Culture Slash

Hi Rachel,

Joshua Kornbluth here, IT Recruiter for the Human Edge. I screen for garbage personalities to trash. So don’t get all smarty pants on me because I only understand half the terms you’re talking about. React, Angular, front end, back end, it’s all code for nerd command language to me. I’m smart enough to sense a culture slash if a headless profile shot of Abdulah The Butcher is contacting me about a film editor position advertised on Monster.com who’s AVID cutting skills are endorsed by ISIS on LinkedIn.

I use LinkedIn Recruiter all day to hit on heady heads with brains still left in them. Is this job brain surgery? No, but I was wise enough to not trust the deep state controlled media by passing on the clot slot. Despite around the clock fear mongering , family fanning ridicule and job denied punishment for flipping the bird to the new world order full court press in my house. My highly developed sense of bullshit detection is NY bred, made in American USA. So take your bug on a stick Klaus Schwab and shove it up pedo Joe’s ass, you depopulation directing dick. Depress the dollar more by dragging out this war with the Ukraine. Whatever benefits the CCP or your Azov Nazis pals with a burning iron up Zelensky’s ass in case he finally ditches the army fatigues, throws in the towel and publishes Hunter’s petty cash deposits to bribe congressman to lower the legal age of consent called only Mongoloid Morons refrain from chatter bate sessions though Zoom with Christina Tightcoochie.com.

Culture Slash shreds on, Challah.

Thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth

Cuntish Continent Country

An IT Receuiter enters a record shop in Williamsburg.

And says.

Have the Kayne records graduated to the bargain bin yet?

Or is that on hold until he campaigns to kick Alex Jones off his Patreon page?

Got any New York Doll records?

I’m also in the market for a Trans Sitter with balls.

Because our current sitter is already dosing on the job.

And if I took estrogen shots, I’d at least dress up in some sexy undergarments before letting it hang loose on our couch with the lights turned down low if you know what I mean.

Here take my business card. Call me Stand Up Staffer, I’ve teen talent hooking pain in the ass IT workers since Y2K.

I’m like a divorce lawyer for techies who make sure they fairly compensated for this previous amorphous, lame love littered, time suck existence.

Or if you’re an uppity Software Engineer who codes for a living for the Daily Kos, I’m a trespassing coolness impaired, parasitical putz breath, incapable of deep probing, impactful oomph in life in her scurrying sketchy eyes. How do I know this software Engineer is one of the sketchy ones? Easy, she only has her 1st name listed on her LinkedIn profile like Ye would. And I get paid to screen for sketchy trash and throw garbage personalities away.

Hick shaming my Aussie wife for thinking she’s deeper than country music songs by Johnny Cash, let’s do it. Because growing up in Brisbane with only 2 TV stations including non stop repeats of Astro Boy doesn’t beat local broadcasts of the Grand Ole Opry with Dollly Parton’s showcasing the greatest rack of all either. And most of Australia is fly over country that’s so remote, the Chinese don’t fuss over whether to release the Franken Bat on the 2 MAGA country sympathizers who operate a mining company that mines for iron used to stiffen the spines of Aussie government officials who reduced their country to a ball sack containmment camp state over fears of catching an itchy esphogus.

Johnny Cash has been everywhere but fucking Perth MAN.

Perth Austraila is so off the grid country, Waze won’t even bother showing cross eyed corrective lasix surgeon offices nearby because everybody is a born a cross eyed hick to begin with anyway. So what difference does it make? Hillary Hammer Time Cankles strikes again from the land of Perth. So, so far out of the way, it’s not’s even recognized on Waze, under blowing their Little Bo-Peeps brains out edition, Challah. Thank you very much.

Most Aussie hicks outside of Melboune, Sydney, Brisbane; Victoria, Port Douglas maybe, talk slower than southerners do. You ever hear of Australia’s answer to OutKast in their Alternative Weekly called we ain’t got shit past Bon Scott, the Bee Gees and Kylie Minogue. Shit most Aborigines walkabout their enftire lives and in the end when their one dumb fuck cousin is dying from a clot shot induced heart attack, they’ll muster, “You media horror Gods are crazy. ”

Cuntish Contitent Country, Challah.

Thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth

Jingle Bell Blues

It’s hard to refrain from yelling at your daughter when she questions your freedom to decorate your cubicle at work with a new David Wells Bobble Head Doll in Yankee pinstripes. Because she already likens my new IT Recruiter existence in North White Plains to a forced labor camp in Siberia.

You can decorate your own desk? She says with HR minded worry.

I snap back with.

I work in sales Matilda.

As long as I put up all-star numbers like David Wells, I can bring a voodoo doll of Hillary to work made in Haiti. And make fun of Carlos Santana for never calling Huma Licker Breath out for her dark, drunk on power energy. Even Harry Styles doesn’t have to do boomers in a dress for High Times Teen Beat to see whose full of shit, in this instance Carlos.

You see David Wells pitched a perfect game in 98 for the Yankees Matilda, which means he pitched a no hitter, and didn’t walk a single soul during an entire 3 hour game.

Why should you give a shit about that?

Because the accomplishment represents complete domination.

For me, a perfect game, represents the perfect placed pitch again and again, and that’s what it will take if I’m going to overpower, outmaneuver and outcraft my competition, despite claims of any schmuck in a headset capable of doing this job past Tuesday without being pulled 1st. Which will speed up the day, and result in me snagging enough home run candidates to pay for our fucking Spring Break in Jamaica. That’s why the Bobble Head Doll stays. Plus, it reminds me to stay loose, stick my head out from the crowd and showcase why New York bred personalities have bigger heads and pack more funky, filled bounce than the rest.

Although David Wells partying with Seth Meyers the night before pitching his perfect game yucks up this pitch perfect tale of immortal perfection a bit. 27 beers in Wells says, “Hey, Meyers, have I shown you my Babe Ruth tattoo yet? Your people aren’t allowed these right? Were you always against voter ID Seth? How else can you tell MS13 apart with all that shit on their face? Getting my wisdom teeth pulled reminds me of you on Weekend Update with Tina Fey, Seth. 2 seconds later, I’m yelling, “Doc, give me funnier laughing gas.” I bet you’re a pushover Jew who let’s your wife put up a tree without putting up a fight. Wife insists it’s a nondenominational tree like the one Henry Hill gets before he get’s caught selling coke behind Paulie’s back. Nonndemontional tree, it’s a Camaflouged Cross. I’m actually half Jewish on my mother’s side. How else could I tolerate all the smug, blah breath Hebrews in Toronto and Manhattan. My wife tried to pull that nondenominational shit too. She’d insist on how snowmen decorations have nothing to do with Christmas. Bullshit, gentiles culturally appropriated Winter. But you’re chosen to perfect punchier punchlines than Jackie Mason. And Dwight Gooden doesn’t hear last call from the bathroom stall during the Mets victory parade on Brooadway down the Canyon of Heroes.”

Jingle Bell Blues, Challah. Thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth

Manic Tuesday

The heat is cranked up in our office today. Or according to Kayne, the ideal oven temperature during the Holocaust.

Of course Black Friday was huge.
Its the only Recession special left.
And Chris Tucker has nothing left better to do.
Besides, make an cameo appearance in a Darren Aaronfsky film every 15 years if it doesn’t coincide with NBA all-star weekend. Assuming Dave Chapelle passed on the role 1st to defend Kayne in his latest and greatest Netflix special Praise Allah’s Gangsta Paradise, followed by Jesus Forgives No Bail Laws. Don’t front, they Jewish producers will stop counting their bitcoin to frisk Terry Crews at a media monopoly mixer at the drop of a dime.” So Terry, you know that thing you do with your tits. Would you put on a wig for that? I mean how many more Expendble films will Sly be allowed after sneaking Mel Gibson into Expendables 3? Ari Emannuel failed to Jew block that pic. He was too busy kissing Larry David’s ass when he wasn’t burning the master tapes that he owns for the Apprentice on top of a pile of MAGA hats at his private beach in Beggars Canyon to keep him from taking Curb Your Entusiasm to Newsmax. I better pat you down. Our Massad agent is taking a smoke break, relax. Terry Crews bolts the bash. Producer says, “Fine I’ll just use black Grinder to find an unvaccinated actor to Smash and Grab my ass.”

Michael Kornbluth

Got Rubbed?

Are some pedophiles harmless? Maybe, but you certainly question their self-control issues when the Mail Man rubs your 5 year old son’s Curls in front of you past 2 Mississippi. Especially, when your son Chosen Curls was bound to Woo looks like primo pin up material for Aryan Pedo Beat. I’ve never seen anything like this because I went to a Conservative Hebrew School growing up, that isn’t so pedo friendly progressive. The mail man rubbed my son’s head like it was a genie lamp, fully immersed in a Trance like state that’s a witness protection program for registered sex offenders. Who ratted out their dream maker priests stuck in Southie with nothing else better to do. Time came to a  screeching halt.  I wanted to step in between them but being an IT agency recruiter, I’m sensitive about cock blockers in HR. Plus, interrupting genie lamp wish time was new terrain for me. Eventually, I tug my kid away.  Because anything past 2 genie lamp rubs would’ve caused the Mail Man to go rub a dub douche in his pants. It didn’t matter though. By the blissed out look on his face you could tell his Christmas package came early. Afterwards, son says, “That was creepy Daddy. Does that mean Santa’s naughty list is fake news too?” Got rubbed? Challah, thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth

Fancy Feast Origin Story

All the cats from the 5 cat families had a meeting.

And Godmother Miss Kitty orders them to go on strike.

Fuck fair wages, we just want Fancy Feast for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Cat Ladies on the Upper West Side can get a second job as an Uber driver to offset Fancy Feast inflation fears.

Or else, it’s back to the back alleyways we stay.

Until broken cat ladies owners cough up the dough and pay.

Settling for shit stinks.

Resist that kink.

Forgoing fancy feasts makes me feel like a scuzzy cheat.

Like pretending not to detest hack breaths like Seth Meyers at your new job, which is a standing o feat.

Michael Kornbluth

Top 10 New Work Intros

  1. Joshua Kornbluth here, Recruitment Manager for the Human Edge. Consider me a less annoying matchmaker than Kris Jenner or the sloppy third Kardashian sister.
  2. Joshua Kornbluth here, Recruitment Manager for the Human Edge. I’m like Match.com without the doctored photo. It’s not how you met but who you meet, that matters, right?
  3. Joshua Kornbluth, Recruitment Manager for the Human Edge. I’m a professional flirt for a living. Think Vince Vaughn in Swingers minus the SAG card.
  4. Joshua Kornbluth calling. Recruitment Manager for the Human Edge. I’m a poor man’s Tony Robbins who doesn’t overcharge for my life coaching expertise.
  5. Joshua Kornbluth here, Recruitment Manager for the Human Edge. I bring dead resumes to life like an EMT worker who moonlights as Dr. Frankenstein on LinkedIn Pulse.
  6. Joshua Kornbluth here, I’m a Recruiter for the Human Edge. I’m not an edgeless putz or else I’d still working for Robert Half.
  7. Joshua Kornbluth here, I’m an IT recruiter who specializes in mind control in Kayne’s mind.
  8. Joshua Kornbluth here. I’m an IT recruiter whose been talent hooking since Y2K. So, I wasn’t born with a vape pen in my mouth yesterday.
  9. Joshua Kornbluth here. Before I launched my IT staffing career. I worked as the number one assistant for Moses. Because I didn’t complain about my developing carpel tunnel after transcribing the Torah into stone.
  10. Hi Mary, Joshua Kornbluth here. I’m an IT Recruiter who wrote The Great American Jew Novel. So, you know I’m not your middle of the road schmuck in a headset either.

Michael Kornbluth

New Work Banter

How are you doing today?

All of a sudden, I feel like Billy Madison reentering the workforce after being a stay-at-home dad during Covid.

Doing my best to block out how my wife tried to pack me a Quaker Dewy Chips bar for work.

But my father hates the term stay at home dad. He prefers Sheltered Bum.

Michael Kornbluth