No More Delta

How will the vaccine shot prevent no more Delta, when most of the new Delta cases are from Demonic Democrats who are vaccinated to begin with? Is AstraZeneca offering a new shot that get’s rid of the Delta strain if you resell your soul back to Dominion for a 100 bucks and a complimentary side of breadsticks?

What’s the new ad campaign for this new Delta strain prevention vaccination shot? You’re stuck with mask mandates on Delta anyway regardless if you get the new Delta strain vaccination shot or not, not that a specific Delta vaccine shot exists or been proven to be full proof yet. So go fuck your friendly skies. Mask Mandates are here to stay on Jet Blue to. So fuck your blue balls, for thinking you’d get a release from mask mandates, if you ever wanted to feel like an essential man of business travel again.

The delta coronavirus variant spreads as easily as the chickenpox according the CDC? Yeah, I don’t remember dying from the chicken pox either. I just recall some mild discomfort in a sand bath and watching The Price is the Right, feeling like a non essential Betty Draper on the rise.

The Delta coronavirus spreads as easily as the chickenpox. So you have to get the non FDA approved stab, or your kids school’s nurse will place you on double secret probation. Harold Ramis and Belushi live. Thank very much.

President Joe Biden announced that all 4 million federal workers would either have to be vaccinated against coronavirus or submit to strict testing and other measures such as social distancing, wearing masks or wearing ball gags made in China if you identify with being the gimpy bottom in Pulp Fiction. As long as the “Big Guy” keeps on getting his 10 percent of the big baller gagger cut.

Biden is also urging states to offer residents $100 as a vaccine incentive. If you’re worried about your parents cutting off from their HBO Max annual subscription if you dare reopening your Facebook to post about election fraud.

Disney theme parks are now requiring all guests to wear masks indoors. That also includes Micky Mouse underneath his suit underneath the pillow case underneath signed by David Duke.

‘Broadway theater owners say that any person who attends a live theater event must be vaccinated and wear a mask. Those aged under 12 will not be permitted at most theaters. So that’s how the Podesta brothers plan on swooping in all that available, young hot dog talent.

The CEO of Pfizer says the Pfizer/BioNTech vaccine’s efficacy goes from 96% to 84% after six months. In other words, you can’t keep your fake news security blanket back to normalcy, you Jihadi John jerker offer you.

California public health officials now recommend all residents wear masks in all public indoor settings. Like that’s a turn off at the Santa Monica Library even pre-COVID. I thought the world economy getting cratered just to get Trump Poo out of office stinks.

New York City will pay residents $100 to get vaccinated, according to Mayor Bill de Blasio. But we still don’t have functioning weed dispensaries yet after Massachusetts. So I’ll pass on blowing it on shitty sprayed weed from the Bronx that tastes like Windex, thanks.

EU countries have now administered more coronavirus vaccine doses per 100 people than the U.S. But all the unpunished, rapes, beheadings and acid attacks from the open borders migration crowd offset that meaningless statistic LinkedIn. Who cares if the EU has administered more COVID vaccine does per 100 people than the U.S? All that means is, Americans aren’t such dumb fucks compared to Paddington Bear nation after all.

Michael Kornbluth

New Jokes for Funnier Twin Record

Buying a beer at the local Italian supermarket and the song Little Lies by Fleetwood Mac is playing on the surround sound store speakers. As my beer is scanned. I say to the supermarket clerk, “Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies”, is what Stevie Nicks sang to Hillary backstage at MSG.” Multiple twenty something supermarket girl clerks laugh through their masks loud, long time. I add, “That’s an a plus joke addition to my book Do It All Dad Does Jokes. You’re welcome. If I said that joke to my father he’d say, “Not funny, not appropriate.” Resist this, Pops.” Laughs persist long time.  Thank you very much.

My A plus compliment for my wife this morning. I say, “Babe, I watched a video on Adam Sandler’s wife last night. And you’re much better looking than her without the aid of movie makeup. And it shows in her kids to.” Wife laughs long time. Thank you very much.

This midafternoon compliment was good but came off as more unintended dickish after my wife got dressed for Home Depot after a 45-minute ride on the Pelton. I say, “That dress fits your body well babe and no longer looks so tentish.”



I can’t believe my 10-year-old daughter just got her 1st breast bud. My wife says, “Matilda and Shannon are the last girls in her class to get them.” I say, “Then why haven’t yours sprouted yet?

Wife asks, “Would you like to take a trip to Home Depot? I say, “No.” She says, “Then, who’s going to help me lift the bag of mulch into the car? I say, “A dreamer who aspires to become Store Manager one day.”

I think the LBGT community should rebrand Olympic Iron Woman competitors as She Male Tom Boys. Who identify with Alpha Dogs minus the insufferable arrogance on par with MJ, especially after he called Scottie Pippen “selfish” for stalling knee surgery to use as leverage when renegotiating his contract knowing the best number 2 ever was getting paid less than BJ Armstrong’s Nanny.

Last night for dinner my daughter says, “Daddy, your red lips are looking blander than usual. Do you want me to put lipstick on for you after dinner? I say, “I can’t look through mom’s purse for hidden Adderall pills without feeling like a speed freak horror. So, I’ll pass, thanks.”

Jon Snow from Game of Thrones going to rehab in CT for 75 grand a week, ruins everything. He was supposed to be the new Alpha Dog version of Orlando Bloom yet now you get the distinct impression he’d shake in his boots from a cutting stare by Gordan Ramsey on Master Chef Celebrity Editon. Gordan Ramsey spits out a bite of his Dothraki Lamb burger and says, “This tastes like burnt villagers Jon Snow.”

Liz Cheney before going down on Meghan Rapinoe. Unlike my father Dick, I aim to please.

Shocked to hear my mother disapproves of her younger sister watching the View. The only difference between the View and the Rachel Maddow Show is no straight guys watch either. East coast elitist cucks don’t count because they’d never laugh at this impersonation of Chris Matthews sexually harassing a new yenta breath intern from Long Island whose more overtly Jewy peppy, screechy annoying than Joy Behar if you can believe it, “Eating out Maddow. Counts as your lunch break babe.” Thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth