Chris Rock says the worst thing about the made in Wuhan virus, designed to wipe out large swaths of life, kill off the small business owner and any veneer of fair elections ever happing again, is being a faceless nobody in a mask for a whole year. I thought Chris Rock and Mary J Blige were the only black people who lives in Montclair, New Jersey according to Chris?
Didn’t he get to work on FX when the entire country was shut down and forced to pretend they enjoyed remote learning for their kids? While Jeffrey Toobin at the New Yorker, forced every Zoom meeting forward to start with, “For all you perverted, Jeffrey Toobin degenerates, raise your hands up high, where I can see them.”
Chris Rock missed being noticed. You could’ve looted a Target with no mask on Chris without fearing any career hampering restrictions. But you’re cool with Lebron and company taking a knee for the National Anthem, because guaranteed money in the NBA is so oppressive. Now, cops are Ice Cube’s best friend, since they’ve been unmasked as neutered gimps in the face of peaceful protests, resembling Public Enemy videos come to life. Fuck the police actually takes on a loving Motown feel now, to show how much you appreciate them taking a knee, because they’ll be caught dead wearing Nike sweats till their grave no matter what. I’m positive a looter would’ve taken a time out from snagging more high definition TVs to ask for your autograph Chris, without sweating the tossed salad man on the horizon. Especially since bail was eliminated, proving blue balls for men in blue don’t matter, because it’s impossible to maintain sustained stiffage, when bad guys are being rereleased by the time Deblasio wraps up his 2nd set of 10 pound curls at the Park Slope Y.
If Chris Rock wants his name to pack real heat again, he should befriend the head of BLM who just scored a cushy new TV development holding deal with Warner Brothers. He could host a new reality show for big money like, Lifestyles Of Rich Bitch, BLM Activists, holla, thank you very much.
Waiting for Biden to condemn violent attacks against Jews in the name of Palestinian terrorism. Is like waiting for Jill Biden to give Kwanza shout outs on Twitter, without Kamala Harris accusing of her cultural appropriation 1st. Holla, thank you very much.
The Teddy Roosevelt estate was afraid to accuse DMX of cultural appropriation for reimagining the Rough Rider name while thugging it up for all it was worth, in hit raps songs such as, “Pit Bulls don’t Do Gentrification.” Gentrification you know, liberal talk for less black people. Yesterday, I drive past Yankee Stadium on the Deegan and say to my daughter, “Look Matilda, the new Yankee Stadium, the House That Gentrification Built.” Daughter asks, “What’s gentrification?” I say, “Liberal talk for no plummeting apartment appraisal values since Neil and Bob opened a multi level, gay gastro pub dance club called Hip Hops. Where banging brews and banging buds meet to rum shaker the night away to old school hip hop beats. Holla, thank you very much.
Getting checked out at Kohl’s, worker there says, “Do you have any coupons?” I say, “No, I’m not ready to identify with being a Stay At Home Shemale Comedian just yet. I need to market my book The Koshertarian Comedian in the hope of hunting down any talent agent left capable of locating their ball sack again on my behalf. Kohl worker laughs long time. Thank you very much.
I’m getting copies of new keys. The locksmith asks in apologetic fashion, “If you don’t mind, can I see your ID for the mail key?” I said, “No problem. We already let ISIS vote in our country without ID. So what difference does it make? Hillary Hammer Time Cankles lives holla. Thank you very much. I add, “Why is asking a Latino for ID racist?” Do Latino’s have to pass a new height requirement, I’m not aware about? If I get pissed from someone asking for my ID, it’s at Target whenever I’m buying beer with my 3 kids, which makes me feel like a teen dropout mom from Tallahassee. After getting asked for my ID, I want to change my job title on LinkedIn, To Crystal Meth Homemaker. I need to get over it because a teen dropout mom from Tallahassee is more likely to buy cases of Coors Light instead of Sierra Nevada Pale Ale, the pale ale that never get’s stale. Personally, I wish they’d make a Toothpaste that tastes like Coors Light already, so I don’t taste anything afterwards. Holla, thank you very much.
I actually gave up drinking beer last summer. It got embarrassing spending so much time hungover, recycling, empty reminders of my lush littered past, as entire Rock Marathons on AMC passed me by.
My Jewish father from the Bronx, shares more in common with Native American Indians than Elizabeth Warren. Members of his tribe, called my putzy prone Dad, Trips on Curbs. Which reminds me, they have have a Trump voiced GPS system now, that gives insult embedded directions, “Make a left for Mohegan Sun Casino, Elizabeth Warren’s home away from home.”
Michelle Obama says, “It’s racist to flee from the South Side of Chicago.” She acts like the South Side of Chicago is one crepe truck away from Gentrification. Gentrification, you know liberal talk for less black people. The other day, I point to the new Yankee Stadium as we drive past it on the Deegan and say, “Matilda, look the new Yankee Stadium, The House that Gentrification Built.”