Everybody Tuning Out Chris

Chris Rock says the worst thing about the made in Wuhan virus, designed to wipe out large swaths of life, kill off the small business owner and any veneer of fair elections ever happing again, is being a faceless nobody in a mask for a whole year. I thought Chris Rock and Mary J Blige were the only black people who lives in Montclair, New Jersey according to Chris?

Didn’t he get to work on FX when the entire country was shut down and forced to pretend they enjoyed remote learning for their kids? While Jeffrey Toobin at the New Yorker, forced every Zoom meeting forward to start with, “For all you perverted, Jeffrey Toobin degenerates, raise your hands up high, where I can see them.”

Chris Rock missed being noticed. You could’ve looted a Target with no mask on Chris without fearing any career hampering restrictions. But you’re cool with Lebron and company taking a knee for the National Anthem, because guaranteed money in the NBA is so oppressive. Now, cops are Ice Cube’s best friend, since they’ve been unmasked as neutered gimps in the face of peaceful protests, resembling Public Enemy videos come to life. Fuck the police actually takes on a loving Motown feel now, to show how much you appreciate them taking a knee, because they’ll be caught dead wearing Nike sweats till their grave no matter what. I’m positive a looter would’ve taken a time out from snagging more high definition TVs to ask for your autograph Chris, without sweating the tossed salad man on the horizon. Especially since bail was eliminated, proving blue balls for men in blue don’t matter, because it’s impossible to maintain sustained stiffage, when bad guys are being rereleased by the time Deblasio wraps up his 2nd set of 10 pound curls at the Park Slope Y.

If Chris Rock wants his name to pack real heat again, he should befriend the head of BLM who just scored a cushy new TV development holding deal with Warner Brothers. He could host a new reality show for big money like, Lifestyles Of Rich Bitch, BLM Activists, holla, thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth

Voter ID Is Unamerican When

Voter ID is racist? Does Julio have to pass a new height requirement, I don’t know about?

Voter ID disproportionally targets brown Americans.  You’d think stop and frisk was required at the voting booth for illegals to flash more than chromed out teeth.

How is voter ID racist against black Americans again? Sinking 80 percent of their free throws isn’t required.

Voter ID is racist against black guys. What if they’re able to shout out their vote to Alexa instead?

Voter ID is unamerican? How else can you tell MS13 apart?



Voter ID is an assault on our Democracy. No, biochemical warfare used by the Chinese to replace Trump with one of their commie-controlled cronies was an assault on our Democracy, you sellout commie cunts, Amy Barret included.

Amy Barret is Mia Farrow with better husband selection. Because of Amy Barret, we the people, means less than In Fauci We Trust.

And calling Amy Barrett a hands-off Supreme Court Justice is like calling Woody Allen a hands-off parent or choosing the open borders Pope to give a Ted Talk on how to micromanage pedophilia.

Voter ID should never be deemed unamerican, unless you’re ashamed to show proof of your American citizenship now, which is more than understandable since the day Democracy died. Because allowing election fraud to persist is spitting on vet’s graves and kicking Nazi Destroyers in the nuts, again and again.

We must expose the blatant election fraud perpetuated among the American people to ensure old glory shines it’s love light again from sea to shining sea. So the light of Lady Liberty’s eye doesn’t flicker out and die. Happy Memorial Day patriots, USA, USA, USA!

Michael Kornbluth

Voter ID Is Unamerican When

Voter ID is racist? Does Julio have to pass a new height requirement, I don’t know about?

Voter ID disproportionally targets brown Americans.  You’d think stop and frisk was required at the voting booth for illegals to flash more than chromed out teeth.

How is voter ID racist against black Americans again? Sinking 80 percent of their free throws isn’t required.

Voter ID is racist against black guys. What if they’re able to shout out their vote to Alexa instead?

Voter ID is unamerican? How else can you tell MS13 apart?



Voter ID is an assault on our Democracy. No, biochemical warfare used by the Chinese to replace Trump with one of their commie-controlled cronies was an assault on our Democracy, you sellout commie cunts, Amy Barret included.

Amy Barret is Mia Farrow with better husband selection. Because of Amy Barret, we the people, means less than In Fauci We Trust.

And calling Amy Barrett a hands-off Supreme Court Justice is like calling Woody Allen a hands-off parent or choosing the open borders Pope to give a Ted Talk on how to micromanage pedophilia.

Voter ID should never be deemed unamerican, unless you’re ashamed to show proof of your American citizenship now, which is more than understandable since the day Democracy died. Because allowing election fraud to persist is spitting on vet’s graves and kicking Nazi Destroyers in the nuts, again and again.

We must expose the blatant election fraud perpetuated among the American people to ensure old glory shines it’s love light again from sea to shining sea. So the light of Lady Liberty’s eye doesn’t flicker out and die. Happy Memorial Day patriots, USA, USA, USA!

Michael Kornbluth

Wheels Of Jew Hate Burning

This is my 9-year-old daughter playing marriage counselor again. Enough daddy, mama got your point mid breath. Holla, thank you very much.

My wife is pushing me to see a therapist for my anger management issues. I suggested primal scream therapy. Wife says, “Don’t you do that on your podcast already?” I say, “How would you know? You’re only 460 episodes behind babe. Never mind your complete lack of interest in the 7 books I’ve written since our lucky number 3 was born. John Lennon wishes he was this productive during his stay-at-home dad years.” Holla, thank you very much.  

Wife insists our 3 child Samuel, gets bored whenever he spends too much with her. I always knew he was a quick learner.

My son Samuel was bound to woo. He stops traffic at the Stop and Shop even after the prime rib sample station has closed. Random Italian grandmas consistently bum rush the kid and say, “You’re gorgeous. When you get older, you’ll have 3 girlfriends to juggle.” I’ll reply, “If James Woods had this face, your estimates wouldn’t be so conservative.”

All my fights with my wife revolve around me not making money off my comedy yet. Since I got kicked off Twitter, I can’t even write off a joke about the Chinese resisting Wuhan lab investigations more than Aquafresh as a charitable donation anymore. Holla, thank you very much.

Imagine John Lennon resenting Paul McCartney for shaming him into becoming a stay-at-home dad against his will. Paul McCartney did write Hey Jude in honor of John Lennon’s neglected son Julian, who Lennon didn’t spend much time with during the rise of Beatlemania.  2 seconds into a leisurely baby stroll through Central Park West with his 2nd kid Sean, John Lennon yells up at the sky, “Choke on a fucking Cucumber Scone Paul.  Playing the role of stay-at-home dad, is no walk in the park mate. Even primal scream therapy has its limitations, like trying to snuggle off bad acid with Yoko whenever Dr. Leary drops by with more CIA made ACID again.” Holla, Thank you very much.

The Left says there is a rise in anti-Semitism and Islamophobia.  Arabs chanting “Hitler was right” and “Allah is great” while beating up pushover Jews in the streets of New York, London, and Los Angeles, with the blunt ends of Palestinian flag poles while the cops do shit to protect them, doesn’t mirror the act of extending an olive branch in the hopes of giving peace another chance either. I don’t see these sparks of divinity inspiring observant Jews to skip Shabbat dinner at home in favor of going to a new oxygen bar opening in Astoria once the mask mandate is cleared in NY either.

Palestinians attacking Jews in the subway, asking random New Yorkers who’s Jewish, so they could beat the shit of them with the ends of Palestinian flag poles doesn’t inspire me to try out that authentic shawarma stand in Astoria, despite the elite Yelper claiming, “It’s worth getting your skull cap crushed into your cranium for it.” The elite yelper throws in a warning advisory label in her review to and says, “Just don’t call random Palestinians attacking Jews in broad daylight, Islamic supremacists, that’s a big no go zone area in Allah’s book. Bill Maher would concur. Because he knows Israel will never achieve a 2-state solution with Palestine if Hamas keeps fucking.” Holla, thank you very much.

I’m afraid to reveal the totality of my Mezuzah necklace on the subways in NY these days. That doesn’t make me Islamophobic. It just means I’m scared of getting pushed on to the subway track and having my white man’s disease preventing me from jumping back up to the subway platform in a NY minute in the nick of time. I can’t even do one legitimate pull up if my Do It All Dad Tree Trunk was riding on it. But I’m supposed to be overly confident in adrenaline alone to catapult me high enough to grab on to the subway platform before pulling myself up to safety like the Jewish Stallone in Cliffhanger? Yeah, and Rashida Talib is the Chief Happiness Officer for Breitbart.

Imagine being surrounded by a bunch of crazed Palestinian nationalists on the subway, demanding for you to tell them if you’re Jewish, without having to prove it by whipping out your business card from Goldman Sachs 1st.

Equity research analyst David Rosenbluth from Short Hills, New Jersey tenses immediately and says, “Jewish, no, of course not. Look, under my arm, I still read the New York Times. I don’t even know how many zeros are in a trillion. I count with my fingers for simple arithmetic, which your people invented from what I’ve read in the Atlantic, Mazel Tov. Oh vey! Please don’t kill me. I’ll block Mark Ruffalo on Twitter. Israel is guilty of genocide, not Mao, Stalin or Pol Pot. I voted for Obama twice. I think Farsi is the most beautiful sound in the universe to. And Obama loves Hitler. Obama wishes he was that organized. Gassing all his nuke deal critics would be a gas. Palestinian nationalist says, “You’re too funny for a WASP. Samir, chop his fucking head off. So we can jump for joy like it’s 9/11 again already. And I thought David Lee Roth was a long-winded Jew.”

This is Mark Ruffalo apologizing to Jon Stewart about accusing Israel of genocide. Mark Ruffalo calls. “Hey, Jon, it’s Mark. Sorry about accusing Israel of genocide despite them giving Hamas plenty of advance warning to get their kids the fuck out of dodge before they strike back again and again. Normally, genocidal maniacs like Mao prefer to starve millions to death. And Jews don’t like to blow through money if they can avoid it.” Jon Stewart says, “Don’t sweat it, Mark. I don’t care if you repeat old school Farrakhan talking points like the mulatto version of Public Enemy. Nor do I care if Palestinians get green with envy about the Jews controlling the Federal Reserve and all the banks in the North Pole to. I let Trever Noah reveal what partisan hacks my Emmy winning writers have become by siding with ANTIFA and BLM to silence any form of speech that paints them or their enablers in the White House and establishment media as the fascist, racist terrorist enablers that they are, regardless of how much CNN orders Kamal Bell to pontificate otherwise like a schlumpy, unfunny Paul Mooney for hire. I also didn’t press Obama on my show to do a better job of selling his time out deal with Iran, which had less legs than Lieutenant Dan. So, what difference does it make?” Hillary Hammer Time Cankles lives. Holla, thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth

The Fanatical Circle Jerk Of Despair

A group of Jews got jumped at Sushi Fumi on La Cienega by oppressed Palestinian Nationalists. What did saggy tits Silverman have to say about the incident on Twitter to draw attention away from her tits sagging popularity for the past 20 years already?

Jews in the diaspora need allies. WE ARE NOT ISRAEL. And we sure as fuck aren’t the Israeli government.”

Did her weed brownies kick in before this brain fart or what? Is this the same Sarah Silverman who questioned President Trump’s maturity when she’s the one who still takes bingers in hoodies into her late forties? The same dronish, grating hack who never outgrew her tasteless jokes phase? She says, “We are not Israel”, in all caps. Watch out Lenny Bruce. You bet your cream cheese ass America isn’t Israel. Their citizens actually respect their commander and chief. Unlike Mr. Groper and your lover boy bust Obama who still houses Valerie Jarret, his live in Arabian horse whisperer. The same Valerie Jarret who drafted the time out nuke deal with Iran, including 200 billion to make their economy less reliant on the sale of hair removal products for the Kardashians. You’d jerk off Jihadi John, if it got you 6 million more followers, you blah breathed disgrace to your race. Way to completely wreck whatever good girl Jewish veneer you had left, you Jihadi jerker offer. Holla, thank you very much.

I call to schedule a hair appointment for my son. Kid Salon Owner says, “What’s your number Mr. Kornbluth. I tell her the number and say, “Just don’t give out the number to Hamas because my last name is a dead fucking giveaway. She laughs. I add, “Are you free later tonight to grab some Matzah Ball Soup. Salon Owner laughs long time again. Because I’m a hilarious sexy Heeb, unlike Saggy Tits Sarah, thank you very much.

Joe Biden praises ‘Fighter’ Rashida Tlaib, after she publicly confronts him on Israel. And says, “Drop a couple of pounds, and Talib Kweli fucker wannabe will be all up in your sandy brown snatch in no time.

AOC is preparing a resolution that would block the US sale of bombs to Israel to rearm their Iron Dome missile defense system that only takes out Palestinian Rockets. It has no offensive capabilities besides enraging every frothing Anti-Semite under the sun, especially the horse faced ones who compare immigration holding centers with centralized AC to Nazi death camps. Nazi Death camps at Auschwitz were used for more than lice removal babe. And what makes you think you’d survive Hitler’s wrath? You’d be rounded up with all the other pick pocketing gypsies by the Gestapo for thinking you fulfill the Aryan idea of being another aesthetically pleasing Libra like Pearl Necklace Harris, which throws the entire astrology chart into question. Holla, thank you very much.

MSNBC’s Hayes says, ‘Can we get an Iron Dome for Gaza, so children there ‘don’t have death rain down upon them?’ Ask Natalie Portman to fund it on the down low. She’s moving to Australia to avoid vicious hate speech attacks from afar anyhow. Holla, thank you very much.



Did you know 20 percent of Hamas rockets end up backfiring, landing in their own backyard, killing more of their own citizens to do even more ethnic cleansing on Israel’s behalf? Who knew Hamas was capable of exhibiting such retweet worthy compassion for human life, regardless of peaceful religious doctrine adherence or not? Holla, thank you very much.

But Hamas is willing to accept a ceasefire under 2 conditions. 1st dibs for all kids being taught critical race theory at the Disney satellite office for the Al Jazeera network. 2nd, Hamas gets the Big Guy’s 10 percent cut from cultural appropriation consulting fees paid to the Republic of China. Holla, thank you very much.

Has Kamala Harris visited the boarder yet? Or will she require a translator from Telemundo as all the American ICE agents barrage her with chants of, “Choke on a chocolate babka you stanky ass, punta bitch. Compare ICE to The Klan again, Halle Berry. And stop pretending your black. You didn’t even know if Tupac was dead or not. If you’re black, David Duke is the new racial sensitivity trainer for Disney Kids.



How is Israel an apartheid state again? Hamas is trying to wipe Israel off the map, not the other way around. Here’s a concept Palestine, stop throwing violent temper tantrums that put everyone in danger, and Israel will stop grounding your cry baby Hamas commanders into the ground, six feet under, ok.

How is Israel an apartheid state again? Are Palestians being denied interviews for IT recruiter jobs in Tel Aviv because IT recruiters get les respect than stay at home dads under permanent COVID house arrest already prior?

Are Palestinian woman even allowed to reveal their headshots on LinkedIn yet?  

And killing Hamas terrorists doesn’t make it easier for Hamas to recruit. All of a sudden, you expect Hamas to respect a non-compete with Al Qaeda?  Holla, thank you very much.

Last, Hamas aren’t good recruiters. They just target other lonely virgins on What’s App. Who wish their phones blew up.

While Addressing a graduating class of Coast Guard cadets Mr. Unity quoted mass murder Mao and said, “Women hold up half the world. While the other half walk out the knots on Bob Kraft’s back. My dear friend Al Gore doesn’t promote sex trafficking by frequenting massage parlors behind his wife’s back because he only requests older ones who weren’t yanked off the boat yesterday.” Holla, thank you very much.



Claiming BLM only hold signs is like Biden claiming he only sniffs Strawberry Shortcake.

BLM only holds signs. And Michelle Obama only holds her birthing people hole whenever she runs out of duct tape from Costco again. Joan lives Holla, thank you very much.

If BLM only holds signs, then who caused 2 billion dollars’ worth of damages during their peaceful protests against resisting arrest during this past summer of love? And why is eating al fresco no longer a viable option for a night of relaxation with your cracker ass white bitch wife ever again? Blame the signs for all time low NBA ratings, as they plummet into China sounds like a reason to love the NBA game again. Holla, thank you very much.





Michael Kornbluth

The Fanatical Circle Jerk Of Despair

A group of Jews got jumped at Sushi Fumi on La Cienega by oppressed Palestinian Nationalists. What did saggy tits Silverman have to say about the incident on Twitter to draw attention away from her tits sagging popularity for the past 20 years already?

Jews in the diaspora need allies. WE ARE NOT ISRAEL. And we sure as fuck aren’t the Israeli government.”

Did her weed brownies kick in before this brain fart or what? Is this the same Sarah Silverman who questioned President Trump’s maturity when she’s the one who still takes bingers in hoodies into her late forties? The same dronish, grating hack who never outgrew her tasteless jokes phase? She says, “We are not Israel”, in all caps. Watch out Lenny Bruce. You bet your cream cheese ass America isn’t Israel. Their citizens actually respect their commander and chief. Unlike Mr. Groper and your lover boy bust Obama who still houses Valerie Jarret, his live in Arabian horse whisperer. The same Valerie Jarret who drafted the time out nuke deal with Iran, including 200 billion to make their economy less reliant on the sale of hair removal products for the Kardashians. You’d jerk off Jihadi John, if it got you 6 million more followers, you blah breathed disgrace to your race. Way to completely wreck whatever good girl Jewish veneer you had left, you Jihadi jerker offer. Holla, thank you very much.

I call to schedule a hair appointment for my son. Kid Salon Owner says, “What’s your number Mr. Kornbluth. I tell her the number and say, “Just don’t give out the number to Hamas because my last name is a dead fucking giveaway. She laughs. I add, “Are you free later tonight to grab some Matzah Ball Soup. Salon Owner laughs long time again. Because I’m a hilarious sexy Heeb, unlike Saggy Tits Sarah, thank you very much.

Joe Biden praises ‘Fighter’ Rashida Tlaib, after she publicly confronts him on Israel. And says, “Drop a couple of pounds, and Talib Kweli fucker wannabe will be all up in your sandy brown snatch in no time.

AOC is preparing a resolution that would block the US sale of bombs to Israel to rearm their Iron Dome missile defense system that only takes out Palestinian Rockets. It has no offensive capabilities besides enraging every frothing Anti-Semite under the sun, especially the horse faced ones who compare immigration holding centers with centralized AC to Nazi death camps. Nazi Death camps at Auschwitz were used for more than lice removal babe. And what makes you think you’d survive Hitler’s wrath? You’d be rounded up with all the other pick pocketing gypsies by the Gestapo for thinking you fulfill the Aryan idea of being another aesthetically pleasing Libra like Pearl Necklace Harris, which throws the entire astrology chart into question. Holla, thank you very much.

MSNBC’s Hayes says, ‘Can we get an Iron Dome for Gaza, so children there ‘don’t have death rain down upon them?’ Ask Natalie Portman to fund it on the down low. She’s moving to Australia to avoid vicious hate speech attacks from afar anyhow. Holla, thank you very much.



Did you know 20 percent of Hamas rockets end up backfiring, landing in their own backyard, killing more of their own citizens to do even more ethnic cleansing on Israel’s behalf? Who knew Hamas was capable of exhibiting such retweet worthy compassion for human life, regardless of peaceful religious doctrine adherence or not? Holla, thank you very much.

But Hamas is willing to accept a ceasefire under 2 conditions. 1st dibs for all kids being taught critical race theory at the Disney satellite office for the Al Jazeera network. 2nd, Hamas gets the Big Guy’s 10 percent cut from cultural appropriation consulting fees paid to the Republic of China. Holla, thank you very much.

Has Kamala Harris visited the boarder yet? Or will she require a translator from Telemundo as all the American ICE agents barrage her with chants of, “Choke on a chocolate babka you stanky ass, punta bitch. Compare ICE to The Klan again, Halle Berry. And stop pretending your black. You didn’t even know if Tupac was dead or not. If you’re black, David Duke is the new racial sensitivity trainer for Disney Kids.



How is Israel an apartheid state again? Hamas is trying to wipe Israel off the map, not the other way around. Here’s a concept Palestine, stop throwing violent temper tantrums that put everyone in danger, and Israel will stop grounding your cry baby Hamas commanders into the ground, six feet under, ok.

How is Israel an apartheid state again? Are Palestians being denied interviews for IT recruiter jobs in Tel Aviv because IT recruiters get les respect than stay at home dads under permanent COVID house arrest already prior?

Are Palestinian woman even allowed to reveal their headshots on LinkedIn yet?  

And killing Hamas terrorists doesn’t make it easier for Hamas to recruit. All of a sudden, you expect Hamas to respect a non-compete with Al Qaeda?  Holla, thank you very much.

Last, Hamas aren’t good recruiters. They just target other lonely virgins on What’s App. Who wish their phones blew up.

While Addressing a graduating class of Coast Guard cadets Mr. Unity quoted mass murder Mao and said, “Women hold up half the world. While the other half walk out the knots on Bob Kraft’s back. My dear friend Al Gore doesn’t promote sex trafficking by frequenting massage parlors behind his wife’s back because he only requests older ones who weren’t yanked off the boat yesterday.” Holla, thank you very much.



Claiming BLM only hold signs is like Biden claiming he only sniffs Strawberry Shortcake.

BLM only holds signs. And Michelle Obama only holds her birthing people hole whenever she runs out of duct tape from Costco again. Joan lives Holla, thank you very much.

If BLM only holds signs, then who caused 2 billion dollars’ worth of damages during their peaceful protests against resisting arrest during this past summer of love? And why is eating al fresco no longer a viable option for a night of relaxation with your cracker ass white bitch wife ever again? Blame the signs for all time low NBA ratings, as they plummet into China sounds like a reason to love the NBA game again. Holla, thank you very much.





Michael Kornbluth

Michael Kornbluth

Serbian Big Man Mattering More

The robot at Stop and Shop is scary. I tell my son, “Don’t make fun of Lebron or he’ll report you to China.” Holla, thank you very much.

I don’t think Lebron ever got the Trump voiced GPS system. On your left is Mohegan Sun, Elizabeth Warren’s home away from home.

Shocked Lebron thinks Steph Curry should win the MVP over the Serbian big man averaging 26.4 points per game in addition to 10 plus boards and eight assists per game for Denver, almost pulling off an Oscar Robinson triple double average all season long. It’s a good thing Nikola Jokic never told a reporter during All-Star weekend, All Lives Matters, is the new n word. Or else we’d really have to really hear what terrorist siding black supremacists in the NBA really think, Kyrie Irving included. They don’t have a statue of him in China yet, do they? Holla, thank you very much.



Kyrie Irving’s ball handling skills have no equal. Too bad Kyrie has zero balls when it comes to defending the real victims of unjustified hate like Israeli kids kidnapped and killed in death tunnels by you know who. But it takes real balls to use big words like “dehumanize” to sound like Lebron 2.0, jerkoff. Also, I thought you never talk to journalists unless the questions are received in advance like Obama’s gym socket puppet. But now you care about the welfare of Palestinian terrorists in charge, hellbent on wiping Israel off the planet. I wonder why.

If I can’t get a lit agent for my book The Koshertarian Comedian or The Great American Jew Novel or from Waste Height, Really Short Stories, I’m going skip declaring bankruptcy. I’ll just take up fentanyl like George Floyd and stick up a pregnant woman with a fake news gun to score some counterfeit bills to buy some smokes at 711 before resisting arrest from the cops in hot pursuit, only to die from cardiac arrest, knowing at least then, Kyrie Irving would pay off the mortgage on my family’s house while Lebron could pay for my kids’ college on the down low. Holla, thank you very much.

It’s hard to keep your mouth shut when you spot a middle-aged white woman sporting a tie dye shirt that says Biden and Harris on it, days after the current administration in charge freed up 200 million for Hamas to finance a rocket launch party into Israel’s backyard for old time’s sake. First, I threw off the Karen and say, “Nice shirt”, duping her into thinking, I’m on her Jihadi jerkoff siding side. Next, I add, “Giving 200 million to Hamas to kill more Jews was totally done in the spirit of peace and love babe. I don’t know about you, but I’m sure team Biden calling for a ceasefire behind closed doors is really singing, “All we are saying United Nations, is give more money to Hamas to help wipe Israel off the map. So, they have a fighting chance. Holla, thank you very much.



AP news was slammed for claiming it was unaware of Hamas occupying an office in their building. Weren’t chants of fuck Madonna’s camel toe snatch during casual Friday or playing like Virgin on repeat after introducing office Karaoke on ironic causal Fridays or no female HR managers on site to fend off headhunters trying to recruit talent for Al Qaeda all dead giveaways already?

Never understood the fantasy of bedding 72 virgins. Doesn’t Jihadi John have enough blood on his hands already? Finally, Jihadi John arrives at a Motel 6 in virgin heaven allegedly. Virgin number one reveals herself to be a highly grating annoying Arabic version of Joy Behar. Booger face starts to demask and screeches, “Don’t you have enough blood on your hands already? Forget it, just whip out your skewer stick and get it over with already. But for what it’s worth, I just cleaned the sheets. So, let’s put that towel on your head to good use for a change. Oh, that’s right, your people aren’t into praising Downy fabric softener because it’s advertised as snuggle soft by some soft Jewish copywriter on Madison Avenue. Who prefers dead Palestinian babies over Haitian ones for blood cooking ceremonies if Hillary isn’t around to pressure the push over putz breath otherwise.” Hillary Hammer Time Cankles lives. Holla, thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth



Serbian Big Man Mattering More

The robot at Stop and Shop is scary. I tell my son, “Don’t make fun of Lebron or he’ll report you to China.” Holla, thank you very much.

I don’t think Lebron ever got the Trump voiced GPS system. On your left is Mohegan Sun, Elizabeth Warren’s home away from home.

Shocked Lebron thinks Steph Curry should win the MVP over the Serbian big man averaging 26.4 points per game in addition to 10 plus boards and eight assists per game for Denver, almost pulling off an Oscar Robinson triple double average all season long. It’s a good thing Nikola Jokic never told a reporter during All-Star weekend, All Lives Matters, is the new n word. Or else we’d really have to really hear what terrorist siding black supremacists in the NBA really think, Kyrie Irving included. They don’t have a statue of him in China yet, do they? Holla, thank you very much.



Kyrie Irving’s ball handling skills have no equal. Too bad Kyrie has zero balls when it comes to defending the real victims of unjustified hate like Israeli kids kidnapped and killed in death tunnels by you know who. But it takes real balls to use big words like “dehumanize” to sound like Lebron 2.0, jerkoff. Also, I thought you never talk to journalists unless the questions are received in advance like Obama’s gym socket puppet. But now you care about the welfare of Palestinian terrorists in charge, hellbent on wiping Israel off the planet. I wonder why.

If I can’t get a lit agent for my book The Koshertarian Comedian or The Great American Jew Novel or from Waste Height, Really Short Stories, I’m going skip declaring bankruptcy. I’ll just take up fentanyl like George Floyd and stick up a pregnant woman with a fake news gun to score some counterfeit bills to buy some smokes at 711 before resisting arrest from the cops in hot pursuit, only to die from cardiac arrest, knowing at least then, Kyrie Irving would pay off the mortgage on my family’s house while Lebron could pay for my kids’ college on the down low. Holla, thank you very much.

It’s hard to keep your mouth shut when you spot a middle-aged white woman sporting a tie dye shirt that says Biden and Harris on it, days after the current administration in charge freed up 200 million for Hamas to finance a rocket launch party into Israel’s backyard for old time’s sake. First, I threw off the Karen and say, “Nice shirt”, duping her into thinking, I’m on her Jihadi jerkoff siding side. Next, I add, “Giving 200 million to Hamas to kill more Jews was totally done in the spirit of peace and love babe. I don’t know about you, but I’m sure team Biden calling for a ceasefire behind closed doors is really singing, “All we are saying United Nations, is give more money to Hamas to help wipe Israel off the map. So, they have a fighting chance. Holla, thank you very much.



AP news was slammed for claiming it was unaware of Hamas occupying an office in their building. Weren’t chants of fuck Madonna’s camel toe snatch during casual Friday or playing like Virgin on repeat after introducing office Karaoke on ironic causal Fridays or no female HR managers on site to fend off headhunters trying to recruit talent for Al Qaeda all dead giveaways already?

Never understood the fantasy of bedding 72 virgins. Doesn’t Jihadi John have enough blood on his hands already? Finally, Jihadi John arrives at a Motel 6 in virgin heaven allegedly. Virgin number one reveals herself to be a highly grating annoying Arabic version of Joy Behar. Booger face starts to demask and screeches, “Don’t you have enough blood on your hands already? Forget it, just whip out your skewer stick and get it over with already. But for what it’s worth, I just cleaned the sheets. So, let’s put that towel on your head to good use for a change. Oh, that’s right, your people aren’t into praising Downy fabric softener because it’s advertised as snuggle soft by some soft Jewish copywriter on Madison Avenue. Who prefers dead Palestinian babies over Haitian ones for blood cooking ceremonies if Hillary isn’t around to pressure the push over putz breath otherwise.” Hillary Hammer Time Cankles lives. Holla, thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth



The Wishing Well Architect

Art Show USA was no ordinary Wishing Well Architect. He designed a Wishing Well for Bill Gate’s daughter after buying her a horse farm in North Salem, NY only to clog it on purpose with Planned Parenthood brochures in honor of his former CEO dad for making such a splash as a baby part reseller on the open market. Otherwise known by pro-life activist groups as the Million Dollar Fetus Flicker Man.  

Art Show USA was a perfectionist artist. His Do It All Dad Michael Kornbluth, now a famous comedian author with a standup residency at MGM Grand in Las Vegas, would always encourage his son’s inborn artistic flair yet all his gorgeous, pitch perfect son would hear afterwards in semi-kidding fashion, “So you think I suck because.”

Every student teacher evaluation for Art Show USA was a pure joy to receive for his Do It All Dad because he got an extreme kick out of some teachers like his 1st grade one Mrs. Rudolph, who would bemoan in a begrudgingly, huffy manner, “We all know Arthur is a great artist”, only to rub in the harsh fact that teachers teach and birth less talented offspring for a reason.  

Do It All Dad always pounded into his eldest son’s cranium, “Art sells baby”, which always stayed with Art Show because he was haunted by early memories of his mom threatening to divorce his Dad if he wrote one more book and didn’t get a job at Trader Joe’s in Danbury, CT. So, his Dad doubled down on himself and wrote not one but 2 more books, without advertising the fact to his wife until he scored a Lit Agent in Israel with his book The Koshertarian Comedian and the rest is star studded history.  

Art Show made his 1st million from a lucrative birdhouse making business called, “Bird Baller Cribs” from only taking one woodworking class prior. He sold them at various Farmer’s Markets throughout Brooklyn, Manhattan, Woodstock and in Kingston, NY while his mother sold flowers with Art Show’s big sister from their new estate farm in North Salem, calling her Flower Truck, “Green Thumb Girl.”  Do It All Dad’s favorite birdhouse creation was his Kiss themed one that rocked a giant shaped bed similar to the one lead singer and main songwriter Paul Stanley lies on amidst an endless sprawl of busty, blond beauties in his Kiss lair in Beverly Hills, I’m assuming. Although the best part of this birdhouse creation was the giant Gene Simmons tongue extension bird feeding line, containing a sprinkling of some homemade CBD oil marinated granola, as more high-flying Blue Jays and Cardinals, licked it up, oh, oh, oh.  

Art Show USA cares plenty about Wishing Wells because ever since he could remember, he’d wish for his Do It All Dad’s books to succeed because, “Art sells baby.” The new and improved wish after his Daddy finally scored a lit agent, started his standup residency in Vegas and got into SAG for a film to co-star in with Russell Brand and Vince Vaughn called Too Tall Comedians, was for his dad to finally part with his precious time release Adderall, despite his claims of writing like a Jewish angel on the stuff. Reality is, Do It All Dad was an incredibly fast talking New Yorker to begin with, even on high grade weed. So he didn’t require any speedy thought enhancement, ever.

On Do It All Dad’s 45th birthday in Woodstock, NY he took a mini hike in the wood with his son Art Show USA only to bump into a wishing well along the way. Do It All Dad gave his son a customary quarter to make a wish with, although this time he wished his Dad would become convinced he’d become a bigtime author comedian success on or off the stuff period. Plus, he knew his Daddy off Adderall would focus less on how annoying mom can be with her phone during Adam Sandler Appreciation Night at home again and again.  Daddy was better off writing all day, performing at night and taking some weed edibles or a celebratory puff from his cherished green in addition to an IPA or 2, after another highly rewarding day at the office for making the most of his God given gift of comedic song.  

Art Show USA’s latest and greatest Wishing Well creation was made in Central Park near the Great Lawn, in the big city, the place of his birth like Do It Dad before him, which they both derived tremendous localtarian pride from, knowing the Island of Manhattan is what dreams of doer topper success are made of. The Wishing Well was named Do It All Dad Dumper, a tad longwinded name, even for Do It All Dad’s tastes. Still, the symbolic heft of this name wasn’t lost on the New York adoring public, especially after the Today Show did an unveiling of Do It All Dad Dumper, where a line of Do It All Dad’s followed Do It All Dad’s lead and dumped whatever pill, powder, drink or strain of dumb, dumb weed they felt was preventing them from flying high off their kid’s glorious presence alone.

Do It All Dad beamed with endless nachas, pride in Yiddish, derived from the reflective successful glow emanating from offspring, who stems from your Do It All Dad tree trunk. Do It All Dad picks up his son with excitable boy glee and gives him a 360 airplane spin for old times sake, despite Art Show being 6 foot 5 now and 20 years old. Art Show USA shrieks for untapped joy like he was 7 again. Do It All Dad continues to spin and says, “Teenager in love is all grownz up and he’s all grownz up. Are you too special to be real? Are you too special to be real?” Art Show USA shrieks with more love blasting joy and says with pitch perfect comedic timing, “Are you saying I suck because? Do It All Dad laughs longtime, wishing even his worst enemies got to experience Do It All Dad bliss like this.

The End

Michael Kornbluth