Know Your Role She Male Comedian

 

You don’t believe in intentional, biased algorithm manipulation against Trump supporter truthers from the band of big tech Nazi’s America? I’ve got 15 years of B2B sales experience, written for VH1, yet the most popular search I appear on LinkedIn is Homemaker.

But I’ve got gaps of wrath on my resume since getting fired from Robert Half in Manhattan and been left with no choice but to write my family out of poverty by throwing myself into my Do It All Dad Year Podcast and companion piece Blog to repurpose all my material which Twitter has become hellbent on Shadowbanning since my 2-year hot streak/pro Trumpian stance began. But now I’ve got 2 books encompassing my best material, Stay at Home Comedian, joke book, and Falling for Fatherhood, book of essays, coming out Father’s Day 2019.

Did I mention my editor proofreading my material edited a book on how Oscar Schindler overcame ADD? So, let me ask this question Uni Brow Maddow. Who do you think knows more about actual real-life Nazi persecution, Good Will Hoodie Zit Face Zuck or a Holocaust Historian who edited a book on Oscar fucking Schindler? Case closed, you hypocritical, sanctimonious Twitter twats, Chelsea Clinton included. But making fun of Chelsea Clinton is sexist. But she’s not even ugly anymore. Plus, I think Chelsea Handler is a divisive twat on Twitter to. Especially since, she quit her talk  show on Netflix to become a full-time social justice warrior. So, we’d focus less on her tits sagging popularity. But Sarah Silverman accusing President Trump of being immature, means plenty. Knowing she still takes bong hits in a hoodie into her upper forty’s and never outgrew her alternative, truly tasteless jokes phase.

 
On Twitter, all you hear about is the boom time Trump economy but what story gets zero attention is the costly price of exercising your freedom of speech in this age of victimized, manufactured, sore loser resistance. Again, how dare a proud New York Jew like myself, who got his TV writing break, writing all the host reads for WWE star Chris Jericho for a heavy metal music video countdown marathon special on VH1 Classic, who became a Recommended Writer on TV Writer.com, for his 30 Rock spec script, The Kings of Comedy, dare turn his back on Rape Wood and the rape enablement party that’s in bed with the best and brightest stars which have defined my Gen X generation and beyond? No way, Rape Wood nor Corporate America don’t play that. You want to come out as a pro Trumpian online or off? Ok, then we’re going to shame you into thinking you’re some degenerate, dumb Jew, who only supports Trump because you’re an out of work, jaded, angry, white man, whose bitter over not being in Writers Guild of America at 42 already. When your people from Scarsdale, New York should’ve had multiple showrunner credits to be showcased on their IMBD page already. But now you’re over working in Hollywood and cool with just doing copywriter work for Vineyard Vines, “dress for new success”, that’s whatever cute, nobody is listening or respecting your opinion anymore, especially within the high-octane imagination world of creative copywriting in the Tri-State area. Ignore, delete, bye, bye, Google hasn’t delated your entire digital footprint yet because you’re not deemed big enough to be branded an anti-Muslim activist yet like Tommy Robinson. Face facts, you’re a less popular, poor man’s Laura Loomer at best. But at least she’s got friends on the far-right site and can text Milo for Jager mix drink tips whenever she wants. No, proud, white, Jewish, pro-Zionist, Trump loving Americans will never be welcome on Madison Avenue to help shape popular culture with more Nike Campaigns of fake news fro. You’ve never seen a bi-racial afro that large before? Slash from Guns and Roses tried it and it was a total flop. You’re so not Patton Oswalt, but good luck scoring laughs with that gem at local townie bars in Northern Westchester, further and further out of reach of big city, Comedy Cellar glory. In fact, just know your role and stay on Kitchen Patrol detail to make more Hummus Quesadillas for your environment killing family of 5 because cans of Garbanzo beans is all will allow you to afford, you deplorable piece of shit for supporting, celebrating and emoting about the most hilarious, American loving, freedom of speech defending President knowing throughout the history of mankind. Keep on thinking that and see how much farther it breaks you apart from whatever remaining so called bond you have with friends and family left.
In other words, know your role she male comedian. You’re on KP detail, making Hummus quesadillas for life for the crime of talking down to the east coast elitist establishment that reared you into the comedic monster you are today.

 

 

My old sales boss for an IT recruitment firm in Manhattan Beach, said “innovate or die.” Too bad, in this current, censorship purge climate the Silicon Valley, Big Banks and Madison Avenue, Old World Media and every George Soros funded group will do everything in their power to deplatform and apply a stronghold on those innovative, mo money making measures through banning your use of Go Fund Me or PayPal which has happened to Laura Loomer and Tommy Robinson in England, all for calling out the widespread, silencing of any nationalistic voice, which calls for greater homeland security and increase in walls and use of Ice and vetted legal immigration because homeland security was so weapons of mass destruction years.

 

Below, I could’ve used any of these titles to express the price I’ve paid for exercising my freedom of speech and being a blacklisted Trumpian shit talking truther of the most deplorable, illuminating order. Resist this, Joan lives.
Go Fund Me, Corporate America Won’t Either

 

Off the List Trumpian Truthers

 

Free Speech Ain’t Cheap Jack
Shouting at Fake News Divider Devils

 

Selling Your Soul to Monk Killers

 

Pay Pal Is No Friend of Mine Apparently

 

Band of Big Tech Nazis

 
Manic Resistor Depression
Broken LinkedIn Losers

 

Unwanted Trumpian Truthers
Sanctimonious Twitter Tale Twats

 

More Far Right Than Wrong

 

Real Narcissists Aren’t Lovable Resistors

 

Ball Gag Attacks on Trumpians

 

Hate Trump or You Can’t Earn Around Here

 
Taking on The Outrage Mob

 
Real Time Trump Truther Censorship

 
Outing Fake Good Will Hoodie

 

Surviving Expulsion from Corporate America

 

24/7 Trumpian Terrorist Attacks

 
I’m a Less Popular Laura Loomer

 
Humorless Hypocritical Hacks Hate

 
Deplatforming Is Dangerous for Your Health

 

Patriotism Gone Mainstream

 

Patriotism Isn’t a Sub Culture Dude

Patriotism is here to stay. My children hug flags also. Not, because I order them to. They do out of love from the depth of their freedom loving hearts. My family went on a hike today in North Westchester, out of nowhere, my beautiful 5-year-old son, Arthur Morrison Kornbluth, started belting out America the Beautiful without having to lip sink or fumble over the words like Liam Nielsen did with the American National Anthem in the Naked Gun either. I always knew he was ten times smarter than I was. My son, Art Show USA’s  patriotic, loving verse tickled Walt Whitman with joy from above and beyond, from sea to shining sea.

 

“Oh, my Captain, my Captain”, what a beautiful poem you penned about Abe Lincoln Walt.  You’ve would’ve loved my Too Honest Abe shock jock character I created for my TV pilot Mike Mates who becomes the most followed bi-racial media personality on Twitter. Who hosts on his own radio show on the top floor of the Freedom Tower in Manhattan, otherwise known as his Tower of Love. Margaret Cho read it and gave it the “so funny nod.” Some reader from the Black List described it as “too angry despite its humor.” You’re better off dead Walt, knowing how we now live in the land where nobody respects hustle, the close, or can admit we’ve got a President whose the greatest counter puncher since Jake Lamota before Dinero and pedo pack became unhinged and ruined the magical allure of Hollywood, old school, rugged, toughness of the NBA and Hair Metal’s age of guitar shredding. Because all the haggard, humorless hacks in the media are too busy trying to deceive arrogant baby boomers with drug addled children how Russian Collusion stories can still come true. Despite all Trump truthers being a under constant, terrorist attack with fear being blared through our smart phones, airports and McDonalds across the land with more still endless tales of future impeachment because our president is dangerous for our economic prosperity and security. All while knowing these fabricated, smearing hit job stories about every Trump supporter being a jealous racist, dumb hick who doesn’t know any better have less legs than Lieutenant Dan.

 

The writing is on the wall. America isn’t blind to the weaponizing of the FBI, CIA and made up rape stories and hate crimes designed to bring down a President before he can unleash the smackdown of justice upon all his treasonous, Benedict Arnolds usurpers which all of us true believers know is going to come. And it will have been worth the wait for what continues to be the greatest show on earth for true American loving patriots at heart, no offense P.T Barnum.

P.T Barnum’s headliner act that put him in business, made the circus the legendary attraction it became, was his elephant called Big Bet. In fact, during the Civil War, whenever Big Bet was in town down south, Lincoln would order a time out from mass carnage to enjoy the show. My logo for my Do It All Dad Year Podcast is an elephant, who symbolizes Big Bet. It symbolizes me tripling down on me becoming a star headliner comedian on my podcast and off after my books take me on the road for my TV reality show Barnstorming USA, doing jokes Twitter deems hateful and divisive. Will let whatever American with any balls left to call bullshit or not and decide for themselves. Ball busting is as American as American Pie, with me around taking on the outrage mob, I’m more hell bent than ever on proving it never dies. Or else kiss goodbye to American exceptionalism and good luck trying to find comedy in the Muslim world as a refreshing change of pace. One more thing, if you’re anti-wall, you’re an Anti-Israel Activist. But keep on supporting the UN who gives money to Hamas to dig more death tunnels to kidnap and murder Jewish children, great look, Soros and company.
The End
By,
Michael Kornbluth

What Gen X Parents Understand Part 3

Facebook has rendered Baby Boomers the laziest grandparent generation of all time. Turning them into the real-life slackers after all. Limiting face time with their grandkids to smartphones.

 

Zit Face Zuck is a puppet of the NSA because he’s granted Baby Boomers the means to spy on their grandchildren from afar without having to adjust their spacious self-lifestyle away from CNN & MSNBC.

 
Christian Slater was our generations unheralded, Marlon Brando and Montgomery Clift and Nick Nolte all wrapped into one.

 
Our Baby Boomer Dads will still ask if your vegetarian wife who eats fish can still eat chicken after 8 years of marriage, 3 kids later. Despite being retired for 8, having plenty of time to brush up on the subject.

 

Nas is a lyrical wordsmith slayer genius, the hip hop George Carlin, whose lyrics are tougher than Dice.

 
Like Dr. Seuss, Paul Thomas Anderson peaked early.

 
Bush, Cheney and Rumsfeld were the real axis of evil before Adam McKay decided to make a subpar, movie about it a decade after Oliver Stone’s W.

 

 

Eddie Vedder turned out be a more reliable, consistently great, front man rock crooner than Axl ever was. Without turning in his face into melted Candle wax from the November Rain video.

 
Yelp was fun until Crazy Rich Asian gals took hold of it, rendering it Hello Kitty, expressionless, humorless with it and went wild.

 
Critics hate the golden Jew Adam Sandler because he’s a beloved cash cow. Whose done dramatic work with James L. Brooks, so he’s above real-life bitchy reproach Peter Travers at Rolling Stone.

 
Robert Dinero needs Marty to start writing him scripts again in a miserable way. Because he’s an unfunny, low IQ individual left to his own faculties and no longer scary tough either.

 
Dennis Miller is a more fearless, God loving, Bill Maher, not trying to hide any sexual proclivities.

 
Taking down all of the Louie CK’s, specials down from HBO is a tad hypocritical knowing Roman Polanski’s Pianist is till up for tapping on your smart phone remote.

 
There’s really funny and Judd Apatow. And no matter how hard he tries, he’ll never be in the same league as Harold Ramis. David Cross agrees.

 
The NY Times hired editor Sarah Jeong because her millennial peers on Yelp produce writing quality a notch below Gremlin poo.

 
HPV Vaccinations for our boys is a no brainer like insisting they start attending junior high with lawyer written, pre-poundage consent forms for future signage.

 
Baby Boomer’s idea of diversity is paying a different set of undocumented illegals to keep their empty nest tidy without lifting a finger every 5 years.

 
Baby Boomer hippies were the 1st generation to shit on vets like they were ones responsible for starving hippies eating back alley cats to stay alive on the streets of San Francisco.

 
HPV vaccinations for our kids is a no brainer like turning our daughters into Lesbians to avoid contracting HIV. Name another type of sexual intercourse where they take a licking and keep on ticking?

 
Stay at Home Dads can be trophy wives on paper but not in reality. Especially, when the wife’s smart phone alerts her to another questionable purchase. Hey hubby, how was Bride of Chucky?

 
Kevin Smith totally punched up the script to Good Will Hunting, injecting it with far greater heart also. Because Damon and Affleck off the screen, are unfunny, blowhard douche bags in real life.

 
Seth Macfarlane, Danny McBride and the cast behind Always Sunny in Philadelphia have consistently been robbed of Emmy nods and various other comedy accolades for being consistently funnier and more imaginative than the edgeless rest.

 
311 is the most underrated band of our generation. Knowing, they’re a dreamy love child of Cypress Hill, Red Hot Chili Peppers and Faith No More. I’m not available Rolling Stone. Blow me.

 
Baby Boomer Arrogance never dies like Seth Myers attempt to out-funny his dentist with laughing gas on at full blast.

 
Starbucks is evil, gotten all of us addicted for even greater amounts of concentrated speed in the form of cranked up milligram dosages of Adderall or crushed snorted up Ritalin in college.

 
Stay at Home Dad egos can’t survive forever as dependent, welfare mothers. Knowing you can’t stare at a hard body MILF, hiking in Arizona without your wife blurting. You only exist because of me.

 
Raising the rod didn’t do any favors for Michael. And Helicopter parents screwed millennial mouseketeers up good.

 

Only Magic could make HIV disappear because he’s Magic Johnson for a reason. I’d like see King James pull off such a miraculous feat without a whole lot of Magic’s assistance.

 

Starbucks is evil. And intentionally cranks up the caffeine content in their espresso shots so we’re more on edge than Harold Schultz’s kids backpacking through Europe in Germany throughout deadspot no-go zones in the Summer of 2019.

 

Dazed and Confused is our Catcher in the Rye despite it taking place in the seventies during Aerosmith’s prime smack taking years.

 

Joan Rivers made sure the Obama’s weren’t invited to her funeral in advance for a reason.

 

Sophia Coppola gave Bill Murray the permission to not even bother being laugh out loud funny anymore.

 
Jack Black would be a star after High Fidelity, loaded with ten times more charisma than Booger which is nothing to sneeze at, Master.

 
Giving billions to Pakistan to keep Bin Laden comfy and warm made less sense than ABC thinking the Roseanne spin off would work without her. After she tweeted about Valerie Jarrett being Obama’s Arabian Horse whisperer.

 

Non-stop promotion of Black Panther being nominated as an Oscars Contender rings shallow and false like when Hillary stole the nomination from Bernie Sanders. Joan lives.

 
President Trump righted the wrongs committed by the VA Hospital, not some fake news hippie Bill Clinton. Unlike Bubba, Obama & Bush Junior, Trump can claim he’s never inhaled anything but A plus, runway ready trim.

 

Rickey Gervais should the host the Oscars every year, but Hollywood can’t take whatever they dish out. Clint Eastwood would agree.

 
Baby Boomers are keeping the NY Times in business since they’ve become the fake newspaper of record. For being too invested in a Russian collusion story with less legs than Lieutenant Dan to backtrack now.

 

We must not make our daughters feel taken for granted or they’ll seek love from coked out vampires in LA like the girl from the Fallen Angel video.

 

Smashing Pumpkin’s song Bullet with Butterfly Wings is our generation’s answer to Billy Wilder’s the Apartment, predating Office Space which doesn’t sound as momentous, sorry Butt-Head.

 
Either Billy Corgan from Smashing Pumpkins comes from a divorced, broken home or he’s watched Ang Lee’s Ice Storm on Showtime after coming down off too much Acid, one too many times.

 

Despite claims of being enlightened, less hateful feminists of yesteryear, our Gen Y Wives still hate how much fun we have with our louder, more cheerful, toxic avenger brothers in arms.

 
Twitter has given an overrated quarterback the veneer of being a deep, original thinker. Who thinks posing with Linda Sarsour is in the best interests of promoting racial harmony?

 

 

Baby Boomers equate beating their wife in Jeopardy as real world, transferable intelligence despite ignoring their 1st born’s pleas to buy up every share of Google they could afford because their IT recruiter son knew about it since Y2K.

 

Gen X Parents understand that over-scheduling kids’ schedules is an offshoot, defensive result, to fill their kids free time with more than Different Strokes and Facts of Life. Which got us nowhere fast.

 

Gen X Parents understand Patton Oswalt’s voice is no Daniel Stern’s from Wonder Years. Which always sounded way more like Richard Dreyfus.

 

Gen X Parents understand hair power ballads are still cherished because they’re beautiful, kick-ass songs about romantic longing. Which never got played out in our hearts.

 

Gen X Parents understand our generation invented the internet garbage heap it’s become.

 

Gen X Parents understand Social Security, Pensions and company loyalty are less secure these days Kathy Griffin since a Skinned Clifford and Trans Chucky had a baby.

 

Gen X Parents understand Social Security, Pensions and company loyalty are less secure these days than Chelsea Handler since she became a full-time social justice warrior. To downplay her boobs sinking popularity.

 

Gen X Parents understand Social Security, Pensions and company loyalty are less secure the Cheney’s soul renewal lease agreement with the Devil if Christian Bale wins best actor in the Oscars for 2019.

 

 

Gen X Parents understand hip hop back in the day was the most badass, hilarious, accessible, social change activist-minded, slamming poetry ever produced. KRS 1 is like an old school version of Neil DeGrasse Tyson, they’re both interesting for 3-minute spurts at a time.

 

 

Last, Gen X parents understand President Trump isn’t a real-life Nazi. Knowing he lifted the lifetime ban on Jewish membership at Mara a Lago after he purchased it, Slim on Facts Shady.

The End

By,

Michael Kornbluth

My Love Affairs With Strangers on Twitter

Was my grand total of 35,629 tweets worth it before I unplugged myself today from Twitter forever? Combining all the 24 new accounts I needed to create on Twitter. So, my hashtag lovers at #plumber, #fintech, #edtech #privateequity, #WordPress, #Istandwithisrael and #femaleentrepreneurs would be able to search and read my new, extra pointed, money shot, joke blasts, splattered throughout the Twitter cybersphere? Knowing, they couldn’t get enough of my truthful, gobbles of joke firing spraying fun. Knowing I’d get shadowbanned by Twitter every time I got on another carpet truth bomb hot streak. And had to start new Twitter accounts, 24 separate times in order to get my pointed  jokes stabs seen while losing all my past followers after deactivating  all of my past accounts in order to start anew. Boy was it ever worth it and then some.

Without my love affairs with strangers on Twitter over the past 2 years since becoming a full time stay at home comedian, do it all dad podcast host and now featured writer, on the Good Men Project, my comedic instincts for what works would never been as sharp as it is now.

Without the enrapturing, inspired embrace of my steady, non-stop barrage of new material fed into the Twitter abyss from my stranger lovers on Twitter, I never would’ve  banged out my monster parenting education humor book, Stay at Home Comedian, “How 3 kids Got My Act Together” feeding their appetite for more, more, more.

Comedy is a pure art form. The goal of a joke is to always score a laugh. There’s no room for artistic, merit measuring interpretation. Either, the joke made you laugh or not. So, by this definition, strangers on Twitter have made me feel like a perpetual winner as of late and stay at home dads need to all the wins they can get. Now, sometimes, the joke can generate a mere smile, a pleasant chuckle or a major league laugh yanker out of your esophagus. I constantly for go for the laugh yanker out of your esophagus. Jeff Foxworthy says you should always use a funny sounding word at the very end of a punchline, esophagus being used a second ago is a primo example, obviously. My old stand-up comedy professor Jim Mendrinos at the Gotham Comedy club told our class, you should only have 2 passable tests when constructing a joke, intended to perform on stage or on the page. And that’s A) Is the joke well-written and B) Did the joke make you, the creator laugh. That’s its folks.  At the same time, I also learned from my 1st year of doing open mike stand-up comedy in LA is how sometimes a joke which makes you laugh one morning, generates zero smile improvement generation the following evening on stage. Also, some jokes sound better written, then performed because some words are just hard to wrap your mouth around. For example, I still struggle stating my own name clearly, Michael Kornbluth and I’ve had at least 4 decades of practice already.  And I’m not even using comedic exaggeration to make my point in this instance. Michael Kornbluth is a total mouthful to say. Even Kim Kardashian can’t wrap her mouth around it. Ok, in this instance, I used comedic exaggeration to nail my point home. For the record, I’m a huge fan of Kim Kardashian since she used her social media influence for the greater good. And pushed for President Trump to pardon a reformed woman who was in jail for being a mule for a Drug cartel in California. Since then, President Trump also signed off on a prison reform bill, which accelerates the liberation of 1st time drug offenders in jail. Giving them a chance to renter society, take care of their families and make something of their lives again. So good for you Kim Kardashian and for being more than the top of the Persian porcupine puss chain, yummy.

So back to my love affair with strangers on Twitter. They’re the best grown up comedy buds I never had. Sure, I’ve had old school friends from High School, from college and beyond who read and emoted about my blogs, Yelp reviews, spec scripts and pilots in the past.  But since President Trump became president and since I became a father of the 3, the majority have been nowhere to be seen. Nor have they been able to keep up with my fast and furious rate via new joke text transfer either. I used to post jokes on Facebook in spite of these fake news friends because to illuminate their spiteful jealousy. Knowing they were giving 0.0 love to reposted  proven winners on Facebook. Despite the retweets on Twitter or votes from a site called ComedyWire, which is Twitter for comedy writers. Who are by the far, the most critical laugh judges of the bunch.

 

I stopped using ComedyWire 2 years ago, after posting more up 6999 voted on funny lines. John Lennon wishes he was this productive during his stay at home dad years. I stopped using ComedyWire because it gives you a constant feed of news stories to write one-liners on, yet the best comedy comes from hard core felt emotion. And when you’re being spoon fed topics, the jokes you generate aren’t going to deliver such a hardcore punch, if you’re meh about the curated topics you’re commenting on to get laughs from just for the sake of joke writing practice in the 1st place. Also, I felt it was time to tackle Twitter again after experiencing much success with Comedywire. But the major turnoff for me about Comedywire was some new guy who wrote for the Onion and some stupid book on Trump, commenting on my jokes.  I don’t need to hear your confusion at a dense, fully loaded joke of mine, hick from Wisconsin. Either you laughed at my joke stab or not. Don’t need the forced, hackneyed, fake news friend constructive commentary, thank you very much. Get stand-up comedy great, Nick DiPaolo to read and emote about your Louie spec through Twitter about his dear departed friend, always the scariest elephant in the room, the late great Patrice O’Neal. And I’ll start giving a shit about what your cliché brained mug has to espouse on what constitutes actual funny my friend. Get the Rev Bob Levy, stand-up joke marksmen and star writer and roaster from the Howard Stern show to laugh at your A plus jokes about Lena Dunham and claims of Trump being the anti-Christ through direct messages on Twitter and I’ll reconsider my position on your new evolved role as my new comedic ghost guru teacher whisper CNN contributor blogger you. Get stand-up comedy great Margaret Cho to read your pilot Mike Mates, which you bang out looking after your 2 kids and get her to give your script the “so funny” nod and I’ll look up to your enviable comedic stature for a change, Seth Meyers sucker. If you’re not afraid of Trump, then I’m not into my mother as much as Seth Myers. Oh, I can’t take no more.

So yeah, Twitter has not paid the bills for my family or put food on the table for my family at all whatsoever.  Still, Twitter is a world-wide open mike and I’ve been killing on it for 2 years straight now. And prior to that, I was able to connect and impress with the heavy weight comedic luminaries I mentioned prior, which gave me tremendous added confidence to keep on plowing forward with reckless abandon, with no guaranteed payday in sight. But every great major league hitter, Pete Rose, Derek Jeter, Wade Boggs, Edgar Martinez, Paul Molitor, Tony Gwyn, all needed batting practice. And that’s what Twitter has been for me.  And I’ve been batting above 400 for some time now. Being a stay at home comedian, it’s been a wonderful batting cage to tee off on targets such as Hillary Hammer Time Cankles, king of the persecution complex Lebron James, Trump resistors, Baby Boomer bust grandparents, Denture Breath Pelosi, Debbie Wolface Wasserman Schultz, Dinero Duntz, Baldwin, my writing sucks without Tiny Fey programming me, etc.  At one point, I was up to almost 3000 followers on Twitter, Richard Lewis being one of them from Curb. Who I exchanged compliments with back and forth through direct messages on Twitter. Once, my dad was gracing us with his presence from Arizona back east and I shared a recent message exchange from Richard Lewis with my dad. He shrunk into the couch as I read on as all the blood drained from his once cock sure face. All of a sudden, I blurt out. What’s wrong dad? Dad says. I’m tired. I’m thinking, of what being an asshole?

The thing is being a stay at home comedian, you don’t interact with the grown-up world too frequently because adult interaction is overrated. So, Twitter, has been my comedic sanctuary, my shrink’s office, my cooler talk repository, my open mike at the Eastville comedy club in Manhattan all wrapped up into one.  It’s allowed me the freedom to process my bruised feelings and enact comedic revenge in the form of exacting, get in the last word, reimagined narrative more to my liking. Whether my enragement or extreme annoyance stemmed from my wife, in-laws, ex fake news friends, or my parents blatantly disrespecting, devaluing and depreciating this stay at home comedian whose written for TV twice already, again and again. When, I’ve been the rock of my family, with 0.0 outside assistance to look after my kids in the form of Facebook grandparents, useless uncles or involved, uncle type, high character friends in sight.  Not complaining about it, it’s brought me closer to my 3 kids and we make a stellar home team. God gives kids to only the lonely. Plus, I’ve got God in my heart now. So, everything is peachy compared to my degenerate, druggy years of yesteryear. Also, during this stretch in the wilderness as a stay at home comedian in exile, off the main social grid of life, I’ve been able to dig deep, truly develop my voice and not give a fuck about what social ramifications it’s engendered, which is an empowering, liberating place to be. I don’t exist to win over your approval resistor, hipster hack critic. I don’t exist to make you feel superior smug, when you couldn’t score a retweet if your life depended on it. Obviously, you are so controlled by PC safe group think, the fascist, morality thought police, truth guardian proctors of justice for all at Twitter. Have never found your edgeless musings, on you thinking you’re smarter than a President to shadowban and hide your thoughts because they do nothing to shatter the fake news, played out propaganda concerning how every Trump supporter is a xenophobe racist. Actually, the true definition of a racist is the palpable, forced in your face, purported feelings of extreme moral and intellectual superiority. And if this doesn’t summarize every anti-American sleaze who’s done nothing but shit on an American President who works for free to make the grand old USA safer and more prosperous again for all Americans, I don’t know what is.

The other day, I told my wife I’m going to self-publish my parenting education book, Stay at Home Comedian, because no east coast publisher will have the balls to publish it. She says. “But I thought your book wasn’t political.” I say, “That’s right, you haven’t heard the totality of one podcast out of 57 yet, my bad.” The thing is, I didn’t set out to write a political book in nature. The heart of my book Stay at Home Comedian, “How 3 Kids Got My Act Together”, is about getting off my dependence of Adderall, weed and IPA’s for a good time and instead choosing to get high off my writing and education of my kids. Coaching them into being the independent, bad ass creatively jacked humanists they were destined to be, under my hardcore comedic tutelage of course. It’s a story about a stay at home comedian whose raised 3 amazing, loving, sweet kids who are the most behaved, giving, pleasure to be around kids in the universe. Funnier dad, happier baby. Children are better than you. My kids truly are superior company than most. I’m going to miss them terribly once I get a job doing recruitment again except this time it will be for the XFL in Stamford, CT. I refuse to accept no for an answer. Vince McMahon oversees the XFL and WWE start Chris Jericho loves me. I wrote all his music video intro one lines for America’s Hard 100 on VH1 Classic. We hugged it out once we wrapped the shoot together. Any company that represents, the anti-fake news fro Kaepernick alternative to American flag degradation is the place for me. It’s a sports startup and I want in. Time to unleash the beast.

I do miss people. I do miss making the phone calls rip and connecting with strangers.  I’m still an old school recruiter at heart. Hated working as IT Recruiter as a whole but there were good times also and my co-worker always loved me because we worked in open spaces before Google made them mainstream. And within those open spaces, glimmers of my personality and strength of voice emerged from cold calling my brains out 12 hours a day eight days a week. My old boss Larry at Adam Jacobs Associates, a boutique IT staffing firm in One Penn Plaza in Manhattan on top of MSG used to let me practice new jokes in front my old school IT recruiter brethren to break up our afternoons on occasion. I was so on edge back then because I still had plenty to prove and hadn’t written for TV yet. This professional goal materialized 4 years later after my 1st of 3 children Singing Rose was born.

Who knew President Trump would get his 42-year old stay at home comedian excited about cold calling within the field of executive recruitment again. The reason why is because I’ve said my piece in my book Stay at Home Comedian, my book on fatherhood bonding in the modern era about taking charge of my kids’ education while I was around to do so. It will be officially released this Father’s Day 2019 through a big-time book publisher or not. Again, I don’t write this book without the love from strangers on Twitter. Most of the material, I’ve published here on WordPress has been recycled from Twitter. That means the material has been filtered and vetted for proven funny already lit agents at large. Still, I don’t need your comedic validation seal of approval Mr. Brooklyn lit agent because the audience reveals all without you. That’s why the Good Men Project site has embraced and republished 90% of the material I’ve shared with them so far because it’s already been embraced and loved wholly by all of you, strangers on Twitters and WordPress alike.

 

My strangers on Twitter and WordPress provide this stay at home comedian with an incredible fix of comedic approval feedback, which has proven priceless. I don’t finish my book Stay at Home Comedian without it. I don’t bang out 100,000 plus words of consistently funny, emotive verse for Stay at Home Comedian, without your steady doses of encouragement and loving embrace of me and who I’ve strived to become along the way.

By declaring on Twitter and WordPress my intention of writing the funniest book of parenting, from a fatherhood perspective, your sustained interest and increased attention in what I’d bang out next has been nothing short of miraculous. Strangers on Twitter and now WordPress, you’ve truly been the gift that keeps on giving. I love all of you for helping me become the funny man author, I was destined to be. I’ll always cherish our time together during my stretch on the stay at home dad wilderness front. But stay at home dads can’t survive as welfare mothers forever. So, I must go out and become a Headhunter again, this time for the XFL. But my book stay at home comedian will be out for huge worldwide consumption soon enough and I’ll be working on my follow up book through WordPress, Crazy, Good Dada, to follow.  Which will document my family meal review show, the Pescatarian Comedians, “Family Meals Deconstructed, 1 Bit at a Time.” When that sells huge, I’ll have earned the right to hang up my cold calling past for good. Proving to myself and to the world at large, I’m no longer a mere Schmuck in a headset.

The End,

By,

Michael Kornbluth

 

 

Shadowban Reality Test

Shadowbanning is realer than being blinded by Louie CK’s Jupiter sun spots on his ball sack backstage in his dressing room at Carnegie Hall.

Shadowbanning is realer than Woody Allen’s stash of Soon Yi’s best of Time Life photos stashed away in his top sock drawer. To tap for new film idea inspiration, naturally.

Shadowbanning is realer than fake news calling Stormy Daniels a porn star. That’s like calling Lexington Steele a sideline freak.

Shadowbanning is realer than Transgender Fathers Day pleas for recognition. Either you’re an involved dad or you aren’t, nipple tits. I thought getting shafted wouldn’t be such a shock to your system anymore either.

Shadowbanning is realer than Chuck D’s lyrics, assuming you can’t get past the fact he came from an upper middle class suburb in yenta country Long Island.

Shadowbanning is realer than Chris Matthews sexually harassing his new intern at MSNBC. “Eating out Maddow. Counts as your lunch break babe.”

Shadowbanning is realer than hate speech claims by Facebook and Twitter. Used to justify the blockage of joke shrouded truth bombs. Revealing what divisive, garbage the media spoon feeds to mush brained baby boomers for a living.

Shadowbanning is realer than Trump’s campaign slogan not being, “Let’s Make Nazi Germany Great Again.”

Shadowbanning is realer than reruns of Roseanne having been replaced by reruns of the Cosby Show and commercials for Ambien in heavy rotation.

Shadowbanning is realer than Russell Simmons denying all rape allegations against him. “Read my lisp. I never raped any of those vengeful, over the hill ho’s.”

Shadowbanning is realer than Bill Simmons, holier than now, Kumquat smirk. Which screams I exude 0.0 gravitas off the page. So much for being in a nice leather chair on HBO being a game changer difference maker.

Shadowbanning is realer than stay at home mom school cafeteria bans in Darien, CT. I guess mommy blogger meetups have limited appeal after all.

Shadowbanning is realer than Trump passed drug reform. African American’s got 99 problems but reduced prison sentences for 1st time drug offenders isn’t one of them.

Shadowbanning is realer than claims of Deblasio turing his wife straight. Like garlic breath converted her? He eats pizza with a fork and knife. Can you really picture Big Bird, bury his beak into her bean pie with such sloppy, abandon?

Shadowbanning is realer than JK Rowling writing Harry Potter without the assistance of a ghost writer. Being homeless one second, hit novelist the next. Do her Oxford Wizard types seem like bar fly Bukowski material to you?

Shadowbanning is realer than Kathy Griffin ruining Fashion Police. Before looking like Trans Chucky and a skinned Clifford had a baby.

Shadowbanning is realer than 1.5 billion given to Iran. To make the economy less dependent on on the sale of rugs and hair removal products for the Kardashians.

Shadowbanning is realer than Comey’s anemic book sales. 50% percent off never felt such a bad deal.

Shadowbanning is realer than Dinero acting smart left to his own faculties without Marty.

Shadowbanning is realer than calls to ban ICE. Because homeland security is so weapons of mass destruction years.

Shadowbanning is realer than Kate Spade’s most passive aggressive suicide note ever. It’s not your fault. Dad will explain. Dad screams. Explain what? I’m the one you couldn’t live with? What a bag of shit, Kate!

Shadowbanning is realer than Keith Ellison’s Borders Are Bullshit T-Shirt Kwanza gifts for staffers at the DNC.

Shadowbanning is realer than Obama crying over his torn up Iran Deal. At least the NY Times Op-Ed section is a shoulder to cry on. Facebook is the surrogate, loving dad for Obama. Who hasn’t bailed on him yet.

Shadowbanning is realer than Lebron getting the idea to wear a cast. After Michelle threatened to break her arm up in Obama’s crack if he ever offered Paul Newman’s Lemonade to Beyonce over her prized homemade Kombucha.

Shadowbanning is realer than Jeffrey Tambor getting fired from Transparent. Blasting his co-star for pissing on the toilet seat in his trailer. “Real lady like. Now get out of my trailer, you butchy bitch, hey now.”

Shadowbanning is realer than Stay At Home Dads feeling like full time welfare mothers until we become the bigger earners. And then I’m going buy this town and put in my shoe. It’s what I’m going do. Jimi lives.

Shadowbanning is realer than my gap years on my LinkedIn Resume, making me searchable under popular searches such as homemaker. My podcast post on LinkedIn, “Raising my Kids on Adderall”, must have been a dead giveaway.

The End

By,

Michael Kornbluth

Twitter Shadow Banned Test

Whenever I’m out with my 3 kids, I’ll always hear. You’ve got your hands full. I reply. If my wife allowed an open marriage with Katy Perry, assuming I became a best selling author, I’d have my hands full, day and night, night and day.

INT. OFFICE
Stay At Home Comedian Dad
Book Authors are fire proof. Unless your book doesn’t sell and mommy throws you out of the house for good.
Son
Your office is on fire.

Stay At Home Comedian Dad laughs long time.

Getting my wife a new set of boobs for my birthday is a selfless gift. Because if my wife forgets to buy me something special after my book Stay At Home Comedian becomes a best seller. She’ll be off the hook.

The End

By,

Michael Kornbluth