Misery Lives

The unelected governor of New York looks like Delta Burke’s insane sister sentenced to the electric chair only to be brought back to life in a Stephen King novel for refusing to say amen at The Judds house over Christmas after Grace. Exorcist 2.0 wails, “Kid Rock isn’t my Rock and Roll Jesus. I’ll say, an Amen over THAT. Jesus only saves perfect cheekbones and mounds of tits for my big sis. I couldn’t even interview for a PA job on the Warners lot of Designing Woman. A Janitor chased me with a broom out the door, screaming, “No Loony Tunes allowed. You look like Sylvester’s cadaver in drag Pet Cemetery.”

Misery lives, Challah. Thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth

Veterans Day Special

In honor of Veterans Day, I schooled my kids on why Generation Z sucks compared to Nazi killers and the likes of Jesse Owens, who ran Hitler’s master race theory into the ground, without breaking a sweat over their triggered feelings of inferiority in the process, despite those ultra-efficient, Type A Aryan’s running like cranked up speed demons as if their state supplied crystal meth for Octoberfest was riding on it.

I add, “Millennial Mousketeers aren’t any better because half of them thought Trump was either the Anti-Christ or Hitler. First, sequels never live up to the original. Last, in the Bible part 2, Jesus kills the anti-Christ like a bearded Kyle Rittenhouse. So have some faith in the Jesus comeback story, won’t you people?  If you still think Trumpy Poo is the Anti-Christ instead of the most popular replacement president of all time, Mr. Groper. Whose campaign rallies barely filled out Ariel’s clam shell bra. If Biden got the most votes off all time, Michelle Obama regretted pissing on the ceiling fan in the Lincoln bedroom minute before Trump’s inauguration. Hours later Trump gets a peed on for real this time from above, and says, “Melania, is this Michelle meant when she-hulk said, “When they go low, we aim high”.

Daughter replies, “You could’ve just asked Alexa to play God Bless the USA by Lee Greenwood on Veterans Day but God blessed you with the funny Jew bone for a reason Daddy.” USA, USA, USA!

Michael Kornbluth