Tag: cannabis

Woody Killers

by doitalldadyear, posted in culture, poetry, writing

The decline feature on LinkedIn-In Mail is designed to convey a semi-aggressive f off vibe, don’t you think?  

It’s the closest an IT nerd from a hedge fund in Greenwich, CT can get to hitting you over the head with NO.  

VP Of Product Engineering rumbles to his wife at night.

My team programs trading strategies for masters of the universe.

This Headhunter Writer couldn’t get into Hillsdale College early acceptance.

He’s a God damn disgrace.

You bet your ass, I declined his LinkedIn, In-Mail.

I’ve got no room in my life for another parasitical putz face.

We manage big Pharmas bankroll for Christ stake.

But seriously, the decline feature on LinkedIn Mail screams passive aggressiveness that’s out of breath.

How did this glamorized indentured servant who works on a draw, get the balls to hit on me?

I piss Benjamin’s as far as the eye can see, after my team polished off 2 kegs of Dog Fish 90 minute at our Company Retreat in Capri.

The decline feature on LinkedIn In-Mail is designed to rub in your short sighted loserness in your face.

Yeah, smart move hitting on me through a keyboard lame o breath.

Why don’t you cold call me like a man, so I could tell you to f off in real time with more resounding Shazam?

When someone takes the time to click on Delcine after you blow your load on a LinkedIn In-Mail.

It means, you got under their skin a bit.

So, it’s their turn to make you feel like shit.

If someone actually takes the time to click on decline after receiving a LinkedIn In-Mail in means.

Either A) I want to take a shower

B) Your confidence is off putting

C) You’re not hot enough to hit on me.

D) You’re too dumb to do what I do.

E) Everything you spat in my direction; I can articulate better.

F) Frankly, I don’t normally read LinkedIn Mails because most Recruiters are illiterate burnouts, but I don’t want to you feel sneeringly superior around your pathetic plagued peers.

G) My day just went from good to great, by putting you in your place.

H) Hacks are us, not interested. If I had an ugly stick, I’d beat you over the head with it, till you scurried off to cave underground with nobody else around, where you belong.

I) Idiot, nobody writes in complete sentences anymore. What makes you so special? #RookieRecruitersneverknowwhentothrowinthetowel

J) Jump off a bridge already. You hit on nerds for a living. If were still in high school, Alpha males in school, wouldn’t even waste their time acknowledging your bottom feeding, sexless existence.

K) Kill yourself. I went to the University of Chicago. You went to Ithaca, which is Cornell’s retarded next door neighbor, I win again.

L) Love yourself less. You’re desperate, delusional, dunz face for thinking this attempt to connect would impress.

M) You have no business feeling cooler than any millennial mousketeers who made twice what you make since they raised minimum wage their senior year in college.

N) Nudge your boss into firing you by wearing a xeroxed copy of your latest COVID test at work, so you can make more money collecting unemployment.

O) How do you feel outstanding doing what you do? You badger companies into hiring software engineers who are going to get a new job anyway. Regardless of you emailing their resume, which is your only way to sway.

P) Piss off, you predatory peon scrub. You’re only good at taking well enough to get another recruiter job, you’ve haven’t gotten fired from yet bud.

Q) Quit your recruitment agency career already. You obviously care more about entertaining yourself than your intended audience within the IT sphere, who aren’t known for their rolling senses of humor in the 1st place.

Y) Yuck it up Headhunter Writer. Have fun telling yourself that writing inspires the next time you get fired.

Z) Give your brain a rest and take some Z’s. I bet your sneezes are annoying too. So, f off already please. Do I have to get on my knees?

But Headhunter Writer inspires. So how you can decline further chats with me?  

Oh, yeah, you’re a deadweight conversationalist.

That’s what I get for pissing up the wrong tree.

Woody Killers live, Challah.

Thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth

Recess Passes Matter

by doitalldadyear, posted in culture, entertainment, humor

Instead of giving criminals get out of jail free cards, which is what no bail laws do.  We should institute a recess pass system that my teachers used on us to discourage bad behavior growing up except these Recess Passes are used for Cannabis shops in New York City. Latrel Sprewell’s kid chokes out a cop’s white privilege and he gets his recess pass to the cannabis shop taken away. Thugs Lives Matter Most, start having panic attacks on the Subway. Where am I going to get my gummies now? Stink free plus ash free equals zero regrets homey. Plus, I don’t want to share a blunt with your ass just out of the slammer, you monkey pox packing motherfucker.”  Recess Passes Matter, Challah, Thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth

Crime Stalling Solution

by doitalldadyear, posted in entertainment, humor, writing

Instead of giving criminals get out of jail free cards, which is what no bail laws do.  We should institute a recess pass system that my teachers used on us to discourage bad behavior growing up except these Recess Passes are used for Cannabis shops in New York City. Latrel Sprewell’s kid chokes out a cop’s white privilege and he gets his recess pass to the cannabis shop taken away. Thugs Lives Matter Most, start having panic attacks on the Subway. Where am I going to get my gummies now? Stink free plus ash free equals zero regrets homey. Plus, I don’t want to share a blunt with your ass just out of the slammer, you monkey pox packing motherfucker.”  Recess Passes Matter, Challah, Thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth

Soliloquy Shredder

by doitalldadyear, posted in poetry, theatre, writing

In a Wine Shop 5 minutes from Mr. Groper’s house in Greenville, Delaware. Where he skinny dips in front of female Secret Service agents boasting, “Told you I was bigger than the boogie boarding Kenyan.” At the Wine Shop, I say, “Who would’ve predicted hard seltzer being a thing in our lifetime? Add Cannabis shops in Massachusetts or Democracy being dead.” Cute wine merchant laughed long time.  Everybody knows that the Icky Shuffle lost, even in his own hometown. Resist this, Bruce. I hope that inviting Obama on stage to Dancing in the Dark on Broadway to knock off his bucket list was worth lying about your New Jersey fan base being racist, that could afford your tickets because they have good paying union jobs despite you claiming everyone in the band was replaceable, including Clarence Clemmons, assuming, Michael Clarke Duncan was Ving Rhames understudy at Julliard when Billy Joel’s greatest hits were considered lullaby music for eighties Republicans. Soliloquy Shredder lives, Challah. Thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth

Kyrie For President

by doitalldadyear, posted in entertainment, fiction, humor

I love Kyrie Irving telling Biden to “do his job” and bring Brittney Griner back home. He might as well add, “Biden doesn’t care about Trans potheads.” “Or couldn’t you trade Zelensky and a stretch 4 from the Ukrainian national team for an even swap?”

But seriously, what’s Biden’s excuse for not negotiating her release already?

He wrote the Art Of Fucking Up.

Michael Kornbluth

Wear The Mask, Iron Lungs

by doitalldadyear, posted in blogging, comedy, politics

How can you not wear a mask? Because I’m not a method actor lost in pretend land, Stay At Home Dads keeping the nuclear family together aren’t considered essential workers according to the Atlantic and I don’t identify as a liberal trans Muslim housewife. Last, I’ll wear the mask at the Supermarket because I have to, not because I’m bugging over the prospect of catching the Chinese Black Lung Virus because I’ve been sucking down high octane weed out of a metal bat for 3 decades straight and my lungs feel great. Dice lives.

Michael Kornbluth