Stay At Home Comedian punches through poverty.
Do It All Dad’s Dad triggers genius in comedy record 88, Winner At Work.
Koshertarian Comedian rules.
At 10 my daughter has breast buds. Wife says, “She’s the last person in class to get them.” I say, “Then, why haven’t yours sprouted yet?”
Insult for my daughter to use on a mean girl bully in her class who calls herself Charlie Bear. Shut your bear trap Charlie, you commie bastard. Take the 1st shot, my friends and I will get the last lick in, and we will all go down together. Billy Joel lives, when the Lionshare of his greatest hits were considered lullaby music for eighties Republicans, Challah, thank you very much.
Son says, “Daddy, did you know 2022 is the year of the Tiger? ” I say, “I thought COVID vax patent owners and financiers of the made in Wuhan virus like Dr. Gnocchi and Bill Gates made it the year of the Four Eyed Snakes, my bad.” Challah, thank you very much.
Youngest son makes a dragon out of an egg carton during arts and crafts. I say, “Samuel, you’re too young to ask me why I called myself Dragon Lungs in college. Son says, “Because you were a blast off time moron long time, all the time in college, which is why it took you 5 years to graduate.” Challah, thank you very much.
Rachel Maddow is taking 2 weeks off from her show to block out the trauma of Chris Matthews harassing her yenta breath intern from Syosset, Long Island when he said, “Eating out Maddow, counts as your lunch break, babe.” Now, Rachel Maddow will be able to work on a new film documentary project directed by Ben Stiller called, “Cuomo, No I Don’t Want Jump Off My Own Bridge.” Challah, thank you very much.
Just to fuck with fair weather friends who couldn’t be bothered to acknowledge my text including a Grinding Out Greatness bit about Charlize Theron grinding off Anthony Mason’s dick off in the Woody Allen Movie Celebrity because they think I give a shit about their imposed measured indifference in relation to my surging mojo that keeps on rising, rising, I send a follow text paragraph that reads, “Magic Johnson caught palling around with Gavin Newsom at the Ram’s game isn’t the most flattering look since the governor is forcing vax shots on kids that cause more fertile issues than Magic’s gay son out of the womb. Forget the heart damage caused by these experimental vaccinations on kids who have been forced to become more emotionally jilted than Michael Jackson’s adopted kids on holiday in Bahrain. It’s not that I watch football anymore because I don’t endorse kneeling athletes who think it’s good look to kick Nazi destroyers in the nuts, again and again. But why the fuck would Magic Johnson be happy to pal around for the cameras with Gavin Newsome in the skybox? Metrosexual Getko has single handily turned the sunshine scurrying state into an abandoned tent city, sponsored by REI. Brentwood isn’t even considered safe for hairless Persian men to go cruising for Milo in town at a local Oxygen after Alex Jones has sucked down all the tanks for yelling at Fox News for not even reporting on the Canadian trucker caravan that has Trudeau running to Obama’s man cave in Martha’s Vineyard where he hides his secret stash of Almond Joy’s behind giant boxes of duct tape from Costco. Joan lives, Challah, thank you very much.
Did you know schools banned marking your tests with red marker? And we wonder why China gets away with biological warfare without batting an eye.
Son says, “Daddy, are you hoping the Groundhog shows his shadow, so we get 2 more weeks of winter?” I say, “Bill Murray will remain perpetually smug regardless, despite a puppet government installed with shadowy ties to China through Hunter Biden’s laptop since the day Democracy died. So, what difference does it make? Challah, Hillary Hammer Time Cankles, strikes again. Thank you very much.
Stay At Home Comedian kills as Big Mouth Moses.