Tag: Covid

Death Mandate State

by doitalldadyear, posted in business, health, writing

Why did Logan Roy drop dead suddenly? Shouldn’t the CEO of Waystar be exempt from taking the clot shot? Shouldn’t this titan of industry be smart enough to know how COVID was a man-made bioweapon used to push for mail-in voting, which ushered in the death of Voter ID? How else can you tell MS-13 apart, with all that shit on their face? I’d start trusting the Media, Big Tech, and our government, if they ever agree to report in unison on how the COVID vaccination, not the rebranded flu, is the biggest drama queen killer of them all; that’s ultimately responsible for depressing your immune system more than entry into the Dallas Buyers Club. A new report claims Jamie Foxx is blind and paralyzed after getting a blood clot in his brain from the forced COVID vaccination, in the service of revitalizing Cameron Diaz’s film career, courtesy of the Screen Actors Guild and the current death mandate administration. Unmasking death work mandates for Jamie. Now, what can you say to console someone who got quadrupled vaccinated in the name of Dr. Gnocchi Be Good? Sudden adult death syndrome is better than having to live through this never-ending shit show as the remainder of your 401 K gets amputated faster than it takes Justin Bieber to regain feeling in his boy band wrecked face. Your heart is a ticking time bomb waiting to go off faster than Trumpy Poo fans left on Breitbart who claims he never forced anyone to take the operation death speed shot, despite pushing it harder than Trump Vodka to power-hungry Ukies in the 80s. Unmasking death mandates for Jamie. Thanks, Lord, for my highly developed bullshit detection meter, which makes me one of the last true New Yorkers, standing, Challah, very much. But the death mandates are nothing to worry about, if Nick Canon is offering health updates on his friend Jamie Fox to Yahoo news. Isn’t Nick Cannon another Farrakhan apologizer licker who claims he can’t be a Jew hater because he’s a Black Hebrew Semite? Call me a racist, but I don’t think King David shows up on your Ancestry.com, Shaka Zulu.” Unmasking death mandates for Jamie, Challah. Thank you very much.


Michael Kornbluth

Unplanned Fatherhood Yucks

by doitalldadyear, posted in blogging, entertainment, family

What’s the best thing about unplanned fatherhood, 3 kids later?

Drinking alone is no longer an issue.

I gave up drinking beer last summer during my year without beer. Because beer bellies give self love a bad name

Plus, it was humiliating to spend so much time in front of my kids, hungover, recycling, endless reminders of my hopoliscous past as entire Rocky marathons on AMC passed me by.

I quit edibles too because they’d kick in after I thought my daughter was asleep already.

And whatever buzzy calm I felt went poof once my daughter would ask, “What do you do after tucking me in?” Finally, I snap and say, “I squeeze in 2 minutes of me too time alright.”

When my daughter was younger she’d ask hard questions to amswer after the edibles kicked in when I thought she was asleep already. She’d ask, “Daddy, if God created the universe, then who created God?” The best I could come up with was, “God went back in a time machine made by Elon Musk.” Daughter says, “Do more edibles Daddy. But thanks for making me an Atheist at 4.”

Did I mention how my 11 year old daughter has breat buds now? According to my wife, she’s the last person in class to get them. So I say, “Then, why haven’t yours sprouted yet?”

Now I’m going to do an impersonation of my daughter in fight prevention mode again. Pause Daddy, my mama got your point mid breath.

Unplanned fatherhood yucks, challah. Thank you very much.

I also quit taking adderall after writing like a Jewish angel on it for the past 12 years in my mind.

I quit adderall so I’d focus less on how ahead of the curve annoyomg my wife can be, especially after threatening to kick me out of the house if I gave our kids, the common cold through Covid. An itchy esophagus matters too.

All time most annoying line is, “I’ve sacrificed.” She acts like an aspiring comedian in his late thirties into third legged beauties.com wanted kids ever. The 0 percent waist fast doesn’t hurt.

Unplanned Fatherhood yucks, Challah, thank you very much.

And if hospitals were so overwhelmed at the height of Covid, how did Nurses have so much free time on their hands to work on their elaborate Tik Tok dance routines for their new Chinese master overlords to spy on from afar.

I calls my 2 sons Stud Alerts on the loose. I won’t send them to junior high unless they have a lawyer by their side at all times to hand out pre-poundage consent forms. They might be gayer than I am. One time, my youngest son asked his older brother to sit on his penis and I say, “Not Kosher baby, but that is a rock solid line to use on a busty vixen in a Russ Meyer remake of Busty Beauties or Topless Tudors.”

But my oldest son is the best slacker alert ever. He’ll say, “Daddy, no box jumps today.” I say, “I got food poisoning from the Halal Guys, long Covid and Aids through Zoom with Andy Dick.” And slacker alert son will fire back with, “Enough with the excuses daddy. You’re worse than Hillary.”

Unplanned fatherhood yucks, Challah, thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth

Helplessly Boosting

by doitalldadyear, posted in comedy, culture, poetry

What were David Crosby’s last words?

I shouldn’t have given the 4th Booster a chance?

It’s Deja Vu for Bob Saget all over again?

Pfizer, Moderna and AstraZeneca are a fake news super group.

My turn was 5 decades ago after Jimi, Janis and Jim Morrison.

Woodstock, Ohio, I’m the Ken Burns of folk rock motherfuckers.

In our house, Snopes knows best.

Helpless is trying to get it up around Joni Mitchell with no makeup on high grade blow.

Teach your children well.

Fuck your Pfizer stock, sell, sell, sell.

Helplessly boosting, Challah.

Thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth

COVID The Clown

by doitalldadyear, posted in humor, politics, writing

COVID The Clown enters the room doing a half-formed Cartwheel to Everybody Needs Somebody To Love by the Blues Brothers, blasting on his old school Radio Raheem conjuring boom box from the Spike Lee joint, Do The Right Thing.  Matilda’s friend, nerdy yet sassy friend Devon, who suffers from premature, puberty disease, forcing her to wear heavy sweaters to conceal her awkwardly, mountainous formations underneath and says, “Who taught this clown how to a cartwheel? Is he drunk on discontinued Trump vodka or what?” COVID the Clown launches into his standup comedy act and says, “Who’s excited for a Burning Mask Party? All the kids cheer in unison with maximum glee. Rachel the BLM hat sporting Grandma interrupts a solid attempt at crowd work and says, “But you’re not even wearing a mask Bozo the Clown. Plus, you don’t annunciate to well in the 1st place. So why would wearing a mask be such a muffled disservice to your act in the 1st place?  I have a Doctorate in Speech Pathology from the University of Chicago and was kept on retainer by the Obama administration to instruct him on the best ways to help minimize his ums, ah’s and resurgent lisp off the teleprompter. Plus, I was instrumental in reversing President Obama’s awful habit of referring to his wife as Michael for some odd reason.” COVID Clown replies, “Maybe, Obama wishes the former 1st lady were more camera friendly like Mike or performed cooler under pressure after she threatened to break her arm up his ass ass if he offered Beyonce some Paul Newman’s lemonade over her own homemade Kombucha ever again.” Matilda’s father, howls with laughing approval as deathly silence engulfs everywhere else in the room, as the Stay-Home-Dad nearly bites off his lower lip in the process. COVID The Clown says, “Have you ever heard of divorce immunity during COVID? It’s a fake news to, doesn’t exist actually. I used to believe in divorce immunity during COVID, until my commercial agent dropped me after Twitter banned me for life for all those Wuhan lab cover up tweets. I also thought divorce immunity during COVID held out some applicable promise, after I got kicked out my Second City troupe, after killing on the main stage for 3 years straight since another cast member doxed my personal info the Chicago Tribune and had ANTIFA show up to door man apartment in the Loop after they shared my old tweet screenshots about Obama that said, “Fuck Trump, Obama’s the one who loves Hitler. Obama wishes he was that organized.  Mass extermination of all his pesty, hook nosed critics who criticized, his time out nuke deal with Iran would be a gas.” I’m banned from using Lyft and Uber now to because I went on the Gateway Pundit Podcast in attempt to sell some tickets for my one man show, Resist This, which isn’t happening now obviously and on air said, “Deplorable is anyone whose glad Jussie Smollett took a shot.” Rachel, the BLM hat sporting grandmother says, “I don’t think this material is child appropriate. If we were in the UK, you’d be arrested for flagrant violations of hate speech already.” COVID The Clown says, “I went to London against my will with my nurse wife before we got divorced and lost custody of my daughter, the brightest star in my universe. Wife got us tickets to see Bjork. I wanted to see Petrified Forest personally. Now, my choice is either entertain arrogant baby boomer grandparents on the kid birthday circuit as orange faced COVID The Clown or pack up my tricycle bag of clown noses and fly Southwest to Arizona to take a job as a Nurse Recruiter, next to parents’ estate in Scottsdale, Arizona, with my head between my legs, in search of my balls every dropping by for a surprise encore appearance again. Recruiting nurses for a living, based on their teamwork and ability to buy into synchronized Tic Toc dance routines for their Chinese spying masters is just what the doctor ordered.”

Matilda, the 10-year-old birthday girl chimes in and says, “I’m sorry to hear about your ex-wife COVID The Clown. And I think it’s really sweet, how you don’t want to move so far away from your little girl. But can you stick to the burning mask party material? Because my friends would rather play with my new American Girl tent set, then spend one more minute listening to your sad sack life story, with no comedic relief on the horizon in sight, no offense.” Rachel the BLM hat wearing grandmother adds, “I agree with Matilda. They’re already more people in this room than I feel comfortable with, knowing this birthday bash is a super-spreader bound to happen. Why don’t you just go home and call it a day? I’ll pay you whatever you were promised, just to stop you spreading such vicious lies and toxic disinformation about President Obama and Hollywood’s biggest overseas market today. COVID The Clown says, “I’ll give you a super spreader bitch”, and squeezes his flower lapel on his shirt which squirts a stream of Orange Crush into the BLM hat wearing, grandmother’s eye. Everyone in the room finally laughs together in unison. Matilda’s father says, “What’s wrong Rachel?  Would you feel more morally outraged if COVID The Clown shot grape soda into your eye instead? Because then you could’ve accused him of being a racist dictator clown, guilty of racially profiling your BLM hat, according to Trevor Noah. Ever notice how for 8 years when Obama was president, you never overheard anyone online at the Post Office, announce with sincere, palpable glee, “I love Obama.” Comedy Central Executives felt the same way when they decided to resign Trevor Noah for the foreseeable future.”

Michael Kornbluth

Shooting The Shit With Jill Biden

by doitalldadyear, posted in culture, education, family

Imagine Easter Sunday at the Biden’s Delaware estate this year? First, things get tense for Hunter’s new wife Melissa Cohen when Dr. Jill Biden says, “So today, we celebrate the resurrection of Jesus after your people heckled the Romans into crucifying our Messiah to death.”

Melissa Cohen replies, “I don’t give a shit either way Jill. I’m an atheist myself. Still, my father a conservative Jew, would disagree with your messiah premise. He wouldn’t call your hubby putting up fencing around the White House as an incoming symbol of world peace, would you? If Obama wasn’t a secret, gay Muslim, I totally could’ve seen him putting World Peace 2.0 on his gym locker at one of those private gay bathhouse clubs in Chicago to remain anonymous though. My family celebrates the Passover holiday. You know the holiday where we sub IPA’s for giant stale unleavened crackers. Not that most Jews are heavy drinkers compared to our gentile nation, but you get the gist. I know drinking is the least of Hunter’s concerns. Plus, I’m positive despite you being a gentile, you’re capable of recognizing the hilarious irony of your son from a different mother, giving up blow for blow painting. Also, cut the Mother Theresa act Jill. Everyone in Delaware knows Joe had an affair with you when he was still married before the horrific tragic car crash, which you’ve collectively exploited politically for all it’s worth, which doesn’t sound very Christ like to me. Then again, the Crusades happened to get back at the all non-believers such as my people the Jews, despite Christianity not being an official religion back in ancient biblical times during the time of Jesus’s death. Also, I never understood why Christians hate Jews so much, assuming they were Christ Killers or not. First, Jesus was a Jew and gentiles weren’t flocking to see Schindler’s List opening weekend. Second, if Jesus doesn’t get crucified, the Bible part 2 is never written. There’s no record of Jesus ever ascending to heaven, giving his 12 apostles to write his comeback life tale with the promise of eternal life, assuming you acknowledge Jesus as the only self-anointed, bouncer gatekeeper of heaven and king of the Jewish people, despite possessing zero ancestry DNA with King David or King Solomon after him, just saying. How many Jewish friends do you have Jill, being a real doctor and all? But plenty of Jews hurt our people’s image such as Bernie Madoff, Harvey Weinstein, that crystal meth head, Adam Schiff. Trust me, after knowing your son during his druggy years, I know a meth head when I see one. If Adam Schiff’s eyes were any bigger buggier, he’d be John Holmes in Wonderland, assuming his best friend is another scumbag Democratic operative like Ed Buck being charged for manslaughter for getting black homeless escorts overdose on crystal meth in his West Hollywood pad before exchanging their services. Let’s just meet in the middle and agree Adam Schiff is no angel of light or will ever be confused for being a chosen cosmic perfectionist of any kind. So, if I wanted to drop Hunter’s IPHONE into the garbage can outside of Janssen’s Market, love their Filet Mignon Egg Sandwich by the way, with pictures of him putting a gun to my head during some kinky role playing, when I play the computer repairman’s daughter in Wilmington, Delaware. Would the Secret Service keep those pics under wraps for us, or am I blowing your husband’s compromised deep state relationship with the Secret Service and China completely out of proportion? Xi is a good a guy Jill? You know nobody believes that shit Jill, especially the suicide net makers for Apple. Granted, you haven’t taught in years but deliver that line about Xi being a great guy to every mother whose had to quit their jobs to help monitor their kids remoting learning experience, with no burning mask parities in sight, vaccine mandated or not, despite more kids dying of suicide this year than from fucking COVID. And maybe then, I’ll respect your alleged Christian good deed hued nature again babe. At least our baby boy is a boy. So keeping Joe away from any future hair sniffing incidents, is one last thing I need to worry about it. I didn’t marry into the Podesta family for a reason.

Michael Kornbluth

The Masked Boomer Deadhead

by doitalldadyear, posted in art, comedy, entertainment

I don’t like older Deadheads because they got to experience free flowing love with busty Italian girls in the parking lot of Giants Stadium before Magic made HIV disappear. I had to settle for either dry humping induced zipper burn in college or feel nothing condom sex, which is the equivalent of having to exchange silky smooth lining for plastic covered seats. A guy knows when a condom breaks because he immediately starts to coo, “Wee, wee, sex is fun again.”

I especially don’t like older Deadheads wearing Grateful Dead masks at the grocery store because they’re not dropping acid in those dancing bear masks for 3 hour drum solos on ACID at MSG Square to see Grateful Dead and Friends. I don’t care how much masked deadhead woman bat their eyes to John Mayer with a mask on looking like a longhaired Long Ranger in Tie-Dye in disguise.

Imagine a Masked Deadheads who suffers from anxiety, being slipped ACID by a new age Merry Prankster at MSG, requiring you to wear the mask at all times, except between more puffs of increasingly necessary calming green. Once the double of dose of ACID kicks in, the Masked Deadhead says, “Fuck CDC guidelines. If I could survive Altamont and the Hell’s Angel’s nearly beating my skull into the middle earth, I can handle an itchy esophagus no problem. Besides, I’ve been spoking weed out of out a metal bat at Dead Shows for five decades straight and my lungs feel great, holla, thank you very much. “

It’s hard to remain calm when I see a Baby Boomer in a Grateful Dead mask today. They never had to greet their kids off the bus wearing masks, looking like Michael Jackson’s adopted ones on holiday in Bahrain. All these Masked Deadheads did was use their cushy positions in the media, government and academia to push lawless policies, which turned LA and San Francisco and now Manhattan into overrated, overpriced ten cities sponsored by REI.

Masked Deadheads are fake news hippies like my retired father who hasn’t visited the Grand Canyon in 9 years since retiring to Scottsdale, Arizona, to take up jerking off to the Weather Channel every winter and playing tennis with Dr. Ken, who claims my father’s forehand has never been stronger.

Took my daughter to her 1st Dead show and she says, “Daddy, why are your eyes red? I said, “The THC content in these edibles have unmasked my pothead eyes.”

My daughter’s 1st Dead Show was days after her 2nd Birthday. She points at dinged up looking hippie sucking down a nitrous balloon and inquires, “Birthday”? I say, “No Matilda, Burnout Day.”

It’s hard to plan for kids, when you’re pothead who forgets to ask your girlfriend if she’s on the pill. Although when my wife told me about being pregnant with our 1st child Matilda, my response in my mind was. First, stress how it’s her decision but then push for the abortion and don’t be a pussy about it. Still, at the time it was impossible for me to write off my daughter in the making as a zombie zygote whose spirit could be brought back from the dead by getting my girlfriend now wife, accidently pregnant again in a NY Minute again, no problem. The moment my wife announced she was pregnant with our 1st of 3 kids, I couldn’t be blase about pushing the Unplanned Parenthood, family man, extermination plan.

Do you think Michael Corleone would push Kay to get an abortion if the ultra sound revealed their kid in the making was a gender fluid hermaphrodite? Kay says, “It’s a hermaphrodite Michael. I know you really wanted a boy to carry on your scared Sicilian seed. I’ll just book a contract hit with Planned Parenthood tomorrow. Don’t bother sending a car for me. I’ve seen how that movie ends before. You had no problem ordering your goons to blow up helpless Fredo, so stop acting like giving me the green light to take out a hit on your own flesh and blood doesn’t sit well with your soul anymore. Besides, how does a hermaphrodite as the head of the five families even work? Do all the other thuggish killers in Armani come into The Gender Fluid Godfather’s office to kiss her cock ring or just suck off her latest wallpaper collections of gender fluid pink zit recipes in Pinterest??

Vermont must change their state logo from the Green State to CBD Oil only. Bernie Sanders couldn’t even make Vermont great for potheads on vacation.

I drop weed edibles about an hour before I tuck my kids in to avoid my daughter’s super hard questions on it before they kick in. Once, edibles kicked in earlier than usual and my daughter says, “Daddy, if God created the universe, then who created God?” I say, God went back in time in a Time Machine, made by Elon Musk.” She replies, “Real convincing Daddy. Thanks for making an atheist at 4.”

Did you know 4/20, Earth Day for Potheads because it’s an herb that grew wild around King Solomon’s grave, is also Hitler’s birthday? Total bummer right man? I haven’t been this let down since I learned how Sly Stallone snuck Mel Gibson into Expendables 3.

And this is my impersonation of Ziggy Marely being interviewed by High Times magazine? Reporter says, “Ziggy, your dad had a dozen kids. Isn’t excessive ganga use supposed to drain your life blaster and ball sack dry? Ziggy Marely says, “Fake News man.”



I really don’t like Baby Boomers wearing Grateful Dead masks because they’re acting like this freedom killing reign of COVID terror is campy fun like touring with the Dead during summers past. I only wish I could dance in the grass to the Shakedown Street again throughout the Bethel Woods great sprawling lawn without any mask mandates anymore to kickstart the 1st of many burning mask parties this summer, able to sing with final chapter closed authority, “What a long, evil revealing trip, it’s been.”

Last, I’m sick of hearing certain Baby Boomers proclaim, “We’re all mad.” Unless, you were drafted to fight in Vietnam, I don’t give a shit about your alleged discomfort post COVID asshole. Generation X, that being my generation, had to endure the nagging, adolescent of fear of contracting HIV, multiple recessions, 9/11, the media’s perpetual white washing of the Jew hating squad and our kids being forced to wear masks in school as if we’re living in some sick, twisted version of Pink Floyd The Wall, except this time only the CDC, Fuck Face Fauci and China get final cut. Jew loving Roger Waters lives, thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth

Reimagining Cuomo Book Titles

by doitalldadyear, posted in culture, entertainment, family

Did you know Jared Kushner talked Dad out of Motley Crue playing at his inauguration because he insisted Tommy Lee looked too Alt-Rightish. Later he adds, “And my Hebrew Hammer can’t compete Dad.” Holla, thank you very much.

A leadership book by Cuomo carries less impactful weight than a Stacy Abrams romance novel, especially after she ditches the fat suit for a parachute jumper on casual Friday. Holla, thank you very much.

Knowing how New York State boasted the highest death rate of any US state, largely due to Cuomo’s policy of forcing sick old patients with COVID to shack up with other sick old New Yorkers older than Yiddish, to die, cursing the Italian Reptilian inside against their dying of the light, it’s time to reimagine new book titles for the thug in Armani, don’t you think? If Cuomo’s lucky, he can win another Emmy with a TV show on Netflix in his honor based on these killer, headline hooker titles alone. Let the alt righting book title reimagining being.

  1. That slut Blanch from the Golden Girls was going to die from a urinary track infection anyway. Wait a minute, in Florida she’d still be alive to suck a golf ball through a garden hose for another day, my bad.
  2. Ben Stiller thinks I’d play a convincing mob boss in a remake of the Goonies because I look like Mama Fratelli and the Thing had a baby. Wait a minute, who wrote this shit for me, Joan Rivers. I thought that annoying, Jew bitch was six feet under already for insisting Michelle Obama let it flop around on Ellen like she he don’t care. Joan lives. Holla, thank you very much.
  3. Trump’s shipped in hospital beds were just for show. Who cares if they got less touches than a bible at a bathhouse colony in Provincetown?
  4. I got Chris Rock to do a mask up PSA in my honor despite President Trump helping push prison reform to give his people new leases on life. I just gave BLM more rope to hang themselves with within the court of a public opinion.
  5. I destroyed the greatest city in the world in 14 months flat. What have you done with your life, besides wish the big, bad blond wolf could give me a nipple twister under the comment section on the Gateway Pundit?
  6. Born to Kill like Anthony Gnocchi.
  7. Vince Lombardi Lives
  8. Thugs in Armani Matter
  9. Broadway Blue Balls
  10. Andrew Black Eyes
  11. Destructive Mook Knows Best
  12. No, I Won’t Jump Off My Own Bridge.
  13. Reckless Endangerment Is Good
  14. Hijacking Hydroxychloroquine. Cuomo confiscated the entire supply in NY for his own personal stash and banned Doctors from prescribing it because the Italian Reptilian Inside had a surplus of body bags to fill, never mind.
  15. How to Kill Without Throwing Granny Off The Train
  16. From Good Too Imprisoned for Highly Avoidable Crimes Against Humanity.
  17. The Ponzi Push of Death
  18. The Art of Getting Away With Granny Choking On Her Pasta Fazool, metaphorically speaking.
  19. Too Big for Late Term Abortion
  20. Why I’m Smarter Than Tony Soprano
  21. Eating Meatballs Alone On Death Row
  22. The Hit Man’s Dilemma Around Real Made Men Tough Guys
  23. How to Get Banned From Rao’s For Life
  24. Dysfunctional Democrats Always Win Last

Michael Kornbluth

The COVID Jab Pinkie Swear

by doitalldadyear, posted in faith, family, writing

New York City is reopened again. Cuomo declares victory. He killed off the greatest city the world has in only 15 months flat.

Steven A. Smith claims Durant is the best player to represent New York. Be a more transparent kiss ass Smith. Millennial Mouseketeers would’ve gotten stomped to death in the vastly more rough and tumble era of the eighties NBA. The suffocative defensive play by the Bad Boys, X Man, The Pacers, Kevin Willis and Charles hard as oak Oakley wouldv’e torn Durant’s pipe cleaner arms off like he was the black Gumby. Durant isn’t an actual Playground legend from Brooklyn like Bernard King either. Bernard King was the black Larry Bird on steroids with Rocky’s eye of the tiger snarl in Rocky 2. Who ripped the rim off the fucking basket while going coast to coast like Westbrook on Adderall with far greater chest puffing huffing ease.

Refusing to vote is giving up on America. No, avoiding Voter ID to cheat again is. I forgot. Calling out election fraud is the big lie like humanization being the religion of peaceful Palestinian protestors for hire. Which reminds me, an all Muslim girls prom was just held in Detroit. The prom was like mine, pork free.

I hope nobody votes in America ever again. So, politicians who let Democracy die under their watch without making a peep will feel like emptier imposter do good helpers at Harvard Club than normal till their last, scotch stench filled breath.

Is Baby Face Omar the new face of Banana Republic yet? To model their the new line of casual antisemitism footwear that comes with a complimentary Israeli doormat to boot.

Actually, the Supreme Court gave up on America when they refused to look into the case of election fraud that was more blatant than Jill Biden’s varicose veins with no panty hose on in front of the Queen, who offers stiff competition in that department with her panty hose on in person.

Eric Clapton’s famous music friends like Steve Winwood are avoiding him like the plague now since he opened up about partial paralysis after his 2nd COVID jab. Back on his high horse again with chompers like that. Dear Alexa, play me any song by Cream, Clapton or Derek and Dominoes to make me happy. It’s too bad Steve Winwood isn’t cracking anybody’s top 100 pleasure playlist either.

Nobody has died from the COVID jab. What about boxer legend The Marvelous Marvin Hagler? Oh yeah, MSN debunked the conspiracy theory already despite Tommy Hearns claiming the murderous jab put him out for the count more than his combinations ever could.

I made a COVID jab pinkie swear when my parents asked me to get vaccinated for their behalf. But my father’s shoulders collapse, whenever I go in for a hug for old times sake since I came out as a Trump supporter. Plus, my parents are vaccinated, which grants them immunity from the virus allegedly. So at this point, what difference does it make? Hillary Hammer Time Cankles strikes again. Thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth

Beyond Personal

by doitalldadyear, posted in career, culture, education

More hardcore edge is funnier.

Governor Cuomo getting paid to write about leadership is like R Kelly getting early release to babysit the latest Kardashian out of the womb, Woody Allen writing a book on hands off parenting or Kevin Durant, Mr. Millennial Mouseketeer himself, getting picked to do a Ted Talk on how to defend yourself against Cyberbullying.

Celebrity couples who can’t keep their hands off each other are stuck in a perpetual sweaty sex period. That’s the secret sauce ingredient that makes any sexually charged relationship stick.

Russell Simmons addressing rape allegations with Gayle King. Gayle, read my lisp. I didn’t rape any of those vengeful, over the hill ho’s.

New marketing idea for my book Do It All Dad Does Jokes. Donate them to the Bedford Hills Correctional Facility where Martha Stewart stayed. Sample some Snoop Dog jokes on the Corrections Officer in charge of accepting donations for the Prison Library. “Have you tried Snoop Dog’s new red wine yet? Wine Spectator says it tastes like mouthwash used in Porn Hood Hell. Can I donate some Dr. Seuss books or are they not woke enough for the Warden’s tastes? Did you hear? Dr. Seuss is racist for drawing a pic of an African wearing a grass skirt. I didn’t know Fubu was in fashion yet.” Correction Officer laughs long time.

Dad giving you parenting advice 3 grandchildren later over the phone again from Arizona is annoying. Oh, you don’t like the idea of your granddaughter attending Cornell University eventually because of sudden mental health concerns post COVID pops? I think all the outsourced, invisible suicide nets used in factories for Nike and Apple in China got the 13 Reasons Why class covered pops. I bet Cornell made a Suicide Prevention App that has the Skulls and Bones logo on the button to make their snowflake prone students feel extra protected inside. Like Cornell alum Bill Maher for getting away with naming his production company Kid Love Productions, with no media inquiry into its pedo friendly name whatsoever.  If W’s kids weren’t such airheads, they’d download that app at Yale, knowing the Skulls and Bones logo makes you immune to fucking up again consequences like W after 9/11 for doing dick to prevent the inside job on his watch. Plus, whenever you press the Suicide Prevention App button, Bang Your Head by Quiet Riot plays pops, which gets you out of your head after you try to headbutt Joe Rogan through your laptop for promoting how much his brand of CBD oil matters man, despite it giving you no mental lift worth giving a shit about whatsoever like any heady rush takeaways from the Dax Sheppard podcast. That’s right, another interchangeable boorish, CBD disciple comic on The Joe Rogan Podcast sprinkles his killer sets with jokes about how Deadheads only attend Dead Shows for the drugs. Yeah, Dicks Picks Volume 1 through 9000 documents nothing but scattered tracers dude. But seriously pops, once you press that Suicide Prevention App and hear Bang Your Head by Quiet Riot, your anxiety level drops lower than Al Gore’s balls at the sight of finding one more Klondike bar left in his sub-zero freezer on the 4th of July.  

Imagine a kid trying to jump off a bridge at Cornell only to bump into the invisible net. Kid says, “I can’t even ace a perfect landing to end my endless shit show of a life.”

This is my impression of a Tour Guide at Cornell downplaying mental health concerns for the incoming class of 2021. “Freshman don’t even have time to squeeze in a 20-minute Peloton ride between classes. White Pelton Privilege doesn’t exist behind these Ivy draped walls. So, what makes you think, Cornell freshman can afford to spend their down time attending pill parties, listening to 13 Reason Why on Vinyl backwards? While looking for secret hidden messages like, “Sell your soul to Apple Music like Trent Reznor did. And you’ll look less tormented menacing in 700-dollar leather jackets in no time.” Also kids today post COVID can’t enough of social distancing, especially after their ears get raped to death from all the yenta breath sorority sisters during rush week in the school cafeteria, chanting, “Gama Roe, were so hot. We rock the Keto diet. So, we don’t become fat feminist Karen bots.”

Don’t go there question on Thanksgiving. So, dad, what brings you more shame, your son getting addicted to opioids or your eldest trying to wean himself off the comment section of the Gateway Pundit? You never heard of it? Its’ another alt right, dirt rag like the rest, according to Uni Brow Maddow at MSNBC. Hey dad, tell me if you think this impression is funny. This is Chris Matthews sexually harassing a new chesty, yenta breath intern from Long Island on MSNBC. Eating out Maddow, counts as your lunch break babe.”

Waiting for my car appointment to get a new key and some old guy starts asking questions about login codes for the internet. I said, “What are you really missing out on, besides the Do It All Dad Year Podcast and Do It All Dad Year Blog? Personally, I want to kick it old school and get a flip phone again if I’m honest about only wanting to hear my own opinions most of the time.  Describe the Internet in 3 words Twitter, “I’m smart stupid.”  Also, I want to start using my imagination for jerking off again, so I don’t feel like a slacker jerkoff at the same time in real time. Are you feeling me yet old timer? Old timer says, “I like using the Internet to read articles from the New York Times and Washington Post. I say, “Nobody’s perfect. Billy Wilder lives. I don’t do unnamed sources like you know who.” Holla, thank you very much.

At the library trying to donate some books and getting endless laughs by pitching all the book titles of my books to donate to a local prison in Bedford after receiving the suggestion from the Librarian like Controlling My Kids With Comedy, A Love Story, Do It All Dad Does Jokes, etc. Then, the librarian says, “You remind me of my nephew. He’s a comedian.” I say, “Your warm-hearted embrace of my funny man identity doesn’t remind me of my mother one bit.”

Why should I care about the Swiss beating the French in soccer? The Swiss are guilty of cultural appropriation by storing Mark Chagal designer lamps for their Nazi rulers to sell at Sotheby’s whenever they needed to stock up on more Malbec and crystal meth during their golden years, living it up in the Andes mountains, while writing more glowing reviews of Mein Kampf on Amazon under Nazi Scientist Protection Programs Rule.

New agent seduction plan. Only purse female lit agents, that give me sustained stiffage, which is extended arousal derived from their money shot loaded manuscript sales list. Playing with the idea of making mama jealous with a new potential Jewish Godmother fill in lover embracer regarding the totality of me wouldn’t hurt my increased motivation factor to woo them with more than my pulsating prose either.

Getting a new key at the Toyota dealership and start flirting with the slightly chesty, pretty faced enough, raven black haired, Latino gal who helped reorder the key for me prior in painless, super-fast fashion. I made her laugh long time prior the day before, when I said, “I don’t mind waiting. My unhuggable C Word of a mother-in-law is being forced to play fake news involved grandma for the week, so I’m whistling dixie regardless. Today, I say, the name Vilma is growing more on me every day. It’s more cinematic sounding than Penelope Cruz. In fact, I think Pedro Almodovar should make you his new muse and kick that uppity lisp to the curb.  Everyone working there laughs long time. I add,” I’m glad that my Philosophy and Film Class that my parents paid 50 thousand dollars for just materialized there.” The entire Toyota worker crew laughs long time again. United we laugh, oh, what a feeling.

Michael Kornbluth

COVID Babies

by doitalldadyear, posted in blogging, entertainment, family

The only good thing about the never ending shit show post COVID is learning how to trim my own beard. Then again, I don’t see any relocated barbers from the Taliban sweating social distancing guidelines while using their heirloom machete to trim a little brain off the top.

Truckers in Australia are planning a strike to end this COVID driven tyranny that’s turned the land down under into a nanny police state mate. God, please inspire Stallone to reprise his role as a truck driver arm wrestler in Over The Top for a commercial on YouTube with his arch nemesis Bill Hurley where they join hands in solidarity in front of an American flag calling for American truckers to do the same. Assuming, they can guarantee Ashton Kutcher servicing them at trucker stops with the trucker hat turned backwards to make room for more big gulps of working class hero privilege. John Lennon lives, holla, thank you very much.

Biden pushing the COVID vaccine again on all of us poorly informed, unvaccinated people. Mr. Groper says, “Pfizer’s COVID vaccine just received FDA approval. You take their boner bills right? So, stop being so headstrong about the repeat prick every 6 months and suck it up buttercup. It’s big brother’s world now, you feckless cunts. You’ll need to double up on your Lipitor and blood thinner treatments after I give MAGA country cardiac arrest with more Taliban gift bags from Airforce One to hijack your next local school board meeting near you. You thought your kids wearing masks was a a suffocating inconvenience? Try Sharia sanctioned law by machetes and Russian confiscated AK-47’s motherfuckers.”

A reporter asking Biden how many Americans are left in Afghanistan.  How many cigarettes are in a pack of Camel smokes Joe, after Hunter’s gone through one eight ball too many? How many more aces do you have up your sleeve Cool Hand Luke? Fine, straight to the harder hitting questions then, how many Americans will meet their maker in Afghanistan Joe? Come on man, if Hunter was president, I’d expect him to blow off questions regarding dereliction of duty to snag more blow to get up for some more blow painting but not you Joe. If you’re such a good guy Joe, then why didn’t you tell Hunter to cut out creaming into his dead brother’s widow seconds after the cremation ensued? Fuck this job, I’m getting in shape to become a Peloton instructor, they don’t teach live classes anymore, so I won’t have to get the vaccine shot right? Did you know some Peloton instructors make up to 300 grand? No wonder why they’re so fucking happy riding bikes to such shitty Fleetwood music. You can’t be arrested for hate speech if you’re a Peloton instructor in London for leading a Cat Stevens artist series on Yom Kippur either. Imagine a Peloton instructor dropping dead from the COVID vaccine shot on a live feed. Would you keep riding through the pain of not pushing yourself to burn through those remaining 200 calories left to burn for the remainder of your leftover 10 minutes in motion? So, you could enjoy your beer after your Peloton ride guilt free, soon after? Yeah, me to.”

A groomsman at my wedding almost 11 years ago is about to have his 1st kid. I want to be more excited for him considering the circumstances, but at least he lives in Florida. So, he’ll never have to see his kid come off the bus with a mask on looking like Michael Jackson’s adopted kids on holiday in Bahrain. Plus, my groomsman bud voted for Trump to. So, I can see him pushing his future daughter into getting artificial insemination one day. Because he won’t like the idea of any penis ever entering his daughter. Then again, look how Hillary turned out. Still, how will COVID babies be taught about Kamala Harris in US history class down in Florida in 4 years exactly when she becomes President in 4 weeks? Teacher says, “They call her Pearl Necklace Harris for a reason folks. She’s actually part Indian, and part Jamaican. Her ancestors owned slaves in Bob Marley country. Plus, she was born in Canada. So she’s an all over the place, unhuggable cunt really. Who never had any business sitting her fat stanky ass in the White House Oval Office, until we the people took the power back and DeSantis killed off the rhinos by starting a brand new Burning Mask Party, which gives Trump a heart attack for not patenting that killer political party name to slap on schmatta looking hats sooner. Then, the Trucker’s union in America went on strike over forced mandate shots, brought our economy down to it’s knees, after a nationwide voting audit proved Dominion machines are more evil embedded than White House assertions of any stranded Americans wanting to stay in Afghanistan as hostages because they really want to nail their audition for Saw 5000. Then, the new age Nuremberg trials happened, which sent Fuck Face Fauci to Gitmo for funding and lying about being the least deserving of his mass murder participation trophy. After that, our truckers stormed into the White House with the other white hats and MAGA Patriots, including active and retired military at large and got that fake news black lives matter bitch trucking on a one way ticket to hell, that being a one way Greyhound bus ticket to Folsom Prison to work on a chain gang for a new doc by Oliver Stone called,  Kamala Is The New Black. The end, thank God. Oh yeah, Ivanka broke up with Jared and got herpes.”

I reached out to a high school bud about visiting one of our friends who just had his 1st kid at 45. He texts back, “I don’t think Dave will want us around a newborn with all that’s going on.” I said, “But the Taliban is coming, we’re still forced to wear masks in hospitals anyway and Sharia Law won. So, what difference does it make? Hillary Hammer Time Cankles lives, Challah, thank you very much.

What’s an appropriate gift for a COVID baby in Australia today? Pepper spray resistant swim goggles. Strollers equipped with Alexa powered COVID curfew reminders? Unless mommy wants to quarantine herself in penal colony detainments for COVID spurning cunts while her kid gets snatched up by child services for reckless endangerment because the COVID God’s of law and order are batshit Pelosi crazy.

Michael Kornbluth