Better Than Boobie

1st conclusion about making homemade Spicy Banana Bread. The faster I’m done beating the batter, the faster I can beat my race against my asshole turning into a Rainbow emitting glory hole.

INT. HOME

Do It All Dad

Is the Banana Bread better than boobie?

2 Year Old Chef Samuels

Yeah.

Do It All Dad

Warming it up helps. Cold Banana Bread tastes like damp, semi defrosted cereal.

Another conclusion from making homemade Spicy Banana Bread. Your wife gives non-mushy praise. “You’ve already baked something better than your mom ever did.” I reply, “That’s like saying your mom writes better texts than me. And she’s an emotionally retarded expressionist.”

More sexualized conclusions about making Spicy Banana Bread. Served warm, it does taste better than boobie, especially when the husband samples the nips for old time sake, forgetting they now taste like a regrettable non fat-latte.

More conclusions from making Spicy Banana Bread. I wouldn’t consider Ginger a spice, unless I’m going down on Lindsay Lohan with a gas mask on.

INT. HOME

Do It All Dad

What do you think?

Wife

Why did you refrigerate the banana bread?

Do It All Dad

Because limp yuckiness tastes superior to gooey warmness filling your mouth whole.

Wife

Gross, you’re such a passive aggressive perv.

Other health conscious conclusions from making homemade Spicy Banana Bread. When you make it with part Greek Yogurt, you’ve already served your kids their bare minimum dose of protein. My daughter does 5 one armed pushed ups after and blurts. Not enough protein America.

My Jewish paranoid conclusion from making homemade Spicy Banana Bread.

I’d be accused of hate speech on the Great British Bake Off for calling my British born mother in law anti-Semitic for never making me a Sponge Cake for my birthday. We bake Matzo with gentile baby blood because the Matzo isn’t flavorless enough already.

Final conclusion on making homemade spiced banana bread. A Loaf Pan needed to make it is totally worth the purchase. It’s lightweight, compact and easy to stick in the cabinet without your house of pans tumbling down on top of your vagina.

Michael Kornbluth