew up.

While Addressing a graduating class of Coast Guard cadets Mr. Unity quoted mass murder Mao and said, “Women hold up half the world. While the other half walk out the knots on Bob Kraft’s back. My dear friend Al Gore doesn’t promote sex trafficking by frequenting massage parlors behind his wife’s back because he only requests older ones who weren’t yanked off the boat yesterday.” Holla, thank you very much.



Claiming BLM only hold signs is like Biden claiming he only sniffs Strawberry Shortcake.

BLM only holds signs. And Michelle Obama only holds her birthing people hole whenever she runs out of duct tape from Costco again. Joan lives Holla, thank you very much.

If BLM only holds signs, then who caused 2 billion dollars’ worth of damages during their peaceful protests against resisting arrest during this past summer of love? And why is eating al fresco no longer a viable option for a night of relaxation with your cracker ass white bitch wife ever again? Blame the signs for all time low NBA ratings, as they plummet into China sounds like a reason to love the NBA game again. Holla, thank you very much.





Michael Kornbluth

Michael Kornbluth

Reimagining Cuomo Book Titles

Did you know Jared Kushner talked Dad out of Motley Crue playing at his inauguration because he insisted Tommy Lee looked too Alt-Rightish. Later he adds, “And my Hebrew Hammer can’t compete Dad.” Holla, thank you very much.

A leadership book by Cuomo carries less impactful weight than a Stacy Abrams romance novel, especially after she ditches the fat suit for a parachute jumper on casual Friday. Holla, thank you very much.

Knowing how New York State boasted the highest death rate of any US state, largely due to Cuomo’s policy of forcing sick old patients with COVID to shack up with other sick old New Yorkers older than Yiddish, to die, cursing the Italian Reptilian inside against their dying of the light, it’s time to reimagine new book titles for the thug in Armani, don’t you think? If Cuomo’s lucky, he can win another Emmy with a TV show on Netflix in his honor based on these killer, headline hooker titles alone. Let the alt righting book title reimagining being.

  1. That slut Blanch from the Golden Girls was going to die from a urinary track infection anyway. Wait a minute, in Florida she’d still be alive to suck a golf ball through a garden hose for another day, my bad.
  2. Ben Stiller thinks I’d play a convincing mob boss in a remake of the Goonies because I look like Mama Fratelli and the Thing had a baby. Wait a minute, who wrote this shit for me, Joan Rivers. I thought that annoying, Jew bitch was six feet under already for insisting Michelle Obama let it flop around on Ellen like she he don’t care. Joan lives. Holla, thank you very much.
  3. Trump’s shipped in hospital beds were just for show. Who cares if they got less touches than a bible at a bathhouse colony in Provincetown?
  4. I got Chris Rock to do a mask up PSA in my honor despite President Trump helping push prison reform to give his people new leases on life. I just gave BLM more rope to hang themselves with within the court of a public opinion.
  5. I destroyed the greatest city in the world in 14 months flat. What have you done with your life, besides wish the big, bad blond wolf could give me a nipple twister under the comment section on the Gateway Pundit?
  6. Born to Kill like Anthony Gnocchi.
  7. Vince Lombardi Lives
  8. Thugs in Armani Matter
  9. Broadway Blue Balls
  10. Andrew Black Eyes
  11. Destructive Mook Knows Best
  12. No, I Won’t Jump Off My Own Bridge.
  13. Reckless Endangerment Is Good
  14. Hijacking Hydroxychloroquine. Cuomo confiscated the entire supply in NY for his own personal stash and banned Doctors from prescribing it because the Italian Reptilian Inside had a surplus of body bags to fill, never mind.
  15. How to Kill Without Throwing Granny Off The Train
  16. From Good Too Imprisoned for Highly Avoidable Crimes Against Humanity.
  17. The Ponzi Push of Death
  18. The Art of Getting Away With Granny Choking On Her Pasta Fazool, metaphorically speaking.
  19. Too Big for Late Term Abortion
  20. Why I’m Smarter Than Tony Soprano
  21. Eating Meatballs Alone On Death Row
  22. The Hit Man’s Dilemma Around Real Made Men Tough Guys
  23. How to Get Banned From Rao’s For Life
  24. Dysfunctional Democrats Always Win Last

Michael Kornbluth

Serbian Big Man Mattering More

The robot at Stop and Shop is scary. I tell my son, “Don’t make fun of Lebron or he’ll report you to China.” Holla, thank you very much.

I don’t think Lebron ever got the Trump voiced GPS system. On your left is Mohegan Sun, Elizabeth Warren’s home away from home.

Shocked Lebron thinks Steph Curry should win the MVP over the Serbian big man averaging 26.4 points per game in addition to 10 plus boards and eight assists per game for Denver, almost pulling off an Oscar Robinson triple double average all season long. It’s a good thing Nikola Jokic never told a reporter during All-Star weekend, All Lives Matters, is the new n word. Or else we’d really have to really hear what terrorist siding black supremacists in the NBA really think, Kyrie Irving included. They don’t have a statue of him in China yet, do they? Holla, thank you very much.



Kyrie Irving’s ball handling skills have no equal. Too bad Kyrie has zero balls when it comes to defending the real victims of unjustified hate like Israeli kids kidnapped and killed in death tunnels by you know who. But it takes real balls to use big words like “dehumanize” to sound like Lebron 2.0, jerkoff. Also, I thought you never talk to journalists unless the questions are received in advance like Obama’s gym socket puppet. But now you care about the welfare of Palestinian terrorists in charge, hellbent on wiping Israel off the planet. I wonder why.

If I can’t get a lit agent for my book The Koshertarian Comedian or The Great American Jew Novel or from Waste Height, Really Short Stories, I’m going skip declaring bankruptcy. I’ll just take up fentanyl like George Floyd and stick up a pregnant woman with a fake news gun to score some counterfeit bills to buy some smokes at 711 before resisting arrest from the cops in hot pursuit, only to die from cardiac arrest, knowing at least then, Kyrie Irving would pay off the mortgage on my family’s house while Lebron could pay for my kids’ college on the down low. Holla, thank you very much.

It’s hard to keep your mouth shut when you spot a middle-aged white woman sporting a tie dye shirt that says Biden and Harris on it, days after the current administration in charge freed up 200 million for Hamas to finance a rocket launch party into Israel’s backyard for old time’s sake. First, I threw off the Karen and say, “Nice shirt”, duping her into thinking, I’m on her Jihadi jerkoff siding side. Next, I add, “Giving 200 million to Hamas to kill more Jews was totally done in the spirit of peace and love babe. I don’t know about you, but I’m sure team Biden calling for a ceasefire behind closed doors is really singing, “All we are saying United Nations, is give more money to Hamas to help wipe Israel off the map. So, they have a fighting chance. Holla, thank you very much.



AP news was slammed for claiming it was unaware of Hamas occupying an office in their building. Weren’t chants of fuck Madonna’s camel toe snatch during casual Friday or playing like Virgin on repeat after introducing office Karaoke on ironic causal Fridays or no female HR managers on site to fend off headhunters trying to recruit talent for Al Qaeda all dead giveaways already?

Never understood the fantasy of bedding 72 virgins. Doesn’t Jihadi John have enough blood on his hands already? Finally, Jihadi John arrives at a Motel 6 in virgin heaven allegedly. Virgin number one reveals herself to be a highly grating annoying Arabic version of Joy Behar. Booger face starts to demask and screeches, “Don’t you have enough blood on your hands already? Forget it, just whip out your skewer stick and get it over with already. But for what it’s worth, I just cleaned the sheets. So, let’s put that towel on your head to good use for a change. Oh, that’s right, your people aren’t into praising Downy fabric softener because it’s advertised as snuggle soft by some soft Jewish copywriter on Madison Avenue. Who prefers dead Palestinian babies over Haitian ones for blood cooking ceremonies if Hillary isn’t around to pressure the push over putz breath otherwise.” Hillary Hammer Time Cankles lives. Holla, thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth



Serbian Big Man Mattering More

The robot at Stop and Shop is scary. I tell my son, “Don’t make fun of Lebron or he’ll report you to China.” Holla, thank you very much.

I don’t think Lebron ever got the Trump voiced GPS system. On your left is Mohegan Sun, Elizabeth Warren’s home away from home.

Shocked Lebron thinks Steph Curry should win the MVP over the Serbian big man averaging 26.4 points per game in addition to 10 plus boards and eight assists per game for Denver, almost pulling off an Oscar Robinson triple double average all season long. It’s a good thing Nikola Jokic never told a reporter during All-Star weekend, All Lives Matters, is the new n word. Or else we’d really have to really hear what terrorist siding black supremacists in the NBA really think, Kyrie Irving included. They don’t have a statue of him in China yet, do they? Holla, thank you very much.



Kyrie Irving’s ball handling skills have no equal. Too bad Kyrie has zero balls when it comes to defending the real victims of unjustified hate like Israeli kids kidnapped and killed in death tunnels by you know who. But it takes real balls to use big words like “dehumanize” to sound like Lebron 2.0, jerkoff. Also, I thought you never talk to journalists unless the questions are received in advance like Obama’s gym socket puppet. But now you care about the welfare of Palestinian terrorists in charge, hellbent on wiping Israel off the planet. I wonder why.

If I can’t get a lit agent for my book The Koshertarian Comedian or The Great American Jew Novel or from Waste Height, Really Short Stories, I’m going skip declaring bankruptcy. I’ll just take up fentanyl like George Floyd and stick up a pregnant woman with a fake news gun to score some counterfeit bills to buy some smokes at 711 before resisting arrest from the cops in hot pursuit, only to die from cardiac arrest, knowing at least then, Kyrie Irving would pay off the mortgage on my family’s house while Lebron could pay for my kids’ college on the down low. Holla, thank you very much.

It’s hard to keep your mouth shut when you spot a middle-aged white woman sporting a tie dye shirt that says Biden and Harris on it, days after the current administration in charge freed up 200 million for Hamas to finance a rocket launch party into Israel’s backyard for old time’s sake. First, I threw off the Karen and say, “Nice shirt”, duping her into thinking, I’m on her Jihadi jerkoff siding side. Next, I add, “Giving 200 million to Hamas to kill more Jews was totally done in the spirit of peace and love babe. I don’t know about you, but I’m sure team Biden calling for a ceasefire behind closed doors is really singing, “All we are saying United Nations, is give more money to Hamas to help wipe Israel off the map. So, they have a fighting chance. Holla, thank you very much.



AP news was slammed for claiming it was unaware of Hamas occupying an office in their building. Weren’t chants of fuck Madonna’s camel toe snatch during casual Friday or playing like Virgin on repeat after introducing office Karaoke on ironic causal Fridays or no female HR managers on site to fend off headhunters trying to recruit talent for Al Qaeda all dead giveaways already?

Never understood the fantasy of bedding 72 virgins. Doesn’t Jihadi John have enough blood on his hands already? Finally, Jihadi John arrives at a Motel 6 in virgin heaven allegedly. Virgin number one reveals herself to be a highly grating annoying Arabic version of Joy Behar. Booger face starts to demask and screeches, “Don’t you have enough blood on your hands already? Forget it, just whip out your skewer stick and get it over with already. But for what it’s worth, I just cleaned the sheets. So, let’s put that towel on your head to good use for a change. Oh, that’s right, your people aren’t into praising Downy fabric softener because it’s advertised as snuggle soft by some soft Jewish copywriter on Madison Avenue. Who prefers dead Palestinian babies over Haitian ones for blood cooking ceremonies if Hillary isn’t around to pressure the push over putz breath otherwise.” Hillary Hammer Time Cankles lives. Holla, thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth



Atheist Grave Robber

Whenever anyone defends Hamas launching more rockets at civilians in Israel, just call them atheist grave robbers. Yeah, you, you’re an atheist grave robber. You suck off dwarfs like Fuck Face Fauci who play God, so you don’t believe in the Book of Revelation or give 2 shits about sparking the wrath of Hashem for worshipping fake news idols. So go woke yourself, atheist grave robber. Holla, thank you very much.

Daughter always asks, “Daddy, what do you do after tucking me in.” I’ll sound incredibly cagy and reply, “I squeeze in some me time alright.”

A Karen approaches me at Costco and says, “Wear the mask.” And I say, “Not until you suck the white privilege out of my chosen schlong 1st. I’ll make it easier for you Karen. Just pretend Obama ordered you to leak it. Ricky Schroder lives. Holla, thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth

Atheist Grave Robber

Whenever anyone defends Hamas launching more rockets at civilians in Israel, just call them atheist grave robbers. Yeah, you, you’re an atheist grave robber. You suck off dwarfs like Fuck Face Fauci who play God, so you don’t believe in the Book of Revelation or give 2 shits about sparking the wrath of Hashem for worshipping fake news idols. So go woke yourself, atheist grave robber. Holla, thank you very much.

Daughter always asks, “Daddy, what do you do after tucking me in.” I’ll sound incredibly cagy and reply, “I squeeze in some me time alright.”

A Karen approaches me at Costco and says, “Wear the mask.” And I say, “Not until you suck the white privilege out of my chosen schlong 1st. I’ll make it easier for you Karen. Just pretend Obama ordered you to leak it. Ricky Schroder lives. Holla, thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth

Israel’s Loving Feeling

I don’t know what’s more annoying. Jew hater reps in congress defending Palestinian terrorist attacks on Israel or the US media’s fawning over the marriage between Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard. You love your wife’s teen boyish backside Dax, we get it. I’d call my wife soft and generous to if I could get her into another 3 way again, 3 kids later, after that promised boob job on top, that never materialized in my favor, holla, thank you very much. And calling Kristen Bell or Dax Shepard “hilarious” is like calling Alex Rodriquez and J Lo weighty deep with subtitles for an Ingmar Bergman film retrospective on Telemundo version’s of IFC. 

And why is Dax Shepard relapsing after 18 years of sobriety national news all of a sudden? You’d think James Taylor took up heroin again in need of more than a friend. How pathetic is our current state of celebrities in our country when Dax Shepard and Kristen Bell get seated next to Jay Z and Beyonce at the Met gala? I guess, the event organizers wanted hip hop royalty to feel the least overtly threatened by any credible form of discernable, jealous inducing talent in their midst. I’m surprised Lena Dunham wasn’t plopped down next to Beyonce as a party of five, so Jay Z’s wife could feel less cheated in the looks department with no makeup on compared to the hunchback of Bushwick during Restaurant Week.

Memo to antisemitic runt, aka, Baby Face Omar. If you fire 400 rockets into Israel’s backyard, don’t expect an Edible Arrangements Gift Basket in return, with a thank you note written in Farsi.

Would the Jew hating US media prefer the LGBT community to comment on the colorful firework display of whizzing rockets lighting up the Israeli sky last night instead?  A gay right wing florist in downtown Tel Aviv rants on Medium with loaded sardonic bite, “The end of Ramadan always ushers in such a pretty sparkling sky. Who needs a vaccine stamped passport to visit Disneyland now? You can’t beat a firework display like this, especially when Biden gifts Hamas a cool 200 million to finance such a breathtaking array of sparkly spewing light. This is starry night recreationist wonder at it finest. Seth Rogen would totally light a joint to this shit although I still wouldn’t fuck him with Rashida Talib’s dick. And isn’t it adorable when Baby Face Omar describes Israel’s right to strike back as an “act of terrorism”? Personally, I’d call it an innocuous revenge fuck, but that’s just me. Let’s not act as if Israeli forces burned their Hashish crops, poisoned their chickpea farms, replaced all their rocks with rubber ball playgrounds from McDonalds and stripped the broadcast license away from Al Jazeera in a coordinated effort to delegitimize their insidious disinformation campaign about Israel being the one guilty of perpetual aggravated assault over the protracted annals of history.”

Seth Rogen won’t work with James Franco again because of sexual assault allegations against squinty. First, I know a girl who used to bang Franco who claims he has a small penis. So why would a predator force himself on a desperate actress, knowing she’s not going to feel anything but fake news casting couch distress 2 seconds after? Second, I also heard James Franco is bi-sexual, so how uncontrollably horny would you get around an actress knowing how gay men in general are a tad less selective and more open to giving anal a shot? Especially if James Franco mounting you from behind is the equivalent of Kristen Bell’s pinkie being jammed up your butt, as James Franco says from behind, “Let it go. If I don’t take away your anal virginity, Marilyn Manson will. Holla, thank you very much.

I’m beginning to feel like Tony Soprano because of my mom’s constant push to get me vaccinated for COVID after I already explained how the non-FDA approved, fake news vaccine has already killed 4000 Americans in the US alone. I’m also not the size of Chaz Bono’s belly button ring either. I also look after 3 kids when my mon’s in Arizona as my mother in a law reclines herself to death in a torn up Lazy Boy chair in Greenville, Delaware from 86. So, I can’t afford to get violently sick from the experimental gene therapy COVID shot or risk becoming paralyzed like Christopher Reeves without those monthly residual checks from Superman 1 through 3 arriving on our doorstep every month either. Also, I’m too busy banging out more sheets of comedy gold for my next killer set loaded comedy record to take five million more shots afterwards to fight off the latest strain of COVID from England, that will cause me to break out in varicose veins and a constellation of moles from head to toe. Last, if Don Lemon pushed his adopted trans son to get an HPV vaccination before he’s old enough to buy an Equinox gym membership in Chelsea, I’d trust his good intentions behind jamming his COVID vaccination pitch down America’s gun-shy throat with such breathless fury.

Michael Kornbluth

Made In Wuhan

Biden mandated that no US government employee can call COVID 19, The China Virus or the Wu-Flu. I prefer to call it Our Country Is Shit Out Of Luck Club. If we the people, let the CDC, the WHO and Fuck Face Fauci dictate whether America becomes China’s masked bitch for life.

What did they call COVID behind closed doors at the Department of Homeland Security before Biden got his nappy in a bunch over so called hate speech? Biological Warfare falls under the Department of Agriculture.

What did fat ass William Barr call the COVID virus when he was in charge of destroying what credibility remained within the Department Of Justice? Ain’t No Thing, But Poisoned Peeking Duck On A String.

What did the Department of Defense have to say about the COVID virus behind closed doors before Biden’s shut up and don’t rat on the Chinse mandate began? That’s what Americans get for electing a President who didn’t start any major new wars under his watch, who finally gave Vets the hospital service they deserve? Who ordered the US military to crush ISIS in the same time it takes Jared Kushner to blow a load in Ivanka whenever she talks dirty to him in Mandarin on his birthday again.

What did the Department of Veteran Affairs call the COVID Virus before Biden thought he possessed the authority to tell our vets how to label the real enemy behind the new red scare 2.0? Lebron and Nike sitting in a Chinese Maple Tree, SUCKING.

Michael Kornbluth

Michael Kornbluth

The Masked Boomer Deadhead

I don’t like older Deadheads because they got to experience free flowing love with busty Italian girls in the parking lot of Giants Stadium before Magic made HIV disappear. I had to settle for either dry humping induced zipper burn in college or feel nothing condom sex, which is the equivalent of having to exchange silky smooth lining for plastic covered seats. A guy knows when a condom breaks because he immediately starts to coo, “Wee, Wee, sex is fun again.”

I especially don’t like older Deadheads wearing Grateful Dead masks at the grocery store because they’re not dropping acid in those dancing bear masks for 3 hour drum solos on ACID at MSG Square to see Grateful Dead and Friends. I don’t care how much masked deadhead woman bat their eyes to John Mayer with a mask on looking like a longhaired Long Ranger in Tie-Dye in disguise.

Imagine a Masked Deadheads who suffers from anxiety, being slipped ACID by a new age Merry Prankster at MSG, requiring you to wear the mask at all times, except between more puffs of increasingly necessary calming green. Once the double of dose of ACID kicks in, the Masked Deadhead says, “Fuck CDC guidelines. If I could survive Altamont and the Hell’s Angel’s nearly beating my skull into the middle earth, I can handle an itchy esophagus no problem. Besides, I’ve been spoking weed out of out a metal bat at Dead Shows for five decades straight and my lungs feel great, holla, thank you very much. ”

It’s hard to remain calm when I see a Baby Boomer in a Grateful Dead mask today. They never had to greet their kids off the bus wearing masks, looking like Michael Jackson’s adopted ones on holiday in Bahrain. All these Masked Deadheads did was use their cushy positions in the media, government and academia to push lawless policies, which turned LA and San Francisco and now Manhattan into overrated, overpriced ten cities sponsored by REI.

Masked Deadheads are fake news hippies like my retired father who hasn’t visited the Grand Canyon in 9 years since retiring to Scottsdale, Arizona, to take up jerking off to the Weather Channel every winter and playing tennis with Dr. Ken, who claims my father’s forehand has never been stronger.

Took my daughter to her 1st Dead show and she says, “Daddy, why are your eyes red? I said, “The THC content in these edibles have unmasked my pothead eyes.”

My daughter’s 1st Dead Show was days after her 2nd Birthday. She points at dinged up looking hippie sucking down a nitrous balloon and inquires, “Birthday”? I say, “No Matilda, Burnout Day.”

It’s hard to plan for kids, when you’re pothead who forgets to ask your girlfriend if she’s on the pill. Although when my wife told me about being pregnant with our 1st child Matilda, my response in my mind was. First, stress how it’s her decision but then push for the abortion and don’t be a pussy about it. Still, at the time it was impossible for me to write off my daughter in the making as a zombie zygote whose spirit could be brought back from the dead by getting my girlfriend now wife, accidently pregnant again in a NY Minute again, no problem. The moment my wife announced she was pregnant with our 1st of 3 kids, I couldn’t be blase about pushing the Unplanned Parenthood, family man, extermination plan.

Do you think Michael Corleone would push Kay to get an abortion if the ultra sound revealed their kid in the making was a gender fluid hermaphrodite? Kay says, “It’s a hermaphrodite Michael. I know you really wanted a boy to carry on your scared Sicilian seed. I’ll just book a contract hit with Planned Parenthood tomorrow. Don’t bother sending a car for me. I’ve seen how that movie ends before. You had no problem ordering your goons to blow up helpless Fredo, so stop acting like giving me the green light to take out a hit on your own flesh and blood doesn’t sit well with your soul anymore. Besides, how does a hermaphrodite as the head of the five families even work? Do all the other thuggish killers in Armani come into The Gender Fluid Godfather’s office to kiss her cock ring or just suck off her latest wallpaper collections of gender fluid pink zit recipes in Pinterest??

Vermont must change their state logo from the Green State to CBD Oil only. Bernie Sanders couldn’t even make Vermont great for potheads on vacation.

I drop weed edibles about an hour before I tuck my kids in to avoid my daughter’s super hard questions on it before they kick in. Once, edibles kicked in earlier than usual and my daughter says, “Daddy, if God created the universe, then who created God?” I say, God went back in time in a Time Machine, made by Elon Musk.” She replies, “Real convincing Daddy. Thanks for making an atheist at 4.”

Did you know 4/20, Earth Day for Potheads because it’s an herb that grew wild around King Solomon’s grave, is also Hitler’s birthday? Total bummer right man? I haven’t been this let down since I learned how Sly Stallone snuck Mel Gibson into Expendables 3.

And this is my impersonation of Ziggy Marely being interviewed by High Times magazine? Reporter says, “Ziggy, your dad had a dozen kids. Isn’t excessive ganga use supposed to drain your life blaster and ball sack dry? Ziggy Marely says, “Fake News man.”

I really don’t like Baby Boomers wearing Grateful Dead masks because they’re acting like this freedom killing reign of COVID terror is campy fun like touring with the Dead during summers past. I only wish I could dance in the grass to the Shakedown Street again throughout the Bethel Woods great sprawling lawn without any mask mandates anymore to kickstart the 1st of many burning mask parties this summer, able to sing with final chapter closed authority, “What a long, evil revealing trip, it’s been.”

Last, I’m sick of hearing certain Baby Boomers proclaim, “We’re all mad.” Unless, you were drafted to fight in Vietnam, I don’t give a shit about your alleged discomfort post COVID asshole. Generation X, that being my generation, had to endure the nagging, adolescent of fear of contracting HIV, multiple recessions, 9/11, the media’s perpetual white washing of the Jew hating squad and our kids being forced to wear masks in school as if we’re living in some sick, twisted version of Pink Floyd The Wall, except this time only the CDC, Fuck Face Fauci and China get final cut. Jew loving Roger Waters lives, thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth