The Midwest Review Loves Me To

Slated to appear in the December 2020 issue of the Midwest Review.

The Great American Jew Novel

Michael Kornbluth

Independently Published

ASIN : B08H6MC9M8                      $20.00 Paper/$9.99 Kindle

The Great American Jew Novel will appeal to readers of Jewish fiction and humor and tells of a precocious nine-year-old who becomes her “Do it All Dad” father’s self-appointed talent agent to solve all his troubles, from a failing marriage to comedy career aspirations.

Bashert can’t fix everything, but what she gets her little hands on surely changes many situations in a hilarious romp through stay-at-home dad Joshua’s evolving life.

Michael Kornbluth produces a survey that is, in itself, a comedic satire of the Jewish personality and lifestyle. Joshua’s uncertain navigation of his world, his ongoing ambitions beyond family, and the many challenges he faces in the course of realizing his dreams fuel a lively observational study in Jewish psychology: “…on a baser level, Joshua became addicted to scoring laughs from rehearsed one liners or inspired riffs in the moment, synthesizing the scattered observations and punchlines of years past, because it made him feel like a less all over the place Jew. Feeling in control was important to Joshua. He’d been the only schmuck with a stutter who graduated from the top communication school at Ithaca College in 99.”

From encounters with a funny female rabbi to political correctness on trial, Kornbluth provides a series of evocative encounters. Readers should be prepared for intensely detailed descriptions that would border on run-on sentences, except for the fact that their underlying attraction lies in their very length and depth: “She was funny, and very personable, coming off like a flatter-chested, higher-IQ Judy Gold. He honestly couldn’t tell if she was a bush muncher or not. Still, he loved how she made the Saturday Synagogue services very upbeat, welcoming and business-casual without stripping the house of worship of the deep-rooted holiness preening through the flawless stained glass windows, without the original Super Jew, Jesus Christ, anywhere in sight. But what bothered Joshua about the Rabbi, was a conversation over some Challah noshes after the service, when he tried to gain a stronger grasp on why Jews got so tense when the mere name of Jesus was brought up in conversation, especially when Joshua would get into his Pescatarian schtick about how if a diet of fish and veggies was good enough for Jesus, the original Super Jew, it was good enough for him.”

Much of the lingo and cultural references make this story much more accessible to the Jewish reader already well familiar with this background than those who are not, or who have not been exposed to Jewish language and psychology in their daily lives.

These notes aside, The Great American Jew Novel excels in a hilarious New York exploration of the world of comedy and Jewish culture. It’s sometimes politically incorrect, racy, and ribald. This absorbing viewpoint of a father’s drive for bigger and better goals and added meaning in his world is highly recommended for Jewish readers who enjoy the cultural lure of satirical social examination.

Actually, Giving A Shit About Jay Cutler

Fuck Jay Cutler’s wife for divorcing him because he just wants to hang out with his 3 kids on their Tennessee Farm and enjoy the fruits of his labor. The man was freezing his balls off in Chicago forever, getting his head bashed in while the NFL settled out of court and cut Collin Kaepernick the largest unemployment check ever recorded. But your husband is no longer motivated enough for you, because he doesn’t want to do broadcasting for the NFL and do his best sad sack Troy Aikman impersonation.

Michael Kornbluth

 

Looting Ain’t A Thing

Rioting is negative language to depict widespread violence, looting and destruction along Chicago’s no longer so Magnificent Mile.  What expression would Maxine Waters prefer? Bring on the ruckus, it’s hammer time, resisting gentrification, looting Gucci ain’t a thang because it’s a reparations thing.

Michael Kornbluth

 

Divorce Immunity During Corona

Daughter says, “Mommy asked Google if she should divorce her unemployed comedian husband. I say, “You kids name your special jumps into the pool based on chapter titles from my books like Best Bud Sarah Silverman Never Had, splash, Children Are Family Upgrades, Woosh, or Surrender Shrimp and Grits, long time, hollah, kaplomp. So, it’s not as if you kids are clamoring to tell a divorce court how much you want me out of your life already. Besides, haven’t you ever heard of divorce immunity during Corona? Last, we don’t even know if you’re going to be resuming school full time again this year and baby’s not running for President yet, nor do any of your virtual grandparents on both sides plan to lift a finger to help with you 3 on a semi-regular basis outside of liking a new picture on Facebook. Plus, grandparents on both sides, have no intention to uproot themselves away from Unibrow Maddow or the local Ukranian Church, in Delaware where, baba performed fake news communion on all 3 of your behind my back, because your Hebrew names, Jewish blood and none of your ever getting baptized derailed that after life death wish from ever materializing. So daddy possess what the big Don in the Art of the Deal would call leverage, unlike every Democratic Mayor crying for Federal help after they turned the mob loose on their cities without any crime blitz schemes in sight because Mike Ditka isn’t in charge nor he is grooming any Buddy Ryan’s to take over their own homeland security defense departments against omnipresent, mostly real life crazy, encouraged anarchy in the name of Obama Be Good and the geographically challenged, pedo hair sniffer being just what fuck Face Fauci ordered to bring our country back to 2.9 GDP growth again, when diplomacy was considered nuke gifting Iran 150 billion on your way out the doors. Those were the days.

Michael Kornbluth