Do It All Dad proves united we laugh through joke gem blasts for the ages.
I’m moving on out to Russia. You don’t have to worry about Global Warming blather from the local news. Putin defending the use of fracking wouldn’t cause a pussy riot online either. Putin trolls Greta Thunberg and tweets, @GreatThunberg, Fracking actually reduces CO2 emissions. Furry Brow tweets back, “So Neil Young is full of shit now?” Putin showcases a flash of Trumpian wit and fires back with “Neil Young doesn’t take showers to reduce his carbon footprint. So that much, you share in common babe. Why doesn’t Global Warming scare me Greta? Because Al Gore’s speaker has considerably cooled.”
Russians can still take a joke. Trump has ties to Russia. Duh, what mail order bride owner doesn’t? Plus, like the great Russian novelists such as Fyodor Dostoevsky, I prefer my comedy like my coffee, dark and bitter.
Also, you know BLM wouldn’t be allowed to harass patrons dining al fresco in St. Petersburg while slurping up some more Caviar soup. Putin’s so tough, he could snap your neck by just staring at it topless on a horse in the country.
Like Honest Abe said, “I’d rather live in Russia than in a place that lives under the pretense of loving liberty”, the way America does today. But Biden wants our family members and neighbors to rat out Trump supporters over white supremacist concerns because we don’t live by the creed, In Fuck Face Fauci We Trust. Nor are we inclined to believe in objective science anymore, after learning how every past prominent scientist in this country decried the Wuhan lab leak has a conspiracy theory because they didn’t want to be branded as a fake news white supremacist like the rest.
Putin actually said the name of the unarmed, American veteran Ashley Babbitt who was shot in cold blood in the Capital Building after the Stop The Steal Rally, which is more than Trumpy Poo ever mustered the courage to do.
Putin poisons his political opponents. Well, that’s better than pushing a non FDA approved vaccine on your Trump hater supporters that’s leading to more complications than election fraud audit reveals in the great free state of Arizona.
Putin poisons his political opponents. Like doxing ICE agents, immigrants from El Salvador who speak to the NY Times about MS-13, or any moms on Facebook who dare to criticize critical race theory as race divisive bullshit is any different?
Putin poisons his political opponents. Big deal, the blowhard dullard hack would’ve gotten liver cancer at some point anyway. I bet you Putin doesn’t have a fuck up druggie son who creamed in his dead brother’s wife seconds after the cremation ensued. Plus, Putin would never allow the drug cartels from Mexico or communist killers from China to push more Fentanyl through our southern border, that’s killed more crackers in this country than Taylor Swift kicking it with Lena Dunham on Instagram.
Russian journalists today know more about nationalistic pride than terrorist siding pieces of shit liars at the NY times. Who shamelessly pushed golden showers tales about Trump and Russian hookers with less legs than Lieutenant Dan. Plus, no Russian Journalist would ever be dumb enough to believe Trump hired a couple of Russian Hookers to pee on each other at his hotel room in St. Petersburg because he’s a notorious Germaphobe. Especially knowing how Trump could hire a bunch of Ivanka lookalikes to pee on each other at his Trump International Hotel in Washington D.C, whenever he likes. I’m also positive Melania can talk dirty to him in Slovenian whenever, wherever, wearing nothing but a mink hat from Spies Like Us.
Hate filled leftist retards don’t exist in Russia and would never feel morally exalted over anybody by breathlessly slinging endless bullshit enshrouded lies about election interference by the Russians, that made Drago pop out of various voting booths in predominately blue states, issuing life or death ultimatums such as, “Vote Trump or I’ll break you. If you die, it’s your fault for not believing in Holograms.”
Russia would never allow the construction of a George Floyd statue to prove thug lives matter. Especially when 2 billion dollars worth of property damage, and thousands of businesses destroyed for 6 months straight was designed to scare the Supreme Court to ever rule in the favor of law and order ever again.
Last, Billy Joel is the 1st to crowd surf at a concert in Russia before Eddie Vedder ever did. I’m not saying you can’t find a better country than Russia. But America is light years from acheiving Nirvana ever again. Wake me whenever this neverending shit show ends.
Do kids in China count bats when they have a hard time staying awake for finals?
Why didn’t you get your vaccination shot yet? Because I don’t have a job at
Salesforce to go back to. Nor am I a CCP controlled pawn of the US military. Plus,
if I wanted to join the Army now, I wouldn’t be accepted in it because my
shemale search history on YouPorn.com, means I’m against Sharia law and genital
mutilation, which isn’t gay enough for Mayor Pete’s butt plug tastes.
Why haven’t I gotten the vaccine yet? Because I don’t light up with joy
at the prospect of wearing a sticker that says, “Just Vaccinated”, in
case you think I’m on Trumpy Poo’s side now to.
Why haven’t I gotten the vaccine yet? Because if shriekish leftist fuck-wads
didn’t have their heads so high up their ass, they’d be able to see, they’re
not the only ones allowed to resist.
Why haven’t I gotten the vaccine yet? Because the pediatrician for my 3 kids
told me to get one and he thinks Biden won fair and square. Yeah, and Hunter
loves giving up blow for blow painting.
If Biden got the most votes in US history, President Trump is allergic to
high end trim.
Why did Biden get more votes than Obama doc? Because Mr. Groper looks like
a more virile Jimmy Carter in Aviators.
School nurse sent my kid home today because he coughed BULLSHIT. After his friend
Hobbs, insisted he got COVID from watching a Trump Rally last year on Fox News.
I hate to see Biden in his diaper mask. It feels like the CCP dumped a
septic tank in my mouth.
Doctor asks me “How do you think your son could’ve gotten COVID?” before the
test results came back. I said, “We looted a Target in Minneapolis for George
Floyd Appreciation Day. But don’t worry doc, we stole all the masks we could
find. So, we could throw a Burning Mask Party in style, on July 4th to be exact,
to light a fire under any patriotic verve Lady Liberty has left.
If you want to teach your kids about masturbation, send your kids to Dalton prep school for 50 grand a year on the Upper East Side of Manhattan. They’re teaching kids about masturbation early as 1st grade, imparting liberty preserving lessons like jerking off being our last safety rail left kids.
The question is, assuming Dad is beneath teaching his kid about the importance of jerking off to avoid disease and charges of rape with due process being deader in our country than Mia Farrow’s judge of character. Where would you prefer your kids to learn about masturbation? At sleepaway camp with your kid’s camp counselor or at school from a professor who teaches porn literacy at Columbia College? Porn literacy, do the parental controls at Dalton prep ensure the porn categories on their laptops are only visible in Latin? Forcing our kids to read porn categories in Latin, is one way to bring dead languages back to life in no time. It also ensures Dalton kids won’t be accused of Xenophobia for refusing to take a class trip to Vatican because they know what giving communion in the dark means in Latin. The main reason Dalton is teaching kids about masturbation and only allowing them to surf porn written in Latin, is because some catholic donor wants to make their Latin club great again. So his son can sprinkle his debates with more highbrow nicknames than Trump could ever belch out on Twitter like BAT SHIT CRAZY COVIDITUS PELOSI. Holla, thank you very much.
The teacher at Dalton claims the masturbations lessons in the animation video were misinterpreted. Because jerking off videos like Topless Tudors are so ambiguous.
In the masturbation video animated kids discuss how touching themselves, makes it point in the air. “So, Johnny, you ever touch yourself to Dora and feel the need to cover it with multiple backpacks? Holla, thank you very much.
Parents who send their kid to Dalton claim to be enraged over their kids being show masturbation videos in the 1st grade, but they want to remain anonymous, refusing to come out on Tucker Carlson out of fear of being kicked off Facebook or else they’d lose all showing off privileges.
Aren’t the parents who send their kids to Dalton high powered lawyers, hedge fund managers and plastic surgeons for trans teens reared on Lou Reed records, considered less disposable employees than the rest, assuming they shit in MAGA hats on company retreats in the Bahamas? And how does speaking out publicly against Dalton’s teachers sexualizing their kids age of innocence get somebody fired from a hedge fund in Connecticut bringing in 4 billion a year? Does office security yank you out of the executive corporate john, on the top floor, only to sing, “You don’t come around here no more.” Tom Petty lives, holla, thank you very much.
Chris Rock says the worst thing about the made in Wuhan virus, designed to wipe out large swaths of life, kill off the small business owner and any veneer of fair elections ever happing again, is being a faceless nobody in a mask for a whole year. I thought Chris Rock and Mary J Blige were the only black people who lives in Montclair, New Jersey according to Chris?
Didn’t he get to work on FX when the entire country was shut down and forced to pretend they enjoyed remote learning for their kids? While Jeffrey Toobin at the New Yorker, forced every Zoom meeting forward to start with, “For all you perverted, Jeffrey Toobin degenerates, raise your hands up high, where I can see them.”
Chris Rock missed being noticed. You could’ve looted a Target with no mask on Chris without fearing any career hampering restrictions. But you’re cool with Lebron and company taking a knee for the National Anthem, because guaranteed money in the NBA is so oppressive. Now, cops are Ice Cube’s best friend, since they’ve been unmasked as neutered gimps in the face of peaceful protests, resembling Public Enemy videos come to life. Fuck the police actually takes on a loving Motown feel now, to show how much you appreciate them taking a knee, because they’ll be caught dead wearing Nike sweats till their grave no matter what. I’m positive a looter would’ve taken a time out from snagging more high definition TVs to ask for your autograph Chris, without sweating the tossed salad man on the horizon. Especially since bail was eliminated, proving blue balls for men in blue don’t matter, because it’s impossible to maintain sustained stiffage, when bad guys are being rereleased by the time Deblasio wraps up his 2nd set of 10 pound curls at the Park Slope Y.
If Chris Rock wants his name to pack real heat again, he should befriend the head of BLM who just scored a cushy new TV development holding deal with Warner Brothers. He could host a new reality show for big money like, Lifestyles Of Rich Bitch, BLM Activists, holla, thank you very much.
George Floyd’s family demanding police reform in the White House.
“27 million is chump change after taxes Joe. Can I call you Joe? Mr. President sounds too imperialistic for my taste. Why don’t you call the the IRS right now and order them to exempt the Floyd family from having to pay state tax on our court settlement money. I don’t think we should be funding what’s left of the Minnesota police department until it’s abolished for good. You bet your ass George Floyd was an angel. High as a kite till the end. And were 27 million times richer because of it. Only in Obama’s oppressive rich America baby.” Holla, thank you very much.
If you support open borders, then you’re pro pedophilia in favor of unregulated sex trafficking of minors. So go woke yourself, you Godless, decrepit bitch. Holla, thank you very much.
1 kid only, means your diaphragm is for walls after all.
If you don’t possess the moral backbone to accuse Hamas as being the real perpetuators of genocide against their own people or admit to them being diehard fans of raping infidels in front of their victim’s kids left and right. Then you’re no better than the Muslim Sisterhood holding congressional fortitude hostage since the day Democracy died.
Remember when Jew loving Linda Sarsour endorsed Chelsea Manning for Senate because she supports pro genital mutilation? Then, Collin Kaepernick thought it was a good look taking a selfie pick with Linda Sarsour to post on Twitter. That’s like wearing a mutilated clit on your fro bro. Last, Collin Kaepernick sports a fake news fro. Have you ever seen a bi-racial afro that large before? Slash grew it out and it was a total flop. Another bi-racial Hebrew Lenny Kravitz, never made it bounce that way. Holla, thank you very much.
How did congressional rep Baby Face Omar acknowledge the anniversary of Amy Winehouse’s death on Twitter? Did she tweet, “Something happened to a horn hiding, bee hiving sporting colonist imperialist, who exploited the great Palestinian Song Book for all it was worth?
How does Farrakhan celebrate Holocaust Remembrance Day? Does he spray Benjamin Netanyahu’s twitter feed with termite emojis from dawn till night but include the hashtag #NataliaPortman is alright? Can I holla for some Challah? Thanks to my God blessed, funny Jew bone. Thank you very much.
If you reduce mothers to nothing more than birthing people, you’re a joyless wench. Whose sex life never felt pregnant with untapped possibility to begin with. Holla, thank you very much.
If you don’t recognize big tech and the mainstream’s media coordinated effort to conceal Biden’s sketchy, morally comprised ties to China or the Ukraine, such as Hunter’s forgotten lap top with emails citing the standard 10 percent cut for the big guy while getting paid 50 grand week from a sports energy drink company in the Ukraine who hired him to push borscht as the new Kombucha. Then, you’re a glaringly unoriginal, hypocritical cunt like the rest of your sad sack team, responsible for ruining dinner parties and relationships with Jesus for overemphasizing the importance of loving our neighbors insistence on maintaining the moral high ground despite it being a mirage drowning in rapidly sinking quick sand. How do these people live with themselves knowing how they still treat Dr. Fauci with kiddy gloves after being busted for financing biochemical warfare against all of God’s green earth? But Don Lemon still treats Fuck Face Fauci like the saintly, non-fictitious version of Dr. Huxtable, drowning in Cosby’s family friendly sweaters.
Did you know Female dragonflies play dead to avoid sexual assault? Bill Cosby victims calls this wishful thinking.
How was Seinfeld oblivious to Cosby’s 4 decades of rape again? Where were your powers of observation then Jerry?
Seinfeld just auctioned off one his Porsches for charity. I hope half of those proceeds went to Larry’s kids.
The NY Times claims working moms today spend more time with their kids than Stay At Home Moms did in the seventies. So Stay At Home Moms in the seventies slept on the job? After they were slipped one too many quaaludes, being forced to relive memories of Bill Cosby’s family friendly dentist drilling material of yesteryear again and again. I don’t get it.
In related news, Harvey Weinstein’s wife of 15 years finally divorced him. So she could focus on her lifetime battle with amnesia. But let’s stop acting like Ashley Judd is a real victim of rape. Ooh, she refused to watch Harvey Hair Clumps Weinstein shower himself down at his 5 star suite at the 4 Seasons. Then again, Ashley Judd is from Kentucky and has plenty experience judging fat pigs at the county fair.
And Kristaps Porzingis didn’t rape the girl in his apartment complex the day he tore his ACL. First, going strong to the hole was never KP’s forte. Also, do you see Harvey Weinstein or that guy from the 70’s show trying to rape Gal Gadot on only one good leg?
This is my impersonation of Russell Simmons on Gail King addressing all the sexual assault allegations against him. Gayle, read my lisp. I didn’t rape any of those vengeful, over the hill hos.
If you laughed at these jokes, it means, you’re not a humorless buzzkill or a crazed, demonically deranged, evil enabling, supporter of the rape enablement party. Mazel Tov. Too bad Morning Joe and Don Lemon will be heading up their defense on Judgement Day.
Zionist boomers caught in bed playing around with the idea of voting for Biden again deserve to have their circumcised flap of discarded skin sewn back on their mouth.
And all those fake news Zionist boomers who refuse to condemn Hamas, Iran, the media, our Muslim Sisterhood in congress, the wealthiest avowed socialist of all time Bernie Sanders, and our Fire Crotch press secretary in charge of pushing more Jew blood libel because her boss is such a staunch supporter of Israel’s right to defend itself without using it’s defense weapons it paid for in it’s defense, have all been unmasked as the real big headed, hate filled extremist pricks through and through. Holla, thank you very much.
Zionist boomers who voted for Biden should be forced to donate their monthly social security checks to the PLO when DeSantis becomes our next president because they should be forced to pay the price for whole heartedly backing the terror hellbent on bombing whatever good will our country once had to offer into smithereens.
Zionist boomers who voted for Biden should hide in Burkas till they die. No amount of makeup or plastic surgery will ever erase the ugly hate they exude inside and out anymore. So what difference does it make? Hillary Hammer Time Cankles lives again. Holla, thank you very much.
Zionists who voted for Biden need to sue their shrinks who also suffer from severe Trump Derangement Syndrome for aggravated assault against their mentally deranged beyond repair psyches for siding with Terrorist groups launching nonstop rockets into Israel like they can’t rid of them fast enough. Who have less respect for human life than Planned Parenthood’s ironically detached name of business.
Zionists who voted for Biden are dumber than the rocks Palestinians threw at Israeli’s during the good old days before their top Presidential pick gifted them 200 million to afford big boy rockets designed to kill large swaths of innocent Israeli life, which even war mongers like Dick Cheney would consider the antithesis of child’s play.
Zionists who voted for Biden are scary dumb. Even W, took a break from eating glue and finger painting maimed Navy Seals he gave PTSD to after pushing Collin Powell to sell whatever shell of integrity he once possessed to mention on 1st leg of new book tour how Iran is the evil regime behind backing all the Hamas terror attacks against Israel in the 1st place before they ever would. Because baby boomer arrogance never dies.
You know you’re scary stupid for thinking Obama 2.0 on crack cocaine would have Israel’s back against terror attacks. Knowing Biden lives in Greenville, Delaware, whose state motto should be changed to, “Your Nazi gold is safe with us.”
Boomer Zionists who voted for Biden are responsible for World War 3 when Israel decides to wipe Iran off the map next time they try to send an intercepted drone to take out Amare Stoudemire’s big man camp in Tel Aviv. I love Amare Stoudemire. He embraced playing for the New York Knicks immediately when he came out as a Jew after signing his 200 million dollar contract with the Knicks. All of a sudden Amare proclaims, “I went on Ancestry.com, turns out I’m a black Hebrew like Lenny Kravitz and Slash. So I’m one of you now. My success is yours. Danny Shays. I fucked him, oh. I can’t take no more. Dice lives, holla, thank you very much.
The worst part of Boomer Zionists who voted for Mr. Groper is how none of them are experiencing buyers remorse whatsoever. Because A) They know the election was stolen, so their vote wasn’t in tune with America’s will in the 1st place, which should make them feel like 2 time dumb ass retards for thinking they knew the real pulse of America from watching CNN again and again while distancing themselves from their Trump supporting offspring like they could catch HIV from catching a glimpse of their MAGA hat after they went on a barebacking summer tour of She Males in Brazil for a real summer of love last summer. B) Boomer Zionists still believe the lie about white supremacists in this country being the main driving force behind unpunished violence in this country if you don’t criticize critical race theory, you cracker ass, wannabe slave holding motherfuckers.
Boomer Zionists think White Nationalism is responsible for all the domestic terror caused by BLM and ANTIFA this summer because after Obama got elected twice, 80 million Americans were in the midst of acting out a latent midlife white supremacist crisis. Don’t blame the FBI though for spending more time following the financiers of real terror in our country than they do shaving and scrubbing the police records of punisher vigilante wannabes in hoodies within ANTIFA, who never outgrew their pyromaniac phase.
Zionists who voted Biden will never admit they made a mistake. Instead, they’ll stick to playing Bridge and eating more Shrimp cocktail from Costco while Rachel Maddow praises Bernie Sanders for hating Israel more than his putz prone father. Who couldn’t teach him how to change a tire if his open tab at Katz Deli and nearby dry cleaners for perpetual spicy brown mustards stains was riding on it.
The same Bernie Sanders who on his application for the University of Chicago claimed to be part Native American Indian for their financial aid package before starting to major in Zionist Conspiracy Theories designed to turn Palestine into South Africa East.
Bernie sanders states in his college application for financial aid, “My dad is part Cherokee. Why else would his childhood friends make him an Indian whenever they played Cowboys and Indians by nicknaming my putz prone dad on the run from the white man, “Trips on Curbs.” Name another Jew in the sixties who refused scalped tickets to see Simon and Garfunkel in Forrest Hills after the Graduate broke big? Name another picky Jew who asks for the Buffalo Burger menu at Katz? Still not convinced, my dad, Trips on Curbs isn’t a native American Indian Jew? The man could drink Hillary under the table on an empty stomach after breaking his fast on Yom Kippur. You don’t think Hillary is deplorable, fall down drunken bitch? Then, why on the last leg of her past campaign tour, if you want to call it that, Hillary look more unbalanced than Hunter’s checkbook? That woman is less stable than Sarah Silverman after Global Warming destroys more pot crops in the US than Trump banning Neil Young from performing at Farm Aid.
It’s hard to get your proud Jewish daughter who draws Stars of David everywhere to start Hebrew school next year, if she learns that the Rabbi in charge voted for the candidate who enables terrorist trust fund babies like the Crimson Guard Commanders from GI Joe.
How do I sell my daughter on embracing their antizionist education there again? I might as well concede, “Israel’s critics are right. Hitler had the right idea after all. Rabbi Pushoverstein would’ve drawn a map for the Gestapo to find Anne Frank if they let him snuggle up with some Cookie Crisp cereal and bunch of Carrie Bradshaw books under a roaring fire next to the ovens, as Russ and daughters ashes blew in the wind as their dreams of selling smoked Nova for a living on the Lower East side went up in smoke.
Zionists who voted for Biden are lost souls without a cause besides sucking off the fake news goodness of Obama’s race war inciting legacy till their last dying breathes. I don’t see the original Super Jew Jesus Christ being in such a forgiving mood these days either. Although I’m positive Michelle Obama will urge Americans on Twitter after our eventual burning mask party to still give scowling a chance. Kamala Harris is the hottest thing from Canada since Alanis Morissette gave fellatio drawn out over the course of a double feature a chance.
There’s only one Frank Zappa, just like there’s only one Paul, you better know my name BLM, Mooney. Rest in peace, sweet prince of lacerating comedic song.
The robot at Stop and Shop is scary. I tell my son, “Don’t make fun of Lebron or he’ll report you to China.” Holla, thank you very much.
I don’t think Lebron ever got the Trump voiced GPS system. On your left is Mohegan Sun, Elizabeth Warren’s home away from home.
Shocked Lebron thinks Steph Curry should win the MVP over the Serbian big man averaging 26.4 points per game in addition to 10 plus boards and eight assists per game for Denver, almost pulling off an Oscar Robinson triple double average all season long. It’s a good thing Nikola Jokic never told a reporter during All-Star weekend, All Lives Matters, is the new n word. Or else we’d really have to really hear what terrorist siding black supremacists in the NBA really think, Kyrie Irving included. They don’t have a statue of him in China yet, do they? Holla, thank you very much.
Kyrie Irving’s ball handling skills have no equal. Too bad Kyrie has zero balls when it comes to defending the real victims of unjustified hate like Israeli kids kidnapped and killed in death tunnels by you know who. But it takes real balls to use big words like “dehumanize” to sound like Lebron 2.0, jerkoff. Also, I thought you never talk to journalists unless the questions are received in advance like Obama’s gym socket puppet. But now you care about the welfare of Palestinian terrorists in charge, hellbent on wiping Israel off the planet. I wonder why.
If I can’t get a lit agent for my book The Koshertarian Comedian or The Great American Jew Novel or from Waste Height, Really Short Stories, I’m going skip declaring bankruptcy. I’ll just take up fentanyl like George Floyd and stick up a pregnant woman with a fake news gun to score some counterfeit bills to buy some smokes at 711 before resisting arrest from the cops in hot pursuit, only to die from cardiac arrest, knowing at least then, Kyrie Irving would pay off the mortgage on my family’s house while Lebron could pay for my kids’ college on the down low. Holla, thank you very much.
It’s hard to keep your mouth shut when you spot a middle-aged white woman sporting a tie dye shirt that says Biden and Harris on it, days after the current administration in charge freed up 200 million for Hamas to finance a rocket launch party into Israel’s backyard for old time’s sake. First, I threw off the Karen and say, “Nice shirt”, duping her into thinking, I’m on her Jihadi jerkoff siding side. Next, I add, “Giving 200 million to Hamas to kill more Jews was totally done in the spirit of peace and love babe. I don’t know about you, but I’m sure team Biden calling for a ceasefire behind closed doors is really singing, “All we are saying United Nations, is give more money to Hamas to help wipe Israel off the map. So, they have a fighting chance. Holla, thank you very much.
AP news was slammed for claiming it was unaware of Hamas occupying an office in their building. Weren’t chants of fuck Madonna’s camel toe snatch during casual Friday or playing like Virgin on repeat after introducing office Karaoke on ironic causal Fridays or no female HR managers on site to fend off headhunters trying to recruit talent for Al Qaeda all dead giveaways already?
Never understood the fantasy of bedding 72 virgins. Doesn’t Jihadi John have enough blood on his hands already? Finally, Jihadi John arrives at a Motel 6 in virgin heaven allegedly. Virgin number one reveals herself to be a highly grating annoying Arabic version of Joy Behar. Booger face starts to demask and screeches, “Don’t you have enough blood on your hands already? Forget it, just whip out your skewer stick and get it over with already. But for what it’s worth, I just cleaned the sheets. So, let’s put that towel on your head to good use for a change. Oh, that’s right, your people aren’t into praising Downy fabric softener because it’s advertised as snuggle soft by some soft Jewish copywriter on Madison Avenue. Who prefers dead Palestinian babies over Haitian ones for blood cooking ceremonies if Hillary isn’t around to pressure the push over putz breath otherwise.” Hillary Hammer Time Cankles lives. Holla, thank you very much.