Hillary Should’ve Hailed A Cab In Harlem

Do you remember when it took Hillary Hammer Time Cankle’s 5 times to get her MetroCard to work, for a failed photo op in a subway station in Harlem? Before swipe number 5, you can see Hillary Hammer Time Cankles, give herself a pep talk,  muttering, underneath her stank afternoon Chardonnay breath, “Super predators, I mean black people are watching.  You can do it.”

Michael Kornbluth

Controlling My Kids With Comedy Pitch

Controlling My Kids With A Comedy, A Love Story, is tale about stay at home dad’s quest to become a podcast hero and publisher author who refuses to give up on making money off his special brand of edgy, family man funny, in order to make his Do It All Dad Year come true. It’s also a clown origin story and about how faith is never giving up on doing you.

Books about fatherhood blow because they never emote about falling for fatherhood, why children love back or how comedy control rules until now. Because like famous humorist, Victor Borge said, “Laughter is the shortest distance between 2 people.” So getting more laughs from your kids is the difference between growing closer to your kids or bombing at parenting, as long as you focus on making the most of your stage time with your kids because they’ll always love you back with 10 times more emotional oomph as long as you make them feel like the center of the universe instead of the reverse.

But failing to be a provider bites and stay at home dads can’t survive unless they find way to cope with not being a financial provider for the time being. Controlling My Kids With Comedy, is also a tale about how stay at home dads get no respect from fake feminists until they start bringing home the bacon again and how coping through clowning through jokes is a way to fight back. It’s also a tale about the pursuit of happiness from the stay-at-home work front, which is the best choice our dads never had. Controlling our kids with comedy, can make our kids great again, Do It All Dad’s fuss free kids, 98 percent of the time are living proof of it.

Michael Kornbluth

I Serve Lady Laugh Because

I serve Lady Laugh because it makes me happy.

I serve Lady Laugh because she makes me feel good.

I serve Lady Laugh because she make me feel most alive.

I serve Lady Laugh because she makes me feel special.

I serve Lady Laugh because it makes me feel less blue.

I serve Lady Laugh because it’s what I was put on this earth to do.

Michael Kornbluth

Do It All Dad Does Jokes Dedication Intro

Do It All Dad Jokes is a pre-election comedy special dedicated to the silent majority of Americans who haven’t lost their sense of humor yet. It’s also dedicated to the funniest President of all time ,whose made ball busting great again, despite the Russian collusion witch hunt, which had less legs than Lieutenant Dan. Oh yeah, when Bob Mueller testified in front of Congress, we learned he parts his hair with good old fashioned elbow grease.

Do It All Dad Does Jokes is also dedicated to my comedy heroes such as Rodney, Don Rickles, The Dice Man and the late great Joan Rivers. They’re comedic DNA has become my own. Joan lives.  In particular Do It All Dad Does Jokes is an all-star showcase of highly topical jokes, making fun of the resistance insanity, that’s consumed Hollywood, Media, Big Tech and our culture at large ever since Hillary Hammer Time Cankles lost, kicking off the never ending excuse tour, proving, baby boomer arrogance never dies.

For those who’ve been clamoring for actual laugh generating jokes, that aren’t about demonizing the big, bad, blond wolf in the White House, then you’re in for a real treat. And for those, who take offense at bits such as Quiet Riots My Ass, Defending Those Devilish Jews Again,  Kneeling Is Spitting On Vets Graves, MAGA Hats and Skinheads Don’t Mesh, Masks Are The New Condoms, Not, Hamilton Is Worse than Obama Rapping and Collin Kaepernick Sports A Fake News Fro. Then, go woke yourself or move to China and work for Elon Musk for all I care. You don’t care about making American comedy great again, but I do.

I wouldn’t have been able to create this elusive killer set as a stay at home comedian, hosting my Do It All Dad Year Podcast for the past 3 plus years without my biggest booster in the universe, my infinitely, funnier, sweet twin, Matilda Singing Rose Kornbluth, to look after and entertain her 2 adoring younger brothers in my pursuit to make the world laugh for a living and serve lady laugh with all my God given, punchy might.

Controlling our kids with comedy, can make our kids great again, my 3 fuss free kids, 98 percent of the time, are living proof of it.  Last, I want to thank my Do It All Nurse Wife, whose loving support, begrudging or not, that’s provided me the freedom and time to take creative chances, hone my craft and break on through to the other side of comedy heaven, where Rodney says to me one day, “You produced 3 amazing kids but your jokes were perfect.”

 

My Very Best,

Michael Kornbluth

The Italian Reptilian Inside

Andrew Cuomo looks like Mama Fratelli from Goonies and the Thing had a baby.  And why is the Italian Reptilian releasing rapists in the streets of NYC again?  There’s no more helpless elderly to rape. Plus, if he’s so worried about the rapist prisoners spreading the Coronavirus inside jail, can’t the Golden Girls hit man Cuomo order the wardens to send the most prolific rapists to the Hole, knowing New York City bars have plenty of chicken wings to spare because they’re no longer considered sophisticated enough bar grub for the cold blooded Italian Reptilian inside.

Michael Kornbluth

Don’t Stop Feeling

I’ll always love Journey. Lead singer Steve Perry is the “voice” for a reason. Still, listening to Steve Perry’s new album on Spotify this morning, made feel like the eunuch sentimentalist from Game Of Thrones; desperate to feel a link to my age of innocence.

 

Michael Kornbluth

All Lives Matter Is The New N Word

Imagine J.J Redick wearing an All Lives Matter on his NBA jersey this year? If he manages to get home after a Pelicans game in one piece. His wife says, “It’s never too late for me to use this coupon for the Dollar Shave Club, if you don’t want to give them the pleasure of cutting you first. I’d also lose the tats and the alt right comb over look on top.

Michael Kornbluth

 

 

 

Jeff Ross Roasting Jay Z

Jay Z sat out the anthem during the Super Bowl because back in the VIP room before the game, Jeff Ross busted his balls, saying, “Hey Jay, don’t you think child separation could be a good thing? I mean look how you turned out. Plus, if Coco never got separated from his parents, he never would’ve become a mini Los Lobos in the making.”

Michael Kornbluth

 

The Wise Black Grandma Replacement

Wish I subbed my no-show, whiny Jewish Grandma for a wise black grandma for my wedding. I’d post an ad on Craig’s List with the headline, Wise Black Grandma Needed. Then, add below, Tyler Perry impersonators are welcome to apply but you must be comfortable performing in front of white audiences only.

Michael Kornbluth