Obama Be Meh

Eddie Van Halen dies and David Crosby in his most understated, Garfield ballooning in the yard, yawningly boring way, while still pining for the days when Hendrix used to blow his mind so hard, tweets, “Meh.” Because baby boomer arrogance never dies, and David Crosby is the lamest, least rocking, most overrated fake news hippie of the pack.

The most annoyingly gnawing problem with balding, pony tailed, fake news hippies like David Crosby and George Carlin who viewed tsunamis on CNN as must see entertainment towards the end of his illustrious stand-up comedy career against his dying of the light, is their perpetually bitchy, dissing disposition as if they were the Vietnam vets who got spit on main street back home or the starving no name, burnout casualties of the acid rock era in the sixties, who were reduced to eating stray cats to stay alive throughout the acid crazed streets of San Francisco.  

Plus, how can any member of Gen X not be enraged by the glaring non-stop, crosstown traffic hypocrisy exhibited by fake news hippies at nauseum, by whole heartedly endorsing the endlessly divisive, on air drivel out of NPR, whenever another zero gravitas exuding political pundit questions the mental health of President Trump compared to the non-stop jilted hysteria of Nancy Denture Beath Pelosi, who thinks she’s  the one glowing with a divine blessed spark, as she tears up the President’s State Of The Union speech on live TV, looking like the tweaked out grannie from Requiem for Dream in Armani.   

My parents are guilty of being fake news hippies to, for living in Scottsdale, Arizona for the past 9 years and not once visiting the Grand Canyon, which doesn’t require a hit of Acid to invoke the haunting presence of an older than Earth God, man. You also know you’re a fake news hippie, when you call the President an idiot like David Crosby did, when you’re the one who became a white privileged freebase junkie alcoholic wacko who makes Hunter Biden look like a serial underachiever in comparison. President Trump is smart enough to not suck off Obama Be Meh till his last dying breath, knowing his predecessor’s major foreign policy accomplishment was rebranding ISIS, ISIL, so they’d sound more startup friendly in the NY Times.

This is my impression of President Trump debating Greta Thunberg on the threat of climate change being a more imminent disaster in the making than Obama Be Meh gifting Iran 150 billion dollars to finance more worldwide terror on par with the making of the second Death Star in The Empire Strikes Back. President Trump says, “Greta, fracking reduces our Co2 emissions.” Greta freaks out immediately and says, “So Neil Young is full of shit now?” President Trump says, “Neil Young doesn’t believe in taking showers to reduce his carbon footprint. So that much you share in common babe.” Also, you’re a fake news hippie if you grew up in the age of free love before Magic made HIV disappear and have the gaul to judge your former bandmate Neil Young for leaving his wife of 35 years to date Daryl Hannah because he’s going through a post mid-life never banged a Mermaid crisis.

In the new Cameron Crowe doc about David Crosby, Remember My Name, you learn that not one of his former bandmates from CSNY have anything to do with him now because of his tendency to belittle his former brothers in arms who helped bless him with the most high end hippiedom lifestyle possible before going to jail and almost squandering it all to freebase more coke. And I thought Hunter Biden was a spoiled, ungrateful degenerate, who got paid 50 grand a month by an energy company in the Ukraine he thought was selling Borscht as the new Kombucha.

President Trump is the most anti-war President of all time, who hasn’t gotten us involved in any military entanglements or wars under his watch, unlike Nixon or W, so drop some more CBD, overrated, fake news hippie boomers.

President Trump has authorized his Orthodox Jewish son-in-law Jared Kushner, I know total Nazi, to normalize relations between Israel and various Arab neighbors like The United Arab of Emirates and Bahrain in less time it takes Jared to burst with joy with Ivanka talking dirty to him in Mandarin again. So President Trump actually deserves the Nobel Peace Prize compared to fake news hippies like Obama Be Good who just nuke gifted Iran, let ISIS run wild and weaponized our intelligence agencies by getting them to spy on the Trump campaign through the ridiculous granting of FISA warrants to do so, based on a paid for, planted story from the DNC about Russian collusion with less legs than Lieutenant Dan.    

Plus, you’re also a fake news hippie, if you condemn the Kent State shootings in a song, but not the shooting of a peaceful, Trump supporter by a member of ANTIFA in Portlandia during this past summer of love. Last, President Trump has never done a bump of coke or had a drink of alcohol in his life, so let’s stop acting like overrated fake news new hippies like David Crosby are such alleged stable geniuses in comparison for acting like his life is flush was one smart decision after another. And if Obama Be Meh was blessed with such a beautiful, all knowing mind, then why did he let his daughter, Malia intern for Miramax exactly? Imagine that conversation during Thanksgiving this year. Obama says, “Malia, what’s wrong?  You barely touched your Tofurky.” Malia says, “All my woke friend’s at Harvard don’t know why you let me intern for Harvey Weinstein at Miramax dad.” Obama says, “Quit bugging Malia. Michelle was your chaperone on the set of Girls and that fat Jew couldn’t pin down Michelle if he tried. But I still don’t know what Hillary was thinking hiring Lena Dunham as her Social Media Community Manager. Only Lena Dunham could make Hillary less likeable and relatable in one blubbery swoop.”

Michael Kornbluth

Condemn Nazi Name Calling Supremacists

“Hate warps the mind, ravages the heart, and devours the soul.”

President Trump

I had it all planned out, especially after my speech bombed at my younger brother’s wedding resulting in my father instructing me to wrap it up after committing the unforgivable sin of blatantly mocking the Nazi this, Nazi that name calling east coast elitist crowd in attendance. I say, “Cam from Canada, make yourself at home and hit somebody. So, Jim Carrey can paint you as an alt-right goon for hire, looking more like an enraged, rejected extra from the Sears catalog in 86.” Knowing my father told me to wrap it up after that, I only wish I added, “Rock bad ass Courtney Love called Linda Sarsour a fake feminist because of her defense of clitoral removal under Sharia Law. Plus, she hates Israel more than Bernie Sanders hates his mother. So, if supporting Courtney Love over Linda Sarsour makes me alt-right, then I’m alright with it. For my son’s Hebrew naming ceremony, I decided to tell the congregation I chose the name Jeremiah because he’s a respected prophet in the Koran, which makes my son immune from any future charges of Islamophobia, assuming he decides to post a Tik Tok video of the Adam Sandler Hannukah song with the added verse, “Linda Sarsour, not a fan.”

I just had a piece published, Back To Hebrew School, in The Times Of Israel about assuming ownership of my kid’s Hebrew School education post Corona by relearning how to read Hebrew from home with them, while using comedy to engage their interest more. From creating mini short stories such as Gimmel Be Good about the Jewish boy who invented the Dreidel game to distract the Romans from their forbidden Torah studies, because at the time Romans wouldn’t consider another Jewish kid with a head for numbers and a developing gambling problem to be a radical departure from reality. A couple of days later, I get my father on the phone after needing sometime to process his lackluster voicemail acknowledging my Back To Hebrew School piece prior, which was low energy compared to Jeb Bush. On the phone with my Dad the following day, I say, “For the record, The Times of Israel isn’t considered an al-right dirt rag Dad.” Dad laughs because the joke propped up his alleged intellectual superiority over 64 million branded racists and growing. I add, “And can you believe The Times of Israel hasn’t told me to wrap it up it up yet?” But they did.

I got canceled by The Times Of Israel, meaning they terminated my guest blog column because they found my tone too unpleasing after I wrote piece about Hassidic Jews in Brooklyn resisting synagogue distancing while blaming the DeBlasio administration for blatant anti-Semitic bias, knowing his participation in much larger BLM protests and proven aversion for MAGA hat supporters of President Trump in general, regardless if they’re wearing Hasidic black hats or not.

But then the conversation with my dad took a depressingly annoying turn after he refused to condemn my younger brother for calling me a Nazi after I started criticizing the BLM movement and ANTIFA to his favorite son via text recently, saying, “All lives matter is the new n word. Guaranteed money in the NBA is oppressive. Nike should change their social righting justice slogan to Just Don’t Resist Arrest. All the wannabe Punisher vigilantes in black ANTIFA hoodies, who never outgrew their pyro phase in elementary school are the renegade activist arm of the media, who are fake news fascist fighting moralists like Unibrow Maddow. And if you believe the Proud Boys are a bigger threat to freedom of speech than ANTIFA or the hate speech police moderators at Facebook, Google and Twitter, then you can go woke yourself to.”

Snoop Dog shoots a Trump clown character in a rap video because his brain hovers below porn hood hell. Eminem calls President Trump Hitler. Take a chill pill Slim, sequels never live up to the original. Also, when The Donald bought Mar-A- Lago, he immediately removed the ban on Jewish membership, Slim On Facts Shady. Never forget the Nazi smears and who the real self-serving, scruple free, hate speech spewing, violence endorsing, terrorist siding, jealous ridden leading figures littered throughout our precious media, music biz, Hollywood, Big Tech and in post woke Corporate America actually are.

I wish they had a vaccine to cure my father’s sore loser’s disease for thinking Hilary Hammer Time Cankles was going to win because baby boomer arrogance never dies. Plus, Baby Boomer Mom doesn’t know best. Hillary must have deleted that memo to. And believing Obama is the most divisive, colluding ex-President of all time who let ISIS run wild while ushering in 2.9 GDP growth, doesn’t mean you a racist. Thinking you’re intellectually and morally superior to all Trump supporters like Keith Olbermann, who wants all of us expunged from the universe does.

Well two can play at the Nazi name calling highlighting game. Obama is the one who loves Hitler. Obama wishes he we was that organized. Exterminating all his pestering, hook nosed critics, who criticized his timeout nuke building deal with the number one sponsor of terror in the Middle East would be a gas. That’s right, Obama gave Iran 150 billion dollars in unmarked bills for an overseas manufacturing facility for Build A Bear, to make their economy less reliant on the sale of face hair removal cream for the Kardashians. Joan lives.

I still can’t believe my dad refused to condemn my younger brother for branding me a Nazi after I just wrote The Great American Jew Novel, which just scored a four-star review on Amazon no less. I haven’t felt this betrayed sine Sylvester Stallone snuck Mel Gibson into Expendables 3

Michael Kornbluth

Educating 1st Graders On Dreidel

Anti-Semitism is so hot right now. So, I tell my son, “Arthur,  if you play a Dreidel game with your friends at school before winter break and it lands on Gimmel, put your non-Jewish friends at ease and explain, “Gimmel means, give me all your money because we own all the banks in the North Pole to.”

Michael Kornbluth

 

 

Deconstructing Dude Looks Like A Lady

Why is the song Dude Looks Like Lady so offensive to the Trans Community? In the song, Steven Tyler takes more than a peek, proclaiming with surging, mounting lust, “Oh, what a funky lady. And “I like it, like it, like it yeah.”  

Michael Kornbluth