A+ Narcissist

Narcissist thought progression.

She can’t write.

His writing sucks out loud to.

How do they get paid to write this shit at all?

Does becoming a dad make you less of a narcissist? Not really. How can I be, after all 3 of my kids became automatic fans of me?

When your mom’s least favorite, you’re forced to build up your ego because she won’t do it for you. Why else would I seek laugh yanker love from strangers on WordPress for some Saturday night feeling fever?

A plus narcisscist will go the extra mile to put down other’s whenever their sensé of supériority is threatened like the time when Alec Baldwin called his smoking hot future model daughter with Kim Bassinger a fat pig birthed by Cupid and pre-op Chaz Bono. All because his daughter Ireland showed more aroused interest in Stephen Baldwin’s retelling her what he did to get in shape before auditioning for the rôle of 3 time state champion Brian Shute in Vision Quest over Alec bitching about the time Sean Connery sunk his Battleship between takes on The Hunt For Red October. Insisting over Thanksgiving every year how he wanted to kill the cinematographer for giving him a permanent squint from trying to make out the contours of his crafted scruff from so many wide angle asshole shots in his trailer.

Does a narcissist freak out if a lesser friend doesn’t text back with an automatic LOL, knowing they should feel blessed for getting another A plus topical joke fresh off the press? Yes, but the rage subsides when they reply back with that LOL eventually, which is bitter sweet because you can receive délayed measured praise from your mother. So you classify them as off the dream team friend list because they don’t suck you off fast enough with such frothy, feasting relish.

If he was a real friend, he’d admit to living a zest free existence without my texts and whiff of vivacious wonderfullness in a post covid ruined universe. Surprised he hasn’t contemplated suicide for being forced to feel like such an edgeless hack in comparaison actually.

More drain droning dumpage from the mentally deranged mind of an a plus Narcissist man. Hey babe, did you know Peloton instructors make 300K for giving empty shout outs to BLM on a bike in no rush to riot with their brothers and sisters in Kenosha causing more than 2 billion dollars in property damage this past summer while only racking up one new 60 minute ride within AC controlled splendor per week? So that’s why their so fucking happy all the time, unless Jess King interupts her guided bike rides to stern shame any customers for ever saying any hateful things about her online, who only sold a spleen for the privledge of being annoyed to death by her squeaky doll voice, humorless asides and overtly clubby, whoreish, but-her face, Joan impression from Mad Men. I could be a Peloton instructor if I wanted to babe. None of the instructors are funny except Cody but he isn’t Mario Cantone gay funny either. And all their playlists are more uneven than Jess King’s misty mountain tits.

I’d titty blast her once before losing all interest in banging her esophogus out of place again. If I really need to know what her astral aura feels like inside, then I’ll stick my dick in a carved pumpkin and fill it with my own seeds of perverse pleasure inside.

Peloton won’t allow the hashtag #GoBrandon. I’m going to use #MolestingDemoracy.

Which fate is more préférable? Dead deer or an eye popping Bill from the Body Shop? Daughter says, “But the deer feels pain.” A plus narcissist daddy devoid of empathy for Bambi’s extended family says, “Getting pumped by a body shop for all your worth, as they bleed all your fun in the sun savings dry hurts your insides more.”

A balancing rock therapist is a perfect match for an A plus narcissist because your unquestioned, uninterupted voice, vibrates off the rock with more balanced shooting vibtato. And it doesn’t accusé you of being an informericial in honor of yourself like my hate speech counslor does either. But the hate speech therapist social worker I’m forced to see against my free will because I’m an A plus narcissist, thinks getting a copywriter job in Boca Roton is laughable. His smug snivel laugh sucked up his entire upper lip on the spot. But Vermont has the most new cases of Covid from being the most dosed state. Doctor Timothy Leary wouldn’t need to drop more acid to see if the CEO of Pfizer and Fuck Face Fauici are full of shit as the neverending shit show dumps on. Looks like your bad trip on MSNBC spiked proganda has just begun. But I’m the wrongheaded narcissist, you edgeless, blah breathed jerkoff. Did I pass the A plus narcissist test yet? Challah, thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth