Baby Boomers Resist Quarantines To

Wife asks, “Why are your parents not quarantining themselves?” They’re not supposed to leave their home for anything for 2 whole weeks. They can be fined 10 thousand dollars you know. I say, “Because they’re staying in a cottage in Dutchess County, Hizzonner defunded the police and can’t afford 24/7 Gestapo watch outside of the Island of Manhattan. Plus, even my resister boomer parents, respect Bill De Blasio’s authority less than Trump supporters respect polling numbers, since the NY Times predicted Hillary Hammer Time Cankles would waltz into the White House with the assistance of an Iron Lung, despite 64 million branded racists voting different, proving baby boomer mom doesn’t know best.  The Drunken Deplorable Druid must have deleted that memo to.

Michael Kornbluth

 

The Worst Beard Mayor Of All Time

Mayor De Blasio’s wife used to be a hardcore lesbian yet were supposed believe Garlic Breath converted her? Hizzoner eats pizza with a fork and knife. So, do you really see Big Bird eating her out without a mask on, with such sudden, sloppy abandon?

Michael Kornbluth

Do It All Dads Buy Dolls They’d Do

If my son played with his sister’s fully naked Ken Doll, I’d tell him to wrap Ken’s peckerwood with seaweed, before taking a midnight dip into Polynesian Barbie.  I wish the WWE made the Charlotte Flair action figure fuller on top like she is in real life because Do It All Dad’s buy dolls they’d do. Buying my son, a Ronda Rousey action figure offers zero appeal to me because I don’t see my son choking one out on her behalf either.

Michael Kornbluth

True Lincoln Log Story, Google It,

True, Lincoln Log story, Google it. My great, great, great grandfather, Austin Gollaher, saved his boyhood bud Abraham Lincoln from drowning, yet nobody ever heard of him and he couldn’t rub 2 pennies together before he died a broke down, never was.  Because when Abe was drowning to death in the river because he slipped on a log while crossing Knob Creek to rush back in time for supper or miss out on more Raccoon soup, a 7 year old Abe, had a vision of  liberating the black man from slavery but had his friend Austin promise to never tell anyone about him almost drowning to death because Abe couldn’t let the black man know he was a worst swimmer than they. What a gyp?  Poor Austin never got to cash in on the greatest Presidential save after JFK kept Marilyn warm for Bobby.   My great, great, great grandfather, Austin Gollaher was a man of his word and never told anyone about saving Abe’s life until after his assassination, but he had to have been tempted from time to time, especially at the local moonshine shack on a Friday night, when the circus was in town and the famous circus Elephant Old Bet got all the peanuts he can eat. Meanwhile, my great, great, great Grandfather Austin Gollaher, stares down his last sip of 200 proof White Lightning, thinking, “ Hillbilly lives don’t matter much anymore.”

Michael Kornbluth

Do It All Dad Does Jokes Dedication Intro

Do It All Dad Jokes is a pre-election comedy special dedicated to the silent majority of Americans who haven’t lost their sense of humor yet. It’s also dedicated to the funniest President of all time ,whose made ball busting great again, despite the Russian collusion witch hunt, which had less legs than Lieutenant Dan. Oh yeah, when Bob Mueller testified in front of Congress, we learned he parts his hair with good old fashioned elbow grease.

Do It All Dad Does Jokes is also dedicated to my comedy heroes such as Rodney, Don Rickles, The Dice Man and the late great Joan Rivers. They’re comedic DNA has become my own. Joan lives.  In particular Do It All Dad Does Jokes is an all-star showcase of highly topical jokes, making fun of the resistance insanity, that’s consumed Hollywood, Media, Big Tech and our culture at large ever since Hillary Hammer Time Cankles lost, kicking off the never ending excuse tour, proving, baby boomer arrogance never dies.

For those who’ve been clamoring for actual laugh generating jokes, that aren’t about demonizing the big, bad, blond wolf in the White House, then you’re in for a real treat. And for those, who take offense at bits such as Quiet Riots My Ass, Defending Those Devilish Jews Again,  Kneeling Is Spitting On Vets Graves, MAGA Hats and Skinheads Don’t Mesh, Masks Are The New Condoms, Not, Hamilton Is Worse than Obama Rapping and Collin Kaepernick Sports A Fake News Fro. Then, go woke yourself or move to China and work for Elon Musk for all I care. You don’t care about making American comedy great again, but I do.

I wouldn’t have been able to create this elusive killer set as a stay at home comedian, hosting my Do It All Dad Year Podcast for the past 3 plus years without my biggest booster in the universe, my infinitely, funnier, sweet twin, Matilda Singing Rose Kornbluth, to look after and entertain her 2 adoring younger brothers in my pursuit to make the world laugh for a living and serve lady laugh with all my God given, punchy might.

Controlling our kids with comedy, can make our kids great again, my 3 fuss free kids, 98 percent of the time, are living proof of it.  Last, I want to thank my Do It All Nurse Wife, whose loving support, begrudging or not, that’s provided me the freedom and time to take creative chances, hone my craft and break on through to the other side of comedy heaven, where Rodney says to me one day, “You produced 3 amazing kids but your jokes were perfect.”

 

My Very Best,

Michael Kornbluth

The Italian Reptilian Inside

Andrew Cuomo looks like Mama Fratelli from Goonies and the Thing had a baby.  And why is the Italian Reptilian releasing rapists in the streets of NYC again?  There’s no more helpless elderly to rape. Plus, if he’s so worried about the rapist prisoners spreading the Coronavirus inside jail, can’t the Golden Girls hit man Cuomo order the wardens to send the most prolific rapists to the Hole, knowing New York City bars have plenty of chicken wings to spare because they’re no longer considered sophisticated enough bar grub for the cold blooded Italian Reptilian inside.

Michael Kornbluth