Master Set Record

Do It All Dad kills. #ComedyRecord136MasterSet

Master Set

Sounds of Dronish Cuntry

Over Faking Happiness

Chosen Curls

Vaccinated Buzz Kills

Antioxidant Kids

Danish Dicks

Hardcore Hilarity

Placation Nation

Fame Whore Ho

A Plus Alter Ego

Master Set Sample

Rape Enablement Party

Lesbian Licking Losers

Cock Blocking Party

Crypto For Kids

Explaining crypto to my kids.

Remember when Samuel blew 1 million dollars’ worth of energy drinks in Toca Boca on Arthur’s account with digital tokens he worked hard to amass. Now, imagine those digital tokens were worth one million dollars in real life. That’s what cryptocurrency is, it’s tokens used to buy stuff in Toca Boca in real life. Plus, cryptocurrency isn’t controlled by the one world new order, including the Rothchild’s family, who control the Federal Reserve and all the banks in the North Pole to. Big Mouth Moses lives, Challah. Thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth

Sex Ed South Park

Exposed my 3 kids to South Park last night. We watched the 1-hour COVID special. I can’t take that hour back. After Randy bangs out another load. Daughter asks, “Why is Randy is so drained daddy?” I said, “Remember when I told you how my DNA is all over your face? Remember the time when you asked me, “Daddy, what do you do after tucking me in? And said, “I squeeze in 5 minutes of me time alright.” Well, Randy is running on empty because he’s strangling his life shooter to death because his DNA imprint is being blasted on all his batches of weed to counteract COVID symptoms caused from him banging that bat made in Wuhan, remember? At the same time, anyone would be drained dry after squeezing a village worth of love juice out like Brett Michaels did on the front leg of Poison’s Open Up and Up Say Ah tour in Toledo, Ohio considering the preponderance of big ten beauties on top.” South Park lives, Challah, thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth

Platypus Puss Attack

What’s more despicable, going on a J Date with Al Franken or supporting the candidacy of Liz Cheney for anything besides HR Manager for Halliburton? She doesn’t even bother checking references.

“Are you cool with the US military taking out Pablo Escobar? So, Hunter can smoke crack freely without any drug enforcement collusion like he’s auditioning for the white privileged version of New Jack City? Yes, my younger brother makes Hunter come off as a slacker underachiever in comparison. Alrighty then. You start on Monday. The Taliban is in the market for some new escape pods for Kwanza. I voted for Trump twice. Get the fuck out of my office. Office, your chained to a vending machine out of Baby Ruths in a boiler room below Dante’s Inferno, below Penn Station. Get out. Fine, I’ll move to the Ukraine and get a job for a sports energy drink company that will pay me 52 grand a week to push borscht as the new Kombucha.”

But seriously, why would Al Franken throw his support behind Liz Cheney? Does he sell Spanx now for a living? Did Rebel Wilson tell him to piss off after he tried to squeeze her for a selfie in front of Jamba Juice? Rebel snaps. “You’re not Instagraming shit Al. The Alt Right will think I’m playing Liz Cheney in Oliver Stone’s new flick for Newsmax, The Day Democracy Died. Plus, the only reason pussy grabbing eludes you is because you’re only 4 foot 2. I mean what kind of self-respecting Jew supports Biden after he lied about visiting The Tree of Life Synagogue in Pittsburgh? The Rabbi vehemently denied ever meeting Mr. Groper there ever. He even went on record stating, “Do you think I hang out much at Ben & Jerry’s these days?  Rocky Road To Peace will create peace in no time. Newsflash United Nations, when Hamas terrorists in charge launch 5000 rockets into Israel’s backyard. Don’t expect an edible gift basket in return, with a thank you note written in Farsi, with all the hardened pineapple tops chucked into the Dead Sea.  Platypus Cheney could use all the tough love she could get, before resuming her job as the HR Manager for Halliburton next Monday.”

Platypus Puss Attack, Challah. Thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth

Putz and A Half

Remember when the lights went out on the Statue of Liberty after DeBlasio forget to pay the Con Ed Bill on time again? Was DeBlasio disinvited from the 9/11 ceremony by Mayor Adams today or was Putz breath social distancing himself from any veneer of menschy integrity again? Just another day in the dumps for old DeBlas. Just to play it safe, Mayor Adams calls his security detail, “I don’t want fucking Big Bird anywhere near Ground Zero today. That cracker ass bird has got 5 inches on me, easy. My homies can’t see his pompous ass beak looking down on me with his fag hag lesbo wife by his side. I’m plowing new tight trim on the regular yoh! I got 99 problems but balling as a bang happy mayor at the club isn’t one. But were supposed to believe Garlic Breath DeBlasio converted natty dread snatch. And Bob Marley believed in late term abortion on demand. Doesn’t putz face De-Blasio eat pizza with a fork and knife? So going down on his Park Slope lesbo wife without a nappy dread mask on, with such sudden, reckless abandon is a plausible theory to digest.

Putz and a Half lives, Challah. Thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth

The Hunt for Remote Remorse

It’s hard to feel bad for Alec Baldwin when his only deeply felt take away from killing a cinematographer on a film he was producing is victimized aggravation for costing him work. Alec Baldwin calls his agent at CAA, “What do you mean Tarantino doesn’t want me to play a young Victor Vega in Reservoir Dogs Without Remorse? Isn’t there a statue of Woody Allen in Spain still standing? Can’t Woody write me a star vehicle where I play Javier Bardem’s chef Dad who butchers the Spanish language after becoming reunited with my pig son in The Mighty Punta Bitch Dad? Isn’t Marty sick of working with Leo yet? Can’t he jam me into a script with Dinero despite that dumb mook on the View these days looking like Betsy Ross falling apart at the seams? Would Seth Rogan be willing to work with me? I can play a recovering alcoholic who becomes a famed pitch person on the QVC for a new brand of gum to wane your addiction off highly boozy IPA’s, called, Hop-O-Rama Chew. But he gets fired from that job because he shoots off at the mouth too much on air about how craft beer enthusiasts in Brooklyn look like special needs hobbits who should be eligible for 3rd term abortions in New York State. I’ll even do voiceover for Kevin Smith in his woke reimagination of She-He Man. I could play the alt right Skeletor with a MAGA hat on top of my purple hoody like the Grand Dragon of disinformation regarding the downside of pubescent genital mutilation despite Billy regretting his decision after mounting a fat assed Latino girl at the China Club on his 18th birthday, after realizing his missing link to banging old school hip-hop beats of yesteryear when Rum Shaker broke big, is gone baby gone.” Challah, thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth

The Crypto Kid

Dear Laura Cohen,

The Crypto Kid is a running news column that brings the crypto mythology to life for jaded Gen X Parents who don’t want to miss out on the next best thing.  With talk of the Fed issuing their own version of  bitcoin called Fedcoin, I can’t think of a better time to demystify the world of Crypto through conversations about its new world vernacular with experts and my 3 kids soon after to ensure they don’t remain financially illiterate like their daddy into his mid-forties who has to Google how many zeros are in a trillion for Christ’s sake.

Not every member of the tribe has a head for numbers. So, I see your readers embracing the good-hearted nature behind The Crypto Kid, who will breakdown the Crypto vernacular that’s flush with ultra-colorful terms begging to be extrapolated for some comedy gold such as Depth Chart, Low Ranked Traders, Buy Wall, Oracles and Digital Wallets consisting of digital coins like a Toca Boca game come to life.  

The Crypto Kid is an overgrown man child who uses conversations with experts in crypto such as Cathie Wood, Chief Investment Officer at Ark Invest who says, “Bitcoin, is a bigger idea than Apple”, to make the world of crypto investing less sketchy scary fringe than it’s portrayed to be.  

I’ve amassed 6000 plus connections on LinkedIn from my time working as an agency IT headhunter in LA and Manhattan, especially within the world of open-sourced based software engineering, fintech and blockchain. So, I’ll have no problem generating meaningful yet fun conversations among all the star actors within the world of crypto who give it a good name.  Because we’re all not greedy, soulless, predatory parasites like Bernie Madoff either.

Who can defeat the rise of Anti-Semitism today, among those today who are still educating themselves on Hitler, who claim the Jews control the Federal Reserve and all the banks in the North Pole to? The Crypto Kid will, shooting down negative stereotypes about the new age digital gold rush, which can usher in more means of personal empowerment, financial liberation and social good than bashing David Mamet’s followers on Twitter ever could.  

The knock against Crypto is that’s its investors are anonymous, and you can’t dox them or freeze their bank accounts for donating money to an unemployed comedian trying to fundraise his standup comedy tour by selling bumper stickers through his Go Fund Me page such as COVID Damage Done.

So let’s prove how forward thinking the Jewish Forward is by letting The Crypto Kid fire away at all the bitcoin and crypto detracting critics in his opening column, Show Me The Dark Money, which takes on persistent claims of Crypto investing struggling to reach mainstream respectability because it’s still considered too alt-right leaning for their taste, despite Larry David having no problem shilling for those terrorist funding insurrectionists during Super Bowl Weekend.

Last, The Crypto Kid is a member of Generation X who’s endured the era of Aids, COVID, 9/11 and multiple recessions, now going on 3. As a result, The Crypto Kid prefers his comedy like his coffee, dark and bitter. So, who’s better qualified to examine the 2 trillion-dollar crypto market cap today with such skeptical, leering eyes who also recognizes how the technology employed and embraced now on a worldwide basis was invented as a hedge against another one world bank-controlled implosion that happened in 2008?  Some experts say Crypto is a safer investment than gold and bonds while others consider it a safe haven against inflation, which peaks semi-sustained stiffage on my behalf. What about you?

Ultimately, The Crypto Kid will make the world of crypto investing appear less fringe scary as it continues to veer closer to the mainstream. Whatever Reese Witherspoon can do to make Americans less gun shy about investing in Crypto, I can do better.   Like the late great Joan Rivers used to say, “Can we talk?”  I’m looking forward to your reply.

Best Regards,

Michael Kornbluth

Dear Michael Kornbluth,

Fuck off, no mask MAGA head.

The End

Michael Kornbluth

Keep On Yearning

10 Reasons Why I Feel Bad About Yearning for The Messiah

  1. I feel bad about yearning for the Messiah because he’ll judge me for ascribing too much faith in Trump being above sheer ego preservation.
  2. I feel bad about yearning for the Messiah because 24 carrot crosses worn by rappers will depreciate in value and they’ll feel robbed.
  3. I feel bad about yearning for the Jewish Messiah because it’s against self-help, and I’d like to feed my family on my own again.
  4. I feel bad about yearning for the Jewish Messiah because of the nagging Jewish guilt that would ensue. My cousins get thrown in ovens, but I get off easy by noshing on God blessed Sponge Cake with ringside seats for the rebuilding of the Great Temple.
  5. I feel bad about yearning for the Jewish Messiah because I’ll feel like I’m cheating death when the Dead come back to life, to tell Christian nation, I told you so.
  6. I feel bad about yearning for the Jewish Messiah because it forces me to lie about wanting all Jews united under one roof, when I can’t stand any of my Jewish friends from High School anymore.
  7. I feel bad about yearning for the Jewish Messiah because no more wars, means Terrorists will be forced to drive more Uber cars in Tel Aviv, than I feel comfortable driving in, when I’m in town to watch my son, compete for Israel’s Next Top Temple Builder.
  8. I feel bad about yearning for the Jewish Messiah because wishing for no more famine, means I can regress into being a pampered, trust fund baby again.
  9. I feel bad about yearning for the Jewish Messiah, because I don’t think Israel should be redeemed for forcing its citizens of God to take the clot shoot to feed their families. Maybe, the 2nd booster made the COVID case less severe. And Booger Face Behar in the new Chief Happiness Officer for Breitbart.
  10. I feel bad about your yearning for the Jewish Messiah because my father will become more spiritual and visit the Grand Canyon after moving to Arizona 10 years later. So, I’ll lose my funny man moral high ground and can’t call him a fake news hippie anymore. Challah, thank you very much.

10 Reasons Why I Have Mixed Feelings About The Messiah Arriving In My Lifetime

  1. I’m not ready to give up hatred yet.  Without hatred, comedy ceases to exist, which translates to me making 95 comedy records for nothing.
  2. Tinges of jealousy are alright, if you use that surging sense of envy to fix your sour puss situation, so you feel less shitty about yourself than before.
  3. And the existence of greed is good, if it motivates you to work harder for brighter tomorrows, pregnant with more do good possibility man.
  4. I don’t need the Messiah to arrive in my lifetime to convince me of God’s divine presence in my 3 glorious, blemish free children for the time being. Cosmic perfection through my kids lives, Challah. Thank you very much.
  5. I don’t want Trump to get involved in the next hit reality show, “Israel’s Next Great Temple Builder”, only for him to tweet on his new social media platform, “Not enough orange marble for my taste, personally.”
  6. Regardless of Twitter being bought by Elon Musk or not, the Twitter Twat home will be flush with real life hate speech from atheist cunts about the arrival of a real deal Jewish leader who can prove King David descent on Acenstry.com. Linda Sarsour will accuse the Messiah, of “Cultural apartheid”, moments after construction of the Great Temple begins because it’s not a super mosque for God’s fake news chosen people. Islam gave us math, I heard. Then, why aren’t Muslim ever getting charged for tax evasion due to creative accounting?
  7. Israel means, “To argue with God”, but once the Messiah arrives, you can’t pull off a convincing remake of Fidder in The Roof, starring Jack Black. The milk man Dad will come off as a short-sighted true believer.
  8. I won’t be able to jerk off to third legged beauties.com again, without dreading the prospect of the great 3rd Temple, tumbling down due to my inability to let go off my death grip on sexual immorality.
  9. I’ll have to send my kids to Hebrew School then, despite the Rabbi using COVID in the same sentence as the Holocaust. Death camp victims don’t boast a 99 percent survival rate Rabbi, sorry.
  10. I’ll just get mad about my parents for refusing to use my future inheritance money to buy the Kosher meat store in Yonkers, NY on Central Avenue on the cheap. Because after the return of Jewish commanded law, Kosher butchers will make a killing, Challah. Thank you very much.

10 Reasons Why It’s Hard to Believe The Messiah Will Arrive In My Lifetime.  

  1. Because who wants to see Trump rolled up in a ball behind closed doors after another interview expose with Piers Morgan on Fox Called, “The Day My Ego Died.”
  2. Because Florida and Anti-Semitism are so hot right now. If the real messiah did emerge, that being the new age promised Jewish leader self-picked to rebuild the Temple of David and teach Hebrew to a bunch of dreamers in South Bronx. I don’t see him descending from Mount Sinai, because he’ll be called a poor man’s Moses impersonator by the NY Times, who posts Hot Sauce Parm recipes on Pinterest to downplay his Jewish noble ties to King David out of fear being called Butt Bump Buddies with Trumpy Poo, God forbid.
  3. Because Lebron James has depreciated the Messiah brand name after inscribing the tat Chosen One on his holy temple bod. Forget the promised land, King of The Persecution Complex can’t even get the Lakers into the 1st round of the playoffs with all eyez on him in the Staples Center for year 2 of COVID this time around.
  4. Jews in charge of our precious news media need to repeat Hebrew School because they still refer to January 7 as an armed insurrection uprising.  Taking selfies in the atrium of the Capital Building is equal to the Maccabees jamming white roman priveledge up their ass in the form of spears shaped like Thunderbolts after reclaiming the Great Second Temple to prove God was on their side, I agree.
  5. Doesn’t China need to approve the Messiah’s social credit score before agreeing to sell Israel more masks made in China?
  6. Kareem Adul Jabbar will stay pray five times a day to play the horn better than Miles Davis regardless.
  7. Obama will go on hating the hick from French Lick regardless, because despite being half black Obama Be Meh’s vertical jump is still whiter than White Man’s Disease.  
  8. All Lives Matter is the new word and BLM don’t play that.
  9. George Soros will have pay ANTIFA in shekels instead bitcoin, which will set fire to the Great 3rd Temple in a nanosecond.
  10.  Executives at Disney care more about grooming pool time entertainment at the Podesta’s summer house in Martha’s Vinyard.  It’s not as if they those executives have any intention of going back to Hebrew school to teach Jewish pride and groom future menschs on the rise. Challah, thank you very much.

10 Reasons Why It Would Be Weird For The Messiah To Arrive In My Lifetime.

  1. It’s weird because liberals will rally against all the reasons to hate drawn out Synagogue services after the 3rd great temple is built, compared to highly shortened Libs on Tik Tok summations of the services instead. Arcade Fire plays. Images of clouds appear and God’s voice pierces them, proclaiming, “Follow my commandments already motherfuckers. How much more proof do you need that I exist already? I’ve eradicated war, famine and all your college debut to study genital mutilation studies at Oberlin College, when Sharia Law for Mongoloid Morons, for only 72 shekels at the farmer’s market in Damascus, would’ve been sufficient.
  2. It’s weird because I don’t see street meet vendors in New York City scrapping their cash cow by insisting their Muslim brotherhood butchers forsake giving shout outs to Allah’s gangster paradise before slicing the throats of lambs served for the killer price of 8.99 per plate with rice and white sauce either.
  3. It’s weird because my mother-in-law will still say God bless on every birthday card for her grandchildren without saying, “I’m still eating ham on Easter to celebrate the resurrection of Jesus Christ, you obstinate, all knowing bastards.”
  4. It’s weird because the Catholic Church will be harder up for donations than the Clinton Foundation during the new Spirit Cooking Awareness Month.
  5. It’s weird because I still don’t see my Christian in-laws embracing the remake of Happy Days with Henry Winkler, who gives the Messiah a high five at Johhny Rockets for fixing the Jukebox by paying a mini homage to fellow Hebrew Andrew Dice Clay when he says, Rub A Dub, Dub, Douche, before thrusting his Chuck Berry loving playing pelvis toward the Juke Box that’s gets the soul music machine playing again.
  6. It’s weird because I don’t see Joe Biden giving the Messiah a post Pandemic first bump without social distancing himself from Hunter’s Laptop from hell 1st. Icky Shuffle says, “Jill, we better tell God, the “Big Guy”, wasn’t me, but Jesus Christ, another fake news messiah like Obama Be Good. Do you think God will warm up to me again with that one liner? I better scrap my Easter Day speech at the White House when I claimed to speak to God through Jen Psaki’s burning bush after Hunter gave her the clap from the hooker in Cabo on his birthday. Remember Jill?  When you said, “Blow”, Hunter snorted the cake
  7. It’s weird because when The Jewish Messiah isn’t fake news, starts to trend on Twitter. Farrakhan will spray the Messiah’s twitter feed with termite emojis from dusk through night regardless.   
  8. It’s weird because Scientist Atheists will become the new lepers.
  9. It’s weird because Woody Allen will have to explain why he kept naked pics of a 9 nine-year-old Soon-Yi in his top sock drawer when married to Mia. The Messiah, says, “Woody, how do you explain your nude polaroid pics of a 9-year-old Soon Yi? The only pic missing from your collection was Soon Yi crying on the cover of Time Life Magazine.”
  10. It would be weird if the Messiah was a hard laugh, who refused to acknowledge my free jokes posted on my WordPress blog as a charitable donation of any kind devoid of all striving up goodness whatsoever. Messiah says, “Yeah, Michael, man can’t live on punchlines alone, especially yours. But lucky for you, I’ll treat you as a desperately flailing charity case. So, what’s new? So just get a real job already outside of raging against the world on your Do It All Dad Year blog through more meh jokes because you’re the sloppy second son for a reason. It’s time to move on already. Maybe, you can help me sell Christian nation on why I’m not the sloppy second son compared to Jesus Christ, for Christ Sake, Challah. Thank you very much.”

Michael Kornbluth

Short Lived Nirvana

I dislike any rock journalist or cultural critic who still lives in Portland, Oregon or in Seattle, Washington, ANTIFA apartheid represent. Especially those intent on selling us why Kurt Cobain was destined to become another rock casualty cliche due to a stomach irritation aggravated from too much soy. But at the height of his popularity, with all the f-you money in the world to avoid touring if he wanted to, after becoming a proud, doting father no less, Kurt Cobain wanted to pull an Ernest Hemingway after his shotgun marriage to sloppy seconds hole? Because Kurt Cobain couldn’t bear the burden of being branded as the voice of Generation X by Kurt Loder, when Sonic Youth had less brand name recognition on MTV than the Fine Young Cannibals or Midnight Oil throughout the early nineties for that matter?

Kurt Cobain admitted that their records sounded closer to Motley Crue records than punk rock ones, which doesn’t make him sound like the overgrown kid in the Jermey video on the verge off blowing his brains out over his Trapper Keeper in AP Bio either.

And Kurt Cobain killing himself at 27 no less, which is when Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix and Jim Morrison died from accidental overdoses is too cliche ridden planned for a rock star who raided his dead grandma’s closet for her most unflattering, wool sweater to sport on MTV Unplugged.

In the song In Bloom, Kurt Cobain sneered at meathead jocks with hardcore sardonic disdain, more likely to be first in line to see the Foo Fighters play the first MSG show post pandemic for the privilege of seeing big pharma sell out shill Dave Grohl perform in front of a vaccinated only crowd, to mark another monotone milestone through their edgeless, ever long lives. Yet were supposed to believe Kurt Cobain would give those same homophobe faggots in University of Maryland hats, who like to sing along to his “pretty songs”, the satisfaction of killing off his legacy as being the most kick ass, wildly popular non-conformist artist of his generation by proving to be another unoriginal, poser artist burnout tale of premature, blatantly avoidable ruin on VH1 Behind the Music like the rest. Yeah, and Eddie Vedder met his smoking hot second wife at a lesbo coffee shop in Seattle for slam toxic masculinity night.

All I’m saying is that Kurt Cobain was not one to do cliche, outside of doing his best Sid and Nancy impersonation with Courtney Love for a bit. And in the end, his overhyped stomach pains cited as the main driving force behind blowing his brains out after framing his vision of becoming a middle-aged junkie artist like a modern-day William Boroughs to Courtney Love as an easily attainable goal to shoot for, has been blown way out of proportion, like the working effectiveness of COVID 19 vaccination shot, which works less than an Alice and Chains cover band today at BYU, with Mitt Romney in town.

Personally, I love the Courtney Love Hole album, Live Through This, even more than Nevermind, even if ex-boyfriend Billy Corgan penned the lion share of her monster lyrics on it like, “I shit my bed from doing too much H, so I might as well die in it.” Plus, I can’t hate someone who called Linda Sarsour a fake news feminist who had no business attending the Woman’s March on Washington because of the Palestinian freedom fighter’s support of clitoral mutilation to ensure Muslim housewives receive zero pleasure on earth before being stoned to death for the crime of being spotted in their full-length Burkas in Sex and The City 2. So, if siding with Courtney Love for calling Linda Sarsour a fake feminist, makes me alt-right, then I’m alright with it. Challah, thank you very much.

Truth is, Kurt Cobain wouldn’t be caught dead in Starbucks if his Sonic Youth record collection was riding on it. So, I don’t buy Kurt Cobain feeding into the packaged brand of brooding depressive consumerism by killing himself at the height of his popularity who caused a bigger eruption in Courtney’s Love pants than Eddie Van Halen ever did. Nor do I buy into the forced fed, media manipulated assertion that Kurt Cobain was too much of a gun-shy pussy to persist rocking in a hyper focused Internet world of do or die capitalism man. A victimized Twitter Twat, he wasn’t it, “Here we are now, entertain us, I feel stupid and contagious because I shared a needle with Magic Johnson’s number one groupie in Seattle.”

Last, did you know Kurt Cobain predicted that an outsider who never worked in politics could become President of the United States like Trump one day? Ok, so maybe Kurt Cobain killed himself for a reason, knowing that the eventual advent of social media would unearth the A Plus narcissist in us all. Neither Republicans nor Democrats have a monopoly on messianic right, God does. The sooner were all able to unite around that absolute truth of one love, under one God, who knows when you’re being an insufferable, know it all twat, on the alleged right side of ethical moralism, the better.

Shit, at least I’m self-aware enough to proclaim Jesus doesn’t want me for a sunbeam yet. But thank God, I still have time to seek absolution for being the biggest prick in the east, since Alec Baldwin admits no fault for acting like an all-over the place Jew since he quit self-medicating by getting loaded. Short lived Nirvana lives, Challah. Thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth

Be The Boss

Soy can be good, but sucky soy tastes like flaccid impotence in your mouth.

I pick my son up from martial arts class. Female teacher with a pretty face, and beautiful smile who pulls off the short hair look despite being a tad curvier than most says, “You’ve raised good eggs”, who’s taught all 3 of my kids so far. Later, in the car, I say to my son, “Arthur, can I marry your martial arts instructor?” He says, “Do what you want. Be the boss.” I said, “We need to go into the fortune cookie business ASAP, Kung Fu Lightening.” Challah, thank you very much.

Daughter got upset today because some of her math nerd friends at school got written up in the local newspaper. I try to calm her down and say, “1st, 2 people live in North Salem, so who gives a shit? 2nd, you’ve met one Quant Programmer, you’ve met them all. Plus, Economists are fake news odds makers with zero balls and aren’t getting comped for jack shit in Vegas. Last, my mother got a perfect score on her math SAT, but her judgment sucks because I told her to invest in Google before its IPO was offered to the deplorable masses pre fake news and she blew it. So, like Hillary Hammer Time Cankles says, “What difference does it make?” Challah, thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth