Looting Ain’t A Thing

Rioting is negative language to depict widespread violence, looting and destruction along Chicago’s no longer so Magnificent Mile.  What expression would Maxine Waters prefer? Bring on the ruckus, it’s hammer time, resisting gentrification, looting Gucci ain’t a thang because it’s a reparations thing.

Michael Kornbluth

 

Failing The Friendship Litmus Test

Should friendships be stronger than politics? Yes, the solid ones should. But I’m tired of hearing about how entertainers like Dolly Parton have friends on both sides of the aisle, which is fine, yet if you’re not an established entertainer star like Dolly or married to Ivanka like Jared Kushner, brokering peace treaties with United Arab of Emirates with Israel, secure in you professional standing in life, the temptation to just walk away from those so called friendships and minimize contact with your siblings and parents is way stronger after you’ve made the decision to be pushover putzy no more to appease their offended ego’s for daring to think different like the asshole at Apple, who his daughter hated, while exploiting the brainpower of smarter, more technically sound nerds, whose only true innovation he can claim has is own, was Casual Friday.

The temptation to cut your losses or spend significantly less time with old friends and family members in your life, wife included, is because in this age of me smart, Trump bad, has exposed this so called inner sanctum for being the real narcissistic prick they obsessively claim President Trump to be. Also, you suffer from major self-esteem issues, if you allow these people to control you and censor you through fear by trying shame you into adopting their alleged, holier than now, point of view, no matter how much they’ve tried to make you question your sanity and sense of right versus wrong for the past 3 years and counting. People evolve or not, and I’ve lost zero interest in making an effort to stay in contact with those who can’t respect my individuality like I’m a brainwashed lone wolf recruiters wet dream for Al-Qaeda.

These past 3 years, have also taught Trump supporters how how certain friends or family members don’t make the ideal backup group in your life, when they refuse to concede any good generation in those you believe in.  You also glaringly fail the friendship litmus test, when you actually have the gaul to decry a friend’s political beliefs as dumb, when you haven’t even uttered how ANTIFA are a bunch of vigilante Punisher wannabes in hoodies tweaked out on Crystal Meth yet.

Last, you lose all motivational zeal to pick up the phone, when your parents, siblings or old friends call, knowing how the past 3 years and counting has only reinforced your depressingly nagging suspicion about how these people who are supposed to love your own special brand individuality, never valued your intelligence or capacity for critical thought to much in the 1st place, especially when they go out their way, to make you feel bad about yourself for trusting your own instincts, dreaming big and for rising above their limited, cubicle contained imaginations of what you’re capable of achieving without their huffy, belabored, no longer sought after approval after all.

Michael Kornbluth

 

The Brainwashing Projectors

How does Fox or Breitbart have a monopoly on so called brainwashing? For almost 4 years, Google, Twitter, ABC, NBC, CNN, ESPN, Facekbook, holier than now NPR included, has done nothing but perpetuate blatant lies like the Russian collusion tale with less legs than Lieutenant Dan, the sham impeachment trial, for the President questioning why Hunter was getting paid 50 grand week to push Borscht as the new Kombucha or blame President Trump not China for making a commie made virus to kill our recording breaking economy in one swoop. All lies, to wrestle back power in order to avoid prosecution and hide the real crimes of a failed coup to remove still your President Trump and real life election interference by illegally spying on the Trump campaign when he was running against Hillary Hamme Time Cankles in addition to bankrupting and shitting all over General Flynn’s name, a former Democrat by the way, because Obama didn’t like the fact how he disapproved of the fake news hopeful one gifting Iran, the number one sponsor of terrorism in the world, 150 billion to make their economy less reliant on the sale of hair removal products for the Kardashians, which has zero to do with Drago popping up in election booths 4 years ago, declaring vote Trump or I’ll break you.

Michael Kornbluth

Batshit Crazy Pelosi

Batshit Crazy Pelosi sent a Chinese bat into our house to take me out for insisting on social media how the Chinese Community Party has resisted investigations into the source behind the Coronavirus more than Aquafresh.  My wife insisted we get vaccine shots to prevent us from getting Chinese Corona Rabies from the bat just breathing dead dog on us in our sleep.

Michael Kornbluth

 

 

Do It All Dad Does Jokes Dedication Intro

Do It All Dad Jokes is a pre-election comedy special dedicated to the silent majority of Americans who haven’t lost their sense of humor yet. It’s also dedicated to the funniest President of all time ,whose made ball busting great again, despite the Russian collusion witch hunt, which had less legs than Lieutenant Dan. Oh yeah, when Bob Mueller testified in front of Congress, we learned he parts his hair with good old fashioned elbow grease.

Do It All Dad Does Jokes is also dedicated to my comedy heroes such as Rodney, Don Rickles, The Dice Man and the late great Joan Rivers. They’re comedic DNA has become my own. Joan lives.  In particular Do It All Dad Does Jokes is an all-star showcase of highly topical jokes, making fun of the resistance insanity, that’s consumed Hollywood, Media, Big Tech and our culture at large ever since Hillary Hammer Time Cankles lost, kicking off the never ending excuse tour, proving, baby boomer arrogance never dies.

For those who’ve been clamoring for actual laugh generating jokes, that aren’t about demonizing the big, bad, blond wolf in the White House, then you’re in for a real treat. And for those, who take offense at bits such as Quiet Riots My Ass, Defending Those Devilish Jews Again,  Kneeling Is Spitting On Vets Graves, MAGA Hats and Skinheads Don’t Mesh, Masks Are The New Condoms, Not, Hamilton Is Worse than Obama Rapping and Collin Kaepernick Sports A Fake News Fro. Then, go woke yourself or move to China and work for Elon Musk for all I care. You don’t care about making American comedy great again, but I do.

I wouldn’t have been able to create this elusive killer set as a stay at home comedian, hosting my Do It All Dad Year Podcast for the past 3 plus years without my biggest booster in the universe, my infinitely, funnier, sweet twin, Matilda Singing Rose Kornbluth, to look after and entertain her 2 adoring younger brothers in my pursuit to make the world laugh for a living and serve lady laugh with all my God given, punchy might.

Controlling our kids with comedy, can make our kids great again, my 3 fuss free kids, 98 percent of the time, are living proof of it.  Last, I want to thank my Do It All Nurse Wife, whose loving support, begrudging or not, that’s provided me the freedom and time to take creative chances, hone my craft and break on through to the other side of comedy heaven, where Rodney says to me one day, “You produced 3 amazing kids but your jokes were perfect.”

 

My Very Best,

Michael Kornbluth