10 Homer Daily

I promised my daughter we’d write a song together this morning. She sang it beautifully. I don’t call her Singing Rose for nothing, here we go.

10 Homer Daily

10 Homer Daily calls out home run blasts in her sleep while other mere mortals kill the time by counting sheep.

10 Homer Daily squeezes pitchers dry, of any juice left to even pick up a piece of pie.

10 Homer Daily is the bard of going yard. The thought of keeping up with her killer blast flow is so hard.

10 Homer Daily whacks endless balls into the clouds while the Baseball Gods look down below upon more thunderous crowds.

10 Homer Daily loves high fast balls the best, pitch her outside or in, she’ll win any homer contest.

10 Homer Daily can smash a ball out of it’s seams, so move over Robert Redford for the new El captain of your team.  

10 Homer Daily is quite a sight. Her is swing is prettier than Aphrodite’s reflection under the moonlight.

10 Homer Daily was born for these times, while others retire she’s thrives in a perpetual prime.

10 Homer Daily makes the ball disappear in the clouds, inspiring the millions of fans to chant take me out the ball game really, really loud.

10 Homer Daily hits moonshots with ease. She’ll do it again no problem despite the pitcher from the Dominican Republic pleading no mas please.

10 Homer Daily stats don’t require graphs, as her stock continues to rise, as she rounds home to use her bat to sign her signature home trot autograph.

Michael and Matilda Kornbluth

Dr. Seuss Is Tony Robbins For Kids

Dr. Seuss’s illustrations are steeped in harmful stereotypes they say. But I don’t recall him drawing a picture of BLM protestors looting the Gucci store, who refuse to pay.

Dr. Seuss drew a picture of a topless African in a grass shirt. He’s a racist then, it’s set. But I didn’t know Fubu was in fashion yet.

Has anybody complained about the hooked nosed, Goblin Bankers in Harry Potter yet? You know Mel Gibson was overjoyed with that movie set. Did JK Rowling, think, I’m hiring Mel Gibson as the set designer on my flick, Mel being a throbbing Jew hater dick, makes him my automatic number one pick.

What if I don’t care for Green Eggs and Ham? This means what, I hate the Irish race and refuse to play beer bong with them at such a rapid fire pace? Or does it mean, I insist on watching Irish movies with subtitles because of the funny way they sound, while also refusing to unfold my arms and dance in junior high to more Jump Around?

Dr. Seuss drew pictures of Asians eating with chopsticks, how sick. It’s worse than drawing a picture of Cardi’s B dropping chopsticks into her cum bucket, full of other forgotten stuffing’s in there like a lost lost chicken nugget.

What happens in the book, And To Think I Saw It on Mulberry St? Did Sonny and his crew beat up a bunch of rowdy bikers on the street, because they sprayed beer on the bartender and should’ve stuck to ordering their drinks neat? Wait a minute that happened in the Bronx Tale. American made mafia tales about the working man can’t be beat. I only wish Chazz Palminteri’s acting career, still packed so much heat.

Dr. Seuss is the Tony Robins for kids, who continues to inspires millions of kids to keep fighting for their dreams, instead of recommending they watch, 13 Reasons Why, whenever they feel their lives are falling apart at the seams.

Dr. Seuss was right. There is fun to be done and games to win. Just stop playing the victim, give Twitter a time out or just dump your tablet into the trash bin.

Michael Kornbluth

I Serve Lady Laugh Because

I serve Lady Laugh because it makes me happy.

I serve Lady Laugh because she makes me feel good.

I serve Lady Laugh because she make me feel most alive.

I serve Lady Laugh because she makes me feel special.

I serve Lady Laugh because it makes me feel less blue.

I serve Lady Laugh because it’s what I was put on this earth to do.

Michael Kornbluth

The Passive Aggressive Suicide Note

Kate Spade wins the award for most passive aggressive suicide note ever. Kate Spade’s suicide note only said this, “It’s not your fault. Dad will explain.” Dad reads the note and yells, “Explain what? I made you more miserable than Sylvia Path during Thanksgiving. What a bag of shit, Kate!” But it’s insensitive to make fun of mental illness. Go woke yourself. She left behind a daughter and was set for life. It’s not as if she lost her life savings during the Great Depression.  God forbid Kate’s shrink recommend she focus on her daughter and start a new purse line, decorated with happier emoji’s on Ecstasy  to drown out her billionaire blues, to keep hanging on.

Michael Kornbluth

Unmasking Dory

Dads are stronger cheerleaders than moms. My wife says, “It’s because we live in a Patriarchal society.” I said, “I thought it was because our kids cared more about my opinions. Because I actually show palpable interest in our children’s stories and never blank on how their living proof of God’s existence in our hearts, unlike that 2 faced bitch Dory.

Michael Kornbluth

 

Why Kids Love Back

 

Because you turn your bed into a 24/7 open milk bar. Which cures any potential abandonment issue scars.

Because you show interest in their stories and don’t space out on them every two seconds like a super stoned Dory.

Because you play with them come rain or shine. Thinking to yourself, I can’t believe they’re real or mine.

Because you reward their good behavior with fancy treats whenever they’ve been fuss free and don’t wiggle once in their seats.

Because you draw deal boards which make their imaginations run wild like a wide eyed, dream on, I can do anything consumed child.

Because you make them feel like the most important center of your universe instead of the reverse.

Because when you say I love you it doesn’t feel manufactured hoarse like you’re forcing the issue to avoid a divorce.

Because you make an Open Sesame Humus Bagel Sandwich with muenster to give their lunch options for summer camp more zest. Knowing Do It All Dad refuses to settle for second best.

Michael Kornbluth