Sperm Implanter or Sperm Terminator?

I have 3 sweet children of mine. But where do we go now, knowing my wife is trying to cut me off from having more? Insisting I yank out my life shooter power for good and abort our be fruitful and multiply mission forever.

 

I’m scared of getting a Vasectomy. I don’t want my ball sack to feel like Edwards Scissorhands face. After he cuts his face from trying to do blow off his iron claws, after polishing off a case of Chateau Margaux with Keith Richards.

 
When your wife forces you to get a Vasectomy, she’s like Ocasio Cortez the bartender. Insisting you’re cut off from more because you’ve already had your full.

 
If you do a Vasectomy search on Google, Planned Parenthood shows up higher than Web MD? Hey ladies, Planned Parenthood doesn’t have enough monopolized power over your Fallopian Tubes already?

 
Me explaining to my son why daddy needs a Vasectomy 3 kids later. I get excited too easily because I didn’t get popular with ladies till after college. I still can’t do a convincing pump fake or make it past 1 Mississippi.

 
If you’re tired of being called a Nazi for supporting President Trump, refrain from mentioning men’s reproductive rights to your wife on your ordained day of rest.

 
Some doctors in the US won’t give you a Vasectomy without your wife’s approval. Does this mean men’s productive rights is a fake news Oxymoron?

 
Hey Doc, tell me if you’ve heard this one before? A Vasectomy screams I’ve got enough knots in my back already from 3 kids. So, one more in my groin won’t make a difference.

 
But 4 kids would really piss my parents off. Then, only seeing their 4 grandchildren 10 days a year would scream, baby boomers don’t suffer so much from family separation anxiety. Emoji’s don’t make up for it.

 
I tell my Aussie wife. Forget the vasectomy, let’s try for another boy. But instead of a hiring a Rabbi for the circumcision, we hire Crocodile Dundee. So, a roomful of Jews can say: Now that’s a knife. You can chop it all off with that thing.

 

But 4 kids would piss me off 4 times as much. Knowing my mother in law would still get me a pair of bargain bin black socks for Christmas. Tired of replying with: Great, now I can postpone laundry for another week.

 

4 kids would really piss my parents off. But we call our baby Samuel baby and I’d like to keep it that way. He’s our lucky number 3 for a reason. They say, the “rich get richer, and the poor get more children.” And Jewish New Yorker’s don’t make convincing Potato Farmers.

 

I can’t complain about a 4th automatic fan of me on the home front. Mama would be overruled by our own Supreme Court Bench on all issues pertaining to Men’s reproductive rights moving forward. Sperm Terminator can wait.

 

The End,
By,
Michael Kornbluth

Abort Be Fruitful and Multiply Mission

Memo to Pro-Lifers:
I don’t need the baby womb memes to understand a developed, unlived life is inside. And unless you’re claiming responsibility for raising the child yourself or adopting kids you can’t afford, your memes are dare I say, a tad overkill.

Comparing 6 million Jews exterminated in the Holocaust to 20 million unborn black babies terminated by Planned Parenthood before they could grow up unloved, unwanted, abused and molested like Precious is in poor taste.

It’s hard to explain 3rd trimester abortions to your kids without sounding like you’re imposing PG-13 rated semantics to sugar coat termination of life. In
NY a pregnant woman can abort our be fruitful and multiply mission whenever, wherever within state limits.

I wonder if my parents would’ve aborted me in the 3rd trimester if they knew I’d end up with a learning disability. So, they could’ve avoided the horror of their station wagon bumper sticker: My Son Sucks at Standardized Tests.
Who am I kidding? My parents would’ve totally aborted me in the 3rd trimester if they knew I’d end up with a learning disability. Dad says: He won’t even crack 500 on his MATH SAT. What kind of a degenerate Jew do we want to bring into this world Carol?
To make matters worse, he won’t crack 500 on his MAT, having after having the benefit of taking his SAT untimed. When he finishes, his friends will have declared major’s sophomore year in college.

 

Doc, what’s the difference between a Vasectomy and an abortion? Fighting for men’s reproductive rights with your back against the wall. After your wife blew up her vagina and the damage is done.

I was born in the year of the dragon. Hence, my old school pot head name Dragon Lungs. That’s right, I was dropping dragon analogies before you Kayne knows best.

Daughter
Isabelle’s mom is racist.
Me
How so?
Daughter
She told Isabelle not to play with Sophia and she’s dark Sicilian.
Me
Yeah, that’s like 2 generations removed racist. Before luxury condos overtook the Lower East Side.

For February Kindness month at school, my daughter is asked to invite a new friend over to play. Daughter says: It says new friend Dada and I really have to be into someone to invite them over to our house. And we’re not an open borders family last time I checked.

If I’m President Trump, I start my SOTU with: I love my new Trump voiced GPS system. On your left in Mohegan Sun. Elizabeth’s Warren home away from home.

If I’m President Trump, I start my #SOTU with: Who cares more about black people? Jim Brown or Nancy Denture Breath Pelosi? Jim Brown was Lacrosse star at Syracuse. That makes him more Native American than you Warren.

If I’m President Trump, I start my #SOTU with: If you support sanctuary cities, you stand for what, encouraged , catch and release lawlessness? Too bad, E-Verify Voter ID is color blind my friends.

If I’m President Trump, I start my #SOTU with: Michael Savage still claims he’s the reason I got elected. And fake news says I suffer from delusions of grandeur.

If I’m President Trump, I start my #SOTU with: This Trump Train is bound for glory. Nancy Pelosi isn’t a very kind person. She’s very stingy with compliments. She only tips off twice deported, illegals on Ice raids.

If I’m President Trump, I start my SOTU with: This Trump Train is bound for glory. Rope a dope Biden is the best the Democratic party can do to defeat me. Doesn’t he know I have redacted FISA warrants up the wazoo?

If I’m President Trump, I start my SOTU with: Our state of the union is like Stephen Colbert’s handle on funny these days, shaky. Too bad, he doesn’t have Bill O’ Reilly to impersonate any longer. At least Bill gave him gravitas.

If I’m President Trump, I start my #SOTU. I can’t wait to read Ann Coulter’s review of my stammering stance on open borders immigration later tonight. Is it me or does she posses 0.0 personality off the page? Lonely, joyless women.

If I’m President Trump, I start my SOTU with: Hey Nancy, you do realize JFK Junior is still alive and all your FBI enablers such as Brennan and Comey are going to Gitmo for sedition? Obama never got around to closing it down as promised. Did he?

If I’m President Trump, I start my SOTU with: I win all 50 states in 2020 because Chuck Schumer worries about my tweeting over keeping MS13 out of Long Island. Keep it real Edward James Olmos. Too bad, you never deliver.

If I’m President Trump, I start my #SOTU with: I’ll take Stephen Miller over Ben Rhodes any day of the week. But Obama off a teleprompter these days bolsters Ben Rhode’s contribution output to the past goonish good administration.

If I’m President Trump, I start my SOTU with: Obama taking credit current Dow Jones highs is like Nino Brown from New Jack City taking credit for getting Pookie off crack and welfare. My magic wand is called deal making hustle.

If I’m President Trump, I start my SOTU with: It’s official, Hillary Hammer Time Cankles isn’t running in 2020. John Podesta was really sweating that announcement more than more Wikileaks. How does he stay skinny from eating so much pizza?

If I’m President Trump, I start my SOTU with: Super Bowl ratings at a 10 year low. I wonder why. But keep on trusting my polling numbers ANTIFA. Has Obama claimed credit for birthing Meto? His daughter interned for Harvey. Just saying.

If I’m Trump, I start my SOTU with: Is Bloomberg still running scared of Schutlz? Is 2020 going to be the year for Atheist Jews or what? Mayor Bloomberg’s more indecisive than Jared Kushner at the salad bar station in the Bellagio.

If I’m Trump, I start my SOTU with: Stallone is a dear friend of mine. He wanted me to ask our country for him. Is the Rocky statue coming down next because it promotes white supremacy? Did Nancy grind her dentures off yet?

If I’m President Trump, I start my SOTU with: This Trump Train is bound for glory. Either you throw mama Pelosi off the train or the American the public will for you. But congrats on becoming the party of no law and order ever again.

If I’m President Trump, I start my SOTU with: When I announce new lows for black unemployment and life changing prison reform for mostly African Americans. What are the odds Corey Booker checks out, sitting that standing o out?

If I’m President Trump, I start my SOTU with: Everyone on the left calls me
the new Hitler. In what Inglorious Bastards 2? Don’t worry sour puss Lemon. Sequels never live up to the original. Hasn’t Rape Wood taught you that yet?

The End

By,

Michael Kornbluth

 

 

 

Oversharing With My Daughter Again

Me oversharing again with my 7 year old daughter over American Dad.
Getting pushed down the stairwell is a good old fashioned abortion joke.
Daddy, what’s an abortion? A prevent defense on Divine Intervention.

We need to get you guys a new bookcase. One that is handmade. What’s handmade Dada? Something mama doesn’t have to put together herself without it falling part 5 months later because I’m a degenerate Jew who doesn’t know how to build things himself.

We need to get you guys a new bookcase. One that is handmade. What’s handmade Dada? A labor of love like the scarf Mimi knitted for you. What has Baba made for me that’s handmade? She thinks writing God Bless and nothing else on every card for you is enough.

Me oversharing again with my 7 year old daughter over American Dad.
Getting pushed down the stairwell is a good old fashioned abortion joke.
Daddy, what’s an abortion? Playing God like Alec Bladwin in Malice.

Me oversharing again with my 7 year old daughter over American Dad.
Getting pushed down the stairwell is a good old fashioned abortion joke.
Daddy, what’s an abortion? Resisting life altering change and feeling pregnant with possibility again.

Me oversharing again with my 7 year old daughter at the haunted mini golf house. My freshman dorm was all tricked out with black lights like this. Remember I told you about tripping on Mushrooms? Never listen to Beethoven on it trying to sleep it off.

Me oversharing again with my 7 year old daughter over American Dad.
Getting pushed down the stairwell is a good old fashioned abortion joke.
Daddy, what’s an abortion? Planned Parenthood would claim white privilege.

Me oversharing again with my 7 year old daughter over American Dad.
Getting pushed down the stairwell is a good old fashioned abortion joke.
Daddy, what’s an abortion? Never your destiny kid. Thank God. Can I get an Amen? Too religious LinkedIn?

By,

Michael Kornbluth