Do It All Dad Does Radio City

At Costco, Karen screams, “Wear the damn mask.” I say, “Not until you suck the hate speech and white privilege out of my chosen schlong first. But I’ll make it easier for you Karen because I’m a giver, and not another greedy heeb like Bernie Sanders. Pretend Obama ordered you to leak it.  Vermont should change their state motto from the Green State to CBD Oil Only. Bernie Sanders couldn’t even make Vermont great for potheads on vacation. Cuomo getting paid to write a book about leadership is like Woody Allen getting a book advance to write about a book about hands off parenting. If Google doesn’t manipulate search research results and actively censor right wing favoring content. Then, why is it harder to find positive mentions of hydroxychloroquine on Google, than it is to find a film blogger on Rotten Tomatoes who called the Irishman underrated? Also, is it me, or does Robert Dinero on the View these days, look like Betsy Ross falling apart at the seams? Masks prevent you from getting COVID. Yeah, and Joy Behar is the new Chief Happiness Officer for Breitbart. Dave Chappelle says black people have always wore masks in America. Stop acting like the Kardashians care about unmasking the size of Ben Simmons basketball IQ in the 1st place player. And if Obama is such a baller Chappelle, then why did he ride the bench at an all-Asian private school in Hawaii? What’s really hilarious Dave, is how your boy Lebron, America’s Most Hunted, AKA, King of The Persecution Complex, got the idea of wearing a fake news cast during the NBA Finals after Michelle Obama gave him the idea to do it, after she threatened to jam her arm up Obama’s ass if he ever offered Beyonce Paul Newman’s Lemonade over her homemade Kombucha ever again. And stop fronting Dave, you know Obama, not Trump is the one who loves Hitler. Obama wishes he was that organized. Mass extermination of every hook-nosed journalist, blogger or vlogger from Breitbart who dared to criticize his nuke gifting deal to Iran, would be a gas. I think my brand of weed, must make me more paranoid than Drama Queen Diaries. Obama Be Good  gave Iran 1.5 billion dollars to create overseas manufacturing jobs for Build a Bear, to make their economy, less reliant on the sale chest hair removal cream for the Kardashians. Just read about an all-Muslim girl prom in Detroit. So, the prom was like mine, pork free. Does Dave Chappelle do a bit in new act to prove he isn’t a black supremacist by posing the type of tweet Baby Face Omar would send on the anniversary of Amy Winehouse’s death to appease Democratic reps in congress who don’t like Israel being compared to Hamas? Like, “Something happened, to a beehive sporting, devil horn concealing, parasitical Jew bitch, who exploited the great Palestinian Songbook for all it was worth?”  If Dave Chappelle had the balls to say to his fellow brothers in the struggle to stop resisting arrest, all lives matter, wouldn’t be the new n word. Can I get a holla for some Challah?” It’s not my fault, I’m a funnier black Carlin than Chappelle could ever be. I was blessed with the supreme powered funnier Jew bone for a reason. Offended yet, then go woke yourself? Holla, thank you very much. Last, memo to the NY Times, if you fire 4000 rockets into Israel’s backyard. Don’t expect an edible arrangements gift basket in return, with a thank you note written in Farsi. I can’t work after sunset, Jewish God’s rules, but I’ll leave you with one final nugget of comedy gold for the road to prove I’m not greedy heeb or that Vince Vaughn isn’t the only big-headed asshole who’s louder than Busta Rhymes at a midnight showing of Higher Learning. If Joe Biden, AKA, Mr. Groper, got the most votes in US history, even more than your precious Obama Be Good, Chappelle. Then, Michelle Obama regretted pissing on the ceiling fan in the Lincoln Bedroom before Trump’s inauguration. Later that night, The Donald comments to Melania, “Is this what she-hulk meant, when she he said, when they go low, we aim high?” Joan lives. Thank you very much.  Michael Kornbluth

 

Do It All Dad Does Radio City

At Costco, Karen screams, “Wear the damn mask.” I say, “Not until you suck the hate speech and white privilege out of my chosen schlong first. But I’ll make it easier for you Karen because I’m a giver, and not another greedy heeb like Bernie Sanders. Pretend Obama ordered you to leak it. Vermont should change their state motto from the Green State to CBD Oil Only. Bernie Sanders couldn’t even make Vermont great for potheads on vacation. Cuomo getting paid to write a book about leadership is like Woody Allen getting a book advance to write about a book about hands off parenting. If Google doesn’t manipulate search research results and actively censor right wing favoring content. Then, why is it harder to find positive mentions of hydroxychloroquine on Google, than it is to find a film blogger on Rotten Tomatoes who called the Irishman underrated? Also, is it me, or does Robert Dinero on the View these days, look like Betsy Ross falling apart at the seams? Masks prevent you from getting COVID. Yeah, and Joy Behar is the new Chief Happiness Officer for Breitbart. Dave Chappelle says black people have always wore masks in America. Stop acting like the Kardashians care about unmasking the size of Ben Simmons basketball IQ in the 1st place player. And if Obama is such a baller Chappelle, then why did he ride the bench at an all-Asian private school in Hawaii? What’s really hilarious Dave, is how your boy Lebron, America’s Most Hunted, AKA, King of The Persecution Complex, got the idea of wearing a fake news cast during the NBA Finals after Michelle Obama gave him the idea to do it, after she threatened to jam her arm up Obama’s ass if he ever offered Beyonce Paul Newman’s Lemonade over her homemade Kombucha ever again. And stop fronting Dave, you know Obama, not Trump is the one who loves Hitler. Obama wishes he was that organized. Mass extermination of every hook-nosed journalist, blogger or vlogger from Breitbart who dared to criticize his nuke gifting deal to Iran, would be a gas. I think my brand of weed, must make me more paranoid than Drama Queen Diaries. Obama Be Good  gave Iran 1.5 billion dollars to create overseas manufacturing jobs for Build a Bear, to make their economy, less reliant on the sale chest hair removal cream for the Kardashians. Just read about an all-Muslim girl prom in Detroit. So, the prom was like mine, pork free. Does Dave Chappelle do a bit in new act to prove he isn’t a black supremacist by posing the type of tweet Baby Face Omar would send on the anniversary of Amy Winehouse’s death to appease Democratic reps in congress who don’t like Israel being compared to Hamas? Like, “Something happened, to a beehive sporting, devil horn concealing, parasitical Jew bitch, who exploited the great Palestinian Songbook for all it was worth?”  If Dave Chappelle had the balls to say to his fellow brothers in the struggle to stop resisting arrest, all lives matter, wouldn’t be the new n word. Can I get a holla for some Challah?” It’s not my fault, I’m a funnier black Carlin than Chappelle could ever be. I was blessed with the supreme powered funnier Jew bone for a reason. Offended yet, then go woke yourself? Holla, thank you very much. Last, memo to the NY Times, if you fire 4000 rockets into Israel’s backyard. Don’t expect an edible arrangements gift basket in return, with a thank you note written in Farsi. I can’t work after sunset, Jewish God’s rules, but I’ll leave you with one final nugget of comedy gold for the road to prove I’m not greedy heeb or that Vince Vaughn isn’t the only big-headed asshole who’s louder than Busta Rhymes at a midnight showing of Higher Learning. If Joe Biden, AKA, Mr. Groper, got the most votes in US history, even more than your precious Obama Be Good, Chappelle. Then, Michelle Obama regretted pissing on the ceiling fan in the Lincoln Bedroom before Trump’s inauguration. Later that night, The Donald comments to Melania, “Is this what she-hulk meant, when she he said, when they go low, we aim high?” Joan lives. Thank you very much.  Michael Kornbluth

 

The Hair Metal Licker Comedian

I’m buying myself the book The Uncensored History of 80’s Rock. Bookstore owner says, “Would you like to be put on our list?” I said, “Not yet. I’m just getting this gift for myself the way I filled out my own Father’s Day Card last year.”

Waiting for Joe Biden to deliver a flub free, unifying speech is like waiting for Hunter to give up blow for blow painting fulltime.

His old school cokehead buds miss the good old days, getting tweaked in townie bars next to their dealer in Wilmington, Delaware, only hearing last call from the bathroom stall, only to utter, “Where’s Hunter man?” Oh, yeah, he’s spewing his white priveledge seed all up in some stripper’s fake news roped off snatch in the Champagne Room where only the high roller hacks roam.”

Hunter Biden texts found in his forgotten laptop reveal he was not only banned from the Chateau Marmont but wasn’t allowed to gather any of his belongings. My brother is banned from Talking Stick Casino in Arizona yet Hunter makes little bro come off as a major slacker and serial underachiever in comparison.

At the chocolate shop in Ridgefield, CT, I say, “I’ll take 3 of those chocolates.” I don’t want to perpetuate my dad’s tradition of playing blatant overt favorites or they’ll suffer from a lifetime of lingering resentment that no amount of yoga, prayer, or weed edibles can expunge from the depths of their slighted, impossible to recover from souls.”

When your dad says out loud in front of you, “I don’t know how were related.” It means he treats you like sloppy seconds for a reason.

I got my dad a joint for us to smoke together in Arizona after it became legal there because I thought we could bond over the all-star review for my book, The Great American Jew Novel. Dad says, “Yeah, I’m going to smoke this with my friend Nat in Vegas instead. And pops wonders why I seek laughs from strangers for a living.

Megan Rapinoe is partnering with Victoria Secret, which is totally on brand move for them to make. Can’t wait to sample their new line of edible shin guards that taste like hairy fish sticks.

If Megan Rapinoe runs for President, what’s going to be her campaign slogan? Bring back the L Word To Netflix Obama, your are only hope.

Is the purple haired tom boy look even a real life type or just a cry for attention because Olympic Soccer carries less cultural oomph in America than Orlando’s Blooms archery tips?

When Megan Rapinoe refused to take a knee, what point was she trying to make again? Pussy hat wearing lesbos are down with licking Nike’s ass no matter what.

Did Megan Rapinoe ever accuse Kaepernick of sporting a fake news fro backstage at the ESPYS’s? Have you ever seen a bi-racial afro that large before? Slash tried to grow out his fro and it was a total flop. At the same time, fake news fro takes selfies with Linda Sarsour who supports genital mutilation through supporting Sharia Law and Chelsea Manning’s run for senate. That’s like wearing a mutilated clit on your fro bro.

Eli Manning is still a bigger pimp than Brady in my book. He ruined his shot at a perfect season. Giselle was a Victoria Secret Angel, big deal. Now, she’s like 80 in model years. Plus, her uppity lisp isn’t winning her any popularity contests over Tyra Banks either. And why doesn’t anyone praise Terry Bradshaw as the best quarterback ever? Nobody aired it like out Bradshaw. Fine, that much he shares in common with Brady. I’ll give you that much.

Michael Kornbluth

The Hair Metal Licker Comedian

I’m buying myself the book The Uncensored History of 80’s Rock. Bookstore owner says, “Would you like to be put on our list?” I said, “Not yet. I’m just getting this gift for myself the way I filled out my own Father’s Day Card last year.”

Waiting for Joe Biden to deliver a flub free, unifying speech is like waiting for Hunter to give up blow for blow painting fulltime.

His old school cokehead buds miss the good old days, getting tweaked in townie bars next to their dealer in Wilmington, Delaware, only hearing last call from the bathroom stall, only to utter, “Where’s Hunter man?” Oh, yeah, he’s spewing his white priveledge seed all up in some stripper’s fake news roped off snatch in the Champagne Room where only the high roller hacks roam.”

Hunter Biden texts found in his forgotten laptop reveal he was not only banned from the Chateau Marmont but wasn’t allowed to gather any of his belongings. My brother is banned from Talking Stick Casino in Arizona yet Hunter makes little bro come off as a major slacker and serial underachiever in comparison.

At the chocolate shop in Ridgefield, CT, I say, “I’ll take 3 of those chocolates.” I don’t want to perpetuate my dad’s tradition of playing blatant overt favorites or they’ll suffer from a lifetime of lingering resentment that no amount of yoga, prayer, or weed edibles can expunge from the depths of their slighted, impossible to recover from souls.”

When your dad says out loud in front of you, “I don’t know how were related.” It means he treats you like sloppy seconds for a reason.

I got my dad a joint for us to smoke together in Arizona after it became legal there because I thought we could bond over the all-star review for my book, The Great American Jew Novel. Dad says, “Yeah, I’m going to smoke this with my friend Nat in Vegas instead. And pops wonders why I seek laughs from strangers for a living.

Megan Rapinoe is partnering with Victoria Secret, which is totally on brand move for them to make. Can’t wait to sample their new line of edible shin guards that taste like hairy fish sticks.

If Megan Rapinoe runs for President, what’s going to be her campaign slogan? Bring back the L Word To Netflix Obama, your are only hope.

Is the purple haired tom boy look even a real life type or just a cry for attention because Olympic Soccer carries less cultural oomph in America than Orlando’s Blooms archery tips?

When Megan Rapinoe refused to take a knee, what point was she trying to make again? Pussy hat wearing lesbos are down with licking Nike’s ass no matter what.

Did Megan Rapinoe ever accuse Kaepernick of sporting a fake news fro backstage at the ESPYS’s? Have you ever seen a bi-racial afro that large before? Slash tried to grow out his fro and it was a total flop. At the same time, fake news fro takes selfies with Linda Sarsour who supports genital mutilation through supporting Sharia Law and Chelsea Manning’s run for senate. That’s like wearing a mutilated clit on your fro bro.

Eli Manning is still a bigger pimp than Brady in my book. He ruined his shot at a perfect season. Giselle was a Victoria Secret Angel, big deal. Now, she’s like 80 in model years. Plus, her uppity lisp isn’t winning her any popularity contests over Tyra Banks either. And why doesn’t anyone praise Terry Bradshaw as the best quarterback ever? Nobody aired it like out Bradshaw. Fine, that much he shares in common with Brady. I’ll give you that much.

Michael Kornbluth

Moving On Out To Russia

I’m moving on out to Russia. You don’t have to worry about Global Warming blather from the local news. Putin defending the use of fracking wouldn’t cause a pussy riot online either. Putin trolls Greta Thunberg and tweets, @GreatThunberg, Fracking actually reduces CO2 emissions. Furry Brow tweets back, “So Neil Young is full of shit now?” Putin showcases a flash of Trumpian wit and fires back with “Neil Young doesn’t take showers to reduce his carbon footprint. So that much, you share in common babe. Why doesn’t Global Warming scare me Greta? Because Al Gore’s speaker has considerably cooled.”

Russians can still take a joke. Trump has ties to Russia. Duh, what mail order bride owner doesn’t? Plus, like the great Russian novelists such as Fyodor Dostoevsky, I prefer my comedy like my coffee, dark and bitter.

Also, you know BLM wouldn’t be allowed to harass patrons dining al fresco in St. Petersburg while slurping up some more Caviar soup. Putin’s so tough, he could snap your neck by just staring at it topless on a horse in the country.

Like Honest Abe said, “I’d rather live in Russia than in a place that lives under the pretense of loving liberty”, the way America does today. But Biden wants our family members and neighbors to rat out Trump supporters over white supremacist concerns because we don’t live by the creed, In Fuck Face Fauci We Trust. Nor are we inclined to believe in objective science anymore, after learning how every past prominent scientist in this country decried the Wuhan lab leak has a conspiracy theory because they didn’t want to be branded as a fake news white supremacist like the rest.

Putin actually said the name of the unarmed, American veteran Ashley Babbitt who was shot in cold blood in the Capital Building after the Stop The Steal Rally, which is more than Trumpy Poo ever mustered the courage to do.

Putin poisons his political opponents. Well, that’s better than pushing a non FDA approved vaccine on your Trump hater supporters that’s leading to more complications than election fraud audit reveals in the great free state of Arizona.

Putin poisons his political opponents. Like doxing ICE agents, immigrants from El Salvador who speak to the NY Times about MS-13, or any moms on Facebook who dare to criticize critical race theory as race divisive bullshit is any different?

Putin poisons his political opponents. Big deal, the blowhard dullard hack would’ve gotten liver cancer at some point anyway. I bet you Putin doesn’t have a fuck up druggie son who creamed in his dead brother’s wife seconds after the cremation ensued. Plus, Putin would never allow the drug cartels from Mexico or communist killers from China to push more Fentanyl through our southern border, that’s killed more crackers in this country than Taylor Swift kicking it with Lena Dunham on Instagram.

Russian journalists today know more about nationalistic pride than terrorist siding pieces of shit liars at the NY times. Who shamelessly pushed golden showers tales about Trump and Russian hookers with less legs than Lieutenant Dan. Plus, no Russian Journalist would ever be dumb enough to believe Trump hired a couple of Russian Hookers to pee on each other at his hotel room in St. Petersburg because he’s a notorious Germaphobe. Especially knowing how Trump could hire a bunch of Ivanka lookalikes to pee on each other at his Trump International Hotel in Washington D.C, whenever he likes. I’m also positive Melania can talk dirty to him in Slovenian whenever, wherever, wearing nothing but a mink hat from Spies Like Us.

Hate filled leftist retards don’t exist in Russia and would never feel morally exalted over anybody by breathlessly slinging endless bullshit enshrouded lies about election interference by the Russians, that made Drago pop out of various voting booths in predominately blue states, issuing life or death ultimatums such as, “Vote Trump or I’ll break you. If you die, it’s your fault for not believing in Holograms.”

Russia would never allow the construction of a George Floyd statue to prove thug lives matter. Especially when 2 billion dollars worth of property damage, and thousands of businesses destroyed for 6 months straight was designed to scare the Supreme Court to ever rule in the favor of law and order ever again.

Last, Billy Joel is the 1st to crowd surf at a concert in Russia before Eddie Vedder ever did. I’m not saying you can’t find a better country than Russia. But America is light years from acheiving Nirvana ever again. Wake me whenever this neverending shit show ends.

Michael Kornbluth

Moving On Out To Russia

I’m moving on out to Russia. You don’t have to worry about Global Warming blather from the local news. Putin defending the use of fracking wouldn’t cause a pussy riot online either. Putin trolls Greta Thunberg and tweets, @GreatThunberg, Fracking actually reduces CO2 emissions. Furry Brow tweets back, “So Neil Young is full of shit now?” Putin showcases a flash of Trumpian wit and fires back with “Neil Young doesn’t take showers to reduce his carbon footprint. So that much, you share in common babe. Why doesn’t Global Warming scare me Greta? Because Al Gore’s speaker has considerably cooled.”

Russians can still take a joke. Trump has ties to Russia. Duh, what mail order bride owner doesn’t? Plus, like the great Russian novelists such as Fyodor Dostoevsky, I prefer my comedy like my coffee, dark and bitter.

Also, you know BLM wouldn’t be allowed to harass patrons dining al fresco in St. Petersburg while slurping up some more Caviar soup. Putin’s so tough, he could snap your neck by just staring at it topless on a horse in the country.

Like Honest Abe said, “I’d rather live in Russia than in a place that lives under the pretense of loving liberty”, the way America does today. But Biden wants our family members and neighbors to rat out Trump supporters over white supremacist concerns because we don’t live by the creed, In Fuck Face Fauci We Trust. Nor are we inclined to believe in objective science anymore, after learning how every past prominent scientist in this country decried the Wuhan lab leak has a conspiracy theory because they didn’t want to be branded as a fake news white supremacist like the rest.

Putin actually said the name of the unarmed, American veteran Ashley Babbitt who was shot in cold blood in the Capital Building after the Stop The Steal Rally, which is more than Trumpy Poo ever mustered the courage to do.

Putin poisons his political opponents. Well, that’s better than pushing a non FDA approved vaccine on your Trump hater supporters that’s leading to more complications than election fraud audit reveals in the great free state of Arizona.

Putin poisons his political opponents. Like doxing ICE agents, immigrants from El Salvador who speak to the NY Times about MS-13, or any moms on Facebook who dare to criticize critical race theory as race divisive bullshit is any different?

Putin poisons his political opponents. Big deal, the blowhard dullard hack would’ve gotten liver cancer at some point anyway. I bet you Putin doesn’t have a fuck up druggie son who creamed in his dead brother’s wife seconds after the cremation ensued. Plus, Putin would never allow the drug cartels from Mexico or communist killers from China to push more Fentanyl through our southern border, that’s killed more crackers in this country than Taylor Swift kicking it with Lena Dunham on Instagram.

Russian journalists today know more about nationalistic pride than terrorist siding pieces of shit liars at the NY times. Who shamelessly pushed golden showers tales about Trump and Russian hookers with less legs than Lieutenant Dan. Plus, no Russian Journalist would ever be dumb enough to believe Trump hired a couple of Russian Hookers to pee on each other at his hotel room in St. Petersburg because he’s a notorious Germaphobe. Especially knowing how Trump could hire a bunch of Ivanka lookalikes to pee on each other at his Trump International Hotel in Washington D.C, whenever he likes. I’m also positive Melania can talk dirty to him in Slovenian whenever, wherever, wearing nothing but a mink hat from Spies Like Us.

Hate filled leftist retards don’t exist in Russia and would never feel morally exalted over anybody by breathlessly slinging endless bullshit enshrouded lies about election interference by the Russians, that made Drago pop out of various voting booths in predominately blue states, issuing life or death ultimatums such as, “Vote Trump or I’ll break you. If you die, it’s your fault for not believing in Holograms.”

Russia would never allow the construction of a George Floyd statue to prove thug lives matter. Especially when 2 billion dollars worth of property damage, and thousands of businesses destroyed for 6 months straight was designed to scare the Supreme Court to ever rule in the favor of law and order ever again.

Last, Billy Joel is the 1st to crowd surf at a concert in Russia before Eddie Vedder ever did. I’m not saying you can’t find a better country than Russia. But America is light years from acheiving Nirvana ever again. Wake me whenever this neverending shit show ends.

Michael Kornbluth

My Son Is Going To Trade School

I hate run-on sentence critics. It’s not my fault your slow and can’t keep up with my gender fluid flow.

Critical Race Theory is bullshit. Guaranteed money in the NBA, regardless of injury, is so oppressive.

The Muslim Sisterhood in congress don’t have an issue amplifying their voices in America either Jack.

Howard Beal was killed in the movie Network over lousy ratings. CNN’s worst nightmare come true.

British accents are unwelcome intrusive like Boris Johnson’s wife staring in my general direction.

Does Triple AAA offer ANTIFA roadblock assistance because the Proud Boys will do it free of charge?

Night screams mean you care about living. Or else you wouldn’t be afraid of dying before making it.

New York will come back, but everybody has left, except Free Palestine protestors and The Halal Guys.

Forcing kids to wear muzzles is wrong. Boris Johnson’s wife at the G-7 summit, not so much.

Jill Biden is a tacky, small town ho. Biden wears her panty hose when he can’t find his mask.

Masks are the new condoms only because I can’t cum in my wife wearing one either. 

99 percent of people survive COVID yet Fuck Face Fauci, AKA, Dr. Gnocchi pushed endless lockdowns and triple masking of our kids while acting as if COVID depresses your immune system more than entry into the Dallas Buyers Club.

Hydroxychloroquine can increase your survival rate by 200 percent. What’s up with that study Doc?

Still, Dr. Fauci used his power to block the use of it. He’s Dr. Kevorkian in reverse.

Biden is donating thousands of free COVID vaccines to Africa like a poor man’s Bill Gates who can’t code for shit either.

Sanctuary cities is encouraged lawlessness on crack.

1 kid only means, your diaphragm is for walls after all.

I’m against unlimited immigration because I’m not a proud member of the rapist enablement party.

If calling Baby Face Omar, a Jihad loving runt cunt, makes me alt-right, then I’m alright with that.

Where were you when Fox stopped counting the ballots? Thanking God JFK didn’t die for nothing. Yeah, me to.

My mom texts me Happy Father’s Day on the wrong day. Her happiness for me knows no bounds.

Boris Johnson’s wife, woof, woof needs water breaks, not my son 2 minutes into basketball practice.

My wife wants me to get COVID to say, “You should’ve worn a mask going down on MAGA mom.”

Trump Won signs at MLB is my new favorite America pastime, after telling Lebron to go woke himself.

The Mueller Report court hearing proved what again? Mueller parts his hair with gritty, elbow grease.

Did Drago pop out of your voting booth and demand, “Vote Trump or I’ll break you.”

When the Statue of Liberty went dark. I bet DeBalsio forgot to pay the Con Ed Bill on time again.

I hate the term helping others unless you’re applying for a job that says help wanted.

Maintaining relationships is overrated among those who think Mr. Groper won by a hair alone.

My son is going to trade school to become a landscape artist. Because NYC will have to start from Ground Zero at this rate. Or he could become a furniture designer within his own private studio and avoid charges of sexual harassment because he’ll design his own state of the art safe space for jerking off. Or he could become programmer and work remote unlike those software engineers who were charged with sexual harassment pre-COVID, despite them leaving the impression that they were too busy banging out new code to hit on girls anyway. Plus, I thought only ugly girls went to coding boot camp. Also, don’t programmers wear those yenta breath noise canceling headphones at work for a reason. Last, the typical Pearl script command isn’t, “Massage my carpel tunnel ho.”

My daughter’s 4th grade teacher just made her classroom writer tutor. Parenting matters to.

Michael Kornbluth

My Son Is Going To Trade School

I hate run-on sentence critics. It’s not my fault your slow and can’t keep up with my gender fluid flow.

Critical Race Theory is bullshit. Guaranteed money in the NBA, regardless of injury, is so oppressive.

The Muslim Sisterhood in congress don’t have an issue amplifying their voices in America either Jack.

Howard Beal was killed in the movie Network over lousy ratings. CNN’s worst nightmare come true.

British accents are unwelcome intrusive like Boris Johnson’s wife staring in my general direction.

Does Triple AAA offer ANTIFA roadblock assistance because the Proud Boys will do it free of charge?

Night screams mean you care about living. Or else you wouldn’t be afraid of dying before making it.

New York will come back, but everybody has left, except Free Palestine protestors and The Halal Guys.

Forcing kids to wear muzzles is wrong. Boris Johnson’s wife at the G-7 summit, not so much.

Jill Biden is a tacky, small town ho. Biden wears her panty hose when he can’t find his mask.

Masks are the new condoms only because I can’t cum in my wife wearing one either. 

99 percent of people survive COVID yet Fuck Face Fauci, AKA, Dr. Gnocchi pushed endless lockdowns and triple masking of our kids while acting as if COVID depresses your immune system more than entry into the Dallas Buyers Club.

Hydroxychloroquine can increase your survival rate by 200 percent. What’s up with that study Doc?

Still, Dr. Fauci used his power to block the use of it. He’s Dr. Kevorkian in reverse.

Biden is donating thousands of free COVID vaccines to Africa like a poor man’s Bill Gates who can’t code for shit either.

Sanctuary cities is encouraged lawlessness on crack.

1 kid only means, your diaphragm is for walls after all.

I’m against unlimited immigration because I’m not a proud member of the rapist enablement party.

If calling Baby Face Omar, a Jihad loving runt cunt, makes me alt-right, then I’m alright with that.

Where were you when Fox stopped counting the ballots? Thanking God JFK didn’t die for nothing. Yeah, me to.

My mom texts me Happy Father’s Day on the wrong day. Her happiness for me knows no bounds.

Boris Johnson’s wife, woof, woof needs water breaks, not my son 2 minutes into basketball practice.

My wife wants me to get COVID to say, “You should’ve worn a mask going down on MAGA mom.”

Trump Won signs at MLB is my new favorite America pastime, after telling Lebron to go woke himself.

The Mueller Report court hearing proved what again? Mueller parts his hair with gritty, elbow grease.

Did Drago pop out of your voting booth and demand, “Vote Trump or I’ll break you.”

When the Statue of Liberty went dark. I bet DeBalsio forgot to pay the Con Ed Bill on time again.

I hate the term helping others unless you’re applying for a job that says help wanted.

Maintaining relationships is overrated among those who think Mr. Groper won by a hair alone.

My son is going to trade school to become a landscape artist. Because NYC will have to start from Ground Zero at this rate. Or he could become a furniture designer within his own private studio and avoid charges of sexual harassment because he’ll design his own state of the art safe space for jerking off. Or he could become programmer and work remote unlike those software engineers who were charged with sexual harassment pre-COVID, despite them leaving the impression that they were too busy banging out new code to hit on girls anyway. Plus, I thought only ugly girls went to coding boot camp. Also, don’t programmers wear those yenta breath noise canceling headphones at work for a reason. Last, the typical Pearl script command isn’t, “Massage my carpel tunnel ho.”

My daughter’s 4th grade teacher just made her classroom writer tutor. Parenting matters to.

Michael Kornbluth

The World’s Most Woke Arena

The Foo Fighters are playing Madison Square Garden’s first big concert post pandemic on June 20th in front of 20 thousand fans, immune to catching an itchy esophagus or any semblance of taste throughout their everlong, edgeless lives.

But Dave Grohl is one of the good guys bro. He’s an accessory to murder. If Kurt Cobain killed himself, Woody Allen stands a shot at winning father of the year.

If Frank Sinatra is Ronan Farrow’s father, then why isn’t Woody sleeping next to Secretariat?

Courtney Love is Mia Farrow with better husband selection.

Can you a get a fake news fake vaccine ID in Times Square? Or does domestic terrorist money payments in bitcoin no longer apply?

What if a MAGA groupie flashed her tits at Dave Grohl from the front row, before throwing a secret stash of hydroxychloroquine on the stage? Would she be banned from MSG for inciting a riot against good drugs, that would’ve saved plenty a name?

They’re been more than 5000 reported deaths from the alleged miracle non FDA approved vaccine designed to keep you safe from the made in Wuhan virus, financed by US tax dollars, thanks to Fuck Face Fauci’s use of gain of function research, designed to get you more than rabies from Chinese Bats. What happens when that number reaches 100,000? Will the Who be invited to play next year at MSG if they promise not to play We Won’t Get Fooled Again? Or was that Pete Townsend’s alibi when he got caught clicking on soapybottoms@moveon.org, in the name of opposition research for a song about Pizza Gate conspiracy theorists? Alex Jones lives. Thank you very much.

And if Michael Jackson were alive today Monique, how would he defend himself against his Neverland accusers? All the Beatles royalty points in the world can’t buy me love?

Michael Kornbluth

In A Killing State Of Mind

True Lincoln Log story, Google it, my great, great, great, Grandfather Austin
Gollaher saved his boyhood friend Abe Lincoln from drowning, which is the
greatest presidential save since JFK kept Marilyn warm for Bobby. But a young
Abe had his friend Austin to never tell a soul about saving him from drowning
till he died because the black man couldn’t know he was a worst swimmer than
they.

Even Lincoln Logs are racist now. The Chief Play Officer of Hasbro declares, “Lincoln
Logs are racist. We’re naming them Obama Logs now. The Chief Marketing Officer
says, “But Obama grew up under a tent in Kenya, with dreams of building a Super
Mosque over the remains of Ground Zero. Kayne 2024 bitches.” Can I get a holla
for some Challah? Offended yet, then go woke yourself, holla, thank you very
much.

Remember, when we took out the number 2 in charge of ISIS, and the Washington Post called
him a religious scholar. Yeah, and Joy Behar is the Chief Happiness Officer for
Breitbart.

How does killing terrorists ring leaders make it easier for ISIS to recruit again?
As if ISIS would ever honor it’s non-compete agreement with Al Qaeda.

Plus, ISIS aren’t good recruiters in the 1st place. They just target other lonely
virgins who wish their phones blew up.

This is Corey Booker flirting with actress Rosario Dawson. Was it you or Chloe Sevigny
who died of Aids in that movie Kids? Just playing, in the end, that white bitch
didn’t feel so privileged after all.

I’m going to push my daughter into Lesbianism when she gets older. First, she
won’t get HPV, which leads to cervical cancer if left undetected. More
importantly, Lesbians don’t die of Aids because you can take a licking and keep on
ticking.

 

I caught my son playing with his sisters Barbie dolls yesterday. I said,
“Make sure you triple wrap pecker wood with extra thick layers of seaweed,
before you take another deep dive into Polynesian Barbie.”

Banging my GI Joes together well past puberty is way gayer than playing with Barbie dolls,
I think. Especially, when I had Gung Ho manhandle Cobra Commander like his gimpy
bitch in Pulp Fiction.

One year for Hanukkah, my mom got me a book called the 12 Stages of Puberty. It was
a humiliating gift to receive because my younger brother of 3 years had already
hit puberty and banged the 3 hottest girls in his class, who I tried to jerk
off to at the time but couldn’t. I say, “Mom, why would you give a puberty
book in front of my younger brother? He can play with himself whenever he
wants.” Mom says, “But you do that all the time upstairs with your GI
Joe figures.”

Whenever I’m out in public with my 3 kids without my wife, I hear, “You’ve got your
hands full.” And I’ll say, “If my wife agrees to an open marriage with Katy Perry after my book The Great American Jew Novel scores me an agent already. Then, my hands will be full. Thank you.

 

Michael Kornbluth