Condoms Coming Early

When in person learning in Chicago resumes in the fall, kids as young as 10 years old will be given mandatory condoms. Will Cardi B be brought in as a guest speaker to demonstrate how to put it on a replica of Lexington Steele pussy’s wrecker rearranger by the skin of her teeth? If the kids are lucky, Mayor Lightfoot will pardon R. Kelly, so he can ask for willing volunteers for an in person demonstration after a restraining order by Kim Kardashian prevents Mr. Groomer from babysitting the latest Kardashian out of the womb. Criminal justice lawyers are so hot right now, holla. Thank you very much.

Kids are being given mandatory condoms at 10, that’s the 4th grade, my daughter’s age. You’d think the boys in her class have enough masks lying around the house to wipe up with already. But masks are the new condoms, not. I can’t cum in my wife wearing one either, even if I’m pretending to be a metrosexual Lone Ranger whose known as the quickest shot West of the Hudson River.

How can you not blame porno on demand for creating sexually active kids as early as 10 years old today? I didn’t even know Vasoline was used as a lubricant for hell hole sex until a camper made a comment about the jar my mom packed for me at camp at 14. My mom was grooming me to become pool time entertainment at the latest and greatest DNC fundraiser at John Podesta’s house after all. He has enough pedo friendly installation art work on the walls to make Marilyn Manson blush.

Kids getting handed out mandatory condoms at 10 is scary. Will 10 year old boys be required to role play with Jussie Smollett to develop an immunity to casting couch distress years later, in Rape Wood, as Obama High’s new Community Outreach Play Officer, according to his new profile headline on LinkedIn.

Thanksgiving at the Obama’s should get weird woke fast this year. Obama says, “Malia, you barely touched your Tofurky. So I let you intern for Miramax before the me to movement began. Michelle was still your chaperone on the set and that Fat Jew couldn’t pin down Michelle if he tried.”

Really tempting text to send mom: How close have you come to ratting out your domestic terrorist son to the Department of Homeland Security for supporting Trumpy Poo again mom? You do know the Klan was founded by Democratic leadership to scare black Americans into voting Democrat over the party of Lincoln after the 15th Amendment passed ma? Or was that historical footnote brushed over in your 4th grade history class in Kentucky, where finger food is considered anything that tastes like your cousin’s panties? Truly tasteless jokes live, holla, thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth

The Neverending Shit Show Again

The CDC said only fully vaccinated children do not need to wear masks in classrooms. But the vaccine is only available for kids 12 and above. So, homeschool your kids if you dare, MAGA country. You can’t even book a cruise to preserve what sanity you have left without the vaccine. Plus, good luck affording to attend the Monsters of Rock Cruise this summer with only one paid working parent holding down your wannabe Daniel Boone fort at all. Have fun sticking to nappy detail versus hearing Youth Gone Wild by far less shitty Skid Row. And only gay dudes competing for top florist on Full Bloom on HBO get to take a stab at playing the permanently unwelcome card, regardless of gay choirs in San Francisco feeling comfortable enough to make cheeky, groomers are us videos about threatening to turn your child over to the sunny side up gay side, assuming, they’re not Jewish and deem stained glassed windows made out of rainbows as too in your face, gay churchy for their tastes.

Michael Kornbluth

The Neverending Shit Show Again

The CDC said only fully vaccinated children do not need to wear masks in classrooms. But the vaccine is only available for kids 12 and above. So, homeschool your kids if you dare, MAGA country. You can’t even book a cruise to preserve what sanity you have left without the vaccine. Plus, good luck affording to attend the Monsters of Rock Cruise this summer with only one paid working parent holding down your wannabe Daniel Boone fort at all. Have fun sticking to nappy detail versus hearing Youth Gone Wild by far less shitty Skid Row. And only gay dudes competing for top florist on Full Bloom on HBO get to take a stab at playing the permanently unwelcome card, regardless of gay choirs in San Francisco feeling comfortable enough to make cheeky, groomers are us videos about threatening to turn your child over to the sunny side up gay side, assuming, they’re not Jewish and deem stained glassed windows made out of rainbows as too in your face, gay churchy for their tastes.

Michael Kornbluth

Flinch Club

We need to knock on doors to get people vaccinated. And Trumpy Poo was the fascist dictator in charge who launched biological warfare on his own precious economy. I hate the Biden administration more than Jen Psaki’s Strawberry Shortcake White House, house-warming gift for Mr. Groper, like it was nicotine gum to quell his cravings around inhaling her whole in the Oval Office with the lights turned down low. Bob Marley lives, holla, thank you very much.

The Tokyo Olympics will be held without spectators like the NBA Finals, without Drama Queen Diaries.

My 4-year-old son hits me in the stomach as I encourage him to do so, until I have zero beer belly protrude-age left to hit. My father sitting next to us on the lawn chair says, “Don’t hit your daddy.” I say, “It’s ok Dad, I’m teaching him to be a fighter, not a flincher.” My dad says, “Fine, but don’t hit me Samuel or I’ll hit back.” Typical, Democrat reply, “Threaten and attempt to intimidate those deemed smaller in stature than you. Personally, I think my 4-year-old son could break pop’s glasses in 2 if he tried. The kid flicks 5-pound free weights with ease like they were pistachio nut shells flicked at Andy Dick’s head at the Viper Room passed out 2 hours before the ball drop on New Year’s Eve.”  Heaven for my 4-year-old son is watching Rocky training montage sequences on YouTube with Daddy on the big screen TV. Next time my dad, tries to disparage good news about Christian lit agents sucking off my pitch letter or “very funny” sample chapter samples from The Koshterian Comedian by saying, “Who cares?” My little fighter will say to Gramps, “You tried knocking Daddy down, why don’t you try knocking me down. Daddy, calls me Hardcore Hunga for a reason, go for it.” Rocky 5 lives. Can I get a holla for more some more primo Gen X references Gen X Dads understand, challah? Thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth

Disinterested Love Destroys

Getting vaccinated is the most patriotic thing to do. I thought it was filing defamation lawsuits on the behalf of Dominion the day Democracy died. The FBI could lock up all the ring leaders behind ANTIFA and BLM and our Supreme Court still won’t touch an election fraud case with Elizbeth Warren’s nightmare catcher Totem Pole.

Bursting with patriotic pride for July 4th since Mr. Groper got sworn via Zoom was harder than Rick Fox staying hard after ex wife Vanessa Williams took up plus size modeling bras for Victoria Secret.

Megan Rapinoe is a model for Victoria Secret now. Can’t wait to sample those edible shin guards that taste like hairy fish sticks.

Watched the firework display from Mount Rushmore on YouTube last night with my kids. Once they started the country music section of the firework broadcast, Melania looked less disinterested than Jill Biden after Vouge asked if she’s interested in her hair being airbrushed with an actual brush for a change before using an actual digital one for much needed touch up work.

Younger brother says, “Can’t stay late. Jane has tutoring to do. I said, “But she teaches ESL sporadically. So, how brain draining can the work be, knowing most Chinese kids bow in nodding submission most of the time anyway? Last, if Jane is tutoring the next Obama from Kenya, his college records will become sealed eventually. So what difference does it make?”

Dad failing to show his son interested love again. Dad, tell me I should I get a smartphone replacement instead of a flip phone because you’d die without me sending you new pics of your 3 grandkids. No nod, no change in demeanor. All I heard was crickets, like when I asked my dad in my mind, “So, with your favorite son adding Heroin use to his demon battling list of notable accomplishments, do you still think he makes Hunter look a slacker, underachiever in comparison?”

Michael Kornbluth







Beyond Personal

More hardcore edge is funnier.

Governor Cuomo getting paid to write about leadership is like R Kelly getting early release to babysit the latest Kardashian out of the womb, Woody Allen writing a book on hands off parenting or Kevin Durant, Mr. Millennial Mouseketeer himself, getting picked to do a Ted Talk on how to defend yourself against Cyberbullying.

Celebrity couples who can’t keep their hands off each other are stuck in a perpetual sweaty sex period. That’s the secret sauce ingredient that makes any sexually charged relationships stick.

Russell Simmons addressing rape allegations with Gayle King. Gayle, read my lisp. I didn’t rape any of those vengeful over the hill ho’s.

New marketing idea for my book Do It All Dad Does Jokes. Donate them to the Bedford Hills Correctional Facility where Martha Stewart stayed. Sample some Snoop Dog jokes to the Corrections Officer in charge of accepting donations for the Prison Library. “Have you tried Snoop Dog’s new red wine yet? Wine Spectator says it tastes like mouthwash used in Porn Hood Hell. Can I donate some Dr. Seuss books or are they not woke enough for the Warden’s tastes? Did you hear? Dr. Seuss is racist for drawing a pic of an African wearing a grass skirt. I didn’t know Fubu was in fashion yet.” Correction Officer laughs long time.

Dad giving you parenting advice 3 grandchildren later over the phone again from Arizona is annoying. Oh, you don’t like the idea of your granddaughter attending Cornell University eventually because of a sudden mental health concerns post COVID pops? I think all the outsourced, invisible suicide nets used in factories for Nike and Apple in China got the 13 Reasons Why class covered pops. I bet Cornell made a Suicide Prevention App that has the Skulls and Bones logo on the button to make their snowflake prone students feel extra protected inside. Like Cornell alum Bill Maher for getting away with naming his production company Kid Love Productions, with no media inquiry into its pedo friendly name whatsoever.  If W’s kids weren’t such airheads, they’d download that app at Yale, knowing the Skulls and Bones logo makes you immune to fucking up again consequences like W after 9/11 for doing dick to prevent the inside job on his watch. Plus, whenever you press the Suicide Prevention App button, Bang Your Head by Quiet Riot plays pops, which gets you out of your head after you try to headbutt Joe Rogan through your laptop for promoting how much his CBD oil matters man, despite it giving you no mental lift worth giving a shit about whatsoever like any heady rush takeaways from the Dax Sheppard podcast. Oh, yeah, Joe Rogan wannabe be CBD decciple, Deadheads only attend Dead Shows for the drugs. I don’t think Dicks Dead Picks lists tracers only dude.  But seriously pops, once you press that suicide prevention app and hear Bang Your Head by Quiet Riot, your anxiety levels drop lower than Al Gore’s balls at the sight of finding one more Klondike bar left in his sub-zero freezer on the 4th of July.  

Imagine a kid trying to jump off a bridge at Cornell only to bump into the invisible net. Kid says, “I can’t even ace a perfect landing right.”

This is my impression of a Tour Guide at Cornell downplaying mental health concerns for the incoming class of 2021. “Freshman don’t even have time to squeeze in a 20-minute Peloton ride between classes. White Pelton Privilege doesn’t exist behind these Ivy draped walls. So, what makes you think, Cornell Freshman can afford to spend their down time attending pill parties, listening to 13 Reason Why on Vinyl backwards? While looking for secret hidden messages like, “Sell your soul to Apple Music like Trent Reznor did. And you’ll look less tormented menacing in 700-dollar leather jackets in no time.” Also kids today post COVID can’t enough of social distancing, especially after their ears get raped to death from all the yenta breath sorority sisters during rush week in the school cafeteria, chanting, “Gama Roe, were so hot. We rock the Keto diet. So, we don’t become fat feminist Karen bots.”

Don’t go there question on Thanksgiving. So, dad, what brings you more shame, your son getting addicted to opioids or your eldest trying to wean himself off the comment section of the Gateway Pundit? You never heard of it? Its’ another alt right, dirt rag like the rest, according to Uni Brow Maddow at MSNBC. Hey dad, tell me if you think this impression is funny. This is Chris Matthews sexually harassing a new chesty, yenta breath intern from Long Island on MSNBC. Eating out Maddow, counts as your lunch break babe.”

Waiting for my car appointment to get a new key and some old guy starts asking questions about login codes for the internet. I said, “What are you really missing out on, besides the Do It All Dad Year Podcast and Do It All Dad Year Blog? Personally, I want to kick it old school and get a flip phone again if I’m honest about only wanting to hear my own opinions most of the time.  Describe the Internet is 3 words, “I’m smarter stupid.”  Also, I want to start using my imagination for jerking off again, so I don’t feel like a slacker jerkoff at the same time in real time. Are you feeling me yet old timer? Old timer says, “I like using the Internet to read articles from the New York Times and Washington Post. I say, “Nobody’s perfect. Billy Wilder lives. I don’t do unnamed sources like you know who.” Holla, thank you very much.

At the library trying to donate some books and getting endless laughs by pitching all the book titles of my books to donate to a local prison in Bedford after the recommendation like Controlling My Kids With Comedy, A Love Story, Do It All Dad Does Jokes, etc. Then, the librarian says, “You remind me of my nephew. He’s a comedian.” I say, “Your warm-hearted embrace of my funny man identity doesn’t remind me of my mother one bit.”

Why should I care about the Swiss beating the French in soccer? The Swiss are guilty of cultural appropriation by storing Mark Chagal designer lamps for their Nazi rulers to sell at Sotheby’s  whenever they needed to stock up on more Malbec and crystal meth during their golden years, living it up in the Andes mountains, while writing more glowing reviews of Mein Kamp on Amazon under Nazi Scientist Protection Programs Rule.

New agent seduction plan. Only purse female lit agents, that give me sustained stiffage, which is extended arousal derived from their money shot loaded manuscript sales list. Playing with the idea of making mama jealous with a new potential Jewish Godmother fill in lover embracer regarding the totality of me wouldn’t hurt my increased motivation factor to woo them with more than my pulsating prose either.

Getting a new key at the Toyota dealership and start flirting with the slightly chesty, pretty faced enough, raven black haired, Latino gal who helped reorder the key for me prior in painless, super-fast fashion. I made her laugh long time prior the day before, when I said, “I don’t mind waiting. My unhuggable C Word of a mother-in-law is being forced to play fake news involved grandma for the week, so I’m whistling dixie regardless. Today, I say, the name Vilma is growing more on me every day. It’s more cinematic sounding than Penelope Cruz. In fact, I think Pedro Almodovar should make you his new muse and kick that uppity lisp to the curb.  Everyone working there laughs long time. I add,” I’m glad that my Philosophy and Film Class that my parents paid 50 thousand dollars for just materialized there.” The entire Toyota worker crew laughs long time again. United we laugh, oh, what a feeling.

Michael Kornbluth

My Son Is Going To Trade School

I hate run-on sentence critics. It’s not my fault your slow and can’t keep up with my gender fluid flow.

Critical Race Theory is bullshit. Guaranteed money in the NBA, regardless of injury, is so oppressive.

The Muslim Sisterhood in congress don’t have an issue amplifying their voices in America either Jack.

Howard Beal was killed in the movie Network over lousy ratings. CNN’s worst nightmare come true.

British accents are unwelcome intrusive like Boris Johnson’s wife staring in my general direction.

Does Triple AAA offer ANTIFA roadblock assistance because the Proud Boys will do it free of charge?

Night screams mean you care about living. Or else you wouldn’t be afraid of dying before making it.

New York will come back, but everybody has left, except Free Palestine protestors and The Halal Guys.

Forcing kids to wear muzzles is wrong. Boris Johnson’s wife at the G-7 summit, not so much.

Jill Biden is a tacky, small town ho. Biden wears her panty hose when he can’t find his mask.

Masks are the new condoms only because I can’t cum in my wife wearing one either. 

99 percent of people survive COVID yet Fuck Face Fauci, AKA, Dr. Gnocchi pushed endless lockdowns and triple masking of our kids while acting as if COVID depresses your immune system more than entry into the Dallas Buyers Club.

Hydroxychloroquine can increase your survival rate by 200 percent. What’s up with that study Doc?

Still, Dr. Fauci used his power to block the use of it. He’s Dr. Kevorkian in reverse.

Biden is donating thousands of free COVID vaccines to Africa like a poor man’s Bill Gates who can’t code for shit either.

Sanctuary cities is encouraged lawlessness on crack.

1 kid only means, your diaphragm is for walls after all.

I’m against unlimited immigration because I’m not a proud member of the rapist enablement party.

If calling Baby Face Omar, a Jihad loving runt cunt, makes me alt-right, then I’m alright with that.

Where were you when Fox stopped counting the ballots? Thanking God JFK didn’t die for nothing. Yeah, me to.

My mom texts me Happy Father’s Day on the wrong day. Her happiness for me knows no bounds.

Boris Johnson’s wife, woof, woof needs water breaks, not my son 2 minutes into basketball practice.

My wife wants me to get COVID to say, “You should’ve worn a mask going down on MAGA mom.”

Trump Won signs at MLB is my new favorite America pastime, after telling Lebron to go woke himself.

The Mueller Report court hearing proved what again? Mueller parts his hair with gritty, elbow grease.

Did Drago pop out of your voting booth and demand, “Vote Trump or I’ll break you.”

When the Statue of Liberty went dark. I bet DeBalsio forgot to pay the Con Ed Bill on time again.

I hate the term helping others unless you’re applying for a job that says help wanted.

Maintaining relationships is overrated among those who think Mr. Groper won by a hair alone.

My son is going to trade school to become a landscape artist. Because NYC will have to start from Ground Zero at this rate. Or he could become a furniture designer within his own private studio and avoid charges of sexual harassment because he’ll design his own state of the art safe space for jerking off. Or he could become programmer and work remote unlike those software engineers who were charged with sexual harassment pre-COVID, despite them leaving the impression that they were too busy banging out new code to hit on girls anyway. Plus, I thought only ugly girls went to coding boot camp. Also, don’t programmers wear those yenta breath noise canceling headphones at work for a reason. Last, the typical Pearl script command isn’t, “Massage my carpel tunnel ho.”

My daughter’s 4th grade teacher just made her classroom writer tutor. Parenting matters to.

Michael Kornbluth

In A Killing State Of Mind

True Lincoln Log story, Google it, my great, great, great, Grandfather Austin
Gollaher saved his boyhood friend Abe Lincoln from drowning, which is the
greatest presidential save since JFK kept Marilyn warm for Bobby. But a young
Abe had his friend Austin to never tell a soul about saving him from drowning
till he died because the black man couldn’t know he was a worst swimmer than
they.

Even Lincoln Logs are racist now. The Chief Play Officer of Hasbro declares, “Lincoln
Logs are racist. We’re naming them Obama Logs now. The Chief Marketing Officer
says, “But Obama grew up under a tent in Kenya, with dreams of building a Super
Mosque over the remains of Ground Zero. Kayne 2024 bitches.” Can I get a holla
for some Challah? Offended yet, then go woke yourself, holla, thank you very
much.

Remember, when we took out the number 2 in charge of ISIS, and the Washington Post called
him a religious scholar. Yeah, and Joy Behar is the Chief Happiness Officer for
Breitbart.

How does killing terrorists ring leaders make it easier for ISIS to recruit again?
As if ISIS would ever honor it’s non-compete agreement with Al Qaeda.

Plus, ISIS aren’t good recruiters in the 1st place. They just target other lonely
virgins who wish their phones blew up.

This is Corey Booker flirting with actress Rosario Dawson. Was it you or Chloe Sevigny
who died of Aids in that movie Kids? Just playing, in the end, that white bitch
didn’t feel so privileged after all.

I’m going to push my daughter into Lesbianism when she gets older. First, she
won’t get HPV, which leads to cervical cancer if left undetected. More
importantly, Lesbians don’t die of Aids because you can take a licking and keep on
ticking.

 

I caught my son playing with his sisters Barbie dolls yesterday. I said,
“Make sure you triple wrap pecker wood with extra thick layers of seaweed,
before you take another deep dive into Polynesian Barbie.”

Banging my GI Joes together well past puberty is way gayer than playing with Barbie dolls,
I think. Especially, when I had Gung Ho manhandle Cobra Commander like his gimpy
bitch in Pulp Fiction.

One year for Hanukkah, my mom got me a book called the 12 Stages of Puberty. It was
a humiliating gift to receive because my younger brother of 3 years had already
hit puberty and banged the 3 hottest girls in his class, who I tried to jerk
off to at the time but couldn’t. I say, “Mom, why would you give a puberty
book in front of my younger brother? He can play with himself whenever he
wants.” Mom says, “But you do that all the time upstairs with your GI
Joe figures.”

Whenever I’m out in public with my 3 kids without my wife, I hear, “You’ve got your
hands full.” And I’ll say, “If my wife agrees to an open marriage with Katy Perry after my book The Great American Jew Novel scores me an agent already. Then, my hands will be full. Thank you.

 

Michael Kornbluth

 

All Assholes

After Lebron James lost in the 1st round against the Suns, do you think Obama scurried down into his man cave in Martha’s Vineyard to tear through his private stash of Almond Joys, hid under a giant box of Duct Tape from Costco? Joan Rivers lives. Can I get a Challah, for not giving a shit if I offended you already, and if I did, then go woke yourself, holla; thank you very much.

Why isn’t Marv Albert lionized as a hero of the LGBT community? He had an affair with a retired Broadway Transgender dancer for a solid 15 years. Doesn’t that give him a leg up on the competition? Eddie Murphy getting caught picking up a Transgender prostitute on a lonely West Hollywood night is child’s play in comparison. Oscar De La Hoya got caught wearing woman’s lingerie, whoopty freaking-do.  Del La Hoya was never canceled and had his career taken away during his prime because he liked to nosh on his sexual partners backside with extra relish on it. And there’s no way Marv Albert is capable of sexual assault on anything. He comes up to Spike Lee’s knee. If anyone is guilty of forced sodomy, it’s Spike Lee’s forced fed, media pushed narrative behind critical race theory and all lives matter being the new n word, burning up race relations faster than any Public Enemy video could, thank you very much.

Imagine Marv Albert doing play by play for Drag Queen Reading Hour. Drag Queen says, “Who wants to be a Drag Queen when they grow up?” And Marv Albert says, “We’ve entered serious garbage time folks.” Dr. Seuss, she’s not. Is that an Amber Alert I hear? Another reason, not to encourage your kids to go way downtown. I live in Soho and know what danger lurks behind those dumpster alleys late at night, which isn’t the most spectacular move to make with no protection on your person, which is why even hotels in West Virginia have room service for a reason.” Holla, thank you very much.”

Did you know Ellen DeGeneres and George W. Bush are friends? I knew she was pro bush, but what do they do together exactly? Besides play Operation with Michelle Obama, gender reassignment edition? Watch Portia De Rossi squirm as W paints a portrait of her clit being hacked off in front of Michelle for Sharia Law Appreciation Month?

Portia De Rossi is from Australia like my wife. We wanted to get married there yet my mom shot it down. She calls, “Son, Australia, is a long flight from New York and your father doesn’t love you that much.” I console my wife later and say, “Assuming we have a boy one day, instead of hiring a Rabbi for the circumcision, we hire Crocodile Dundee. Just so we can hear a roomful of Jews say, “Now that’s a knife. You can chop it all off with that thing.”

Daughter asks, “Daddy, was Shakespeare transgender, because he’d dress up like a girl in all his plays? I said, “Back then, male actors played all the female parts because Kate Blanchet’s, great, great, great, grandmother was a but-her-face with no make up on to. So, I don’t know if Shakespeare was Transgender because the Bard of Avon also wrote, “Hanging perverts saved many a bad marriage”, because decoupling hadn’t gone viral yet. Plus, masturbation post #meto wasn’t declared man’s last safety rail left yet. Nor was sexting, Internet porn or dick picks devised back then either, which proved to be the death knell of small talk in this country and beyond, before tatted up white chicks on crystal meth ruined the golden age of muff diving forever. But I do know for a fact that Kevin Spacy bought the Old Vic playhouse in London because backstage the Academy Award winner is gay about lunging at Othello in tights.

If my son played with dolls, I’d tell him to triple wrap his life blaster in the making in seaweed, before taking the deep dive into Polynesian Barbie.

Why is the transgender community so offended by the song Dude Looks Like a Lady? In the song, Steven Tyler takes more than a peek, proclaiming with surging lust, “Oh, what a funky lady, and I like, like it, yeah.” So did Richard Pryor, get over it already. He called it the best piece of pussy Bill Maher never had. Holla, thank you very much.

I’m breaking my Chic-fil-A strike if I see Transgender Father’s Day trend on Twitter again. Either you’re an involved father or you’re not, nipple tits. And stop acting like getting shafted is a new experience you’re closed to pursuing either.

I’m in favor of sexual expression but Drag Queen Reading Hour is a tad scary for our kids, don’t you think? Fluorescent lights don’t look flattering on anybody, let alone on a poor man’s Marilyn Manson impersonator. Also, if we’re going to be exposing our kids to Drag Queen Reading Hour and believe it’s not intended to groom our kids into pool time entertainment at John Podesta’s house, who showcases enough pedo installation art to make Marilyn Manson blush. Why not have a Drag Queen read a fable about buyer’s remorse after playing operation, gender reassignment edition called, The Missing Link? It’s a fable about a sexual awakening on the dance floor at the China Club. Where a horny, sexually repressed, 17-year-old kid from Westchester County reared on Lou Reed Records, desperately tries to his exert his presence behind stuck up Jenny From The Block but fails to flex his manhood up into her round of mound, because his missing link to old school, banging hip hop is gone baby gone. 

At least our kids won’t be required to wear masks at the pool this summer, looking like Michael Jackson’s kids on holiday in Bahrain, who are being forced to identify with the Moderate Muslim Housewives of Manhattan.

This past morning, my wife asks me, “Can I go to sleep now, after working all night at the NICU?” I say, “Do we live under Sharia Law in this house? Of course, you can go to bed now, but not until I titty blast you with this bomb strapped to your chest 1st.” Andy Kaufman lives. Thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth