The Chinese run technology firm Huawei wants to replace the backbone of our American made Internet, TCP/IP, which encourages diversity of thought and freedom of expression in favor of a New IP standard, to impose government sanctioned spying on its citizens to silence any hate speech it doesn’t approve of. So, get ready for Obama 2.0 coming to a Wi-Fi spot near you. What’s the NBA’s new advertising slogan going to be then? I Love Getting Paid In Yuan. This New IP standard the Chinese want to impose on the worldwide web, made in America, will feature a Kill Switch to cut off any blog engaging in bad behavior like calling the new commie normal here in the grand old USA, “Mao’s Your Daddy Now Bitch.”
The Chinese are now promising financial sanctions against America for proposed legislation allowing Americans to sue the Chinese government for downplaying the lethality of the disease and underreporting the severity of death caused by human to human contact like Ronald Reagan during the Aid’s crisis, who couldn’t find an Aids quilt big enough to hide his lack of transparency on the subject, before Tony Kushner got HBO to green-light Angels of America because it took them 8 years to get through reading the script already.
China wants to punish American citizens for criticizing’s it’s role in killing Americans on purpose like Chinese made Fentanyl pushed across our southern border, which has killed more crackers than Lena Dunham kicking it with Taylor Swift on Instagram. You can’t make this shit up. Where does China get the balls to get their panties in a bunch over Americans criticizing their handling of the Coronavirus? I forgot, they castrated Twitter, Facebook, the NY Times and most of the mainstream, establishment media, King James, Groper Biden, Rape Wood, all the producers behind the remake of Top Gun. But President Trump isn’t controlled by China, nor or his supporters, 64 million branded racists and growing. And you wonder why the likes of Google, Apple and Twitter deplatformed Alex Jones, so he’d make less clamor about Silicon Alley sanctioned censorship from his underground bunker in Texas, selling beet extracts like the Willie Loman of nuclear fallout survival kits.
The only thing more self-righteous than the media’s downplaying of Obamagate is the Catholic Church’s unapologetic endorsement of the Crusades.
My dad tells my daughter, “I’ll buy a you a horse.” After the phone call, I say, “I wrote a star vehicle play in your honor, Horsing Around With Hinduism.” I win. Let’s stage it and barnstorm the heartland with our star family friendly production already.”
Taylor Swift just sold one of her 2 private planes. She’s running out of breakup material already at 22.
Trump rejecting China’s plea to renegotiate our trade deal with China. No more soybeans for you. And Bok Choy is such overrated roughage. I’d rather eat week old cold slaw after 4th of July weekend.
Barbara Streisand defending Obama’s spying of the Trump campaign. Of course Trump has ties to Russia. What mail order bride owner, doesn’t it?
Did you know Katy Perry closed out Jazz Fest in New Orleans last year? What was her encore? Shooting heroin into her tits to Kind Of Blue? Also, why does Katy Perry have 108 million followers on Twitter? I’m not saying she sold her sold to the devil; but being chosen to close jazz fest even over a woke Kenny G, gives me 108 million reasons why to think otherwise Jack.
What prejudice are Chinese facing in America again? Are ESL teachers, insisting they learn Spanish 1st to watch a more nuanced, less biased world view on Telemundo? I don’t get it.
Once my 6-year-old son says, “I hate my penis.” I say, “So does Dwayne Wade’s son.” It doesn’t mean I’m going to fiancé your gender reassignment surgery in a flash.”
My mom insisted on buying my kids a play pool for 900 bucks from China on Amazon. I asked my mom if the pool was made in Wuhan. She said, “They don’t make them in Flint, Michigan.” I say, “Oh, you mean because the town of Flint sent eviction notices to black families for unpaid water bills after the contaminated water problem was discovered? Proving Flint politicians hate black people more than Michael Moore’s makeover.” Kayne lives.
One of the Olsen Twins can’t find a divorce court open to officiate her divorce during the Corona pandemic. Deeming the divorce essential when she has a Hampton’s pad and another apartment in Gramercy to create more social distancing from is a stretch dude.
Have you heard? The Corona Virus Pandemic is actually bringing some families together. Because cheating on your wife is only considered essential business to boost your self-serving ego, so you can brag about it with your guy friends in playful jest through Zoom once your kids are asleep, right player?
Enforced isolation has brought a new founded appreciation of family life and a prolonged out from having to act excited to ever see your wife’s friends ever again.
The Uintended Positives From Shelter in Place 2020 fan page has 7000 members on Facebook already and it’s only mid-May. Just don’t criticize your Fortune Cookie on Facebook for promising you a rich, fulfilling life, without Major League Baseball this summer, or no more Facetime with your out of state virtual grandparents for you.