We Didn’t Start The Fire Billy

 

Vice President Mike Pence talking shit about Obama’s trade record during a campaign trip at a glass manufacturing company in Pennsylvania. VP Mike Pence says, “Obama presided over the most expansive outsourcing of manufacturing jobs in US history. He made W look like a serial slacker, with his feet hoisted high on the Oval Office Desk, kicking it, sipping more Coconut Water, without sweating your ability to put more God blessed pot roast on the table. Not even Billy Joel cared enough about your lost jobs during the Obama outsourcing era, to mine another gold record out of your easily avoidable misery for Christ sake. Sorry Lord, even Ned Flanders loses his cool from time to time. Billy says he’s not a big fan of President Trump, but Billy Joel’s Greatest Hits was lullaby music for 80’s Republicans. Plus, there weren’t just bused in new age Neo Nazi’s from Central Casting in Charlottesville that day but also peaceful protesters protesting the taking down of a statue of Robert E Lee, in addition to agitators from ANTIFA, who aren’t very fine people, in the mythical made up sense or not. Last, how does a member of ANTIFA respect thy mother on Mother’s Day exactly? Take out the trash and move out of her house for good? I thought New Yorkers like Billy Joel had stronger bull-crap detection abilities than this. Or is Billy from Yenta Breath Country in Long Island? And to quote the wise, God loving, Robert E. Lee, “There are few, I believe, in this enlightened age, who will not acknowledge that slavery as an institution is a moral and political evil.” So why don’t you be good American Billy and shine those lights on Broadway on how Fake News has become the moral and political evil of its day? Call yourself an Uber home, because I’m assuming your license is suspended, despite New York State giving them away for free to Illegal Aliens so the radical left can try to steal another election and make Michelle proud her of her country again, God forbid. Sorry again Lord, the Fakes News Media makes it hard to turn the other cheek. In honor of the great Kid Rock, can I get an Amen? I say, Amen.

Michael Kornbluth

Bank On Bette Getting Dem Ol’ Blues

Joe Biden calling the Democratic Party a unifying force is like calling the Clinton Foundation a charity for others. And Julia Louis Dreyfus could’ve been Joan Rivers if she stuck to Stand Up. While were at it, let’s accuse President Trump of being a non discriminatory horn dog like Bill, whose allergic to high end trim. Next, still your President Trump through 2024, will give the Presidential Medal of Freedom to Bette Midler for her contribution to making Drag Queen Reading Hour great again, inspiring Drag Queens to show their faces in public during broad daylight under incredibly unforgiving fluorescent library lights, knowing, they don’t look as flattering without wearing such heavy makeup. If President Trump feels more generous than usual, he’ll invite the Chipmunk Chucker from Golden State and the rest his family to the White House for his post inauguration winning ball, after he wins the popular vote and the electoral this time, to prove that Ray Allen light, in the clutch department to, should’ve left his fake news persecuted existence, being a son of NBA royalty back in San Francisco, where Janis got out when the getting was good. So cry, cry baby.

Michael Kornbluth

Googling Numbers

Apple is the 1st U.S Company to reach a 2 billion valuation. Imagine, not being able to tell your 9 year-old daughter how many zeroes are in a billion without Googling it. I say to my daughter, “12 zeros are in a trillion Matilda.” She says, “I could have Googled that myself daddy. Is this why you call yourself a degenerate Jew, because at 44 years old you count with your fingers for simple arithmetic?”

Michael Kornbluth

Best Friend Israel Never Had

When you broker a peace treaty between Israel and the United Arab of Emirates, dismantle the nuke timeout deal with Iran and move our embassy to Jerusalem, it makes President Trump more of a Hebrew Nationalist. But black Hebrews can’t be anti-Jew because they’re the real chosen people according to Nick Cannon. Plus, in Nick Cannon’s defense, he isn’t another self-hating Jew hire to manage the post woke editorial board for the New York Times.

Michael Kornbluth