Veterans Day Special

In honor of Veterans Day, I schooled my kids on why Generation Z sucks compared to Nazi killers and the likes of Jesse Owens, who ran Hitler’s master race theory into the ground, without breaking a sweat over their triggered feelings of inferiority in the process, despite those ultra-efficient, Type A Aryan’s running like cranked up speed demons as if their state supplied crystal meth for Octoberfest was riding on it.

I add, “Millennial Mousketeers aren’t any better because half of them thought Trump was either the Anti-Christ or Hitler. First, sequels never live up to the original. Last, in the Bible part 2, Jesus kills the anti-Christ like a bearded Kyle Rittenhouse. So have some faith in the Jesus comeback story, won’t you people?  If you still think Trumpy Poo is the Anti-Christ instead of the most popular replacement president of all time, Mr. Groper. Whose campaign rallies barely filled out Ariel’s clam shell bra. If Biden got the most votes off all time, Michelle Obama regretted pissing on the ceiling fan in the Lincoln bedroom minute before Trump’s inauguration. Hours later Trump gets a peed on for real this time from above, and says, “Melania, is this Michelle meant when she-hulk said, “When they go low, we aim high”.

Daughter replies, “You could’ve just asked Alexa to play God Bless the USA by Lee Greenwood on Veterans Day but God blessed you with the funny Jew bone for a reason Daddy.” USA, USA, USA!

Michael Kornbluth

Dream Self-Defense Loophole

What could you say in the media’s defense for trying to outlaw self-defense while pushing to make Kyle Rittenhouse their foamed over sacrificial lamb in the process?

Let mob rule. But if Kyle Rittenhouse was Elliot Page, formerly known as Juno, the media would lionize this Eagle Scout, Sharp Shooter, as America’s Toxic Tomboy Avenger. Who’s the only one allowed to shoot ANTIFA’s diplomatic immunity up their ass by claiming they were begging for it and kept coming back for more.

The Toxic Tomboy Avenger could get away with jamming a plunger up the Black Panther’s ass for shits and giggles if she he wanted to. The following the day the NY Times prints thèse headlines: Plunging Is The New Gerbiling.” “Give Forced Sodomy A Chance.” “Shitting Out Homophobia One Plunger At A Time.” “Flabbergasted Or Bug In Your Ass Free?”

Black Panther eventually acts in self-defense and swats the plunger up Toxic Tomboy’s Avenger’s ass before choking his attacker out with Diane Keaton’s tie from Annie Hall. Black Panter turns Kyle Rittenhouse white after the gay mafia bought off jury declares him guilty of premediated murder and aggressively active assault on an androgynous actor’s anus hole, formerly known as Juno in Dave Chappelle’s wildest pot powered dream.

The End

Michael Kornbluth

Self-Defense Is Dead

Today, you can’t hit back at claims about the clôt shot being less effective than Russell Westbrook trying to run the Triangle Offense for Phil Jackson Appréciation Month, without your wife ordering you to visit a Hate Speech Therapist. 

Personally, I love to hate. Hate pushes you to find places where your présence is valued and appreciated like at a Trump rally pre-Covid, behind your wife’s back, to make your sex life above average again. Put my man meat in Indiana MILF, I’m ready to play, play.

Hate Speech is a made up term used to silence and cancel anyone who disagrees with the views of Booger Face Behar on the View. Who isn’t pretending to be Tomboy Moses for hag queen reading hour at the 92 St. Y while remagining the 10 commandements for Indegenious People Day. Thou shall not steal the Palestinan’s land and make their désert bloom without the aid of UN funded death tunnels 1st.

Comedy can’t die or America becomes a poor man’s China. I don’t want a see any statues of Lebron in China, do you? Stephon Marbury throw his motorcycle helmet at his statue because he’s no longér the big dog allowed to live past supper in China. Skip Bayless tweets, “Lebron’s statue in China despite never teaming up with Yao Ming’s extended family made with high flying Bat DNA at the Wuhan institute to win a championship in the Chinese Dragon Premier League has to make Steph feel like a Wonton Paper Champion in the People’s Republic’s eyes.

Recently, my great Aunt asks, “Why does your daughter need to know Kung Fu?” I say, “Because the 5 point palm exploding heart technique ain’t nothin to fuck with. Although it didn’t scare Ethan Hawke away from fucking their nanny when Uma played Truth or Footsie with Quentin Tarrantino. Banging your nanny when your wife is on location shooting Kill Bill 1 and 2 while your between Richard Lankletter films is such a Gen X slacker move. You never have to leave the couch.

Comedy is punching above your weight class, assumung the extent of your Netflix comedy special angst doesn’t revolve around why Trans teens today don’t identity as Dave Chappelle fans yet.  He hates how much better Caitlyn Jenner looked on a Wheaties box than his boy Lebron, King Of The Persecution ever did, especially knowing how Bruce Jenner never bent over backwards to suck off commie dick for more benjamins in exchange for Ball Gags Made In China.

Comedy is spitting out the shit sandwich you’re being forced to eat with a smile under this Domestic Terrorist labeling administration such as masked up kids for life like Michael Jackson’s kids on holiday in Bahrain, for Sharia Law Lifetime.

Comedy offers a final shot to counter against cascading cunt cowardice. For example, I’m at a nail Salon for a massage to soothe my pinched nerve from sucking up my ego around my wife since the day Democracy died. I almost give my tip to the far bigger backed latino woman with a mask on. She points at her co-worker and says with palpable pissed off malice, “She massaged you, not me.” I could’ve taken it on the chin with a forced smile on my face after this big backed punta bitch tried to frame me as a Pineapple plantation heiress from San Juan in Succession. Instead, I say, “How could I lose my love connection with your better half so fast?” Fine, self-defense is mostly dead, but don’t get soft on me America or you’ll let those who side with ANTIFA in Kenosha squeeze out whatever fight back spirit you have left. And George Washington don’t play that. The Purple heart of Valor is awarded to injury under fire during war. The least you can do is tell your Biden supporter relative left over Thanksgiving, “Insurrection, it was a self guided selfie tour of the Capital Building. Nancy Denture Breath Pelosi would’ve torn up their interniary anyway.”

Michael Kornbluth

Michael Kornbluth

Greatest Artist Son Ever

In honor of Veterans Day, I’ll school my kids today on why Generation Z sucks compared to Nazi killers and the likes of Jesse Owens, who ran Hitler’s master race theory into the ground without breaking a sweat over their triggered feelings of inferiority in the process, despite those ultra-efficient, Type A Aryan’s running like cranked up speed demons as if their state supplied crystal meth for Octoberfest was riding on it. 

Happy Veterans Day to all our vets who’ve been to hell and back, who all proclaimed in their hearts during the thick of the fight, we’d all go down together. That song makes me tear up every time, but not as much as sharing this pic with my mother from my beautiful artist son, who makes Old Glory tingle with American made love from sea to shining sea again, USA, USA, USA!

Pacifist The Kid

The new state motto for New York should be, The Nanny Nappy State.

According to Chris Rock, the worst thing about COVID is not being recognized in a mask. But how difficult is it to remain inconspicuous when you’re the only black person living in Montclair, New Jersey besides Mary J. Blige, according to Chris?

I don’t want my son to be friends with anybody whose mom calls her a child a self-professed pacifist. Like his mom gave him much of a fighting chance. After an entire playdate, I couldn’t tell if this long haired greaser hipster kid was an androgynous bar wench from Game of Thrones or a testosterone intolerant she-he transplant from Brooklyn like the rest. The kid look looked so strung out skinny, you’d think the mom’s umbilical chord’s only source of nutrition was time release Adderall.

How can ANTIFA be for vaccine mandates? A) ANTIFA strike me as it’s better to burn out than fade away Type A, arsonists types. B) If Antifa is anti-fascist, then why would they fight against anti-vaccine mandates protestors in Boston from Southie? Who weren’t fortunate enough to be Marky Mark’s weed dealer like Turtle from Entourage, before Dirk Diggler branched into rapping and modeling in Calvin Klein briefs on money shot billboards plastered throughout Times Square? C)ANTIFA against vaccine mandate protestors sounds like they’re pro oppression, pro suppression and pro enabling depression, for all the moms and dad’s forced out of work this Christmas, because the CDC recommends, means less to them than In Dr. Gnocchi We Trust. D) If ANTIFA wasn’t in favor of suppression, they’d protest for the opening of safe spaces for jerking it at work in a post #Meto world, to prematurely cleanse it’s woke handlers of any unwanted boner attention lawsuits on their hands.

Michael Kornbluth

Indefensible Idiots

It’s hard to get kinky with your wife when you’re a Stay At Home Dad, because you’re already choking her too hard financially.

Wife says, “Don’t expect me to suck you off. I say, “Pretend Obama ordered you to leak it.”

Why do I need a smartphone? So I can receive more misspelled texts from my retired mother who has all day to correct them.

I want to flip off my smartphone for a flip phone because I’m tired of getting cagy defensive whenever my daughter asks, “Daddy, what do you do after tucking me in at night?” I say, “I squeeze in some daddy time alright.”

Wife just told me I got her a vibrator for her birthday. I said, “Buzz off, and let me finish already.”

What does Chris Rock have to say to Kyrie Irving that’s so edgy deep poignant again? Sell your soul to the CDC and be a big pharma puppet player like me? Or else no clam bake parties in Martha’s Vineyard with Obama Be Good catered by Snoop and Martha Stewart. Those brownies were major creepers boy. I didn’t know if I was flying or dying.

Why should Scottie Pippen be embarrassed to call out MJ for being a condescending prick during the Last Dance doc Stephen A? You know MJ hogs up all the credit for boxing out Laura Pippen from giving him herpes 1st because she already called 1st dibs on Charles Oakley in the VIP Room at Walter Payton’s.

Capitol Rioters, it was a self-guided selfie tour of the Capital Building.

Bill Gates bought 124 acres of land in North Salem after uprooting the local population one vax shot at a time.

They’re pushing the vax on kids now because Bill Gates doesn’t have enough money. Might as well go for the jugular kill shot. Who would want to have kids anymore anyway where every day is Sharia Law is here to stay day?

Pfizer pushing the clot shot on kids by promising superpowers to come with it isn’t too sci-fi demented scary. What’s next, a sci remake of Fahrenheit 451 except the police firemen are on a mission from God to burn every last copy of of Hydroxychloroquine for Dummies that gives Dan Aykroyd the willies? Take the clot shot Joey and you’ll feel empowered enough to press pause on 13 Reasons Why and cyberbully Kyrie Irving on Twitter for being a Mongoloid Moron for not trusting the media and our government like any boy should. Hey, Joey, have you ever seen a grown man naked? Who hasn’t pooped his pants, 1st? So Biden’s pool parties at his beach house in Rehoboth Beach don’t count as Mr. Groper yells to his female Secret Service Agent, “Told you I was bigger than Boogie Boarder Obama? “

Dropped by the local library with my kids for old times sake. They offer us masks. I say, “Isn’t burying your head in children books about Fuck Face Fauci sufficient? Socially distancing yourself from the Dooie Decimal System, I get this late in your library management career. Also, don’t you think Drag Queen Reading is scary? Fluorescent library lights don’t look flattering on anybody, especially on a poor man’s Marilyn Manson impersonator..

Pfizer claims their COVID pill reduces chances of hospitalization and death by 80 percent. Yeah, and Jackie Robison sweated the prospect of breaking Ty Cobb’s single season record for stolen bases by the All Star break. Go Jackie go, Jackie be good. Jackie Brown not so much. That movie has aged worse than Dinero on the View these days, who looks like Betsy Ross falling apart at the seams, Challah, thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth







Indefensible Idiots

It’s hard to get kinky with your wife when you’re a Stay At Home Dad, because you’re already choking her too hard financially.

Wife says, “Don’t expect me to suck you off. I say, “Pretend Obama ordered you to leak it.”

Why do I need a smartphone? So I can receive more misspelled texts from my retired mother who has all day to correct them.

I want to flip off my smartphone for a flip phone because I’m tired of getting cagy defensive whenever my daughter asks, “Daddy, what do you do after tucking me in at night?” I say, “I squeeze in some daddy time alright.”

Wife just told me I got her a vibrator for her birthday. I said, “Buzz off, and let me finish already.”

What does Chris Rock have to say to Kyrie Irving that’s so edgy deep poignant again? Sell your soul to the CDC and be a big pharma puppet player like me? Or else no clam bake parties in Martha’s Vineyard with Obama Be Good catered by Snoop and Martha Stewart. Those brownies were major creepers boy. I didn’t know if I was flying or dying.

Why should Scottie Pippen be embarrassed to call out MJ for being a condescending prick during the Last Dance doc Stephen A? You know MJ hogs up all the credit for boxing out Laura Pippen from giving him herpes 1st because she already called 1st dibs on Charles Oakley in the VIP Room at Walter Payton’s.

Capitol Rioters, it was a self-guided selfie tour of the Capital Building.

Bill Gates bought 124 acres of land in North Salem after uprooting the local population one vax shot at a time.

They’re pushing the vax on kids now because Bill Gates doesn’t have enough money. Might as well go for the jugular kill shot. Who would want to have kids anymore anyway where every day is Sharia Law is here to stay day?

Pfizer pushing the clot shot on kids by promising superpowers to come with it isn’t too sci-fi demented scary. What’s next, a sci remake of Fahrenheit 451 except the police firemen are on a mission from God to burn every last copy of of Hydroxychloroquine for Dummies that gives Dan Aykroyd the willies? Take the clot shot Joey and you’ll feel empowered enough to press pause on 13 Reasons Why and cyberbully Kyrie Irving on Twitter for being a Mongoloid Moron for not trusting the media and our government like any boy should. Hey, Joey, have you ever seen a grown man naked? Who hasn’t pooped his pants, 1st? So Biden’s pool parties at his beach house in Rehoboth Beach don’t count as Mr. Groper yells to his female Secret Service Agent, “Told you I was bigger than Boogie Boarder Obama? ”

Dropped by the local library with my kids for old times sake. They offer us masks. I say, “Isn’t burying your head in children books about Fuck Face Fauci sufficient? Socially distancing yourself from the Dooie Decimal System, I get this late in your library management career. Also, don’t you think Drag Queen Reading is scary? Fluorescent library lights don’t look flattering on anybody, especially on a poor man’s Marilyn Manson impersonator..

Pfizer claims their COVID pill reduces chances of hospitalization and death by 80 percent. Yeah, and Jackie Robison sweated the prospect of breaking Ty Cobb’s single season record for stolen bases by the All Star break. Go Jackie go, Jackie be good. Jackie Brown not so much. That movie has aged worse than Dinero on the View these days, who looks like Betsy Ross falling apart at the seams, Challah, thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth