Early Hanukkah Gifts Galore

My Daughter receives the book Rebel Girls for Hanukkah. Grandma asks, “Do you know who Hillary is?” Daughter says, ” You mean Hillary Hammer Time Cankles? Yeah, she’s a 2-time loser alcoholic deplorable, living proof that Baby Boomer arrogance never dies, main pusher and financier behind the planted Russian collusion tale with less legs than Lieutenant Dan, the best-selling voodoo doll in Hatti year after year? Bernie Sander’s reason for sticking to bribes under the table and dreaming of a new summer home in Lake Chaplain next time The Dave Mathews band is in town. Hanukkah Challah Day, Challah. Thank you very much.

Sons are better slacker alerts than MMA fighters on the Joe Rogan Podcast. Son asks, “Daddy, why haven’t you gone on the Peloton today? I say, “I got a pinched nerve since Mama threatened to divorce me if I gave you kid’s the common cold through COVID. Son says, “Enough with the excuses daddy, “You’re worse than Hillary.” Hannukah Challah Day, Challah. Thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth

Fatal Misdirection

The new Alec Baldwin excuse for fatal misdirection.

“I’m an all over all the place Jew since I quit self-medicating by getting loaded.”

Couldn’t have happened to a nicer a guy, I heard. But Trump is Hitler 2.0. Relax Alec, sequels never live up to the original. Although Biden, AKA, Mr. Groper, demanding jab stabs among all federal workers, involving our military and all 1st responder emergency workers while exempting member of congress from taking it like horse face AOC, like anyone would knock up that blabber mouth twat on purpose, has managed to sexually assault the shit out of Lady Liberty with greater frothy ferocity than R. Kelly ever did to his leashed bitches under house arrest, in sweet home Chicago. Oh, yeah, Michelle Obama said, “It’s racist, if you flee from the south side of the Chicago. As if the south side of Chicago, the lead maker of bleeding controlling kits in the country, is only one Crepe Food Truck away from gentrification. Gentrification, you know liberal talk for less mouthy Cardi B’s, and more juice bars to load up on Vitamin D, since finding any access to hydroxychloroquine is harder than finding a film blogger on the Rotten Tomatoes who called the Irishman, “Underrated.”

The most feeble reply imaginable is if you ask somebody if they think Joe Biden actually won fair and square. Their upper lips furls into a frenzied despair, doing it’s best to keep the stream of ultra hesitant um’s from spilling out as their souls drops 5 stories closer to liar, liar, pants on fire hell. If Biden got more votes than even Obama Be Good, despite his campaign rallies being so tiny, they couldn’t even fill out the Little Mermaids’ miniscule clam shell bras. Then, Michelle Obama regretted pissing on the ceiling fan in the Lincoln Bedroom moments before Trump got inaugurated. Later, Trump takes a tour of the Lincoln Bedroom and get’s peed on for real this time and comments to Melania, “Is this what Michelle meant, when She-Hulk said, when they go low, we aim high?” Can I get a holla for some Challah? Joan lives. Thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth