Birthing My Babies

Georgia O’ Keefe, famous landscape muralist, said if you can’t give up something you love for 2 months in a row, you posses no strength of character or something like that. I tried to Google the quote and came up with goonish. So much for my  keyword, Boolean search recruiter background paying dividends for my writing career at all whatsoever.

So what must I give up that’s so important for me to birth my planned 2 babies in me this time around?  In order to prove to my 3 kids, only 1 being intentional how dad isn’t a spoiled, irresponsible, self-indulgent, crazed, alcholic, drug addict flake? Well, 1st I was thinking I only had to give up my cherished IPA’s, even my low calorie alternative Pap’s Blue Ribbon Tall Boys from the Deli. Which make me feel a tady hickish twentyish whenever I find myself buying them 2 at a time and drinking them for multiple days in a row straight. Despite, the famed Milkwakee brewer of such a slamable, crisp, pilsner, becoming rebranded in Willamsburg, Bushwick and beyond as the unofficiall hipster brew of choice.

But now I’m reached the conclusion outside of giving up on going to bars to watch my 1st love the Knicks this winter or with a friend like I see them anymore as a Stay At Comedian/Father of 3, knowing we’re on the cloud here at home. Outside of giving up my bombtastic, supple, hoppy forward, outrageously, lushytistic American made IPA’s, and my Knicks on TV this coming winter, my 3rd grandiose sacrifice in pursuit of securing what upstanding character I have left. And for the preservation of the focused, pure, loving  spirit of the incoming birth of my back to back inspired baby books, Birth of a Pescatarian Comedian. That documents my journey from boyhood to manhood through accepting responsibility for my degenerate lushy weekend, pot head littered ways in the past in exchange for getting high off the pure goodness of my 3 pitch perfect kids, baby Samuel’s inhalable feet and off my most impressive role yet, as our in house gourmand Pescatarian chef and host of our family meal review show starting tonight, Crazy Good Dada. Where I promote the mighty strength glory of the Pescatarian diet. Which is mostly, fish, veggies and cheese. By showcasing the wonderous raw power of my 7 year old daughter, Matilda, Singing Rose, AKA, Deltoids Dawn, doing one armed push ups on our family meal review show. Where we break the down the elements of what we ate, how many yummy dances it generated and what justified critiques, heckles or funny meal time storytelling it sparked in the process. Thereby, helping other do it all dads out there get inspired to make some heathy, delicious, Pescatarian meals for their kids during their ordained days of rest on the weekend. So their kids can make their working wives feel like slackers in comparison for a change.

How dare I imply any women of being  slackers in any capacity outside of bringing home the bacon. Kind of like how men today should believe all woman, regardless of logic or proof who charge a man of sexual harassment even when he works remote from home. Knowing all company Skype meetings start with the same old virtual office procedure as your boss states. Before we get this meeting started, folks, all the guys raise your hands up high where I can see them. Self-imposed butt plugs aren’t considered a form of toxic masculinity are they? But I digress.

So back to the more PG13 friendly leanings of our family meal cooking review show Crazy Good Dada. Where you’ll see my hulking, 7 year old daughter complete her 10 one armed pushed ups. Before barking at the camera with friendly fierce, fired up glee. Not enough protein? Followed by punching her left open palm hand with her close fisted one in a very, slow, deliberate, all knowing smirk. Which screams I’m the most proud, non-annoying feminist to the core. Who takes the utmost offense to anyone implying, I’m a weaker, energy deprived, subservient, flabby underling just because I don’t have any meat in my diet or ham and cheese on wonder bread for lunch either.

Ham and Cheese is a such a boring lunch, my 7 year daughter fumes on camera. She adds. And it’s not like your mom even uses good ham like prosciutto, topped with creamy, funky subdued cheese like Piave, just regular ham and white bread, boringgg. My daddy says the good old fashioned ham and cheese never went out of style. Meanwhile, I’m thinking, I never knew the ham and cheese sandwich had a style.

So do it all dad being me, I also host the Do It All Dad Podcast, dad friendly entertainment for you and me. I’ve produced 54 episodes so far, resulting in 27 hours of stand-up funny material in less than a year off the weed for the most part. John Lennon wishes he was this productive during his stay at home dad years.

Still, the big sacrifice which I must give up for birth of my coming of age baby book Birth of a Pescatarian Comedian and Stay at Comedian, Controlling My Kids through comedy is my non stop worship and relentless pursuit of the most glorious, most high, except you the Lord, the body, spewing, spitastic, yanker laugh.

I’ve gotten quite proficient at being an A list laugh generator for the past 3 years as a Stay At Comedian but I can’t have that be the bane of my existence anymore nor let my obsession with proving my funny man chops. Knowing I no longer have the luxury of living in Queens and Brooklyn without kids to hop on stages whenever I want anytime old time.

My constant precoccupation with rewarding my good natured cheer generation to the world with beer or wine in addition to my addiction to carrying on my incessant love affairs with all my comedy bud strangers on Twitter must end until I birth these author career babies out of me.

My coming of age baby inspired parenting books are a result of beoming an unplanned stay at home comedian dad. And my 3 kids are a wonderful by product of my teaching, hustling and loving. And I’ve been given a taste of paradise and never want to slip away. I want more of it, a 4th kid even to give my 1st born the sister she never had. Doing stand up as a headliner doesn’t mesh with this dreamy lifestyle I want to perpetuate more than I still want to mount Elle the Body Mcpherson standing tall from behind. I have to bang out my next 2 coming of age baby books with aplomb and make them the literary equivalent to Slippery When Wet and New Jersey to give. myself the freedom to create more and be known in my kids school as a best selling, funny man published book author.

Plus, the success of Stay At Home Comedian book will allow me to control my kids even more so through comedy by getting them involved in the magic creation of our family meal review cooking Show Crazy Good Dada on the stay at home comedian work front. Also, more importantly, the success of these books, will allow me to extend my time at home with baby Samuel some more. Who I’m growing closer to every day, yeah, yeah.

Everything about daddy, he’s interested in, especially the Knicks basketballs on my shirts, ball, ball, ball. His 1st word by the way because he’s used to spending plenty of time watching do it all dad over here drain so many balls at the local playground court from way down town.

All of my codes on my phone and computer now are Samuel Wins. And that’s how I truly feel about my decision to launch this blog, do my podcast, write my baby books, get some sample chapters published in national magazines and launch this family meal review show with my kids because kids today need dad around more. And my kids growing love for each other, where they all can’t seem to get enough of each other or me yet, is living proof it. And quite flattering to contemplate, emote about and feel on a daily basis through and through, come rain or shine.

If Amy Shumer is going to have a kid now, I can suck up not drinking for nine months also. For the record, I’m not making this up, Amy Schumer’s really having a Garbage Pale Kid, Snot Nosed Sammy. And Sarah Silverman is crying herself to sleep tonight into her favorite bed wetting averting, nightie hoodie. Lena Dunham is losing.

But in order to put more pressure on myself to make sure I don’t fuck up my last show at proving to my kids dad possess the strength of upstanding character and isn’t a slacker wimp at his very core. I told my 7 year old daughter to withdraw all forms of hugs for me if she sees me drink any beer or wine till I finish birthing my 1st baby book, Stay At Home Comedian, Controlling My Kids through comedy. Because those hugs unlike more empty filler from Paps, I can’t live without.

Yes, Stay At Home Comedian will be my smash book debut. Where I document my rise from slug to stud. Where I become a paid, published author on the stay at home comedian dad front becoming the new face of the remote work revolution. Who at 43 years old finally gets his act together, conducts his weed exit interview on his Do It All Dad Year Podcast, removes the foggy, deadened past, nervous energy weight to his writing and ends up dunking a basketball at the end of the book. With a picture of me doing it, yelling from hanging on the rim. Waste of height no more pops, that being my dad. In your face, I proclaim with all mighty, divine powered gleam in my eyes, in your face, in your face.

By,
Michael Kornbluth

Cascading Jokes On My Day of Rest

Vegetarians and Pescatarians don’t get enough protein counter punches for my kids to strike back with. Omnivores like yourself are more likely to get cancer. Increased hypertension knowing how much your parents mishandled your health isn’t helping you either.

In the brewery bathroom with 2 of my 3 kids. My 1st born is taking a number 2. Outside I hear. Who locks a public bathroom door? I reply. I got 2 kids in here. Take your Michael Jackson appreciation party someplace else

My daughter’s hilarious Mermaid deformity theory.
Mermaids are deformed and not fully developed women from head to toe because they ate too much seafood when they were pregnant. F you Louie CK. You wish your daughter was this hilarious. You to Rock.

Int. Used Book Shop
4 Year Old Son
Daddy, can you grab that book for me?
Stay At Home Comedian Dad
For Mr. Fantastic it wouldn’t be a stretch.
The puns just keeping pouring out of me today kiddo.

Texting funny to my friend.
Very proud of your sobriety bud. Natalia is taking the kids to the Bronx Zoo soon. I’ll be free to talk after I jerk off to mounting Pam Grier in Zebra print lingerie as an oversexed Zoologist.

What else are you banned from Daddy?
Besides the salon for my Hillary jokes. I got banned from the Comedy Cellar for going long because I was off to a strong start for once and invited my own caravan to attend.

I’m not 100% gay. I just never wanted to want to bang my wife too much. 3 kids later or not. What are my options now? Bang a German hooker the 1 time I had my wife agree to before we got married? Wear 5 condoms to extend my time in my occupied territory indefinitely?

INT. Coffee Shop
Older Woman
Your baby is the Gerber Baby come to life.
Stay At Home Comedian
Thank God I didn’t knock up Kathy Griffin instead.
Lately she looks like Clifford and Trans Chucky had a baby.

Int. Record Shop
Stay At Home Comedian Dad
Simply Red. Just the shot of testosterone I was looking for.
You don’t find that funny, UB40? At least the owner did to confirm my raging inferno inside.

Give my baby boy a pretend jump back breaker in the elevator. Wife freaks out in disgust despite my baby boy’s shrieks of pure, flowing joy. You’re going to make the elevator jam. Wife shrieks knowing her precious boy is never this loosey goosey in her arms.

INT. Brewery
Fish and Chips arrive as 1 plop of fried fish and fries on my plate.
Stay At Home Comedian Dad
My fried fish looks like a Knish.
Waiter laughs.
Now, my Limey Aussie wife is going to tell me I’m being too difficult.

INT. Bagel Store
Old Recruiter Bud
I got into sales leadership.
Now, I mange a sales team for a literacy technology company.
Stay At Home Comedian Dad
Kids use your platform to start off reading USA today in class instead of Sheraton Inn lobbies.

I hate Pizza tossers who tense around my beautiful offspring in their mediocre NY pizzerias. Your vodka sauce looks like brownish shit. Your marinara sauce is serviceable at best. And your Pinocchio nose looks like it got caught in a wood chipper Luigi.

Loved Joan Rivers on Fashion Police. Her story about Lenny Bruce saying they’re wrong, keeping her going after bombing for 2 weeks in a row was very inspiring for me. Still, her greatest hits on Spotify make Rodney feel the like classier, smarter, funnier act, sorry.
Madison Avenue is dead.
Some moron erects a billboard with KP and Durant saying “Make The Knicks Great Again.” Are you kidding me? Durant hates pushy, Jewy NY reporters more than 25 pound Kettle bell curls. Use your head morons.

Got the No Respect Rodney record on Vinyl today. Rodney was 43 when it came out. Which explains why my 3 kids to his 2 at 42 for me has produced such pressure packed gemry. Knowing I never had a lucrative paint sales career to fall back on in the 1st place.

By,

Michael Korbluth

Ex-Social Life Jokes/Deplorable Material

If Michael Has 3 I can handle 1 kid easy. If you had dragon blood roaring through your veins. Which you don’t obviously. You share joint custody with your wife for Christ sake. And you’re still in complete meltdown mode 24/7.

Tale of 2 Jakes

Want to catch the Knicks Nets game? I don’t think I can. I have to pick up Jake. So you want to blame your bitchy disposition toward being a father of 1 on me? Either you can hang or you can’t blow off bitch face.

Plus, your precious ex-social life involved videos smoking bombs with your phone at 11PM in the middle of work weeks. I think your 1 kid is better off without you spacing on being a dad again. And sitting on him like Christopher with the cat in the Sopranos.

If Michael Has 3 I can handle 1 kid easy. If you had dragon blood roaring through your veins. Which you don’t obviously. You share joint custody with your wife for Christ sake. And you’re still in complete meltdown mode 24/7.

Your Ex-Social Life Before pumping out 1 kid only was overrated. So you lived in Manhattan instead of New Jersey. Your gift of gab on beer or weed stinks regardless. Why else would you use EMOJI’s in IT recruitment sales on LinkedIn?

Get Over Your Ex-Social Life Going from 1 Phish show to the next in your run down RV. Had to wear on your lack of unique hippie cred after a while. Unless, you were selling Pimento grill cheese sandwiches I didn’t know about.

Only In America Baby
Wife says. You ‘re not allowed to explain what abortion is to my daughter. I’m a nurse who works with babies. This is my field of expertise. So you’re the abortion whisper now?
My sexually repressed text sent to a recruiter bud of mine on the train. The MILF has a soft, moist, plump mouth hot for immediate stuffage. No way she’s snagging a rock her size being a dead weight grazer. LOL indeed.

Int. Best Buy Worker You don’t like Lebron? Stay At Comedian Dad I respect his work ethic, God given ability and above average post season clutchness. And Charles Barkley is way more loveable and he hates on my Knicks 24/7.

Me on the phone with Robison Oil. My report says a “burner coupling broke?” Like when Chris Martin from Coldplay turned cold on Gwyneth Paltrow’s Kama Sutra moves after too many Kimchi taco Tuesdays became a family tradition.
My 7 Year Old Daughter Summing Me Up

You’re not a businessman daddy. What am I then Matilda? An underappreciated Podcast Host whose been Shadow Banned long time. You’re less annoying than Michael Savage.

 

Dad texts. I expected you to call us on Sunday per our conversation. My reply. Natalia was working all weekend. And I was busy with deplorable babysitter detail. It made me laugh.

 

By,

Michael Kornbluth

3 Kids Is Brave

3 kids is brave.
God didn’t give me 3 kids to have a panic attack over it. Obviously, he never had the same confidence in you.

3 kids is brave.

After you introduce yourself to Paul Mooney when on the surface, you’re the white devil incarnate. Looking like Hugh Grant on stilts. Whose in a Harlem Jazz lounge for a callback audition. It doesn’t phase you as much girlfriend.

3 kids brave.
Kayne West is brave. So were Joan Rivers and Anthony Bourdain. Lets hope the times really are changing. And Trump pushes for Kayne to get a Pulitzer prize of literature for his next album Big Daddy T.

3 kids is brave
I felt the same way about blowing my allowance on 30 Shawn Kemp Sky Box rookie cards in the 7th grade. After he slammed his manliness down the Knick’s throats 1 stuff at a time.

3 kids is brave.
My 20 month old son on the Tilt a Whirl in Lake George was brave. He couldn’t tell if he was thrilled or scared about his whipped brain milkshake or not.

3 kids is brave.

I’m not sending them off to go backpacking through no go zones in Germany.
Come to think of it. That’s a way scarier threat than sending the kids off to military school down south.

3 kids is brave.

They’re superior company than most. For example, I’d never hang out with you if I didn’t buy wine at your shop ever. Unless you were golden, snappy and opened wide like Heidi Klum.

3 kids is brave.
Are you kidding me? My Kiss Army is more imposing than ever. I feel like we can take over Kabul in our SUV.

3 kids is brave.
Only if your wife is a pill popping degenerate. So I’ve got that going for me.

3 kids is brave

Once you take Acid again after college in your early thirties. Parenting 3 is a walk in the park. I also confused cocaine for Crystal Meth once. Later, I blurt. You thought I knew the difference Ming. What is this, the Pepsi Challenge?

3 Kids is brave.
So is Woody Allen stashing his Time Life snap shots of Soon-Yi in his top sock drawer for safe keeping.

3 kids is brave.
So is standing up to applaud Roman Polanski expecting no moral outrage feedback in return. He’s an overrated rapist compared to Cosby.

3 kids is brave.
Heckling Dice in his prime 2 drink minimum in at Dangerfields is brave. Especially, if you’re from down south. Where finger food is anything which tastes like your cousin’s panties, oh. I can’t take no more.

3 kids is brave.
So, is going to the South Bronx in high school to buy sprayed nickel bags that taste like Windex. Wearing your Lacoste watch and white privilege pre-fake news on your sleeve.

3 kids is brave.
My wife isn’t Sarah Palin in her late fifties either.

3 kids is brave
If my 1st were Siamese twins.

3 Kids Is Brave
Let’s not act like I have to send all 3 to private schools in Manhattan tomorrow. I’m still so broke. My Hebrew name is under judicial review.

3 kids is brave.
If you’re a Rice Farmer in China and not a member of Joy Luck reading club in the Pacific Heights neighborhood of San Francisco, sure.

3 kids is brave.
Not if your 1st born is Lady Gaga incarnate from a Star is Born. Who schools her 2 younger brothers on creative play, infinite kindness and how to deliver the funny in non-stop show topping style.

3 kids is brave.
Working up the courage to tell your wife to lose a solid twenty if she wants her hubby to mount her with real lustful feeling would be some real Brave Heart shit.

3 kids is brave.
I think 1st time moms bitching about how their working husbands get off the hook during their maternity leave. Knowing grandparents on both sides help out 3 times a week at least is more offensively ghaulish.

3 kids is brave.
So is titty shaming your 7 year old daughter in Trader Joes with Child Services lurking around the corner. Hey, Matilda, you want to load up on soy dogs. It’s not like you got any boobs to expand.

3 kids is brave.
If I opened up for Russell Brand on his next stand up comedy tour. And refused to ask the nanny for references because only racist HR hacks at Fortune 500 companies demand background checks at all.

By,

Michael Kornbluth

Jokes You Won’t Hear on Kimmel

Int. Bar
Stay At Home Comedian Dad
I’ll have another Oktoberfest.
Because I’m an elitist seasonal beer drinker.

Nurse wife comes home in the morning after working all night. She’s done giving baby boob and asks. Can I go to bed now?

I reply.  Are we living under Sharia Law now?  Yes, you’re allowed to sleep now. But only after I titty fuck you with this bomb strapped to your chest.

Int. Pre-K
Stay At Home Comedian Dad
Arthur won’t be in school tomorrow. I convinced his mother to take all 3 kids to Delaware for a long weekend. So I can get my book proposal out already. And not be a bitchy, dependent, underling the rest of my life.

Pre-K teacher laughs long time.

Resist this Eric Holder.
Jim Brown has been working at reforming LA gang members before Easy E kind of hit puberty.

Michelle Obama is class personified no doubt. As the ex 1st lady has she ever gone on record stating her 2 girls are composed, bright, celestial beams of light because she held them to higher social standards than ANTIFA? Just curious.

Int. Tavern
Older Woman
Your son is gorgeous. Your wife must be fetching in her own right.
Stay At Home Comedian Dad
But her arm fat. Which my other 5 year old son points out at the dinner table. Weighs heavily on her overall bangability index score these days. If you really need to know.

Brutal day for resistors.
Kid Rock and Kayne have more talent, courage, humor, style and originality than all the Seth lame Meyer critic clones combined. If you’re still not afraid of Trump. You’re not into your mother as much as Seth Myers.

Brutal day for Jay Z fans for thinking he’s the well meaning good one.
Kayne at the White House today is discussing gang violence prevention and prison reform, not big J. Kayne’s got 99 mental problems, huh? But genuine independent thought from SNL isn’t 1.

Int. White House
Trump
Give my love to Kim.
Kayne
Lorne Michaels is still kvetching to Paul Simon over wheat grass shots as we speak.

Int. Oval Office
Trump
Give my love to Hank Williams Jr. Kid.
Kid Rock
You know Sarah Palin let me grab her for an autograph on my record Rock and Roll Jesus. But I gave Mike Pence 1st dibs.

The End

By,.

Michael Kornbluth

 

 

 

Mind of My Waiving Baby

Resist my release power of love baby. My daddy called himself Dragon Lungs before Kayne starting dropping dragon power. For the record.

Funnier dad, happier baby. Looks like your shit out of luck kid.

You can call me the Flirt Show if you’d like. Call me in 11 years and 4 months. Then, I’ll be a Hebrew Hammer Man according to Deuteronomy. Dada has been brushing up on his Old Testament lately, Deuteronomy.

I don’t need Kayne West for permission to release the love long time. Thank you very much.

 

My dad quit weed for me. And that was his 2nd true love after the Knicks and Katie King in Cape Cod. No offense mom.

Raise your hands if you don’t just care. Give it a try today Obama. I double dare.

Dada always tells me how God gave me the universe. So don’t be an asshole about it. So excuse my excessive feel good vibe asshole. New York mommies have issues.

My mom’s boobs taste better than yours do. According to Dada, mommy tastes better than most.

Have you ever been the beneficiary of a harmonica rib or a falling putzy apple tree head smash into your midsection? No wonder your miserable. So excuse me while I ooze more positive vibrations into the air.

Dada knows best. This Trump Train is bound for glory. And pretty soon, dada is going to buy this town. With all his comedy gold. That’s what he’s going to do. That’s what he’s going to do.

I’m Dada’s air guitar appendage. And Metallica fires me up like Moth into the Flame. Sold your soul. Build a higher wall. Daddy, says anyone who says Metallica stopped rocking from the Black album on is fake news.

I hear daddy score laugh yankers from strangers all day long. He’s more of a stay young at heart dad. Despite being a 42 year old unemployed comedian. Have a feeling his book will be huge though.

The Johnny Cash shot of flipping the bird is overrated. Plus, Shel Silverstein wrote his best song A Boy Named Sue, sorry. Does it hurt? My big sister can sing Ring of Fire verbatim though

My life is one endless red carpet except I don’t live in Rape Wood. Thank God Dada got out alive

The End

By,

Michael Kornbluth

 

Funnier Dad Happier Baby Theories

Wife
You calmed down for daddy baby.
He must have been hyper because he was hungry.
Stay At Home Comedian
Do you play harmonica rib on Samuel for more howls of unrivaled, rip roaring delight?

Wife
You calmed down for daddy baby.
He must have been hyper because he was hungry.
Stay At Home Comedian
No, we just play more together. Van Halen erupts on vinyl & he becomes my air guitar appendage for Christ sake.

Wife
You calmed down for daddy baby.
Stay At Home Comedian
I instill more joy than you. After the bubble, I roll baby Samuel up into our 1 hundred dollar pink towel from our wedding & belt out Pink Cubano in the house.

Wife
You calmed down for daddy baby.
He must have been hyper because he was hungry.
Stay At Home Comedian
Or you lack the comedic chops to lighten the mood with Samuel better than I do.

Wife
You calmed down for daddy baby.
He must have been hyper because he was hungry.
Stay At Home Comedian
Stranger Anxiety only applies to my mother babe.

Wife
You calmed down for daddy baby.
He must have been hyper because he was hungry.
Stay At Home Comedian
I don’t persecute him for playful noshing either.

Wife
You calmed down for daddy baby.
He must have been hyper because he was hungry.
Stay At Home Comedian
He’s my little wing man. We bond over hair metal ballads which fly high to the angels.

Wife
You calmed down for daddy baby.
He must have been hyper because he was hungry.
Stay At Home Comedian
Do you smash your big noggin into his belly in the form of my falling putzy apple tree routine?

Wife
You calmed down for daddy baby.
He must have been hyper because he was hungry.
Stay At Home Comedian
With me life is more beautiful. Our relationship runs deeper than mere milk transfer.

Wife
You calmed down for daddy baby.
He must have been hyper because he was hungry.
Stay At Home Comedian
You play him Classical Baby but I play him Neil Young on Spotify. Of course he feels cooler in my arms.

Wife
You calmed down for daddy baby.
He must have been hyper because he was hungry.
Stay At Home Comedian
He said ball before boob. Plus, he ever fusses at the park watching daddy drain 3’s from way downtown.

Wife
You calmed down for daddy baby.
He must have been hyper because he was hungry.
Stay At Home Comedian
You’re so full of it. Just admit he likes me way better than you.
Wife
You calmed down for daddy baby.
He must have been hyper because he was hungry.
Stay At Home Comedian
Then he’s the largest Ethiopian kid I’ve ever seen.
Wife
You calmed down for daddy baby.
He must have been hyper because he was hungry.
Stay At Home Comedian
I’m not the one who cuts baby off from more boob.
Is our bed an open milk bar or not?

Int. Home
Wife
You calmed down for daddy baby.
He must have been hyper because he was hungry.
Stay At Home Comedian
Or he was starved for Dada’s deeper embrace past more boob.

Wife
You calmed down for daddy baby.
He must have been hyper because he was hungry.
Stay At Home Comedian
He did do a yummy dance in my honor after my veggie supreme casserole last night.
Wife
You calmed down for daddy baby.
He must have been hyper because he was hungry.
Stay At Home Comedian
Aggressive huggers stick together babe.

Wife
You calmed down for daddy baby.
Stay At Home Comedian
Funnier Dad, happier baby. Controlling my kids through comedy is only the tagline for my podcast. Feel free to check it out sometime.  I’m only at 44 episodes and counting.

Wife
You calmed down for daddy baby.
Stay At Home Comedian
Nicknames create more personalized connections babe. Like when baby sticks his tongue out. His brother, sister and I yell Jabba, hut, hut, hike, in the house. He licks it up. Licks it up, oh, oh, oh!

By,

Michael Kornbluth